June's Diary
by sabiangelrox
Summary: Alicia's cousin, June, goes to stay with her in the holidays. Chaos ensues! This is June's view of the events. Not remotely Blytonesque but funny.
1. Chapter 1

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AN: I do not own the characters. Anything you recognise as Enid Blyton's is not mine. Unfortunately.

**Don´t worry, there's no romance between cousins, it's just general madness :)**

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* * *

****13th August**

**Location:** Car

**Mood:** Angry with my parents. And depressed.

**Time:** 10 am

No way. Not again. God I am so sick of my parents. I have to go stay at Aunt May's house for the rest of the hols with Sam (oh yay!), Roger (Hurrah!) Dick (Fab!) Alicia (oh how jolly marvellous!) and probably her friend Betty (WOW!)

If you havn't noticed I am being sarcastic. They always do that. My parents I mean. They so want to get rid of me. The worst thing is my stupid brainless brothers are coming with me too. Ugh. Matthew and John and Tom are my brothers. Matthew is a year older than me (I'm 14) John's 13 and Tom's 8. Matthew is a smartass, John is Mr. Politically correct and Tom's just plain weird. His favourite game is playing to be dying. How normal is that?

Anyway, right now I'm in the car going to the dump. Well it's not a dump, it's actually a very big house in the country, the same countryside where I live, but still. I hate the place. You would too, if you'd met my dear cousins. Especially Alicia. And Sam. He's good looking. I still hate him though, even if I go all mushy and smiley on him sometimes, which is very embarassing. Why isn't he ugly and bald? It's not fair.

**Location:** Hell.

**Mood:** Mad mad mad mad at the world. And amused.

**Time:** 1pm (later today)

AAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!!! I've just been here for like half an hour and I'm already desperate to get out. As soon as I set foot in this house stupid Alicia began tormenting me.

Alicia: Why, hello, Rudolph. Are you pulling the sleigh tonight? (And then went off into peals of laughter. Beast. I suppose was a joke because of my red face flushed with the heat and anger, but it was NOT funny)

Me: Oh, haha. Where's my flipping room? (Only I didn't say flipping, which got her going on at me.)

Alicia: WHAT? Just wait until I get going at you, you disrespectful little wretch... (blaah blah blah. God she is such a hypocrite, I've heard her use worse swearwords.)

Me, cutting her off: Yeah, whatever you say. I know where my room is, so excuse me. (I pushed past her, but she followed me. Gosh she is so annoying.)

Alicia: Betty's here, so I dare say you'll be on your best behaviour. Or else.

Me: Best Behaviour? MOI? For UGLY BETTY? HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

I kept on laughing like a mad hyena just to annoy her. It did. She wacked me on the arm. Good grief, she has NO sense of humour. Not that it was very humorous, but still.

So I started screaming: "CHILD ABUSE, CHILD ABUSE!!!" And Alicia's face went bright red with anger. It was so hilarious. I skipped off into my room and locked myself in. Only someone was there already.

Me: Betty, GET OUT OF HERE!

Betty: Well hello to you too, my DEAR June. How stupendous to see you again.

Me: GET OUT!!!

Betty: We're sharing, stupid. What did you expect? A room of your own?

Me: Um, YES! I had my own room last time, unless I suffer of amnesia which I seriously doubt.

Betty: My darling little nincompoop, may I ask how many were you last time?

Me: Why?

Betty: Because, my putrid lamb, your brothers have come to stay here as well, which means there are more lives staying in this home and not enough rooms. Which means probably everyone will have to share. I am sharing with you, unfortunately, and so is Alicia. There are three beds, see? One, two, three.

Me: MERDE!!!

* * *

**14th August**

**Location:** Cupboard

**Mood:** Very very very embarassed and MAD at myself. But mostly embarassed. Very embarassed.

**Time:** 9 pm

Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. My life is RUINED. Why oh why am I so soft and undignified? I am so so so flipping EMBARASSED!!! I'll tell you what happened:

OK so I was innocently taking a stroll when Sam came along. With his deep blue eyes. With his blonde hair blowing in the wind. GOD SHUT UP JUNE!!!

Anyway...what was I saying? Oh yes. Anyway he came up to me and this was the very humiliating conversation between us (of course, it started with him annoying me):

Mr Georgous...I mean SAM!!!: Hello, idiot. What the heck are you doing out at this time? Get back in the house!

Me: I...can stay out if I want...to... (Intended to be said fiercely, but came out all breathless and mushy. DARN DARN DARN!!!)

Sam (smirking. He noticed my stupid stupid mushiness): Go inside. It's not right for little girls to be out so late. (Emphasizing the "little girls")

Me: You're so annoying! You want to know what exactly you are, Sam Johns?! (YES!!! It came out fiercely like I wanted it to!)

Sam: Fine. What exactly am I? (smiling gorgeously)

Me: Well um...umm... (QUIT LOOKING AT HIS EYES!!! Which are a gorgeous deep blue and...STOP IT!!!)

Me: Well, you're a...um...OH FORGET IT!!!

AND THEN I RAN AWAY!!!!!! AAARGHHHH!!!

SO EMBARASSING!!! He was totally laughing his head off! Worst thing is Alicia and Betty were nearby. They were hysterical.

I am going to stay in this cupboard for as long as I live.

* * *

**AN: sorry for the short chapter, next one will be longer and hopfully funnier. Plz review! I'll give you cookies. And Ice cream. And cake. With a cherry on top. :D**


	2. Red with anger, embarassment and shame

**Still August 13th**

**Location:** Bathroom.

**Mood:** Annoyed. And still embarassed.

**Time:** 10 pm

OK, so I did get out of the cupboard. Eventually. At about 9:30 Tweedledee and Tweedledum (Alicia and Betty) came into the room laughing like two insane hyenas and forced me out of the cupboard. SAM was with them. The only thing I could think of were words not fit to be written. As soon as they found out I was in the cupboard - I couldn't help sneezing, could I? - they hauled me out. Worst thing is my face was RED. Red with anger, embarasment and shame.

**Alicia:** Sam, get out before June explodes from blushing so much! (BEAST. I was not BLUSHING, I was red with anger, embarassment and shame).

They all laughed hysterically for about two hours.

**Sam:** Oh, but why did you run away like that,little cousin? You were about to tell me "what exactly I am".

Silence.

**Sam:** Well? I'm waiting.

**Me:** Erm...you're a...erm...you're the most unbearable person I have ever had the displeasure to meet. (The best insult I could think of. Sad. And that provoked more hysterical laughing from the loons.)

So I did the only sensible thing to do. Stormed into the bathroom. Alicia threw soap and a bottle of shampoo after me before I shut the door. Good Grief. Do I really smell so much?

All right. I do need a shower. Plus my hair has lost its shine.

**Still August 13th**

**Location:** Bathroom now and forever.

**Mood:** VERY VERY VERY VERY ANGRY AND ASHAMED.

**Time:** 12 pm

I HATE HER. I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER!!! You want to know what she did??? Well, I'll tell you what my dear cousin did:

OK so I was having a shower, right? I put on the shampoo, rinsed my hair, wrapped a raher small towel round my body, then stepped out of the shower. Then I looked into the mirror, and saw that my georgeous shiny black hair had been turned BLUE. Completely BLUE. IT WAS THE SHAMPOO!!! God knows where she got the dye from, it's quite expensive. So I naturally went out screaming at the top of my lungs. WITH JUST MY TOWEL ON.

I am so SILLY. I thought, for some inexplicable reason, that only Alicia and Betty were in the room. I mean, Alicia is my cousin _and_ a girl, she's seen me a hundred times with nothing on, and so has Betty, since she comes practically every summer. But no. There were Alicia AND Betty AND Sam AND Roger AND my brother John AND worst of all, Roger's best friend George who is my age and extremely good looking in the room. And there I was, with a tiny towel round my body and my ELECTRIC BLUE HAIR!

I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran into the bathroom again. I'm not getting out ever again. It's half-past twelve now and I'm still in the bathroom. I know everyone's sleeping in their own rooms by now, but still.

I'm ashamed to admit I cried a bit then, I was so angry and ashamed. But I'll get them back, all of them.

* * *

**August 14th**

**Location:** Still bathroom.

**Mood:** Distressed.

**Time:** 8 am

Have you ever tried sleeping in a bath? It is NOT comfortable, even though I put some towels in to make it slightly better. I must've slept about only three hours.

I'm starving. I haven't had anything to eat since yesterday. At about 7:30 am., Alicia almost battered the door down. She said: "If you don't open the door now, I'll come and spank you twenty times with the riding whip!"

Oh doesn't even make sense, seeing as the door is _locked_. She is such a stupid, irritating, arrogant, insane, unbearable, threatening, hateful BEAST. If she had something of a heart and a consience, she would beg for forgiveness on her knees, but nooo. Not Alicia. She has to come, bang on the door and make threats which don't even make bloody SENSE.

Betty just knocked on the door.

**Conversation:**

**Betty:** My darling stupid boiled fishhead, you can't be so upset over a harmless little joke!

**Me:** Shut up. And I do not just feel upset, I feel angry, embarassed, ugly and I can't hate you and Alicia any more than I hate you now.

**Betty:** (Sarcastically) Ouch. That hurt. (Normal tone) Oh, c'mon, you can't be THAT embarassed, only your cousins, brother and me saw you in your towel. And your blue hair. And your angry red face. Oh, sorry. Forgot you were in luuurveee with Sam!

**Me:** I am NOT in "luuurveee" with my cousin. That is extremely disgusting. And may I remind you George was there too. (Why oh why did I say that???!!!)

**Betty:** Ooooh, so it's GEORGE you're in luuurveee with!!! (And then laughing hysterically)

**Me:** Betty, SHUT UP and GO AWAY!

**Betty:** That's rather rude, don't you think? Anyway aren't you coming down to breakfast?

**Me:** No. I'm never coming out. I'll die if I have to. I will starve and freeze to death and it will be all your and Alicia's fault. Murderers.

**Betty**: _Freeze_ to death? What do you - June...may I ask you a personal question?

**Me:** No.

**Betty:** Are you wearing any clothes?

(I wasn't. I had a small towel round my upper body and a longer one covering my legs, but that was it. I was freezing and hungry, but I wasn't about to admit that to Ugly Betty. Or malicious Alicia.)

**Me:** GET OUT OF HERE!!!!

**Betty:** I am "out of there", I'm not in the same room as you, I'm out of it.

**Me:** ARRRGGHHH!!! You're SO umbearable!

**Betty:** Why, thank you! You're so sweet!

Golly, how can anyone be SO annoying?? But as I said, I'll get them back. Without getting out of the bathroom. I don't know how, but I'll find a way. Somehow.

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Hope you like the 2nd chap!  
Plz review! :)**


	3. family bonding yeah, right!

**Still August 14th**

**Location:** Living room.

**Mood:** Ironic.

**Time:** 2 pm

I had to get out of the bathroom against my will. Apparently Ugly Betty had read in a mystery book how this weirdo girl unlocked a door with a bit of wire. So she tried it and managed to unlock the bathroom. Once in, they (when I say they I mean THEY - Betty, Alicia, all of Alicia's brothers, all my brothers) hauled me out. They needed a big party, for I resisted all I was worth when only Betty tried to haul me out, so she called the rest of the insane loons and they all managed.

I went a bit off my rocker then. I was probably going into a mental stage because of starvation and freezeness (is that even a word? Never mind). So I started yelling at everyone at the top of my lungs (even at people who had nothing to do with the trick). Because my hair was STILL bright blue. Thankfully my Aunt was very sympathetic when she heard my story, and helped me rinse the dye off. When my hair was back to normal, black, shiny and beautiful, I came walking like a martyr (to hopefully make them feel really guilty. So guilty that they commit suicide) into the living room where all the abnormal people where. As soon as they saw me they grinned like the cat in Alice in Wonderland and teased me for all they were worth. Beasts.

My Aunt and Uncle were pretty angry about the whole thing and decided we needed to stop this stupid dislike and "bond as a family". Riiiiight. So then they organized an outing to the cinema and then to a restaurant for tommorow. They left Sam in charge, since they wouldn't be able to go. Hahahaha. SAM! He couldn't be responible for one person, let alone um, let me count, oh, eight people. How ironic.

**5 minutes later**

Sorry, _nine_ people. George is going too. Merde, merde, merde. We're to be back at 9 pm, according to my Aunt and Uncle.

______________________________________________________________________

**15****th**** August**

**Location: **Restaurant'sLadies room

**Mood: **Very very bored.

**Time: **7 pm

Oh, we had the most marvellous time. NOT.

First we went to the cinema. George started laughing his head off as soon as he saw moi. So I scowled at him and it made him laugh even more. Then they all started joining in. Loons, all of them. People around us thought so too, they were staring at all of us, because they were laughing so absurdly hard.

We went into the cinema and I ended up sitting next to Alicia and I couldn't resist accidentally on purpose spilling a bit of lemonade (this is a very nice cinema, they let you take drinks in) right on her skirt. She went ballistic, but she couldn't hit me in a public place so she contented herself in calling me a "little insolent, malicious little wretch". She's always calling me a little "something" little wretch, it gets very tiring and unoriginal. George thought it was really funny though, and so did most of the loons, except Betty and Sam, even though the corners of their lips did twitch a little now and then.

The picture was the most cheesy thing I'd ever seen - and quite boring too. So after we went to the restaurant and ate. I ate yorkshire pudding, and since it had gravy on it I spilled a tiny bit on Betty. I'm getting very good at spilling stuff.

Then I went to the girls bathroom to write. Well, I intended to, but Tweedledee and Tweedledum came in and started anooying me.

_**Conversation:**_

**Alicia:** You disgusting little beast! Look what you've done to my skirt! And Betty's! Gravy doesn't come out easily you ignorant bitch!

**Me**: Alicia! Honestly! Just WHAT would your mother say? Swearing like that!...

**Betty:** Shut up.

**Me:** Mmm...I don't think I will. What're you going to do? SWEAR at me?

**Betty:** *glares*

**Alicia:** No, dear cousin. We can do MUCH better things than that.

**Me:** *yawn* and while you're at it, why don't you do an evil scientist laugh? Like, muahuahuahuaaa???

**Alicia:** Gosh, you're so inmature!

**Me:** I know. I'm an innocent child, full of sweetness.

**Alicia:** INNOCENT? CHILD? SWEETNESS??? Hahahahaahahahah!

**Betty:** Hahahahahahaa!

So stupid.

______________________________________________________________________

**August 15****th**

**Location:** Garden

**Mood:** Hahahahahahahahaaa. (Hysterical)

**Time:** 10 am

Hahahahahahaa. I'm laughing so HARD. The look on Tweedledee and Tweedledums' faces!!! Heeheehee.

I played a prank on them to get them back. Here it was:

At night,while Alicia and Betty were sleeping, I took uncle's razor and shaved their eyebrows RIGHT OFF. Then I cut Betty's stupid fringe because I just couldn't resist doing it, and I went into bed. Then, in the morning, I got up real early and got some sellotape, stuck in on their very hairy legs, and, at the same time (their beds are really near), I ripped of the sellotape while at the same time screaming "WAKEY WAKEY!!!" really, really loud and they sat up screaming, I don't know if out of pain or shock. Probably both. It was SO hilariously funny I started rolling on the floor laughing.

They were FURIOUS. They both started yelling at me at the same time. They looked really stupid without eyebrows. Then Betty started screaming all over again because her stupidly stupid fringe wasn't there. How stupid! Then they looked at each other (Alicia and Betty) and screamed because their eyebrows were missing. They ran over to the mirror and screamed again. Honestly, how do they have such strong vocal chords?

About twenty-hundred centuries of screaming later, Alicia got a broomstick and began chasing me with it. She is so violent and unladylike. When we got outside, as a "punishment" she rushed back in and locked me out. I don't care, I like being outdoors. I got hungry then, because I hadn't had any breakfast, so I picked some apples. I may as well become a hermitant, or whatever they are called.

Heeheehee. I'm still hysterical.

Auntie's opened the door. Uh-oh, she looks furious.

**2 minutes later**

**Location: **Living room.

**Mood: **Exasperated.

Oh, NO. Family talk. Got to go.


	4. she must die!

**Still August 15th**

**Time:** Midday

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:**Fed up with the whole world.

OK, this is how the bonding family talk went:

**Uncle:** All right, this is IT! I've had enough of this ridicolous dislike between you kids! June, what is this of shaving your cousin and Bettys' eyebrows?!! Razors are very sharp and dangerous...! (blah, blah, blah)

**Me (in a mature, reasonable voice):** Sorry, uncle. So apparently razors are dangerous. I didn't know. Anyway, what's all the fuss? I mean...well they're not _dead_, are they?

**Uncle:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WELL THEY'RE NOT DEAD"???!!! THAT IS NO EXCUSE AT ALL, YOUNG LADY!!!

He is so unreasonable.

**Alicia:** YOU LITTLE WRETCH! I HAVE NO EYEBROWS AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!

**Me:** (sarcastically) Nooooo. Really? I thought it was the razors' fault.

All the boys (my cousins and brothers) laughing like loons.

**Uncle:** Alicia, you need sorting out too. BOYS, STOP LAUGHING! As I was saying, Alicia, to be fair, you were the one who started it all. (I start grinning) Though, dying someone's hair blue isn't up to the standards of what you did to them, June (I stop grinning). So I want you both to apologize to each other.

**Alicia (spitefully):** All right. June, I'm sorry for not having woken up and let you shave my eyebrows.

**Uncle:** _Alicia_...

**Me:** And I'm sorry for the fact you started it dying my hair blue.

**Uncle:** _June..._

**Both me & Alicia:** What?

**Uncle:** APOLOGISE TO EACH OTHER INMEDIATELY!!!

**Alicia (reluctantly):** I apologise.

**Me (reluctanlty):** I apologise.

**Uncle:** *sigh* If that's the best you can do...go to your room, both of you. Betty, stay. It'll do them good, some time alone together (eurgh)

So we stomped angrily into the room and once in, we sat down as far away as posible from each other. Ha. Some cousinly time. What did my Uncle expect would happen? We would start begging for forgiveness for each other and become besties?

**1 mintute later**

Alicia seems to be thinking. Hmmmm. I wonder if she's planning to commint suicide? I hope so.

**2 minutes later**

Oh, charming.

**Alicia:** STOP STARING AT ME!!! You insolent, malicious little... (blah blah)

**Me:** Nice. What did I do now???

**Alicia:** Let me number the reasons...oh, I can't, too many.

**Me:** Oh, charming. I exist. Sorry for that.

**Alicia:** God, GROW UP!!!!!

**Me:** You're telling ME to grow up? That's kind of ironic, methinks, coming from someone who has just yelled "DON'T STARE AT ME!!!"

**Alicia:** Arrrrggghhh!!!. Just STOP staring at me and especially stop TALKING to me.

As I said before: charming.

Oh GREAT. SAM'S come in. He's trying to make us bond because Uncle sent him to. He doesn't trust Betty, because she loves Alicia too much and will take her side and make the argument worse, whereas Sam loves us slightly more equally. Well, he loves Alicia more, but he's more, how do you say, JUST than Ugly Betty.

WHY??? WHY try to make us bond if we're perfectly happy being deadly enemies plotting to destroy each others lives??? WHY, GOD?????

**Sam:** All right girls, I think maybe we should start bonding as cousins.

**Me:** *snort* comes from someone who locked me in the boot cupboard. Hypocrite.

**Sam:** I am NOT a hypocrite. And you WERE being very annoying. Oh, c'mon, June, you know we love you really. So why destroy our lives?"

Oh, blow. He just HAD to say the word "love", didn't he. I must not go mushy, I must not go mushy.

**Me:** nnnyyyghh. (since when is that a word???)

**Alicia:** Speak for yourself, brother dear.

My thoughts exactly. Well, except for the brother part.

**Sam:** Now girls, stop it. Hold hands.

**Alicia & me:** WHAT???!!!

**Sam:** _Hold hands._

**Alicia & me:** Euuurrghhh!!!!!!!

**Sam:** WILL YOU GROW UP THE PAIR OF YOU??? NOW, HOLD HANDS!!!

We obey. Grudgingly. Extremely grudgingly.

**Sam:** Now, look at each other and say 'I love you and I am sorry for everything that I've done. I am honoured to be your cousin.

**Alicia & me:** NO WAY!!!!!!

**Alicia:** Have you been drinking? Or have you just gone completely mad???!!!

**Sam:** No and no, sister dear. But it was hillarious watching you.

He goes out of the room, laughing his silly but extremely good looking head off. No June, don't think about how extremely handsome he is, think about his stupidity.

We scream at him and sigh exasperatedly. We look down. We realize, horrified, that we are still holding hands. We scream again and drop them as if they burnt.

We both flop down on our beds and stare at the ceiling, sulking. It is going to be a loooooooong day.

She must die, she must die, she must die. Or even better. She must be HORRENDOUSLY humiliated. Muahuahuahua. (And so must he. That he is Sam. Just in case you're thick. I am talking to a notebook Being locked in the same room as she-who-must-not-be-named is clearly affecting my mind.)

**A/N: Hope you like it!!! Please, please, please review!!!!! :]**


	5. Dining with the enemy

**Still August 15th - Is this day ever ending???!!!**

**Time:**6 o'clock

**Location:** Where ELSE could I be? Yes. STILL in my room with she who has no name.

**Mood:** Chuffed with the world. NOT.

This day has been the longest in my entire life. I even have to have DINNER up here, for pity's sake. I spent so long staring at the ceiling I fell asleep at one point. I had a wonderful dream where I was an only child with no cousins. Ah, heaven. Though it's a shame Sam with his good looks wouldn't be around...STOP IT, JUNE! HE MADE YOU HOLD HANDS WITH SHE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED!!!!!!

Anyway, there's other good looking boys around. But I'm not telling you who, it's secret. Oh, good grief. You're my diary. Why would I keep secrets from you?? Hang on, I'm talking to a diary. I need to get a grip.

Anyway, back to dinner. I have to dine with HER. We held a scintillating conversation:

**Alicia:** Pass the salt.

**Me:** Magic word?

**Alicia:** PASS THE SALT! NOW!

**Me:** And this is the person who is supposed to be setting me a good example?

**Alicia:** No, dear. I am setting you a good example. You never do what I tell you, and you never copy me. Therefore, if I am rude, you will be polite to be different from me.

**Me:** Riiiiiight...

**Alicia:** And I still don't have the salt, my dear court jester.

**Me:** *looks baffled* What???!!!

**Alicia:** I'll give you a hint. Court jesters were also called something beggining with F and ending with OOLS.

**Me:** Oh, ha-ha. Oh, have the blasted salt *throwing it at her*

Alicia catches the salt, but the stopper comes out and spills salt everywhere.

**Me:** Oooops.

**Alicia:** You do realize this is going to give you years and years of bad luck, don't you?

**Me:** What?? You mean there are WORSE fates than being locked in here with you??? *fake horrified look*

**Alicia:** True, it's hard to think of one.

Silence for a while while we both eat.

**Alicia:** Now, my dear Junebug, I know you are as stubborn as a horse-donkey cross - that's a mule, dear ignorant brat - but even you must realize that unless we start behaving a little more civilly towards each other, we are going to be locked in here for a lot longer than either of us would like, don't you?

I'm about to snap something at her, but I suddenly get an idea to make her really unnerved.

**Me:** Oh, yes, you're absolutely right. *huge loving grin on my face*

**Alicia:** Excuuuseee meeee? Are you agreeing with me?

**Me:** Oh, Ally, I always agree with you.

**Alicia:** No you don't, you mad hatter. And since when am I Ally?

**Me:** Yes I do, Ally. You're the best big cousin in the whole, wide world! You're like the big sister I never had!

**Alicia:** All right, now I am really concerned. What is wrong with you??!!

**Me:** Nothing. Oh, you are not cross with me, are you?! Please don't be cross! I love you, Ally!!!

I bury my face in my hands, pretending to sob, while I shake with laughter. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten I had a tray on my lap. HAD being the right word, as it promptly falls on to the floor. That brings another idea onto my head.

**Me:** Oh, leave it Ally, our love is more important than a tray!

I fling my arms around her neck, it was disgusting but worth it for seeing her bewilderment, and her tray smashes to the floor, landing on my feet. I jump back, that was hot! And get a good look at Alicia's gob-smacked face. It's too much for me, and I collapse on my bed, roaring with laughter.

When I finally stop laughing, she's picked up the trays, and is looking at me, shaking her head. "You are seriously weird" she says. Then she flings herself on her bed with her back to me. Alarmed, I see that her shoulders started shaking. I didn't think she would get that upset. But then she rolls over and I see she's actually in hysterics. "You're seriously weird, but seriously funny too." She gasps between laughs. Of course, that sets me off, and when my aunt comes to collect the trays, we're both rolling on the beds in hysterics. She shakes her head, looking at the food-covered floor, says "I'm not going to bother asking what happened, but that floor had better be clean next time I come" collects the trays, and goes off.

By the time we get ready for bed, my mood's a lot better. I think I actually had fun with she-who-must-not-be-named. Weird. I doubt it will last, surely by tommorow we'll be plotting how to kill each other again. Do you have any ideas? Duh. You're a diary. You can't think. I'm going to sleep and dream about - him. Ha-ha, you don't know who he is!!! Bleaaah. Gosh, that was inmature. I'm really going to sleep before I disgust myself completely with the idiotic things I'm writing.


	6. SHE MUST DIE! AGAIN!

**August 16th**

**Time:** 7 am

**Location:** Living Room.

**Mood:** VERY VERY VERY ANGRY.

WHY??? Why was I condemmed to such a HORRID cousin? WHY???!!!

You want to know what she did? You want to know what she did? I'll tell you what that malicious little beast did:

**_SHE READ MY DIARY_**

Can you believe it??? She prived into my most private thoughts!!!!!!!! Gosh, I HATE Alicia!!!!!!!!!

I'll tell you exactly how the story was:

I woke up to the sound of extremely hysterical, mad laughter. The kind of laughter you hear in insane asylums. Not that I've ever been to one. But whatever. So I was like: "Why the heck are you laughing like an insane... oh nooo!!! MY DIARY!!!!" I leapt of of bed and had a kind of wrestle match (which wasn't difficult to win, considering she was incredibly weak for laughing so much).

**Conversation:**

**Alicia:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!! (the laughter goes on and on) Oh my gosh June!!!!!! This should be PUBLISHED!!!! It's so FUNNY!!!!!! Heeheehee!!!! 'Oh, SAM!!! SAMMMM!!!!! I must not go mushy! His blonde hair blowing in the wind!' HOHOHOHO!!!!!!! (Really. She laughed 'ho ho ho'. How retarded is that???)

**Me:** YOU B****!!!!! HOW DARE YOU PRIVE INTO MY INTIMATE THOUGHTS!!!!!!! You disgusting, malicious, beastly little ... you little ...

**Alicia:** Don't swear, my dear. It's rude. Didn't your mother tell you?

**Me:** Don't nose around other peoples privacies, my dear. It's rude. Didn't your mother tell you?

**Alicia:** All right, stop being cheeky. Who is "him", anyway?

**Me:** Who???

**Alicia:** Lets see if this sounds familiar. *fakes a high pitched voice which is nothing like mine* 'I'm going to sleep and dream about - him.'

And then she starts snorting and laughing her head off again. Soon she is on the floor, gasping for breath. Pathetic. So, with all the dignity I could muster, I snatched my diary and went out of the room, nose in the air. Horrid little cow. I can't believe we're related.

So I was fuming in the kitchen when my stupid brother Matthew (the smart one, remember?) wandered in.

**Matthew:** What is troubling you, oh fair maiden?

I gave him a "look".

**Me:** Stop fooling around, idiot.

**Matthew:** Whatever, stupid.

We have such a wonderful relationship, you see. Actually we do get along at times, at least when he's not fooling around or speaking about ecuations.

**Matthew:** No, really. What's wrong? You look troubled.

**Me:** Maybe that's because I AM bleeping troubled, genius. Honestly, and you're supposed to be the smart sibling?

**Matthew:** Hey, don't let out your anger on me. I was only asking, you know.

**Me:** You're right. Sorry. Whatever. Anyway, you know the diary I have? Well, she-who-has-no-name read it. She prived into my intimate thoughts and I will never forgive her for as long as I live.

**Matthew:** Oh. I see.

Honestly. 'Oh. I see'. How original.

**Matthew:** When you say she-who-has-no-name...you mean Alicia, right?

**Me *sarcastically*:** Noooo, I mean the female horse in the stable. Who else???

**Matthew:** I don't know...Betty?

**Me:** Alicia is ten times worse than Betty.

**Matthew:** Really?

Honestly. I love him, but he can be so boring and unoriginal with his replies. So I go out of the kitchen before he can bore me for any longer.

**Still August 16th**

**Time:** 8 am

**Location: **Outdoors

**Mood:** ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!

She told everyone!!! She has an amazing memory and she remembered practically everything written in the diary and she told everyoneeee!!!!!! STARTING WITH SAM, THEN GOING ON TO GEORGE (by the way - "him" is George. If you hadn't figured it out already, I love him. More than Sam. I just find Sam handsome. I'm not in love with him. I mean, we're related. But I am in love with George. Desperately.)

I HATE HER MORE THAN EVER. How could she do this to me? I mean, how??? I know she hates me, but you know, I thought she had a bit of love and kindness in her, vair vair vair vair deep down. Extremely deep down.

Anyway, first she told Sam. Everything. Me going on about his blonde hair blowing in the wind. The 'I must not go mushy' part. EVERYTHING.

Merde, merde, merdeeee!!!!! I am so embarassed. I've been feeling embarassed a lot lately, looking back in the diary.

Anyway, so Sam started teasing me. A lot. So I punched him. Feebly, 'cause I always go so bloody mushy when he's around.

And don't get me started on George. As soon as he came in with Roger (I was listening through the keyhole), Alicia started telling him everything. Don't ask me how she figured out he was "him". Actually, the exact words were, right after she had told him every single detail of the diary: "I wonder who "he" is, don't you? Hmmm. Let me think. Well, as far as I know, the only boy who isn't a relative she's met here is Mario (one of Uncle's friends who came to dinner one night. He's about sixty) and - oh yes, of course, you! Well, Mario's too old, so there is only one option left, isn't there?"

She must die, she must die. A slow, painful death.

So after that I rushed out into the garden and went to see my horse, Jaz. She's so sweet, not like these world destroying humans aorund this house. She's the only one that understands me. She trotted over here at 7:30 today after my vile cousin read my diary and I had a boring chat with my brother and went out of the kitchen. Don't ask me how she got loose or how she knew where I was. I had to call home and inform my parents that she was here last night. She's the only living being on this planet that loves me. She came all the way here just to see me. There's loyalty for you.

Uh-oh. George's coming out of the house. I have to hide. Bye!

**A/N: I know, it's short, sorry! I've just been really busy...hope you like it anyway! Please reviews! There are cookies!!!!!! Lots of *cough*imaginary*cough* cookies if you just review!! :)**


	7. pathetic plotting and miserable mistakes

**Still August 16th**

**Time:** 1pm

**Location:** Room

**Mood:** Arrrrrggghhhhh!!!!

That's it. My life is over. It's a miracle I have not commited suicide yet. I will though, after I've got my revenge.

What's the point of living, anyway? You're going to die sooner or later. The only reason for my existence is to be tormented and embarassed by certain people. And that makes me suicidal, especially when that certain person tells another certain person about some certain secret of mine and then that second certain person finds out about a really embarassing certain thing about me and all those certain people around here laugh their heads off at me after that same certain person has seen me acting like a fool and the first certain person makes that certain embarassing situation worse, then all those certain people join in in making me look even more like a fool, and now I can never look at the certain person I got into that's embarassing situation in the eye again.

I'll explain from the beginning. So. After George got out of the house, I had to hide. And my so not brilliant idea was to hide behind my horse. So, naturally, Alicia spotted me, and said in this really loud voice: "Why, June! What are you doing, crouched down behind that horse? Anyone would think you were hiding from something - or someone." She must die, she must die.

So my marvellous excuse for crouching like a stupid horse-donkey cross (mule), was to mumble "I'm looking for a hairclip". Great. I must admit that Alicia's nothing if not unstupid, so she raised her eyebrows and said cooly: "A hairclip. I see." So I said: "Yes, you know, those objects you put in your hair to: a) make it look pretty, or b) get your hair out of the way, or c) both."

Alicia raised her eyebrows again. "So you're looking for a hairclip whilst wearing a hairband." Darn, darn, darn!

Me: Um, yes. Well…at least I'm original!"

Everyone else was laughing behind their hands. Pathetic.

Alicia smirked. "A bit too original, perhaps, June. Honestly, that is one of the lamest excuses I have ever heard. Now, may I ask why, as we have already discovered you, you are still crouching behind the horse?"

"Her name is Jaz, not horse!" I shouted. Oh why, why, _why_??? I sounded like a little toddler!!! I am so STUPID. So I snatched this book up, and stormed inside the house.

And here I am. Listening to a record of a man singing about suicide.

Too depressed to write. More later.

* * *

**August 17th**

**Time:** 1 am

**Location:** Bedroom, under bed covers.

**Mood:** Vengeful.

I heavn't written before because I've been thinking, plotting and planning. Muahuahuahua!!!

She-who-has-no-name-no-heart-and-no-feelings must be severely punished. Hmm. I need a shorter name. I know! The devil incarnate!

Anyway. Let us stop babbling and proceed to planning. And here, dear diary is where I am slightly stuck. Do you have any ideas? Okay, I am really worrying myself now. I am talking to a notebook.

So. Let me think. The situation is this: The devil incarnate must suffer. Meanwhile, I must not be punished. Or at least not too much. Hmmm. I have plenty of brilliant ideas, but they all seem to end with me chained and thrown in a dungeon to starve. Well, not really. But you know what I mean.

I must stop babbling. Hmmmmmmmmm.

I can't think of a way to make her embarassed, for in the dictionary of her mind that word does not exist. Anyway, I don't know any particularly embarassing secrets about her. And, of course, after reading you, dear diary, she knows all about mine.

I bet Betty knows a lot about the devil incarnate. But it's impossible to get anything out of her.

Hey. Wait a sec. What if SHE has a diary? I could search for it. The beasts are both asleep (I am under the covers with a torch. It is very uncomfortable writing in this position.) so I could search now. I'll be right back.

* * *

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh noooo!!!!!!!!

I must be the most stupid being in the whole of man's existence. I mean, honestly. Who else would have such a STUPID idea of searching a room while there are two people asleep in it, one of them a light sleeper???

While I was searching in her bedside-table, the lamp fell. Alicia woke up. Just great. So I pretended to be sleepwalking, but despite my fantastic imitation, the devil incarnate saw through it. Oh, all right. I was really obvious. I sort of put my arms in front of me and stomped around. Too loudly. That woke up Betty. Great. Just great.

**Conversation:**

**Alicia:** _Juuuuune_!! What are you _doing_???!!! (groaning)

**Me:** *unnarticulate moaning*

**Betty:** Whassat? *sleepily and groggily*

**Alicia:** Just the little wretch pretending to be sleepwalking. For a reason known only to herself.

**Me:** *Pretending to wake up* Wha-what's going on? AAAAHHHH!!!! DEAD PEOPLE!!! *pointing at them*

**Alicia:** *raises eyebrow* June. Quit it. You're getting me really concerned. Why on EARTH are you pretending to be sleepwalking? That's hardly normal behaviour.

**Me:** Aaaaahhh!!! I see live people!!!

Actually, I was supposed to say dead people, but my stupid brain for some reason known only to itself made me say live people. Stupid brain! Anyway, that blew the covers of the whole thing.

**Alicia:** *raises eybrows* _live_ people? Oh, just go back to bed, will you? I'm exhausted.

So I went back to bed before I could embarass myself any further. Hmm. I'll have to think of another way to embarass her. It is not easy to embarass Alicia. She is not passionate like me. Actually I don't think she has any feelings, come to think about it.

* * *

**August 18th**

**Time:** 3 pm

**Location:** Barn

**Mood:** Embarassed, furious and hateful.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no!!!

Great. Just great. Fantastic. Absolutely fabulous. Yipee. What is SAMUEL JOHNS doing here, annoying me? Eurgh. Never mind. And just to top it off, she-who-has...I mean, the devil incarnate has walked in behind him. I'll just ignore them like a mature person and keep writing. I'll write the conversation as we speak:

**Sam:** My DEAR little cousin! How _are_ you today, my darling?

**Me:** *No answer*

**Alicia:** My beloved pest, aren't you going to answer dear Sam? Oh, sorry. I shouldn't call him dear, should I? He's _your_ Darling Sammy!

**Me:** Shuddup. *goes red. darn, darn, darn*

**Alicia:** Aaaawww, bless! Look, Sammy, she's _blushing_!

She must die, she must die.

**Sam:** Now, Alicia, don't tease her, she can't help it. Isn't that right, Juney dear? And do you really call me 'Sammy'? That's so sweet!

HE MUST DIE, HE MUST DIE.

**Me:** I'm June. NOT Juney. And you're Samuel. And she's the devil incarnate.

**Sam:** DEVIL INCARNATE???!!! *cracks up laughing*

**Alicia:** *stands up and bows* Why, thank you June, I seem to be moving up in the world. Last time, I was just 'She-who-has-no-name' and now I'm the devil incarnate? I'm really flattered.

**Me:** Go away and leave me alone!!! Don't you know that bullies are actually cowards?

**Alicia:** *hurt look* Bullies? You hurt our feelings, darling Junebug! But all we've done is call you 'Dear' and 'Darling' and say 'Thank you!'

**Sam:** But - but - June!!! I thought you loved me!!! How can you be so _cruel_???!!! *buries his head in Alicia's shoulder and pretends to sob. Badly. He hasn't got my acting skills*

**Alicia:** Look what you've done, June! You've made poor Sam cry! Is your heart made of stone?

**Me:** No. I'm not _you_.

Alicia and Sam roll about laughing. Beasts.

**10 minutes later**

I sometimes baffle myself with my stupidity. Guess what I did this time. Well, you actually know already, don't you, dear diary? I threw you at Samuel's head. So, of course, the beasts grabbed it and read it out loud to EVERYONE. Great. Just great. So everyone now knows what few personal secrets I still had left. Including my brilliant plan to destroy the devil incarnate. Darn.

And just to make an absolutely wonderful day even BETTER, my darling little brother (remember, the youngest weird one?) has asked me if I wanted to play at _dying _with him. Then again, dying doesn't seem so bad right now.

Get a grip, June! I need to be plotting other ways to ruin the devil incarnate and her minions, not babbling on about death and suicide!

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. Thanks for all the reviews! Keep on reviewing and giving constructive critisism! Coookieeeesssss!!!!!! :)**


	8. Curiouser and curiouser

**August 19th**

**Time:** 11 am

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** Brilliant!

Tee-hee. You are so going to get it, Alicia Johns. Ooooh, yes. I am so intelligent I astound myself. What happens is, I found out a vair vair interesting, juicy secret about the Devil Incarnate from her dear best friend Betty. Yes, you heard properly. Betty. I very very slyly went up to her this morning, at about 9 am whilst the Devil Incarnate was at the market, buying some flour for her mother.

**Conversation:**

**Me:** Hello, Betty.

**Betty:** *looks around* You're actually talking to ME? And you're calling me Betty? Not Ugly Betty?

As I mentioned, Samuel and The Devil Incarnate read the diary out loud to everyone.

**Me:** Oh, I was just very angry at everyone then because I had been publicly humiliated. But anger's over now. *sweet smile*

**Betty:** *uncertain look* Riiiiiiight. What do you want, my dear Junebug?

**Me:** To be friends again! *sickeningly sweet smile*

**Betty:** We were never friends, you wacko.

**Me:** Well, um...let us start again! Hi, I'm June. Glad to meet you *stick hand out*

**Betty:** *silence, staring at the hand, then face slowly spreads into a grin* I know what you want. Forget it, Junebug.

**Me:** *looking all innocent* Whatever can you possibly mean?

**Betty:** You want me to tell you secrets from Alicia, or "the devil incarnate" as you call her. Well, forget it. Honestly, how can you expect me to be so dumb as to tell you about the Human Sciences exam Alicia cheated on...*claps hand over mouth, looks horrified.* Oh, no! June, you musn't tell anyone. Please, I beg you.

**Me:** I won't.

**Betty:** Yeah, right. Of course you will! June, swear it!

**Me:** *looking all solemn* I swear.

I was crossing my fingers. Of course I was going to tell on her! Muahuahua. Revenge is sweet!

* * *

**Still August 19th**

**Time:** 2 pm

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** WHY??? WHY??? WHY???

Great. Fabulous. Absolutely BRILLIANT. Not. I am so amzingly stupid. Guess what. No, don't. I'll write the conversation that happened during lunchtime:

**Me:** Alicia, what is that about you cheating on an exam last year?

**Alicia:** *looks at me for a long time, than bursts into tears* I never!!!

**Aunt May:** What?! What on earth are you talking about, June?!

**Me:** Well, I heard it from - er - someone. Someone who knew what they were talking about.

**Sam:** *patting Alicia on the shoulder* We believe you, Alicia. Of course this isn't true.

**Betty:** Alicia doesn't need to cheat! She's one of the best in the class!

**Uncle:** June, this is a serious accusation (Yes, Uncle's a lawyer. You can tell, can't you?). What subject was this exam?

**Me:** Human Sciences, Uncle. *attempting to hide triumphant grin on my face*

Silence goes around the room. Suddenly, all disbelieving expressions turn on ME.

**Me:** What? What did I say?

**Alicia:** *miraculously stopps sobbing. Oh what a surprise. Fake tears* June. There's no such subject.

Alicia, Samuel and Betty all grin devilishly. DARN!!! How could I POSSIBLY not have suspected anything!

**Auntie:** Oh, June! How could you be so mean to poor Alicia! Making up lies!

**Uncle:** Say you're sorry. At ONCE.

Anyone would think he was my father!!!

**Me:** No thanks. I'd rather go up to my room.

Then I got up in a dramatic kind of way, and elegantly swished upstairs. The elegance ruined by the fact I elegantly tripped over my own foot going up, which made the three demons snort loudly. Everyone snorted, in fact. Even my own BROTHERS. I elegantly got up and elegantly banged the door as I went in.

I am so stupid I baffle myself. Betty would NEVER let something slip. And it was so OBVIOUS the way she did it. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid June. Serves me right for being so idiotic.

Oh no. Someone's knocking at the door. I refuse to open, I don't care if it's the King of England himself. Oh, great, the three idiots came in anyway. Talk about politeness. How dare they? I'll ignore them. Oh, great. My lovely big brother has come in after them. Wait, that's good. Maybe he's in a maths mood and he'll bore them so much they'll leave. I'll have to get him talking about ecuations somehow.

**10 minutes later**

Hahahahahahaha!!! I can't stop laughing. I don't want to laugh, I want to be angry. Sam made me laugh when I want to be angry with him. How does he do that?

**Me:** Hey, Matt, um...what's your favourite number?

Great, I thought, now I sounded like a loon.

**Matt:** *baffled* my favourite what?

**Me:** I mean...what is the easiest ecuation in the world?

**Matt:** ...

**Me:** *sigh exasperatedly* forget it.

The three idiots and the baffled loon all staring at me as though I'm mental. The Devil Incarnate breaks the silence. What a surprise.

**Alicia:** So, Junebug. You really thought Betty would be so stupid as to slip something about me?

**Me:** Yes.

**Alicia:** Don't be so cheeky.

**Sam:** June, did you know it's rude to be writing with your back turned when people are trying to socialize with you?

**Me:** Yes.

**Sam:** Don't you be cheeky with me! Remember the twenty runs around the paddock? Careful, Juney! I might give you a spanking!

I could not resist shaking with laughter. That sounds bad. Actually it doesn't, but...well, that's how my mind works, unfortunately.

**Matt:** *concern in his voice* June? Are you crying?

**Me:** *Roll over, showing the smirk on my face* No, you moron.

**Matt:** *puzzled* You're laughing? About what?

Honestly. How can he not have realized? Sam got it right away. I hate him.

**Sam:** I dunno, Matt. She seems to really want a good spanking. And from me, of all people!

Tears started running down my face by trying not to laugh. Alicia and Betty got it then too and snorted simultaneously. Quite scary, actually.

**Sam:** What do you prefer June? Two options: either I spank you with your own hairbrush, or with the horse's whip!

I totally lost it then. I laughed so hard I fell off the bed, rolling on the floor laughing. Alicia and Betty started laughing too.

**Sam:** I could tell George to come and watch. That would discipline you!

I was laughing so hard by then, it was impossible for Sam to keep a straight face any longer. The corners of his lips twitched, and he let out a _giggle_. Seriously. A _giggle_. I went hysterical then. (Matt just stood there, still not getting it. He can be so thick at times. And my parents think he´s the bright one?)

Then, Sam went out of the room. I guess he couldn't resist from laughing any longer. Matthew followed him. I pulled myself together then and crawled back on top of the bed, hoping Tweedledee and Tweedledum wouldn't start a conversation. Oh, they just did. I'll have to stop writing for a bit, my hand's getting tired.

**30 minutes later**

Okay, what's going on here?! I have a nagging feeling I have just been very stupid. But they SOUND so honest!!! Here's what happened:

**Alicia:** Juuune!

**Me:** ...

**Betty:** Juuune!

**Me:** ...

**Alicia & Betty:** Juuuuuuuune!!!

**Me:** ...

And so on. Until I finally got fed up.

**Me:** I'm not talking to you.

**Alicia:** Actually Junebug, you just did.

**Me:** No I didn't.

**Alicia:** Junebug. You're doing it again.

**Me:** Whatever. I'm not talking to you any _more_.

**Alicia:** Oh, no, Junebug! Don't do that! Whatever will we do now?!

**Betty:** I don't know! Our existence has no purpose if dear Junebug won't talk to us!

**Alicia:** Junebug, if you won't talk to us, you won't hear our marvellous idea!

**Me:** I am not interested.

**Alicia:** Never, mind, we'll tell you anyway. It involves your boyfriend.

**Me:** Huh?

**Alicia:** George.

**Me:** Oh. He is NOT my boyfriend. And I tell you, I'm not interested.

**Alicia:** Not interested in our idea or in George?

**Me:** In both.

**Alicia:** Oh, you mean you're interested in both! Good. Our idea is simple: we tell him good stuff about you.

**Me:** Yeah, right.

**Betty:** Really! It was all my idea.

**Alicia:** *glares*

**Betty:** Okay, okay. It was both our ideas. We feel bad about being so mean to you.

**Me:** I am not two years old!

**Alicia:** *looks puzzled* Sooo??? We know you're not two years old. If you were, we wouldn't be offering to get you a boyfriend.

**Me:** *ticking points off on my fingers* First, what I mean about my age, is that only a very small child would actually fall for this. Second, I am NOT falling for it. And third, I don't need your help to get a boyfriend.

**Betty:** *pointedly* _Really?_ *is poked by Alicia* Ow!!!

**Alicia:** Betty, we're _apologizing_ to June here! Listen, Junebug - I mean, June. We're not saying you can't get a boyfriend on your own, we're just... offering a helping hand!

**Me:** Yeah, right. You're just looking for another way to torment me.

**Alicia:** No. I know it's hard to believe, but I really do think we went too far this time.

**Betty:** And this is our way of apologizing! Come on, admit it, you do like George. Even though you do seem to like even your own cousin, for heaven's sa - _ooowww_! Will you stop that, Alicia!

**Alicia:** Betty, we're APOLOGIZING!

**Betty:** I know, I know, but it's so hard to break a habit! Sorry, June, I'm not used to not tormenting you.

**Alicia:** So...what do you think, June?

**Me:** About what?

**Alicia:** George. Idea. What?

**Me:** Oh, that. Sorry. But I don't trust you.

**Alicia:** Come on! You like him! You've practically said so!

**Betty:** What harm could it do?

**Me:** *sigh and look at them doubtfully* All right...but if this is actually an elaborate torment, I will never trust you again with ANYTHING. Ever.

**Alicia:** Fair enough.

**Alicia & Betty:** Thank you. You won't regret it.

Okay, that is REALLY spooky. Can they read each others' minds, or something?! But they look honest enough...I think. I hope. I pray to god!!! And then, the most weird thing happened. I am still in shock:

Alicia got up. She had TEARS in her eyes. You do not know what disturbing is untill you see Alicia with TEARS in her eyes. And she sat down on my bed and gave me this great big hug! I was so in shock I didn't even have the sense to elbow her in the ribs for a few seconds. Then she said: "Sorry. It's just...you're so little! And you're getting all grown up and liking boys!" My response was: *gawp* Then she seemed to pull herself together and said: "Sorry, sorry. I know you're a big girl now. But it's so sweet!" And hugged me. Again. Then she walked out of the room with Betty. This scares me. Really, really scares me. Oh no. WHAT have I just got myself into???!!!

**15 mintues later**

Great. Aunt May just had a "little word" with me. Here's what she said:

"June, I'm very dissapointed that you should have made those things up about Alicia. I didn't think you would be so mean spirited. Alicia just spoke to me, however, and she says you two have made it up. She asked me not to punish you because she feels she might have provoked it (Nooo. Really??!!) But you were very rude to Uncle, flowncing out of dinner the way you did, so I'm afraid you'll have to go without tea tonight. I will bring some bread and milk up to you." Oh, how _delightful_. Bread and milk, my _favourite_! I had the sense to look apologetic. I didn't say anything. It didn't seem like I could get a word in edgeways. At least Alicia got me out of some of the trouble. Hey. I called her Alicia. Oh, well, she isn't really acting like the Devil Incarnate right now.

* * *

**Still August 19th**

**Time:** 6:30  
**Location:** Bedroom. Where else?  
**Mood:** Intrigued.

I cannot believe what just happened. Alicia just brought my tray up, and there was a full tea on it! I thought at first that Aunt May had relented, but no. She said: "Can't be long, I have to be sure mother doesn't suspect anything. I managed to sneak this out while Betty distracted her. Mother thinks I just brought up the bread and milk, so make sure you finish everything else completely." Then she ran off. I still can't believe it. Alicia being nice to me?! Maybe she really was sorry. Hmmm. This plan of theirs about George might actually be good. I wonder when he's coming over.

A/N: Hope you liked it! Plz review! :) there's cookies as usual!


	9. He is here! aargh!

**A/N: A big thank you to all my wonderful reviewers! =) Sorry it took so long to update some chapters, I've been rather busy with school and stuff. **

* * *

**August 20th**

**Time:** 8 am

**Location: **Bedroom

**Mood:** Nervous

Went down to breakfast at 7:30. You'd have thought I'd murdered someone by the look on Uncle's face. He said: "I have spoken to your father, June. He is very dissapointed in you, as am I. I hope you will never attempt anything as rude as last night." Geez.

Anyway, here comes the exciting bit. After an extremely long, awkward and boring silence, my cousin Roger cleared his throat and said: "Father, I was wondering...George's parents are going on a week's holiday. He was going to his Grandmother's house, but I was thinking maybe he could stay here for the week."

That is when I started choking on my breakfast cereal, which was slightly embarassing, to say the least. Sam thumped me on the back. His hands are very strong, and yet gentle when he thumps - SHUT UP JUNE!!! The rest of the family, except Uncle and Aunt, who doesn't know anything about my love for George, snorted into their own breakfasts. Talk about politeness. Aunt turned to me, concerned. "Are you all right, June?" to which I replied, between chokes: "Yes, I'm just - I just swallowed badly." I hastily drank milk. I choked on that as well. The mind boggles.

After my choking display over everything, and after the loons had finished sniggering (though I suppose it did look rather funny), Uncle replied: "Well, Roger, I don't see why not. One of you will have to sleep in a sleeping-bag, though." To which Roger replied "No problem." Alicia and Betty looked at me with significant delight. I smiled weakly back. I'm still not sure what they will tell George.

"And when is George coming, son?" asked Aunt May. Roger replied: "Today after lunch, at about 2 pm."

To which I STUPIDLY said, letting out a cry of dismay: "Today??? But I'm not ready!"

Can you BELIEVE my stupidity???!!! The loons all gave stiffled giggles. Although, again, I can't really blame them. Aunt May and Uncle looked at me in surprise, eyebrows raised. Darn, darn, darn!!!

"I-I mean...I'm not ready for...for...for...for...fooorrrr...I was thinking we could...erm...show him around!"

Great, June.

Roger rolled his eyes. "June. He's known me and this house since he was five years old."

"Well...erm...erm...errrrmmmm...there is stuff he hasn't seen yet."

The three dirty minded loons (Samuel, Alicia and Betty) practically wet themselves laughing 'discreetly'. Aunt and Uncle looked baffled. Matt was looking at me as though I was some strange type of insect. And my lovely baby brother Tom was ignoring everything except the mountain of food in front of him. And John (remember, Mr. Politically Correct?) was carefully ignoring me. He probably thinks I'm a disgrace to the whole family right now or something like that. I remember when I wrote the hate messages to that devil dictator Moira. He didn't speak to me for six months.

"Like what?"

"Like...like...liiiiiiiike...erm...erm...errrrrmmmm...the new curtains!"

"June, dear, they aren't new! I just washed them, that's all." Aunt May replied. She looked really worried about me. Can't really blame her.

"Oh. Right. Forget it then. They looked new. Um...may I be excused?"

Uncle nodded, looking extremely concerned. Well, at least he doesn't look murderous any more. My whole family thinks I'm going insane. Huh. Haven't they ever heard of looking in the mirror before critisizing others? Talk about pot calling the kettle green. Or was it red? I can't remember. Who cares, anyway? I've got more important things to do than muse over the craziness of my family. Like working out what clothes to wear. And doing something with the birds' nest that is known as my hair. Curl it? Hmmm.

**10 minutes later**

Figuring out what the heck to wear. I hate my clothes. Everything looks awful. And my best dress is in the wash!!! I am seriously dying here. I can't wear anything of Alicia's or Betty because Alicia is taller and Betty is, well, a different shape. What am I going to do???!!! Why, god???!!! Why ME???!!! All right, calm down. Focus, June, focus. I have my dark blue skirt here. Not the best, but it looks decent. My dear parents won't let me get capri pants because apparently "they are not the sort of thing a decent girl my age would wear." And they look so great!!! I'm hating my parents right now. OK, focus, June - you have a skirt. You need a blouse. I have a collection, lets look through the colors. Blue - boring. White - I look like a sailor. Red - I look like a clown. Damn. Oh, here's a green one - not bad. And here's a pink one! Not bad either! I can't bloody _decide_!!! OK, let's try them on.

**15 minutes later**

OK, it's the pink one. I like it best. Oh, all right. I tore a button off the green one. I liked the pink best _anyway_. Right. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. SHOES!!! Oh, wait. No panic scene needed. I only have one pair of good shoes here. I mean, it's not as if I'm going to wear my riding boots. The shoes are black, with no heel. Apparently, I am "too young" for heels. Off to have a shower and get changed.

**Time:** 9:25 am

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood: **Hysterical, but slightly relieved

Well, I'm finally dressed. Just my hair left to do. Right, I'm all set.

**Ten minutes later**

Oh no. Oh no. Ohnoohnoohno!!! OH NO!!!!!!!!!

My HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's RUINED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess. Guess what I did. I tried to curl my hair, and I just BLOODY BURNT IT OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Five minutes later**

Alicia and Betty have walked in. They're in hysterics. Doesn't anyone have compassion for poor little me???!!!

I'm too distraught to write. I think I will just curl up and die.

**15 minutes later**

**Conversation:**

**Me:** *sobs* You rotten pigs! How DARE you laugh!

**Alicia:** *gulping* Shall we get you a mirror so you can join the joke?!

**Me:** It is NOT funny!!!

**Alicia & Betty:** We beg to differ.

And they both started laughing again. Beasts.

**Me:** IT IS NOT FUNNY!!! GOERGE IS COMING OVER TODAY, REMEMBER???!!! AND I LOOK LIKE A BURNT LUNATIC!!!!!!!!!!!

I flung myself on the bed and stared sobbing. Suddenly, there's a hand on my shoulder. The laughter had subsided. At last.

**Alicia:** Hey, come on Junebug, It's not the end of the world.

**Me:** That's all _you_ know.

**Betty:** Come on Junebug, we'll sort it out for you. It's not _that _bad, you only burnt a bit really.

**Me:** How can I trust someone who calls me _Junebug_???!!!

**Alicia:** Sorry, force of habit. And you can trust me because I know what it feels like. C'mon, get up.

**Me:** _How _do you know?

**Alicia:** Because I did it myself, genius.

**Me:** Oh? Trying to impress who?

**Alicia:** Actually, trying to NOT impress my parents. They said I shouldn't, so of course I did.

**Betty:** Anyway, come on, or we won't have time! We'll cut it in the bathroom so you can see what we're doing in the mirror, if you still don't trust us.

I got up and we went to the bathroom. I mean, really, they couldn't make it any worse. I caught a look at myself in the mirror and burst into tears.

**Alicia:** Hey, hey!!! Stop that!!! We can't cut it if you're crying!

**Me:** It's not just the hair!!! It's me! I'm horrible! My face is horrible, my hair is horrible, and I'm just plain UGLY!

**Alicia:** *sigh* I've heard this before. What about you, Betty? Getting a feeling of deja-vu yet?

**Betty:** Yes. From both of us.

**Alicia:** Normally, June, I'd agree with you to wind you up. But right now, I'm trying to help. Cut it out.

**Me:** SEE???!!! YOU ADMITTED IT!!! I'M UGLY!!!

**Alicia:** *groans exasperatedly* Juuuune. Listen carefully. I would agree "to wind you up"! You're NOTHING of the sort. But you will be if you don't SIT STILL while we cut your hair! So STOP WAILING!

**Me:** Sorry, sorry. *sniffles*

**Alicia:** That's better. Now, Betty, we've got a haircut to do.

**Betty:** Shall we try to curl it after?

**Me:** NOOOOO!!! Don't you even THINK of it!!!

**Alicia:** Okay, okay!!! Calm _down_, will you?

**20 minutes later**

Phew. They actually knew what they were doing. My hair looks even better than before! I was so grateful I actually tried to hug them. I shudder now, but I wasn't in my right mind just then, you see. They jumped away, of course. First they cut off the burnt bit and then they sort of evened it out and gave it a style. I screamed at the first snip, and Alicia whacked me over the head. I didn't do it again. I'm too brave to scream all the time. Oh, all right. It HURT when she hit me. I'm scared to go down.

**10**** minutes later**

Alicia and Betty dragged me downstairs to show off their masterpiece. Uncle and Aunt aren't too sure about the new style, but the boys think it's nice. Well, Sam, Roger and Matt think it's nice. Dick put it in his own way, by saying: "You look slightly less dreadful than usual." He's always said I'm dreadful since we were capable of speech, so I suppose it's his version of a compliment. John says it's okay, but he always says everything is okay, since he can never be rude. Tom, of course, couldn't care less. He was to busy mashing up tomatoes because he wanted fake blood. I was careful to stay away from him. Sam teased me. A LOT. Roger wasn't far behind, and even MATT was teasing me. I didn't know he knew HOW to tease!

**Sam:** Oooooh, where's this girl come from? I know! She's a film star, in hiding!

**Me:** Nygh. (Yes. Nygh.)

**Roger:** She looks a bit like our June...but she never had that haircut!

**Me:** Idiot!

**Matt:** *pretends to faint* It's Elaine, the Lily Maid of Astolat, come from the past! *bows* My lady.

**Me:** Huh? Oh...thanks...I guess...

**Matt:** Did you know Elaine died of a broken heart? Sir Lancelot didn't love her.

Well, I had to whack him then, didn't I?! What a dirty hypocrite. Makes everyone believe he's so bright and really he's an idiot. Aunt May was looking at me with a strange look upon her face, though I don't kow why.

* * *

**Still August 20th**

**Time:** 1 pm

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** Nervous

I am seriously dying here. My stomach is tied up in knots. Well, not literally. If it was, I would be dead. And I'm not, obviously. Or would I be? Shut up, June. Now.

There's only an hour to go and I already want to crawl under the table. Damn. And to think he'll be here for a whole WEEK! I can't dress nicely every day, I'll go nuts. Never mind, I won't think about that. Oh, Aunt's knocking at the door. She wants to have a little word. I hope she hasn't found out about the broken plant.

**30 minutes later**

Great. Just great. Even Aunt May sussed it out that I like George. Am I really THAT obvious?! Don't answer that.

**Aunt May:** Hello, dear *sits down on my bed beside me*

**Me:** Hello, Aunt May. Listen, I didn't mean to break that plant, it was a total accident...

**A.M:** *looks puzzled* broken plant? I came here to talk about something else.

**Me:** Oh. All right. What is it, Aunt?

**A.M:** I couldn't help noticing that you get a little nervous when we talk about Roger's friend George...and how you seem to want to look nicer when he is coming here.

Damn. Great. Just great.

**Me:** Me, nervous? Nah.

**A.M:** You choked on your breakfast at the very mention of him, and you made up the excuse about the curtains. I call that being nervous.

**Me:** Well...maybe a bit. I'm not used to visitors. That's probably it.

**A.M:** Not used to visitors?! Your father works on important bussiness deals, you get visitors all the time!

**Me:** Oh, all right. Yes, I admit it.

**A.M:** So you like this boy?

Oh, I hate it when aunt gets all motherish and knowing!

**Me:** *mumbling* Yes.

**A.M:** Like a friend...or something more? A boyfriend, perhaps?

**Me:** Mmm.

**A.M:** Is that a yes?

**Me:** Uh-huh.

**A.M:** I knew it.

Then she gave me a hug. Damn. She must've seen the look on my face because she was like: "Oh, don't worry, darling. I won't say a word. I'll be very discreet." She looked all watery-eyed. "I don't know why I didn't figure it out before. I guess I still considered you a child. But you're a big girl now, aren't you?" She kissed the top of my head, then got up, and before closing the door, said: "Tell me if you need advise."

Dammit, I got all watery eyed then. I love Aunt May. Probably more than my own mother. I'm sure Aunt May wouldn't dump her kids in a house full of lunatics.

* * *

**Still August 20th**

**Time:** 2 pm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Location:** Living room

**Mood:** OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE'S HERE!!!!! Just rang the doorbell!!!!! Aaaaarrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!!!!

**30 minutes later**

I'm crying in my room. I cannot believe those two devils. How can they be so evil?! As soon as he walked through the door, they started attacking George. Just listen to what they said. I mean, read what they said:

**George:** Hullo, everybody!

**Everyone:** Hello.

**George:** *looked at me and smiled* New haircut?

**Me:** *blushing like a tomato. No, redder* Yup.

**George:** Nice. *turns to uncle* thank you for having me here, sir.

And Uncle says, no problem, blah blah blah. All boring small-talk stuff. I'll get on to the really important, though HORRIBLE part of the conversation. Uncle and Aunt and several more lunatics left the room, leaving me, George, the Devil Incarnate, Ugly Betty, Sam, Matthew, and little Tom, who was, deep in thought, again not paying any attention to anything except trying to figure out what could he use to make fake blood without making a mess. (The tomato fake blood and the red paint got him in BIG trouble with aunt and uncle.) Roger had left to make Geroge's bed. The others, I have no idea, and I don't care. Anyway, I will stop babbling and get on to the crucial point of my entire frigging LIFE:

**Alicia:** So, George! How are things in your life?

**George:** *looks handsomely baffled* Uh, fine.

**Alicia:** Love life? *winks*

Oh great, I thought, now it sounded like she's throwing herself on him. The Devil Incarnate obviously noticed it too, because she laughed, adding hastily:

**Alicia:** Don't think badly. I was just wondering, 'cause if not, it's something you and our young June have in common, innit?

I wanted to MURDER her. I hastily mumbled something about going to the bathroom. I think I also said something about a hamster for some reason, but I'd rather not think about it. I closed the door behind me and evesdropped over the keyhole, where I could still hear the Devil Incarnate whittering on:

**Alicia:** Oh, look, everyone, June's poetry book! Did you know, George, that June writes poetry?

HOW DARE SHE?????? THAT'S PRIVATE!!!!!!!!

**Betty:** Ooooh, can I read it? Lets see...oh, this is a good one:

_"Why me? I ask thee god,_

_am I condemmed to this lunatic sod?_

_I hate being here,_

_I would love being elsewhere,_

_Or else I shall kill myself._

_I don't want to kill myself._

_I want to live._

_But not like this._

_Not sorrounded by lunatics."_

**Alicia:** Nice, huh?

NOOOOOO!!! HE'LL THINK I'M A DEPRESSED WEIRDO!!!!!! Well, I am depressed right now, and when I wrote the poem, but I'm usually not!! And it's such a BAD poem!!!!! I want to kill myself right now.

**George:** *warily* Uh-huh. Well, excuse me...

**Alicia:** Oh, no, George, you musn't leave us yet! Did I ever show you photos of when she was a baby? Look at this one...she looks so cute, sitting on her potty!

NO!! NO!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! THE POTTY PHOTO!!!!!!!!! SHE MUST DIE, SHE MUST DIE!!!!!!!

I had to clamp a hand over my mouth to stop myself from screaming the insults I had in my head.

**Alicia:** She's all grown up now, though, isn't she? And she thinks that Mr. Darcy, from Pride & Prejudiece, is the most incredible man _ever_! We told her it's a fictional character, but she just won't listen to a word of it!

DAMN!!! DAMN!!! DAAAAAMN!!!! How DARE she mention my crush about Mr. Darcy?! And how does she KNOW, anyway?! I've never written a word about it on my diary!!!

**George:** Great, oh, I can hear Roger calling me...how unfortunate...but I'll have to go now...

And here's the worst bit. Out of my IDIOCY, instead of moving away from the keyhole and into the bathroom, the bedroom, or ANYWHERE, I just stayed there, and Roger opened the door AND I FELL INTO THE ROOM. I could feel my face go scarlet. George's face went slightly red as well. It was just so EMBARASSING. And to top it off, Alicia said in her stupid voice which she describes as "smooth": "June! How surprising! You weren't listening in, where you? How rude! Although I suppose you couldn't help the temptation, could you?"

I fled away before she could say any more to torment me. I locked the door of my room, flung myself on the bed, and started howling. Tears are running down my cheeks as I write this. I will NEVER trust the Devil Incarnate and Ugly Betty. I hate them both.

**15 minutes later**

I can hear shouts and hissing outside. Sounds like an argument. Arguments often happen around here, so it's not surprising. I wonder what it's about?

**A/N: Cliffhanger! Muahuahuahua!! PLz review =) and yes, even MORE cookies!! please??? *puppy dog eyes***


	10. love is in the air

**A/N: I wanted to say thanks to my sister elennare for her help with this fanfic! =) Enjoy!**

**  
15 minutes later**

I can hear shouts and hissing outside. Sounds like an argument. Arguments often happen around here, so it's not surprising. I wonder what it's about?

Who CARES???!!! I want to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**  
****5 minutes later**

Ok. I do care. I couldn't help my curiosity and sneaked out of my room and crept down the stairs. I nearly gave Matt a heart attack. Seems he was spying too. We are both very very nosy people. Once Matt recovered, we both peered around the wall. There are Alicia, Sam and Betty. This is the action as it occurs, from your correspondent on the stairs, June. Ugh. Matt's contagious.

**  
****Conversation:  
**

**Sam:** ...look, all I'm saying is that this time you really pushed the limits, in my opinion.

**Alicia:** And of course, the opinion of the great Samuel, is the world's standard for what is correct, right?

Have I mentioned they are both yelling? And really, really loud?!

**Sam:** Oh, stop being ridiculous!!! You know perfectly well you went too far!

**Alicia:** And you know perfectly well you're being a hypocrite!!! Only this morning you were teasing her too!

**Sam:** *sighs* Oh, for heaven's _sake_, Alicia! There's a big difference between teasing in family and what YOU did!

**Alicia:** I don't see it. Anyway, George was here when we read the diary out, remember!!! And you didn't seem to have such a squeamish conscience then!!!

**Sam:** Again, it's different! You weren't pretending to be nice to her, which I think was a really bad thing to do, pretend to be nice and then stab her in the back. Plus, there's a difference between a silly diary and...well, a potty photo. And, the diary didn't tell any really humiliating stuff, like poetry, and the photo and her crush on Mr. Darcy! And, I didn't know at the time her crush on George was so huge, but after seeing her today, coming out looking, I must admit, dashing, I realized it seems more than just a crush.

OH MY GOD!!! HE SAID I'M DASHING!!!! I am seriously smiling from ear to ear right now!!!!!!!! =)

**Alicia:** Ugh! God, just marry her, why don't you! Betty, SAY SOMETHING!!!

Betty seemed to want the earth to swallow her. It is extremely weird she didn't inmediately take Alicia's side. I LOVE SAMMY!!! He is so SWEET! =)

**Betty:** Um...um...

Tom just barged in (through the other door, thank heavens)

**Tom:** Hey...

**Alicia & Sam:** _WHAT_???!!!

**Tom:** *stares at them for a second, then claps his hand with glee* Oh, goody! Are we playing "Arguments"? Should I go and fetch my fake blood?

Oh, good grief. What a weird child.

**Betty:** *Obviously seizing the opportunity of a subject change* Oh, so you did find some fake blood that doesn't dirty anything?

**Tom:** *guilty face* We-ell...

**Betty:** *sounding suspiciously enthusiastic* Oh, I'll come with you and help you find something! *takes a step towards Tom*

**Alicia:** *grabbs Betty by arm* Oh, no you don't.

Betty looks extremely dissapointed. So does Tom.

**Alicia:** Betty. Voice your opinion. NOW.

**Betty:** Erm...well...Alicia, we might have gone a wee tad too far...but Sam, you must see the funny side too...

**Alicia:** What do you mean, we might have gone too far?! *eyes blazing* And anyway, why are you speaking like a scottish person? 'Wee tad?!'

**Sam:** I don't think it was funny at all. (Awwww!!!) I mean, c'mon, June's crying right now, I heard her from outside the bedroom door.

**Alicia:** *snorts* really? Can I go watch?

THE UNFEELING LITTLE WHATSIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Sam:** Stop it. How can you be so childish???!!!

**Alicia:** How can you be such a dirty hypocrite???!!!

Arguments between Alicia and Sam very rarely happen, but when they do, the whole world trembles.

**Sam:** Honestly, Betty, don't you have ANY opinions???

**Betty:** Um...well...I think we might have gone a bit far, but still, Sam should see the funny...side...

**Alicia:** Yes, yes, you said that!!!

**Betty:** Well, that's my opinion...I'm just trying to see both sides of the issue...

**Alicia:** Betty, stop talking like a bloomin' teacher!!!

**Sam:** You know, I'd think a lot better of you - both of you - if you went and apologized.

**Alicia:** Me? Apologize? To HER? Ha!

**Sam:** Fine. Betty?

Betty is red and stammering. Sam and Alicia are both looking at her intently. I really do NOT understand how come she doesn't take Alicia's side.

"I really do not understand how come she doesn't take Alicia's side!" whispers Matt.

**Betty:** I-I think maybe we´d better wait until it all...cools over...and...

They both sigh exasperatedly and go out of the door (the other door). Betty sighes and turns to Tom. "Come on, sweetie, I'll help you find something you can use as fake blood." Tom is now jumping up and down in glee. He really is an odd child, it really worries me.

I am seriously in love with Sam right now. Not literally, he's my cousin, you sick people. I have to go now, else Betty or Tommy might turn round and see me peering over the wall. Plus, Matt is yanking my arm off. I wonder where George is, at all this?

**2 minutes later**

Oh, Roger's taken him out somewhere. Good, that'll help me clear my mind.

**Still August 20****th**

**Time:** 8 pm

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** Awkward. The whole bloomin' place is awkward.

Things were vair vair awkward at dinner tonight. I wasn't hungry, but, surprise surprise, I was forced to go downstairs anyway. I avoided all eye contact (a bit too obviously, now that I think about it. I went down looking nowhere else but the floor and then I was way too interested on the table and the food for a normal person's standard of interest) and sat down at the table beside Matt and Sam. Nevertheless, I had to look up sometime. Alicia and Sam were determined to ignore each other and when they did look at each other, their eyes expressed nothing but contempt. Same me with Alicia. Betty was deliberatedly not looking at anyone and way too interested in her potato. My brother Matthew was just eating as if everything was absolutely normal. So was John. Tom was, as usual, mashing up his potatoes and eating like a pig. Roger, George, Dick, Uncle and Aunt were talking loudly to each other, determined to ignore the icy athmosfere. I wolfed down my food and asked if I could leave, super-politely. Uncle nodded, and I left.

**  
****3 minutes later**

Aunt just came in my room and asked me if I would like to play a game of Monopoly with them. I asked who was playing. She began to say names, and when she mentioned "Alicia", I politely explained that I would rather stick my head in a bag of eels. She looked rather baffled, said "Oh...all right, then." And went. I want to be alone and miserable. And scared!!! I've just found a horror novel. Must be Tom's, he was reading it today. It looks horribly scary. Lets give it try.

**  
****10 minutes later**

I just read 50 pages, and I'm scared to death. It's about these people in a hotel and there's this spirit that knocks on your door and kills you when you open it. How can Tommy read this?!

**5 minutes later**

Oh god, I've really got the creeps now.

**30 minutes later**

Sam knocked on the door. I almost wet myself:

**Conversati****on:**

*knock knock*

**Me:** * I scream vair, vair loudly, jump literally out of my skin and fall off the bed. I swear loudly.* Who the HELL is it???!!!

**Sam:** *comes into the bedroom, stares, and then snorts as he sees what I'm reading.* Thought I was the evil spirit?

**Me:** *sarcastically* Ha-ha. (Although I did, at first.)

I picked myself up from the floor and sat on the bed with all the dignity I could muster and gave Sam this I'm-fine-I-don't-care-about-Alicia-humiliating-me-publicly-so-I-don't-need-anyone-feeling-sorry-for-me-so-wipe-that-sympathetic-look-off-your-face-although-I-do-appreciate-it-thank-you.

Wow, all that in one look. I should be an actress in the London theatre. Sam smiled and sat down beside me. I decided to confess.

**Me:** I heard you and the Devil Incarnate arguing earlier. I sort of crept down and listened.

**Sam:** It's rude to spy, you know.

**Me:** I know.

**Sam:** Cheek.

**Me:** Anyway, _why _did you defend me?

**Sam:** Because you're my baby cousin, that's why. And I honestly think Alicia and Betty went too far with this.

**Me:** *mumbling* Well, thanks, I guess. And another question. How come Betty didn't inmediately take the Devil Incarnate's side?

**Sam:** *avoiding my eyes for some unknown reason* I dunno, ask her. And "Devil Incarnate"?!

**Me:** *snort* Me? Betty? Comunication? Ha! *pause* Sam? Why are you avoiding my eyes and changing subject?

**Sam:** I don't know what you're talking about.

**Me:** Fine, whatever. Sam?

**Sam:** What?

**Me:** Thanks. Really. *weak smile*

**Sam:** No problem.

Then he hugged me and I went beetrot red as result. How embarassing.

**Sam:** You going to play Monopoly?

**Me:** No thank you. I'd rather stick my head in a bag of eels than communicate with _them_.

**Sam:** *snorts* Yeah, that's what mother said you replied to her. You are one weird child. I don't think I'll go either, atmosphere is too awkward. I'll just go to bed.

**Me:** Ok, 'night.

And he went out and shut the door. I love him so much. He isn't a Devil Incarnate like some people I could mention.

I'm getting really bored in here. I'll just keep on reading the book, I don't care if it scares me to literal death.

**Time:** 9 pm

**Location:** Where else???

**Mood:** Scared (becouse of the book) and angry (because of the Devil and Ugle Betty)

I'm going to sleep now, since I do not particularly want to be awake when the Devil Incarnate and her bufoon come. I hate them!!!!! They're seriously RUINING my whole LIFE!!!!!!!!!!

**Twenty minutes later**

INDIGNANT!!!!!!!!! Betty and the Devil just came in.

**Conversation: **

**Alicia:** Junebug. We know you're awake.

**Me:** ...

**Alicia:** Very cute the potty photo, wasn't it, Betty?

**Me:** *sit up in bed* YOU DISGUSTING, REPULSIVE, HYPOCRITICAL, FRIGGING PAIR OF BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Alicia:** See, I knew you were awake.

**Me:** GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Alicia:** Hate is a very strong word, Junebug...

**Me:** AND YOU STILL HAVE THE UNDECENCY TO KEEP ON TORMENTING ME YOU...YOU...!!!

**Alicia:** Cool it, Junebug. We don't want you swearing like a naughty girl.

**Me:** DAMN YOU!!!!!!! GET OUT!!!!!

**Alicia:** Junebug, It's our room as well.

**Me:** I DON'T _CARE_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't help it, I mean, I thought my cousin actually cared for me but really all she wanted to do was publicly humiliate me, which she had succeded in doing, the boy I loved thought I was a bloody lunatic, to put it mildly, and now I was being tormented again. That's too many problems in a fifteen-year-old girl's life. I threw myself on the bed and covered myself completely.

**Alicia:** Junebug? You're not crying again, are you?

**Me:** ...

That's when the conversation ceased. I got out from under the covers eventually, since Alicia and Bettty stay up chatting until about 12 pm. I wish Jenn was here. She's my best friend, though she doesn't go to Malory Towers, worse luck. I think I'll give her a ring tomorrow, if Aunt lets me use the telephone. Night night, diary!

* * *

**21****st**** of August**

**Time:** 2 pm

**Location:** Living Room

**Mood:** Bored to death.

I phoned Jenn today. She was very sympathetic about the George incident. I miss her so much. We hardly ever get to see each other. I saw her in July, when I went to stay with her for a month, but then I had to come to this loony bin. Lunch was almost just as awkward as dinner, though I was in a better mood then, 'cause George had complimented my hair (I managed to curl it without burning it off.)

Uncle said that one of his work buddies was coming for the rest of the holidays for some work they had to get on with. Aunt May went frantic, especially when he said his two stepdaughters were to be coming as well, considering there's no more space in the house. They'll just have to sleep in the loft. Uncle had forgotten to mention to Aunt, in his own little way, that this work buddy is coming the day after tomorrow. All I hope is that his stepdaughters are nice people or I will seriously kill myself in the most painful way possible.

I think I'll go for a ride. I am so so so bored.

**Still August 21****st**

**Time:** 4:32 pm

**Location:** Living Room

**Mood:** HAPPY!!!! =)

I am so inmensely happy it's difficult to describe it. Lets go back to two hours ago. I put on my riding clothes and went down to the stables. I was putting the saddle on Jazz when George came in. His name suits him so well, he's georgeous (get it? GEORGEous?). He has black hair and blue eyes and has an ever so slight American accent (that's because his dad's American). He came up to me.

**Conversation:**

**George:** *smiles* Hi. You going for a ride?

**Me:** Ummmmm...yes. (Honestly, how long did I have to think about it?!)

**George:** Me too. What way are you heading to?

**Me:** Ummmmmm...wherever.

**George:** What a coincidence, me too! *laughs* Shall we go together?

**Me:** Uh, sure. *blushing up to my roots. Geez, I must be so embarassing to be seen with me. Even I'm embarassed to be seen with myself. If that makes sense. Which it doesn't, really. SHUT UP, JUNE!!!*

And we rode into the sunset. Well, all right, into the midday sun. Wait, it wasn't midday, it was 2 pm. WHATEVER.

We talked while we rode. Well, he talked, unless you call my "um's", "er's" and "Nygh's" talking. At one point he teased me a bit about what Alicia had said about me. I laughed, and then I said that not everything she said was true, that it was a habit of hers to tell lies just to publicly humiliate people. He responded, laughing: "But the poems and the photo were definitely not a lie." I responded a dry "Ha-ha." That broke the ice, definitely.

**2 minutes later**

Hahhahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! The Devil Incarnate just did the classic: Tripped over her own foot, got up, and got her feet tangled and tripped again. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

This really has been a good day! hahahahahahahaha I can't stop laughing!!!!!!!!

**1 minute later**

Just been wacked over the head by Alicia. It hurt like hell. Still, it won't ruin my day. Hahahahahaha!!!

* * *

**22****nd**** of August **

**Time:** 10 am

**Location:** Living Room

**Mood:** Bored to death.

Spent twenty minutes in the bathroom practicing my "good morning, George". I worry myself sometimes. Aunt is hysterical trying to figure out where to fit everyone in. Sam and Alicia have made up. I spied on them this morning. Sam said something to Alicia, who smiled, and then they hugged. It was disgusting. How dare Sam forgive her so quickly?! Oh, well, arguments don't usually last long with them. I am so bored. I wish something would happen.

**Time:** 3 pm

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Something finally has happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You will not BELIEVE what just happened!!!!!!!!!!!!! I _still_ can't believe it!!!!!!!

Let me catch my breath - oh my god oh my god oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me start from the beginning. I'll take you back to about 2:40 pm. I went down to the stables to feed Jazz and GUESS WHAT I SAW. Wait for it - SAMUEL AND BETTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KISSING!!!! Their lips were _touching_!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you can imagine, I reacted as a normal person would. I let the bucket of food drop theatrically and screamed as if I had just seen a dead body. That interrupted the scene a bit. When they turned to look at me, I turned and ran. And ran. And ran. I burst into the front door, still screaming, naturally. Everyone turned and stared at me. I ignored the lunatics (not you, Georgie!!!) and ran into the bedroom to recover from the shock.

It's not FAIR. How come Ugly Betty gets someone like Sam, while all I've got to do with George is ride, and not even into the sunset???!!! Oh, great, someone's knocking.

**15 minutes later**

It was Sam and Betty. They were both red as beetroots. Serves them right. Anyway, here's how it went:

**June:** Oh, it's bloody Romeo and Juliet.

**Sam:** Hey, don't swear at me. I don't deserve that. Who defended you against Alicia, eh?

**Me:** *reluctantly * OK. Sorry. Still doesn't change my opinion on Betty. *glare at her with my icy blue eyes. Wait, my eyes are brown. I wish they were icy blue. That way people would feel more intimidated by my cold blue eyes. Maybe. SHUT UP, JUNE!*

**Me:** So. Go on, I'm ready. Bore me with false explanations.

**Sam:** We're not going to explain anything. What you saw...well, there is no explanation, really.

**Me:** *glares* Fine. Can I be bridesmaid, then?

**Sam:** *sighs* Oh, c'mon, don't be like that.

**Me:** So I can't be bridesmaid?

**Betty:** shut up, Juneb... June dear.

**Me:** Oh right, I´m June dear now am I? Hypocrite.

**Sam:** Be nice, June.

**Me:** *sudden realisation dawning* Oh, so THAT's why you were trying to "see both sides of the issue" when Sam and Alicia were arguing! *another sudden realisation* Deos Alicia KNOW about this????

**Betty:** *much too fast* Yes, yes, of course!!!

**Me:** Oh my god, she _doesn't_, does she?!!! She won't be very impressed when she finds out!!!

**Betty:** Oh, yes, and I suppose you're going to tell her?

**Me:** Maybe, maybe not. You never know. It wouldn't hurt to be nice to me, you know.

**Sam:** I AM nice to you!!!

**Me:** Oh. Yes. True. Anyway, Alicia wouldn't get mad at _you_, Sammy dear.

**Betty:** *snorts* "Sammy dear?!"

**Me:** Oh, don't get jealous, Bettsie. And have you thought how Alicia will react when she finds out?

**Betty:** Don't you DARE.

**Sam:** JUNE!!! _How_ is this fair, _how_???!!! I defend you, and now you blackmail us???

Me: *sweet smile* Saaammyyyy...don't let your girlfriend publicly humiliate me next time! Oh, and talking of time, I must dash!

And I left before they could say anything else.

**Still 22****nd**** of August**

**Time:** 9 pm

**Location:** Sitting Room

**Mood:** I am about to reveal...muahuahuahua!!!

Muahuahuahua!!! The secret is about to be revealed!!! I am so clever I astound myself. I managed to get Sam, Alicia and Betty to play cards with me and kicked everyone else out, saying it was just for four people. I think Alicia suspects something, but she has no idea what's about to happen!!! MUAHUAHUAHUAHUAAA!!! Betty and Sam look rather nervous.

**1 hour later**

I'm in shock. I am REALLY in shock. I cannot BELIEVE IT!!!

**Conversation:**

We'd been playing for a while, and I brought up the subject:

**Me:** Oh, I went riding yesterday, did you know?

**Alicia:** Oh, yes, with Georgie, wasn't it? So he actually knows you exist.

**Me:** Yes. No thanks to you. Or Betty.

**Betty:** *trying to smooth things over* Come on, Juneb - June dear. It's all in the past now. And, well, it doesn't seem to have done any harm, does it?

That distracted me momentarily. But then I remembered my terrible humiliation and proceded with my plan. You're not getting any sympathy from me, Betty! Sorry Sam, but it's your own fault for kissing the Devil Incarnate's minion. Ughh. Must try to forget that image. Anyway, this is how I continued.

**Me:** I went to feed Jazz today, and take her a treat for behaving yesterday, and guess what I saw?

**Alicia:** This is the thing that had you running through the house screaming like a maniac, isn't it? In any case, you are mistaking me for someone who actually cares.

**Sam:** *trying to head me off* Oh, that was just June being dramatic. I think she imagines she's a famous actress, right June?

**Alicia****:** Yes, she frequently suffers from that delusion, doesn't she? Do you think we should take her to a doctor?

And they all laughed! At that moment I ceased to have any sympathy for any of them at all.

**Me:** No, I really did see something! Shall I tell you... or wait, maybe you´d better ask Sam or Betty. Right, you two?

Alicia was looking at me as if I´d gone mad. Sam and Betty looked as if they wanted to throttle me. Very much. So I hurried on.

**Me:** I was just about to walk into the stables, when I saw THEM together.

**Alicia:** And that's so terrifiying because...?

**Me:** They were kissing.

There was silence. Betty and Sam were looking at Alicia with a terrified expression, then at me with a "we are going to kill you" one. Alicia got up, expressionless, walked to the wall and started banging her head against it. This was bewildering and at the same time amusing to see.

**Alicia:** How - did - I - not - see - this - coming???!!!

Then she turned around.

**Alicia:** Hold on, you two. Is this true?

**Betty & Sam:** Um...yeeees... *indeterminate mumbling*

**Alicia:** *stares, then collapses onto the sofa in hysterics. The laughter kind of hysterics.*

**Me:** *stares in amazement, and thinks NOOOOOOO!!!*

**Alicia:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!! _You_? And _you_? Together?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!

**Sam:** It_ is_ true!

**Alicia:** *gasp between laughing* I know...and it's hysterically funny!!!

Betty gets up and storms off. Alicia goes after her, still laughing her head off.

**Sam:** June. That was really horrible.

**Me:** I know, it's all gone wrong!!!! I mean...I mean...sorry, but can you really blame me?

**Sam:** *sighs* Why is it that you and Alicia are impossible to stay angry at???!!!

**Me:** My natural charm?

**Sam:** *snorts* No, I think it's more that you're so terrible to each other you cancel my anger at the other out.

**Me:** Sorry. *desperate attempt to change the subject* Anyway, erm...aren't you going to try and calm Betty and Alicia down?

**Sam:** Do you think I'm completely mental??!! They'd probably both end up trying to kill ME! They'll sort it out. I hope.

**Me:** YOU hope? I have to sleep in the same room as them, remember?

**Sam:** I'd say I feel sorry for you. But right now, I think you deserve it.

**Me:** Whatever. I'm going to my room. I want to know what they're doing.

**Sam:** Fine, 'bye.

So I went into the room, to see Alicia giggling and prodding Betty, who was staring at the wall, back facing Alicia.

**Alicia:** Oh, c'mon, Betts! I know you, you're not really offended!

**Betty:** ...

**Alicia:** *wheedling* Be-e-e-etts, don't be offended! You must see the funny side! You and SAM!

**Betty:** ...

**Alicia:** Betts? Bettsie? Don't be cross, I love you! You are my bestest friend in the whole wide world! Beeeeettsiiiiie???? *throws herself beside Betty and hugs her*

**Betty:** Gerroff. *throws a pillow at Alicia*

**Alicia:** Beeeettsieeee!!! IloveyouIloveyouIloooooveyooouuu!!! Forgive me? Pretty please?

**Betty:** *snorts* with a cherry on top?

**Alicia:** Even better. A strawberry. Your favourite!

**Betty:** OK, OK, I forgive you, you crazy person. But seriously, get off me, I can't breathe.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???!!! FIRST, ALICIA DOESN'T GET MAD AT BETTY, JUST LAUGHS HER HEAD OFF, THEN BETTY FORGIVES HER AS QUICK AS A BLOODY WINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S ALL GONE WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to bed. I need to rest after all this shock. If I actually manage to get to sleep, which I seriously doubt, as The Devil Incarnate and her Bufoon are having a pillow fight and laughing hysterically. How immature. And I'm supposed to be the childish one.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you like it! Plz review =) You'll get a surprise in the next chapter!! *misterious look***


	11. The birds and the bees

**23 of August**

**Time:** 9 am  
**Location:** Library  
**Mood:** Disgusted

Eurgh!!!!!!!!! I got up, went down to have breakfast and walked into Samuel and Betty. They were locked up in some disgusting kind of embrace. I had to go to the bathroom for fear of gagging. I wonder when Uncle's buddy's coming. I want more people to come in hope they will not be lunatics.

**Time: **12:30 pm  
**Location:** Bathroom.  
**Mood:** In shock.

No. No. NO! This cannot be happening. This is it. I am killing myself. SHE'S here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No. NO!!!!!!!!!!! Guess who's here. You'll never guess. MOIRA LINTON!!!! THAT'S WHO IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAARRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**10 minutes later**

OK, I've recovered slightly. Damn. DAMN!!!!!!!!! When Uncle announced his friend was here, I went downstairs and saw HER. My jaw dropped a mile. So did her sister Bridget's, and Betty's. Moira raised an eyebrow. Then, Alicia came in with a bucket of horse food. She saw the dictator, and the bucket fell from her hand to the floor. We stood there gawping like morons until Uncle said: "Um, I take it you know each other?" My response to that was to rush into the bathroom screaming "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" like a lunatic. And here I am. I am not coming out until she goes away from this house. I cannot bear the thought of her breathing my AIR.

Oh, great, someone's knocking. Why does everyone do that?

**15 minutes later**

**Alicia:** Can I come in?

Oh, great.

**Me:** No.

Oh, she's come in anyway. What is the point??? And why do I ALWAYS forget to lock the bloody door???!!!

**Alicia:** *sinks down to floor beside me in shock* I cannot. Believe it.

**Me: **Have you ever heard what they say about barging into the bathroom while someone's in it? It's called, oh yes, RUDENESS.

**Alicia:** *ignoring me* I just cannot believe it!

**Me:** Yes, yes, you said that.

**Alicia:** But I just CANNOT believe –

**Me:** Cut it out, will you!

**Alicia:** *snaps out of shock* Sorry. We've got to go, anyway, father says it's time for lunch.

**Me:** I AM NOT HAVING LUNCH WITH THE DICTATOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Alicia:** *snorts* Dictator, that's a good one.

**Me: **Tell Uncle to murder me now. That would be less cruel.

**Alicia:** Maybe, but not exactly ethical. Come on, we have to go.

I reluctantly get up. I am now going to eat. With a dictator. This'll be a story to tell my grandchildren. Your grandma ate with a dictator once. A dictator meaner than Hitler.

**An hour later**

This is what happened during mealtime:

**Sam:** June, are you going to make habit of this running through the house screaming like a maniac?

**Me:** *stares daggers* None of your business.

**S****am:** Actually it is, it's my eardrums that suffer.

**Uncle:** That's quite enough, Samuel. So I hear you go to their school, girls?

**Moira:** Yes, I'm in Alicia's form. And Bridget is in fifth.

**Uncle:** Oh, I thought she might be in the third with June here. They look about the same age.

**Bridget:** Well, I think we're not that apart in age. How old are you June?

**Me: **Fifteen, I'm the eldest of the form. You wouldn't think so, the way SOME people treat me.

**Bridget: ***laughs* You're not alone. Yeah, I'm only one year older than you. I'm the youngest of my form, sixteen.

Well, at least her sister doesn't seem to be a horrid dictator.

**Uncle:** Moira. It sounds familiar. I've heard of you before. Oh, yes, you're the one that June wrote those messa - *stops abruptly at seeing meaningful look from Aunt and Mr. Adams (the dictator and Bridget's stepfather)*

**Me:** I'm not hungry. May I leave?

**Uncle:** No. You have to eat, June.

Honestly, what is the point???

**Me:** Not me. I'm dieting.

My cousins and brothers snort, though I can't really blame them, I mean, I did just eat a bar of chocolate half an hour ago.

**Aunt:** June, you don't need to diet. You're naturally thin, so stop this nonsense.

**Me:** *glares* Fine. *wolf everything up in two minutes* Now may I leave? You can't force me to have dessert, that's a personal choice.

Uncle sighed and nodded. I gratefully went to my bedroom and couldn't lock myself in since Uncle took the key away because I had tendency to lock myself in my bedroom and not let anyone else in. No one here respects my privacy at all.

**  
30 minutes later**

There is shouting outside. Oh, it's Moira and Bridget. Wow, they can argue all right.

**5 minutes later**

Someone's knocking.

**20 minutes later**

It was Bridget.

**Conversation:**

**Bridget:** June, It's Bridget. Can I come in?

**Me:** Uh, is Moira with you?

**Bridget:** No, thank god.

**Me: **Oh. All right, then.

**Bridget:** *comes in and closes door behind her* I'll just be here for a few moments, I need to escape from Hitler junior.

**Me: **Huh? Oh, you mean Moira.

**Bridget:** Uh-huh.

**Me: **Um…Bridget? How come you don't hate me?

**Bridget:** *looks baffled* What? Why should I? And call me Bree, please, the only person who calls me Bridget is my sibling and my parents when they're cross.

**Me:** We-ell, you know…all that drama with the hate messages last year and so on, and well, Moira's your sister, so I thought maybe…

**Bridget:** Oh, that. Don't worry, they weren't bad, those messages, just honest. I thought they were hilarious. Can I have one of those chocolate bars?

**Me:** Oh, sure. *hands over a chocolate bar* What was all that arguing about?

**Bridget:** Oh, nothing, we always argue, it's become a sort of habit. Though I suppose we should keep it down to a minimum, considering we're in someone else's house. How do you and Alicia get on? Do you argue?

**Me:** Is the pope a catholic?

And we laughed and munched our chocolate and kept on talking. Then she had to leave because Moira shouted at her to help unpacking. Can you believe it, Bree loves Mr. Darcy as well! She's really fun; I can't believe she and Moira are even related. I'll go to the living room, I'm getting incredibly bored. The piranha dictator is busy unpacking anyway.

**30 minutes later**

**Conversation in the living room**

**Alicia:** Why? Why??? WHY????

**Matt:** Hi, June. Pay no notice to Alicia, she's being saying that since she got here. I think she's in shock.

**Me:** Bravo, Sherlock.

**Betty:** But she's right! Why couldn't it have been anyone else from school? ANYONE!

**Alicia:** *gloom and doom voice* Because we are accursed.

**Matt:** there's no such thing as curses, you know that, right?

**Me, Betty & Alicia:** SHUT UP!

**Matt:** since you cannot appreciate my words, I will converse with the male humans in this room instead.

**Sam:** Matt, do you think, if you really made an effort, you could talk a little more like a normal person?

**Matt:** Ha. Ha. Ha.

**Dick:** Anyway, she's not that bad, Moira.

He has a suspiciously glazed look about him.

**Me&Betty&Alicia:** SHE'S NOT THAT BAD???!!!

**Dick:** No, I mean, she's beautiful.

Oh, great. He's gone and got a crush on the dictator. Or Hitler Junior. Hahaha.

Bridget storms in, muttering something extremely rude under her breath, followed by Moira, who looks fed up with the world. Bridget sits down beside me, glowering.

**Me:** What's wro - ?

**Bridget:** *snaps* Don't ask.

So I don't. Aunt came in, looking flustered.

**Aunt:** All right, I need you to work out who will sleep where.

**Me:** *sudden idea* Moira could move in with Alicia and Betty, and I could move in with Bridget.

**Bridget:** Oh, yes please!!! And call me Bree, how many times?

**Alicia & Betty & Moira:** WHAT???!!! NO!!! NO WAY!!!

**Bridget: **We could sleep in the attic.

**Roger: **Oooh, you want to sleep with Sam and Dick?

**Bridget:** *goes red* I didn't KNOW they were already there!

**Me:** We could sleep in the stables.

**Alicia:** Great idea, that's where little beasts like you should go.

**Aunt:** Don't be ridiculous, I can't put you two girls in the stables!

**Me: ***exasperated* I know, Betty should sleep in the attic with Sam! She'll like that, won't you, Bets?

Betty goes incredibly red. So does Sam.

**Aunt:** *missing all the humor of the situation as usual* What would _that_ solve???!!!

**Me:** Well, then, Sam and Dick could sleep in the stables!!!

**Aunt:** NOBODY IS SLEEPING IN THE STABLES!!!!!!!

**George:** *clearly trying to be helpful…isn't he WONDERFUL???* Erm…erm…maybe I should go to my grandma's? That would give a bit more space? *aaawww!! He is so sweet and polite and…wait. Go home? Noooo!!!*

**Aunt:** *much to my relief* No, no, of course not, George, especially since we've already told your parents!

**Alicia:** Yeah, don't go Georgie, June wouldn't bear it.

She must die, she must die.

**Matt:** I do agree George shouldn't go, but maybe we three boys could camp out?

**Aunt:** Oh, wouldn't you mind? *looking at them as if they just descended from heaven. Ditto me and Bridget*

**Roger & George:** Nope.

**Aunt:** Thank you! You don't mind sleeping alone then, dear? (To Moira)

**Moira:** Not at ALL. Thank you, boys!

Dick looks really jealous. Geez, what does he SEE in her? I mean, she's older, and she's tall, but apart from that. She's a bloody dictator! Oh, well, each to their own taste. Even if Dick's is terrible.

**Bridget:** Yes, really. Thank you so much.

So that's settled. Hold on. Why are Matt and Roger looking so soppily at Bree? EVEN GEORGE LOOKS A BIT SOPPY! Actually, I think he's just smiling politely. BUT STILL!!! Aaaah, forget it June, forget it. I'm off to move my stuff to my new room. Hold on. I'LL BE SLEEPING IN GEORGE'S OLD ROOM!!!! YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!

**Time:** 2 pm  
**Location:** New room! Yes yes yes!!  
**Mood:** HAPPY!!!!

I moved all the things to my room, and then had lunch, and now I am in my new room with my new roommate! Yayyy!!!

**Me:** Bree? If I ask you something, you won't think I'm interfering?

**Bridget:** Try me.

**Me:** Why were you and Moira arguing just now?

**Bridget:** *silence for a bit, then puts on a bright cheerful tone that doesn't fool me for a second* Usual stuff, you know.

I decide not to press on it.

**Me:** Matt and Roger were looking rather goofily at you, weren't they?

**Bridget: ***goes red* No they weren't. Hey, what did Alicia mean by 'Don't go, Georgie, June will miss you'?

**Me: **Oh, god, that was so embarrassing. I'll tell you something, but you don't have to tell anyone, ok?

**Bridget:** I swear.

**Me:** George – well, I kind of like him. Everyone knows because Alicia and Samuel read out my diary to everyone. Beasts.

**Bridget:** What? You're joking! The absolute pigs!

**Me:** Tell me about it. I'd like to get back at the Devil Incarnate somehow.

**Bridget:** Devil Incarnate! *cracks up* Listen, I'd like to get back at Moira for a few things. We should plot something against both of them. Betty too? And Sam?

**Me:** Betty too. Not Sam, though. He defended me from the two beasts the other day, so I'm in eternal gratitude towards him. What?

**Bridget:** *grins* You go all mushy and red faced when you talk about Sam.

**Me: ** Oh, well, that's normal for me. I can't seem to help it. Anyway, what shall we do to them?

**Bridget:** That's the thing. I can't think of anything right now.

**Me:** I know! I know! It´s not actually a prank, but small ideas to drive them round the bend...

We thought up pretty funny ideas. You´ll hear of them once we´ve put them in practice. Which is now, so bye!

**Time:** 4 pm  
**Location:** Bedroom  
**Mood:** Very very VERY amused!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Today was so funny! We tried out three of our ideas, and they were brilliant!

First, we made crosses from sticks and some string, and then whenever Alicia came near us, we´d hold them up and say "Stay away, Devil!". And if she spoke, we´d say "No! You shall not lead us into temptation!" Then we´d look at each other, and have... ummm... shall we say thoughts good girls shoudn´t have, and burst out laughing. All of this made people stare at us really oddly. Alicia pretended she didn´t mind at first, but she was getting annoyed by the end, I could tell. Muahuahuahua!

Second, whenever Moira came near, we´d jump to attention, and if she spoke, we´d salute and say "Yes Sir! At once Sir! Whatever you say Sir!" she got vair vair annoyed at that and wacked Bridget on the head. I felt sorry for Bridget, but it WAS rather amusing to see. Ouch. Now she wacked me on the head. Wacked her back for reading over my shoulder. Now we´re in fits of giggles.

And lastly, whenever Sam and Betty spoke to each other we´d be like: "a-HEM!" and "Aaaawwww!!!" and "There´s a child present, you two!" (referring to Tommy). Which annoyed both of them inmensely, especially if Aunt or Uncle were around. I felt bad for Sam, but it can´t be helped. Oh great, now Bridget´s teasing me nonstop.

This has been a long day. Hahahahahahaha.

* * *

**24th August**

**Time:** 3 pm  
**Location:** Living Room  
**Mood:** Amused. Very amused.

Hahahahahaha. There is NOTHING funnier than your fifteen year old cousin (aka Dick) following an eighteen year old dictator (aka Moira) around, trying to get her attention. The funniest thing is that Moira doesn´t notice, and just calls him a "good boy" and a "nice young lad".

No, wait. It´s even funnier the way Dick looks at her as if she´s just called him "her Romeo" or something. Hahahaha. I´m laughing my head of right now. I think Bridget and I have convinced the whole family we´re mad.

It was even funnier when Sam tried to talk Dick out of it.

**Sam:** Dick. Calling you a "good boy" and a "nice young lad" does not mean she´s interested.

**Dick:** You don´t understand. I know what she´s really saying.

**Sam:** Diiiick. There is no hidden message. And if there were one, it´d be: "go away and leave me alone, you annoying brat."

**Dick:** No, no, you don´t GET it. We´re soulmates, I tell you!

**Sam: **You are nooot. And might I point out she´s my age?

**Betty:** *sharp glance at Sam´s direction* And what´s that supposed to mean?!

**Me & Bridget: **Oooooooh!

**Sam:** Shut up, you two, I´m serious.

**Me:** Really? I thought your name was Sam.

**Sam:** *rolls his eyes*

**Betty:** *snaps* Samuel. You heavn´t answered my question.

**Sam: **Sorry, what was it? The terrible toddlers distracted me.

**Bridget:** Hey!

**Me: **We´re not toddlers!

**Sam:** Well. You act like it.

**Betty:** *interrupting and speaking between gritted teeth* Samuel. What is "she´s my age" supposed to mean?

**Sam:** That she is three years older than Dick. What else?

**Betty:** Well, think about it!

**Dick:** *Getting his own back.* Ooooh, I think someone´s jealous.

**Betty**: Shut up.

**Sam:** Oh, come on, Bets, I´ve got better taste than that. I like fun girls, not dictators. *sits beside Ugly Betty, putting an arm around her*

**Bridget:** a-HEM!

**Me: **Get a room!

**Sam:** Get a nursery.

For some reason that sounded really funny and I burst out laughing. Not that anyone but Bridget noticed. Dick was staring into space, probably thinking about the Dictator. And Sam and Betty were – ugh! Do they have to be like that in public?! I had to throw a cushion at them, of course, there was nothing else for it. Uh-oh. I just started a cushion fight. Help!

**Time**: 8 pm  
**Location:** Living Room  
**Mood**: I´m not sure yet...!

Bridget and I were plotting more ways to drive our ancient relatives (The Devil Incarnate, The Dictator and the Mushy Minion) up the wall when guess who came in. Everyone. Literally. The only ones missing were the horses. Oh, and Aunt and Uncle. I think they prefer to escape us teenagers when we´re all in one room together.

**Conversation:**

**Bridget:** How are you managing camping out? (referring to Matt, Roger and MY GEORGE.)

**George:** *enthusiastically* We´re doing just fine.

**Matt:** *even more enthusiastically* Yes, yes. It´s great fun really.

**Roger:** *how can you get more enthusiastic???!!!* Oh, yes, it´s BRILLIANT!

**Alicia:** Glad to hear you so enthusiastic, boys. Though I wonder if it has less to do with the subject and more to do with who you´re talking to.

**Me:** What are you going on abo – oh, right. *snorts*

**Bridget:** Sorry, I don´t get it. (Yeah, right, of course she gets it.)

**Alicia: **I could put it more plainly, but really, just look at the colour their faces have gone.

Yeah, they´re really blushing. Hold on, why is George blushing???!!! He´s my George!!!

**Sam:** *breaking away from Betty just enough to speak. Ugh, they are disgusting!!!* Shall I explain to dear Bridget, Alicia, or will you?

**Bridget:** *going red* No, no, it´s ok Sam er...shall we talk about something else?

**Alicia:** Oh, all right, then. Shall we talk about the birds and the bees?

**Moira:** *snorts softly*

**Dick:** *sees Moira snorting softly and starts laughing his head off in a vair vair loud manner* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Everyone stares at him in a vair vair baffled manner. Dick goes red and inmediately stops laughing.

**Sam:** Yes, Alicia, I think it´s a good idea. And it would benefit Dick too, wouldn´t it?

**Dick: **Shuddup. (Wow. He´s just like me when embarassed.) What do you know about it, anyway?

**Sam:** Oh, I know lots of things about birds and bees.

**Alicia:** Really? *amused half smile*

**Matt:** Theoretical or experimental knowledge, Sam? *smirks*

Everyone snorts. Sam gets up, smacks Matt over the head, and goes back to his disgusting embrace. Oh, no, he doesn´t. Betty is too busy throwing a cushin at Alicia.

**Matt:** *rubbing his head, wounded look* I merely asked in the interest of science. After all, if you are going to lecture, I have to know your qualification as a teacher.

**Sam:** And won´t you be able to judge for yourself?

**Matt: ***very dignified voice* I was merely asking on behalf of the infants in this room.

**Tom:** *lifts glance up from dead insect in his hand. He is so disgusting* Who are you calling an infant? Anyway, I bet I know more about the birds and the bees!

Everyone falls about laughing.

**Tom:** *Indignantly* I DO! I watch the birds! And I know that bees sting you if you catch them, and then they die!

**Moira:** Yes, that´s quite right, Tom. You´re a very bright boy, aren´t you?

**Dick:** All right, that´s quite enough of that! (Oh, for heaven´s sake, how can he get jealous of an eight year old??!!)

**Me:** *sudden idea* Oh, yes, he is bright, but he needs a teacher, maybe you could teach him something.

**Alicia:** *under her breath. She was right beside me so I heard* Yeah, she could teach him all about the Bees and the Birds.

Then we catch each others eye and start rolling about on the floor laughing. Everyone stares at us, bemused.

**Moira:** *ignoring us* I´d love to teach you, Tommy. What so you want to learn about?

**Me & Alicia:** *continue to roll about on the floor laughing even harder*

**Tommy:** dying!

**Moira:***looks extremely shocked* I don´t think that´s a nice subject for someone your age, dear!

**Me:** *extremely loud guffaw. I love my little brother!!!*

**Dick:** *furious at Tommy being called dear* He´s a very weird boy, really. You shouldn´t bother, Moira.

**Time:** 10 pm  
**Location:** bathroom  
**Mood:** WHY??????????????????????????????????????????????????

Guess what. Yes, GUESS WHAT!!!! No, you´ll never guess. GEORGE LIKES BRIDGET!!!! MY GEORGE!!! HE LIKES HER!!!

No, I´m not exagerating. I heard it!!! From his own georgeous lips!!!

This is what happened. I´d been getting a bit suspicious after all this afternnoon´s blushing and enthusiasm, so I slyly went to confirm my suspicions.

**Conversation while riding horseback:**

**Me:** So, George, you seemed very enthusiastic this afternoon!

**George:** *guilty look. Or maybe puzzled...* Huh?

**Me: **Oh, come on, you know. When you were talking about camping. With Bridget.

**George: **When did I mention camping with bridget? *puzzled*

**Me:** No, not camping _with_ Bridget. When you Bridget said: 'How are you doing boys camping?' And you said: 'Oh, great' really enthusiastically. Remember?

**George:** Oh, yeah. What about it?

**Me:** *sigh* Forget it.

A minute of silent riding.

**Me:** So what did you think of Bridget?

**George: **Oh, she´s all right.

**Me:** All right? That's...all?

**George:** Yes...I mean, she seems like a fun girl, very nice...

OH MY GOD!!!! FUN GIRL!!!!!! VERY NICE!!!!!!!!!! HE LIKES HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I galloped of at full speed. I went through the door, ran up the stairs and slammed the bedroom door vair vair hard behind me. People stared at me with raised eyebrows but I didn´t care.

Bridget was there, sitting on the bed.

**Conversation:**

**Bridget:** *alarmed look* What´s wrong?

**Me: ***cold voice* Oh? Don't you know?

**Bridget:** Um...it´s that time of the month?

**Me: ***narrows eyes* Actually, yes, but apart from that.

**Bridget:** Errrrrm...

**Me:** Let me give you a hint. It involves you. And George. And his enthusiasm. And you being so fun and nice.

**Bridget: ***baffled look* Huh? Um...thanks?

**Me:** I am not complimenting you. I'll never compliment you again, you pig!

**Bridget:** What?! What did I do?!

**Me:** Oh, you know what you´ve done you traitor! I thought you were supposed to be my friend???!!!

**Bridget:** I am you friend! What are you yelling about?

**Me: **I'M NOT YELLING!!!!!!

**Bridget:** You just did! Good heavens June, what's the matter???

**Me:** MY George likes YOU, THAT´S WHAT'S THE MATTER!!!!!!!!!

Then tears welled up in my eyes and I rushed into the bathroom and howled for about an hour. And I am still here. I'm so sad! And so stupid. I shouldn´t have galloped off like that. George´ll think I´m a lunatic now. And I shouldn´t have shouted at Bridget. I mean, it´s not exactly her fault. Bloody hormones.

**30 minutes later**

I hear little snores from the bedroom. Bridget´s asleep, so it´s safe to go out now. I´ll apologize to her in the morning, as soon as I wake up. I feel so bad.

**2 minutes later**

Oh no. Sudden thought. HOW THE HECK AM I GOING TO FACE GEORGE TOMORROW???!!! ARRRGH!

**1 minute later**

I could blame it on hormones. Oh, wait, I can´t. He´s a BOY, for heaven´s sakes. I really must go to sleep now and stop worrying.

* * *

**25th of August**

**Time:** 8 am  
**Location:** Bedroom  
**Mood:** Hysterical

I apologized. I woke up, rolled over in bed to face Bridget, and saw she was already awake. Her eyes were stony. Bridget with stony eyes is a vair disturbing image. I burst into tears (bloody hormones!!!) and Bridget immediately softened. She came over to my bed and hugged me. We´re such softies, I know. Well, I'm not usually. But there are exceptions!

Right now, Bridget is trying to convince me to come downstairs. But I can´t face George!!! I can´t!!!

**30 minutes later**

Ok, so I faced him. Bridget´s idea was just to go down naturally as if nothing happened, which was a good idea, only I screwed it up by going beetrot red as soon as I saw him. He went deep red too. With as much dignity as I could muster, I walked past all the lunatics and George and sat down at the breakfast table, where everyone was halfway through their breakfast.

**Conversation:**

**Uncle:** Good Morning, June. You overslept slightly, didn´t you?

I'll give him overslept slightly. Stupid old man.

**Me:** *between gritted teeth* That´s right, Uncle. I couldn´t go to sleep last night so I overslept.

**Sam:** Couldn´t go to sleep? Hmm... I wonder why...

**Alicia:** Maybe our dear Junebug had something – or someONE – on her mind?

**Me:** SHUT UP!!!! YOU DON´T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE!!! YOU DON´T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!

**Aunt: **JUNE! Don´t yell like that at the breakfast table, dear!

**Me:** Whatever.

**Uncle:** June! Don´t be rude! Apologize to your aunt at once.

**Me:** *grouchily* Sorry, Aunt.

**Aunt: **that´s all right, dear. Do you feel well?

**Betty:** Hmm, maybe she has some sort of illness –

**Alicia:** Something that makes people blush bright red!

**Betty: **Yes, that´s right! And I think George might have it too...

**Me: **WILL YOU SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Uncle: **June! Alicia! Betty! Apologize or leave the table!

**Me:** FINE!!! I DON´T WANT TO BE HERE ANYWAY!!!! I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!

**Alicia: **Don´t we all?

**Me: ***incoherent scream. Flounce off to my room. Bang the door very loudly behind me.*

**Time: **9 am  
**Location:** Bedroom  
**Mood: **AAAARGH!!!!!!!! (need I say more?)

Matt followed me. He was trying to be a good brother, but the hormones made me act like a lunatic again.

**Conversation:**

**Matt:** *pops head around door* June? May I come in?

**June:** Well, you´re ALLREADY in, aren´t you?!

**Matt:** Technically not, my feet are still standing on the floor outside.

**June:** I DONT CARE!!!!!!!!!!!! GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Matt: ***hurt look* Hey, I'm just trying to be nice.

**Me:** Read a book on chivlary?

**Matt: **I dont need a book to tell me to be nice to my little sister! *scornful voice*

**Matt:** *coming in and sitting next to her* Ok, ok,ok. whats wrong with you?

**Me:** None of your bussiness.

**Matt: **actually, it is my buisness when you're rude to everyone and are obviously upset.

**Me:** *short silence, then burst into tears. Again* EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!

**Matt: ***looks bewildered* Ok, but maybe we could take one thing at a time?

**Me: **The boy I love likes my new best friend, I hate my cousins, I hate my parents for meeting, and it´s that time of the month. Anyhting else?

**Matt:** Ooookkkk... backwards to forwards, I dont want to know if it is, if they hadn´t met you wouldn´t even be alive, they're not that bad... and what do you mean the boy you like likes your new best friend??

**Me:** *goes red* Forget it.

**Matt: **George doesn't like bridget, if that's what you mean.

**Me:** How do you know?

**Matt: **He's my friend, genius.

**Me:** I thought you were the genius? Anyway, are you sure?

**Matt:** a) yes, I am nad B), yes. I told you, he's my friend.

**Me:** But are you SURE?

**Matt:** Stop pestering me about it, I tell you I'm sure.

**Me:** Yes, but how?????????????????????????????

**Matt:** I just do, ok? trust me.

**Me:** Oh well... he probably doesn't like me anyway. My love life is horrible, I bet even yours is better.

**Matt: ***going red for some reason* Why "even yours?"

**Me:** Well, you dont have much of one, do you?

**Matt:** *even reddder* That's all _you_ know!

**Me: **What??? Come on, tell me!!!

**Matt:** none of your buisness!

**Me: **So you _do_ like someone? I thought you only cared about books.

**Matt:** I DO _NOT_!

**Me:** Ok,ok...who do you like then?

**Matt:** No one.

**Me:** You're a terrible liar.

**Matt:** Can't be worse than you!

**Me:** Matt!!! Tell me, now!!!!

**Matt:** I told you, no one!!!

**Me:** *weedling* Maaaaattt... come on... my life is horrible, let me at least be happy yours isn't!

**Matt:** *weakening* no, june

**Me:** pleaseeeeee? *puppy dog eyes*

**Matt:** Oh, fine, but promise you won't tell anyone.

**Me:** Promise, promise! Cross my heart!

**Matt:** Oh, ok. I like...Bridget.

* * *

A/N: Woo-hoo! Another chapter! Please please please review!!!! COOKIESSSS!!! :) Chappie 12 coming up!


	12. That's Amoré

Matt: Ok, ok, I like…Bridget.

Matt: Ok, ok, I like...Bridget.

I tried to keep a straight face, I really did, but...well, I kind of spluttered a bit. I just couldn't stop laughing. Matt wacked me over the head and stormed out.

Still...hahahahahahahaha!!!!

**Time:** 10 am  
**Location:** Living Room  
**Mood: **Irritated.

Oh, great. Just as I'm having a cozy time by myself in the living room, The Devil Incarnate and her bofoon walk in. Never mind, I will simply ingore them.

**1 minute later**

My eardrums are suffering vair vair much. The two lunatics have just started singing "Baby it's cold outside" VERY loudly and VERY horribly.

**3 minutes later**

Now they are singing "Rock around the Clock". This is torture, pure torture.

**5 minutes later**

They have stopped singing, but now they have started tormenting me, which is worse. I will ignore them. I will ignore them. I will –

**Me:** SHUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dang. I couldn't help it.

**Alicia: **Shut what, darling?

**Me: **Your bloody _GOB_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Alicia:** Tut-tut. Don't swear! It's not ladylike, Junebug!

**Me:** I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Betty:** How many times has she said that in one day?

**Me:** YOU UNBEARABLE BEASTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Alicia:** Why, thank you.

They've just cracked up for no apparent reason. They are truly mad. I'm out of here.

**1 minute later**

Where the heck is Bridget?

**3 minutes later**

She's gone out for a walk, aunt says. With Matthew. A _walk_. HA!

**Time:** 4 pm

**Location:** Bedroom.

**Mood:** OH MY GOD!!!

Oh my god. Oh my _GOD_!!!!

So many things happened today I don't know where to start! OK, I'll tell you from the beginning:

So me and Bree were planning ways to make the lunatics' life miserable, so we had this amazing idea. This happened at around 2 o'clock.

We went to the stables and waited to see if Alicia came. When she did, we pretended not to see her. Then we started talking between us, slightly louder than usual, since our intention was for Alicia to hear us. So we were like:

**Me:** It's only a matter of time before Betty finds out though, isn't it?

**Bridget:** Yes. Sam's being such a jerk. I don't like Betty any more than you do, but still. You can't help feeling sorry for the poor girl.

**Me:** Yes. I can't get over the shock. Sam and Moira!

**Bridget:** I'd never have guessed Sam was the cheating type. To cheat on Betty...with Moira!

**Me:** Moira, of all people! Who would've thought that...

I pretend to see Alicia and stop abruptly. She was pale and gawping, hardly able to believe it. I am such a good actress. Bridget isn't bad, but she's not a natural like me. I go: "Um...Alicia! Er...you didn't – you didn't hear –"

But I didn't get a chance to say anything else. Alicia turned and ran into the house screaming: "I AM GOING TO KILL HIM!!!". Me and Bree ran after her, shouting crap like "wait, wait, we might be wrong, don't!". But Alicia didn't listen to us, as we knew she would.

We managed to watch the whole scene. Alicia stormed loudly into the Living Room. Sam was there, fortunately.

**Argument:**

**Alicia:** YOU JERK!!!! YOU PIECE OF RUBBISH!!!!!!

**Sam: ***baffled* What the - ?

**Alicia:** HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HER???!!!

**Sam:** Huh? Do _what_? And to _who_?!

**Alicia:** TO BETTY, YOU MORON!!!!!! TO MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!

**Sam:** OK, you've lost me. What have I done to her?

**Me:** *scornful voice* As if you didn't know!

**Alicia:** *to me* You stay out of this!!! *to Sam* AS IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW!!!!

**Sam:** Uh, I DON'T know. Can someone please explain?

**Alicia:** THAT YOU FREAKING CHEATED ON BETTY!!!!!!!!!!!! (or words to that efect)

The best thing – oops, I mean worst thing – was that Betty had come down, probably to see what the racket was about – and heard the last line. She stood there on the doorstep, looking plaer than I had ever seen her. Alicia went pale.

**Alicia:** Er...Betty...um...did you...?

**Betty:** *calmly* Yes, Alicia.

Then...Moira walked in!!! Bridget slightly exaggerated things by starting to scream at her. She was all like: "YOU PIECE OF RUBBISH, YOU ABSOLUTE PIG!!! HOW CAN YOU JUST WALK INTO ANOTHER HOUSE AND STEAL SOMEONE ELSE'S BOYFRIEND!!! WHAT MUST THEY THINK OF US NOW???!!!"

It was pretty hard keeping a straight face, especially at Moira's dumbfounded face.

**Alicia:** Oh, don't worry, Bridget, we won't blame you for your sister's apalling behaviour. It must be hell, being related to a boyfriend stealer.

**Moira:** Excuse me???

At all this, Betty still looked very calm. She simply walked over to Sam and next thing you knew..._SMACK_!!! She had slapped him right across the face, then burst into tears and ran out of the room. Alicia thrust Sam and Moira a disgusted look and followed Betty out of the room. Me and Bridget followed suit. That way we didn't look suspicious.

We left the two "lovers" alone, looking extremely baffled. I almost cried when I saw Sam's face though. He looked so...innocent, and lost, and hurt, and...I must stop. Now.

**Time:** 6 pm

**Location:** Bathroom

**Mood:** Muahuahua I am such an evil person!

So this is how the "conforting Betty" conversation went:

**Betty:** *muffled by pillow and tears* Whyyyy???

**Alicia:** C'mon Bets, don´t cry, please! If you cry then I'll cry and then we'll be both crying and that won't solve anything!

**Betty:** *wailing* I can't help it! Sam cheated on me! With MOIRA! Of all people!

**Alicia:** Listen, lets do something to – to take your mind off it. I'll tell you a joke. Um...what have Winnie-the-Pooh and John the Baptist got in common?

**Betty:** *snaps* They both cheated on their girlfriends?

**Alicia:** *nervous laugh* Uh, no. They have the same middle name! *hearty laugh* Get it? Winnie-THE-Pooh? John THE baptist?

What a pathetic joke. Honestly.

**Betty:** Why does this happen to me???!!! WHY??? *sobs*

**Me:** And you were such a lovely couple! Such a _shame_!

**Betty:** *wails vair vair loudly*

Alicia looks at me warningly.

**Me:** How could he _DO_ this to you?!

**Alicia:** JUNE! I'm trying to take Betty's mind _OFF_ him!

**Me:** Well, still, he's such a jerk.

**Bridget:** And Moira! How can she steal someone elses boyfriend? Who does she think she is? What an arrogant, sneaky devil!

**Alicia:** Yes, she is such a - a – a...oh, I can't think of an insult bad enough for her!

**Me:** And she's such a dictator! I swear, she's worse than Hitler!

**Bridget:** She thinks she's better than everyone else.

**Alicia:** *fervently* And she is SO not better! She's a domineering, manipulative, arrogant, selfish...

**Betty:** *wailing* You're NOT HELPING, you people!!!!!!!

**Alicia:** *snaps out of it* Right. Sorry.

**Aunt May:** *knocks on the door* Girls, it's time for dinner.

**Alicia:** We´ll be down in a minute! (Aunt walks away)

**Betty:** I'm not going down. I'm not hungry, and I am NOT eating at the same table as THEM.

**Alicia: **You´ll have to. We don´t want my parents suspecting anything or they'll be all "wanting to help". You know what parents are like.

**Betty:** *sighs* Fine. But I'm not talking to them.

I have to go to dinner now, so bye!

**Time:** 7 pm

**Location:** Living Room

**Mood:** Kind of guilty...

Dinner was EXTREMELY awkward. More than EVER. We went downstairs, looking at Sam and Moira with deep loathing and disgust. Betty acted a lot like I do when something embarassing happens to me. You know, avoiding eye contact with EVERYONE and stumbling.

**Conversation whilst dining:**

**Uncle:** *clears throaught* Are you all right, girls? You all seem very quiet. So do you, Sam.

**Alicia:** Oh, Sam and Moira are quite all right, Father. Better than ever, in fact.

**Moira:** *chokes on glass of water*

**Aunt:** All right, dear? What happened?

**Alicia:** Oh, she just drowned in a web of lies, that's all.

**Aunt:** Oh...I see. *looks vair vair baffled*

All right, if Matt and Bridget don't stop giving each other lovey-dovey glances every two seconds I am seriously going to kick them. It´s DISGUSTING. My brother and my best friend? Erlack!

**Dick:** *eagerly* Would you like some tomatoes, Moira? I know you like them.

Geez, he is desperate.

**Moira:** *looks slightly surprised* Why, thank you. You're a very attentive boy.

Dick looks pathetically pleased.

**Alicia:** Don't get too enthusiastic, Dick... someone's beat you to it.

**Sam:** This is getting ridiculous. What is this?

**Betty:** *low spitefull voice* What is this? What do you mean, what is this? As if you didn´t know. Mr. Johns, I'm sorry, but I feel like I'm a spare in this table. I'll leave. Moira's taken my place already. Isn´t that right, Sam?

And she got up, went up the stairs, and slammed the bedroom door.

**Uncle:** *crosses arms over chest* All right. What was that all about?

**Moira:** Believe me, Mr. Johns, I've been asking myself the same question for the last four hours.

We ate the rest of dinner in silence, which rarely happens in the John's house. I feel kind of guilty. Bridget went to the bathroom, and when she came back, she passed me a note while we were dining. It said:

"_Oh June, your brother__ Matt is so sweet. We went for a walk this afternoon, and he is just so nice. He asked if I wanted to go out to town to have a cofee on Friday. Should I say yes? Or should I say that I'm busy, and when he asks well then, what about Saturday, I could say that sounds fine. But what if he thinks I'm not interested then, and doesn´t ask about Saturday? Maybe I should say yes on Friday? But then I might sound like a boring person who never has plans. Or not? How should I dress? Maybe I should dress casually, so I don't look superficial...or do I look as if I heavn't made an effort for him if I dress casually? Should I get dressed up nicely then? And how should I wear my hair? Should I wear it up, or is it too formal? Could you lend me that nice red jacket of yours? Or is it too dressy? I don't know. Write back. _

_XOXO_

_Bree"_

So much for discretion and don't tell anybody. She's practically hysterical. What a stupid thing to do, really, pass notes at dinner. What are we, at school? I gave her one of my looks but she didn´t get it. So I had to go to the bathroom and I wrote:

"_Bree: Say Friday. You do not have to worry about Matthew. He is so in love with you he probably thinks you'd look beautiful in a rubbish bag. Don't worry, seriously._

_XOXO_

_June."_

I went back to the table and passed the note. She read it and went again to the bathroom. Oh, for heavens sake. Then she came and handed me another note.

"_June: Are you suggesting I go in a rubbish bag? _

_XOXO_

_Bree."_

Oh, for heaven's SAKE! What in the name of Elvis Presley is the point???

I went to the bathroom. This was getting pathetic. People were looking extremely amused.

"_Bree: Bree, Bree, it'__s an __**expression**__. Of course I don't mean you should go in a bloody rubbish bag! Go dressed casually but nicely._

_XOXO_

_June."_

Bridget read it and...yes. Unbelievably, she went AGAIN to the bathroom. People were shaking with laughter.

"_June: But HOW do I dress casually and nicely at the same time? With what clothes? And HOW SHOULD I WEAR MY HAIR?_

_XOXO_

_Bree."_

Oh, for the love of GOD! As much as it was embarassing, I went to the bathroom AGAIN and wrote:

"_Bridget, I DON'T KNOW. We'll look through your clothes and my clothes and pick something out for you tonight. We'll work out what to do with your hair. But we have got to stop going to the bathroom. It's embarassing._

_XOXO_

_June."_

Bridget read it. She didn't go to the bathroom again, just gave me the thumbs-up. Oh, god. As much as I love her, this was vair embarassing. The going to the bathroom thing, I mean. Plus, he's my brother. Doesn't she realise I find this slightly, oh I don't know, _nauseating_?! Oh, well, I suppose it is sweet, in a very bizarre way.

Then we went up to the bedroom and looked through her clothes and my clothes. We finally decided on a nice combination of white and pink, which is nice and feminine. A white blouse, one of those pink wide skirts that are in fashion right now, simple white shoes, and a pink handbag lent to her by me. And we decided she should wear her hair down and in loose waves. Then we went down to the living room and here I am. Writing all this.

**3 minutes later**

**Location:** Bedroom

I'm feeling really guilty right now. I can hear Betty wailing from my room. Sam is looking very depressed. Sam. Depressed. Things are not good.

**2 minutes later**

Announcement from Bridget: Don't kill me, but I'm feeling kind of guilty right now.

Me: Me too, Bree. Me too.

**4 minutes later**

Hahahahaha extremely stupid announcement from Bridget that had us both rolling on the floor laughing: "Birds don't have legs, you idiot!" Hahahahahahaha. Not so guitly right now as amused.

**30 minutes later**

Me and Bridget feeling extremely guilty again, decided to confess tomorrow. I'll be all over the news tomorrow: "Girl murdered by older cousin and friends."

* * *

**25th of August**

**Time:** 11 am

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** Put it this way, what mood would you be in if you knew you where about to be murdered?

I'm scared. I'm vair vair scared. Me and Bree are going to confess. Right now. Wish me luck. I'll need it.

**40 minutes later**

OK, so me and Bridget burst into the room, and started confessing at like ahundred miles an hour, all the words running together, something like:

Ohmygodwearesosorryitjustgotsooutofhandandwefeelsobadpleaseforgiveuswefeelsoguiltyand...

**Alicia: **Woah, woah. One at a time.

**Me:** We are so sorry!

**Bridget: **We planned it all, we never thought it would get so out of hand and...

**Me:** Yes, we invented all that about Sam cheating on Betty, it isn´t true and we´re so sorry and...

**Bridget:**...and please believe us because it isn't true we feel so terrible...

Imagine all those words said really quickly and us talking at the same time. That's how it sounded.

I thought Alicia was going to kill us, but she just went: "Wow, I never thought I'd hear you apologize for anything, June. I never thought I'd live to see this day. Still, you're kind of late. Peer round the door in the bathroom (the door was open) and you'll see what I mean."

Curiously, we peered round the door. What I saw almost made me gag. Sam and Betty in a disgusting embrace, kissing like if it was the last time. It was DISGUSTING.

**Me:** *going back inside the room* But...how come...?

**Alicia:** We figured it out about ten minutes ago. I was going to kill you both, but since you came and apologized and you "feel so bad"...well, I don't think I'll bother. Betty might bother though. *to Betty & Sam* Hey, you two, stop kissing for one second and come out here. *to me & Bridget* You'll have to repeat your apology now.

Betty & Sam come out and we hastily repeat what we said before. They looked vair vair angry.

**Betty:** You know, I can see why you would do this to me, but to Sam? He defended you, June!

**Me:** You just...called me June.

**Betty:** Yes, that is your name.

**Me:** *hurt tone* What happened to Junebug?

Somehow it seems more like a nickname now...it sounds as though she's cross whenever she calls me June.

**Betty:** *exasperated half grin* Now you _like_ Junebug? Who understands you, you weird child?! Anyway, like I said before, Sam defended you, June!

**Sam:** Yes. Defend-**ED **her. I doubt I ever will again.

**Me:** *wheedling & puppy dog eyes* I'm soooorryyyy.

**Sam:** Puppy dog eyes don't work for me, June. (He was weakening, though!)

**Me:** Saaaammyyyy! Don't be cross! I only did it because Betty made me angry. And Moira was horrible to Bree, so we wanted to get back at her too.

**Sam:** Still...

**Me:** You forgive me? Pleeeease?

**Sam:** *lifts eyes up to heaven* Why oh _WHY_ do your puppy eyes have that efect???

**Me:** All part of my charm.

Yessss! He isn't cross any more. Result!!!

**Alicia:** I don't think she only did it because she was mad at Betty and Moira, somehow, do you?

Oh no. She has the teasing tone. I hate the deadly teasing tone.

**Betty:** Mmm...I wonder why, then?

**Alicia:** I think it's something to do with this thing called...jealousy.

**Me:** _Me_?! Jealous?! HA! Of who, eh?

**Alicia:** Of Sam. And Betty. Naturally.

**Me:** Pffft – that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Now if you excuse us, I have a date between Bree and Matt to plan and...

**Bridget:** JUNE!!!

**Me: **Oh my god, I'm so sorry! It slipped out!

**Sam:** Ooooh, got a date with our lil' cousin Matty then? *eyes twinkling*

**Bridget:** It's just coffee... *ludicrously red*

**Alicia:** ...for now.

**Bridget:** No! No, I – JUNE!!!

**Me:** I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!!

**Sam:** You'll have to repeat those two words to Moira now, don't you?

**Bridget:** *groaning* Oh, no, you mean we have to _apologize_ to the dictator?

**Sam:** Quick off the mark as always, Bridget.

**Me:** Oh, do we_ have _to?!

**Alicia:** Oh, forget it. Not that there's much point. Moira does not forgive easily.

**Sam:** True. Oh well, just as long as you're civil to each other. Now, if you excuse us...

And he and Betty went off to the bathroom again. They are DISGUSTING. We'll have little baby Sam's and Betty's before we know it. Eurgh.

I went out repeating "I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry" over and over again to Bridget.

**Bridget:** Fine, I'll forgive you if...you take me on piggyback to the living room.

Even though she's taller than me and therefore heavier, I still did it to save our friendship. We were giggling hysterically when we got there. The other loons and George were there and they were looking at us in a very puzzled manner. They think we're crazy. Well, they're right, I guess!

This had been a long day. And it's not even over yet!

10 minutes later

Oh my god!!! George just came up to me and asked if he could have a word in private. He asked if I was cross with him or something because of me galloping off the other day. He is so adorable!!! I answered that of course I wasn't, it was just a stupid misunderstanding, and then he asked if I fancied going riding again this afternoon. I said yes, OBVIOUSLY. Ah, life's good.

**Time:** 4 pm

**Location:** Room

**Mood:** HAPPY!!! *sigh*

I feel like I'm in a dream. Life is so good. Thank you, God! We went riding, me and George, and we rode down to the stream and sat down beside the rippling water and had a mini - picnic and it was just all so lovely and romantic. Too happy to write. I didn´t know it was possible to be too happy to write! Seems to be. Lalalala. Life is fab.

**5 minutes later**

Singing "That´s Amoré" with Bridget and faking Italian accent while singing it. Life´s good! That's like the third time I've said it. Ah, well.

**30 seconds later**

Alicia and Betty just walked in while we were singing "_When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fazool...That's amoré_!" and looked at us like we were little green men from Mars. Hahahahahahaha!

**20 minutes later**

Picture this. Me, Bridget, Alicia, Betty, Sam, Matt, Roger, George, Tom and Dick singing: "Ten Green Bottles" at the top of our voices. That's all we did in the living room until the Dictator came in and made everything awkward. I hate her. She ruins every single moment of fun.

**Sam:** *clears throaght and looks at Alicia significantly*

**Alicia:** SIX GREEN BOTTLES...what?

**Sam:** *nods in Moira´s direction*

**Alicia:** Wha – ? Oh. Hello, Moira.

**Dick:** *lightens up* Moira! Hello!

**Moira:** *stiffly* Hello. *sits down and pretends to start reading.*

**Sam:** *raises eyebrows that plainly say: apologize, you moron!*

**Alicia:** *raises eyebrows back that plainly say: If I apologize, my reputation will be ruined. Forget it.*

**Me:** Hmmm...lalalalalaaa...*trying to break the ice in the stupid manner only I can. People stare at me oddly*

**Alicia:** And what is that song called? "I am Stupid"?

**Me:** *makes a face at her*

**Alicia:** Speaking about songs, you written any poems lately?

**Me:** *sarcastically* Ha. Ha. Ha. You are so funny. _Not._

**Alicia:** I happened to find quite an interesting one the other day, fell out of your pocket, I guess.

**Me:** *goes extremely pale* I don't know what you're talking about.

Actually I do. It was after I came in happy with life because of the riding-to-the-river-with-George thing. It is very embarassing, though.

**Alicia:** I have it here. *takes out poem from pocket* Shall I read it out loud?

**Me:** NOOOOOOO!!! *plunge fordward*

**Alicia:** *throws poem over to Sam*

**Sam:** *reads quickly, his face breaking into a huge grin.* Well, well, well. I din´t think you had it in you, June.

**Me:** *imploring look*

**Sam:** Hmmm. Now, shall I read it?

Bastard. He's enjoying this, isn't he. Nevertheless, I continue to look at him imploringly.

**Sam:** *weakening* Oh, fine, I won't. (THANK GOD!!!)

**Alicia:** SAM!!!

**Sam:** I won't. *puts it away in his pocket* Good for blackmail, this is.

Oh, great. Sam. Blackmail. NOT a good combination. Ah, well, it could be worse, I suppose. He could have read it out loud. THAT would have been extremely embarassing. The poem is something like:

_"Riding off into the sunset,_

_Oh, fine, off to the afternoon sun._

_With you. And Jazz._

_Let the afternoon pass_

_Picnic on the grass_

_I love you._

_Oh, yes I do!_

_Because of that, the lunatics_

_Will never separate us with their tactics!"_

Like I said, embarassing. Not the poem, the context. The poem's great, even though SOME people do not appreciate my talent.

**Time: **9 o'clock

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** Embarassed and amused.

Dinnertime was extremely embarassing. And not only for me. Why does Aunt May have to be so bloody MOTHERLY and CURIOUS all the time???!!!

**This is how it went:**

**Aunt:** *to me and George* So! I hear you two went riding this afternoon!

**Me:** *blushing up to my roots and pretending vair vair hard not to have heard. Ditto George. Which was extremely hard to do since the loons all started whooping. Idiots.*

**Aunt: **June? Maybe you didn't hear me – (oh, for heavens SAKE!)

**Me: ***sharply* Yes. I heard.

**Uncle:** So is it true?

Oh, godddd!!! What is it with adults??? Have they NEVER been teenagers before?

**Me:** Yes. So?

**Sam:** *grinning from ear to ear* So? That's what we'd all like to know. (I hate him, I hate him. Oh, I love him, I love him. Aaaah, get a grip, June!!! It doesn´t MATTER how charming his smile is, the only thing that matters is how EVIL he is!!!)

**Me:** So, nothing! *snapping*

**Sam:** Don't snap at me like that, my dear cousin! I hope you won't snap at your George – whoops, I mean, your future husband – like that!

**Me:** *glares.* Shuddup.

**Aunt:** And what about the rest of you? Matt? Oh, you went for a walk with Bree, right, darling?

Hahahahahaha. That was hilarious.

**Matt:** *blushing* Uh-huh.

**Alicia:** *grinning* It is Friday tomorrow, isn't it?

**Aunt:** Yes, dear. Why?

**Alicia:** Oh, just reminding Matt and Bree about their appointment, that's all.

**Aunt:** Appointment? *looks puzzled for a moment, and then gets it.* Oh. I _see_.

Bridget and Matt are both ludicrously red. Roger looked furious for some reason. I felt bad for Bree, but it _was_ very funny. Especially since Aunt looked like the town gossip right that minute.

**Tom:** *suddenly* Aunt, did you know Moira is going to teach me more about the birds and the bees?

That's when I exploded. I was just too much. I was giggling so badly I thought I was going to die of not breathing. Aunt, Uncle, Tom, and Moira looked extremely baffled, which only made me laugh harder. That set Alicia and Bridget off. Dick was scowling. We were laughing so much we had to be excused from the table.

Off to have a non - intelligent chat with Bree now. I'll write more tomorrow.

* * *

**A/N: Yays, chapter 12 up!! Hope you guys liked it!! Please review!! *hands over cookies with puppy dog eyes* By the way, the songs they were singing are right for the time, aren't they? If not...oh, well. **


	13. drama drama drama!

**26th of August**

**Time:** 4 pm

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** Patience, June, patience.

Bridget is nervous. Hysterical. Over MATT. Who in their right mind would get nervous about going out with MATT? And for a coffee?! She is seriously crazy.

Now she is having last minute doubts about the outfit I chose out for her out of the goodness of my heart. How dare she?

**10 minutes later**

Bridget has stopped fussing over her clothes because I said I'd never talk to her again if she doubted my excelent taste for even a second. So that's settled.

**20 minutes later**

I am in the living room, vair vair lonely (Alicia doesn't count as company). Bridget and Matt have gone out for their coffee. George and Roger are also out. All my favourite people in this house have gone. I'm all alone. Hey, that rhymes!

**5 minutes later**

I'll have to make conversation. I must amuse myself with SOMEthing before I die of boredom.

**Me:** Alicia!

**Alicia:** What the heck do you want?

**Me:** Who do you like?

**Alicia:** No one. I do not go chasing after boys. Like SOME people. I have dignity. Not like SOME people. I –

**Me:** OK, OK, that's enough!

Silence.

**Alicia:** Why do you ask, anyway? Is your mind wandering on someone, by any chance?

**Me:** No.

**Alicia:** Yeah, right.

**Me:** Seriously, no!

**Alicia:** Right.

**Me:** Right.

Silence.

**Me:** *trying to break silence* Hmmm...oh, oh, oh it's magic...you know...never believe it's not soooo...

**Alicia:** *shakes head* You weird child.

**Me:** I am _not_ weird.

**Alicia:** No. Not at all.

**Me:** *getting up* If you excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom.

**Alicia:** Do you need to make it a public announcement?

I ignored her. Geez, this is boring. Oh, can't go in. Inconsiderate Samuel decided to have a shower. Well, that's just perfect. I'll just go back into the living room and bore to death.

**Alicia:** Oh, yes, forgot to tell you. Sam's having a shower.

**Me:** *sarcastically* Nooo. Really?!

**Alicia:** When are the two lovebirds back?

**Me:** Who? George and Roger?

**Alicia:** *rolls eyes* Ha, ha. Matt and Bridget.

**Me:** I don't know. About dinnertime, I guess. Where's your bofoon?

**Alicia:** _Betty _is in bed. She wasn´t feeling well.

**Me: **Uh-oh. Dizziness? Nauseous?

**Alicia:** Don't think I don't know where you're going with this. _No_, she just had a bit of a headache, that's all.

**Me:** And the dictator?

**Alicia:** I have no idea.

Moira walks in.

**Alicia:** Speaking of...there you are!

**Moira:** *raises eyebrows* You were looking for me?

**Alicia:** Yes, but we found you. Your sense of humor, on the other hand...nope, haven't found that yet.

**Me:** *snorts*

**Moira: ***makes a face and sits down on armchair* You know, I never thought I'd sympathise with Gwendoline Mary until now.

**Alicia:** *scornfully* You would!

Just then, George and Roger walked in. At last, they're back! I acted in a vair embarassing manner and choked on the chocolate bar I was eating. I went red and quickly hid it away before he saw it and thought I was an absolute pig.

**Alicia:** June, do you EVER stop eating chocolate?

She must die, she must die.

**Me:** *hissing* ZIP IT!

**Alicia:** Don't take that cheeky tone with me! I was just asking, my dear. I'm worried about your health. If you keep on and on eating chocolate, you'll be up to Gwendoline Mary in no time!

**Me:** I won't, because I charge around, whilst she sits and does nothing all day. So there!

**Alicia:** Yup, been charging around a lot with George, heavn't you?

She must most definitely die! Dirty minded creep.

Then Betty and Sam walked in.

**Alicia:** Feeling better?

**Betty:** Uh-huh.

Then they sat down and started being disgusting with each other, if you know what I mean. Ugh. If Matt and Bridget ever start acting like that I may kill myself.

**Me:** Oh, for heaven's sake, get a bloody room!!!

**Sam:** *singsong voice*The poooem...

I shut up then. I HATE it when he has good blackmail. Dammit. I've torn the paper in anger. Never mind.

**Time:** 7 pm

**Location:** Living Room

**Mood:** Slightly nauseated.

My so-called "brother" and my so-called "friend" have been throwing disgusting lovey-dovey looks all through dinner. I almost gagged on my potatoes. I may write another poem titled "Bizzare love between my best brother and my best friend."

Afterwards, Bridget dragged me to the bedroom to tell me all about her coffee.

**Bridget:** Your brother is amazing, he is such a gentleman, and so sweet, and he's really very intelligent, isn't he?

**Me:** *sarcastically* Intelligent? Really?

**Bridget:** *not noticing the sarcasm* Yes, I love intelligent boys. A boyfriend of mine must be intelligent.

**Me: ***teasing tone* Yup, to make up for your stupidity.

**Bridget:** Ha, ha.

**Me:** *pause* Hang on. Did you just say 'boyfriend'???

**Bridget:** *blushing up to her roots* Um. Well.

**Me: ***dangerous tone* Bridget...

**Bridget:** Well. I don't know if it'll come to that. Yet.

**Me: **Yet???!!!

**Bridget: **Yes, well, it's just coffee. For now.

**Me:** For now???!!!

**Bridget:** You – well, you don't _mind_, do you?

**Me:** Mind? No, I don't _mind_. I just find it slightly disturbing, that's all.

**Bridget:** *lights up* Good. Anyways, after the coffee, we went for a little walk through the town. At one point he took my hand! It was sooo sweet and then he...

**Me:** *feeling slightly nauseated* Er, Bree.

**Bridget:** What?

**Me: **Not so many gory details please.

**Bridget:** *offended tone* They're not gory. They're sweet!

**Me:** Yes, yes, I suppose they are, in a vair bizzare way. Oh, forget it. Proceed.

She proceeded all right. I won't write all of it down, it's too boring. Plus, I wasn't really listening. I was humming "Ten Green Bottles" in my head so I wouldn't throw up. Well, I've been to a ride to a beautiful river with George, us two ALONE. That's surely more romantic than drinking disgusting brown liquid with a bunch of people oggling at you in the coffee place.

**1 hour later**

The Devil has read my diary AGAIN. Typical. You can't leave anything lying about in this house for more than ten minutes. No respect for privacies in this dump. So I came in and she was rolling on the floor hooting with laughter. I chased her all around the house with the broomstick. All this seemed to amuse the people who aren't used to this sort of thing (e.g Mr. Adams, George, Bridget) inmensely. Of course it didn't amuse The Dictator. She just stared as if we were wild animals on the loose.

**Time:** 7 pm

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** Curious and Confused

Sam and Betty were embraced in the vair disgusting manner they always are when my dear lil' brother Mr. Correct John came in. This was his announcement:

**John:** I intend to tell Aunt and Uncle about this relationship between you.

**Sam:** *parts away from Betty* Excuse me?

**John:** What you heard. Enough is enough. It is not right that they should be deceived this way.

(By the way: Sam and Betty never told Aunt and Uncle because...well, you know adults. They'll be all "parenty" and "wanting to help" and won't leave them alone for long "just in case." Sam has almost everyone under blackmail so nobody says anything.)

**Sam: **All right, you just do that – and I will tell everyone that particular – ah – secret of yours.

**John: ***going pale* What do you mean? I have not the faintest idea what you are talking about!

**Sam:** Oh, I think you do.

**John:** *stuttering* I – I – I...

**Sam: **If you knew what was best for you, you wouldn't sneak.

**John:** All right, all right. I get it. I – I won't say anything.

Then he walked out.

**Me:** What the heck was THAT about?

**Sam: ***shrugs* I have no idea. But it worked all right. *goes back to snogging the Bofoon. Eurgh!*

**Alicia:** Wow. I thought he was perfect!

**Me: **So did I. Oh, well. Nobody's perfect, I guess. Right, Matt? ...Matt?!

**Matt:** Wha – what? *snaps out of trace. He and Bree had been staring into each others eyes for the last fourty centuries.*

**Me:** *Exasperated* Forget it.

**Alicia:** You seem to be very distracted today, Matty. Something – or someone – distracting you?

**Betty:** And darling Bree seems to be rather with her head in the clouds also! Now, isn't that a coincidence?

Matt and Bridget blush ridiculously red.

**Sam:** Awww, bless. Look at them, blushing at the mere sight of each other!

**Moira:** For heaven's sake, Bridget, stop making a fool of yourself. (BITCH!!!!!!)

**Dick: **Oh, I quite agree with you Moira. (PA-THE-TIC!!!)

**Bridget:** *flares up* You jealous bitch! Just because _you_ never had anyone to like doesn't mean that –

**Me: **Shall we play monopoly? Anyone? *trying to avoid the argument*

**Moira: **You're always making a fool of yourself, Bridget! I'm ashamed of you, especially after this morning!

What the hell happened this morning??? I overslept!!!

**Bridget:** *exasperated cry* You're still going on about _that_! I was right, Moira! Admit it! You had no right to say what you said! It _hurt_, you know! Just because you have no feelings whatsoever –

**Me:** Or maybe cards? Who wants a game of cards?

**Moira: **I had every right, and I'm not sorry if it hurt your feelings, bacause you deserved every single word, you idiotic little beast!

**Me:** I know! Consequences! Anyone up for consequences?

**Bridget:** *voice wavering* I'm fed up of this Moira! I'm fed up with you, I'm fed up with life! Why does EVERYTHING have to be about you?! You had no right to say what you said!

**Moira:** *looking uncomfortable* Bridget...

**Bridget:** You know what? I'm sick of it. If you want to take it out on me, then fine. But don't say you had every right to say what you said because you _didn't_!

**Moira: **Fine! Fine, you disgusting little beast! Go ahead and kill yourself, see if I care! I wish you'd just shoot yourself and get out of my freaking LIFE!

Bridget went pale. So did Moira. Matt grimaced. I was about to suggest something else, but I didn't fancy being murdered. I was thinking: What? What did she say?! I say things like that to Alicia all the time and viceversa, and none of us ever go PALE. To my horror, a tear streamed down Bree's face. Bree was crying. Bridget. Bridget crying. Things were bad.

**Moira:** *whispering* Oh, god. Bridget, I – I'm so-

But Bridget had already stormed out. I waited for five minutes so she could pretend to be asleep if she wanted and then followed her.

**Time:** 9 pm

I walked into the bedroom. Bridget was "asleep". Ha. Right. It was obvious. I mean, her eyes were screwed up really really tight for starters. Who the heck sleeps like that? So:

**Me:** Right. Well, that's just perfect. I come here, out of the goodness of my heart, to console my best friend, and she pretends to be asleep. The ingratitude!

**Bridget: **...

**Me:** And I was just trying to be nice and a good friend, but you know, that's life.

**Bridget:** ...

**Me:** And here I was, bringing a message from Matt, and...

**Bridget:** *sits up inmediately* What message???!!!

**Me:** Oh, thanks. You know, that's just great. Perfect. She won't even listen to me, but for a message from MATT, she jumps up and...

**Bridget:** Sorry, sorry. But what message?

**Me:** There is no message! I just said that to see if you'd pay attention.

**Bridget: **Oh. Right.

**Me:** And since obviously she doesn't care about me...

**Bridget:** I do!

**Me:** OK, then. What was going on back there?

**Bridget:** Oh, that. It's nothing, just me and Moira, you know...

**Me:** And she won't tell me what's wrong, despite the fact I'm her best friend and she can tell me anything, and I told her all of my secrets but she still won't tell me all of hers...

**Bridget:** Fine, fine, I'll tell you! But you must promise not to tell absolutely anyone!

**Me:** Promise. Cross my heart and hope to die.

**Bridget:** *snaps* Our dad shot himself when I was like five years old. Happy?

**Me: ***completely and utterly taken aback* Oh. Right. Ummmmmm...I'm sorry?

**Bridget:** *small voice* That's ok.

**Me:** No it's not. Oh my god, I am so sorry! I'm so tactless and stupid!

**Bridget:** *teasing tone* You left out nosey.

**Me:** And nosey. Sorry, sorry, sorry!!! *flings on the bed and hugs her*

**Bridget:** *with that fake cheery voice you get when you're holding back tears* Ok, ok, ok! Get off me, you're squashing me to pulp!

Then Matt came and asked to talk to Bree. Alone. The cheek of it. I did. Fat lot of good it did too. He just reduced her to tears. Jerk. I listened at the keyhole. Bridget wouldn't tell him what was wrong so he did a drama scene all like "you don't trust me?" blah blah blah. Insensitive idiot. I hate him.

Uh-oh. Matt just opened the door and I nearly fell into the room. Not that he even noticed, he just stalked past me with a disgusted glare. Naturally, I ignored him and went to comfort Bree.

Oh goddd I HATE him!!! Bree's in hysterics right now!! And she keeps saying she's OK while sobbing hysterically!!! Is she MAD???

There is nothing else for it. I will have to commit patricide. Oh, wait. That's killing your parents. Which isn't a bad idea either. Shut up, June!!! Never mind what it's CALLED!! You'll have to kill Matt.

**2 minutes later**

I wonder what John's big secret is? I will have to find that out. After killing Matthew.

* * *

**27th of August**

**Time:** 10 am

**Location:** Bathroom

**Mood:** Fed up with the world.

Breakfast was TORTURE. Matt, Moira and Bridget where all sulking and avoiding each others eyes. Everyone else was awkward and silent. John kept glaring at Sam. What is going ON with him, anyway?

**30 minutes later**

Hey, life isn't all bad! Riding to town with George this afternoon! Yaayyy!!

**Time:** 5 pm

**Location:** Living Room

**Mood:** Extatic!!!!!!!

YESSSS!!! LIFE IS GREAT TO ME!!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!

I went riding to town with George. This is what happened while riding:

We'd been talking for a while, and for some reason Sam and Betty came up. Of course, I started going on about how DISGUSTING they are.

**George: ***warily* I didn't know you thought kissing was so disgusting...

**Me: ***backtracking vair quickly* No, no, not in general, just them.

**George:** Why?

**Me:** Because he's my cousin...and Betty's like my cousin, I've known her all my life, so they'd be like...siblings...or at least...siblings once removed... (that just made NO sense, I believe.)

**George:** You've known me all my life...

**Me:** Yes, yes, but you're _different_.

**George: **Why?

**Me:** Because you're not my cousin!

**George:** *looking extremely muddled* Oh. Right.

**Me:** Anyway, Betty's always horrible to me. And Sam.

**George:** Betty's horrible to Sam?!

**Me:**_ Nooo_, Sam is horrible to me!

**George:** *going red* Oh.

**Me:** Hey, do you have any idea what John's big secret is?

**George:** Nope.

**Me:** I just don't know what it can be, I thought he was perfect. Perfectly boring, but perfect!

**George:** *laughing* You have a point with the perfectly boring. Just a few minutes ago he was lecturing me about how wrong "the amount of flirting and romance that goes on in this house" is.

**Me:** *laughs* Hang on. Why was he lecturing _you_?

**George:** Oh. No. Nothing. *blushing up to his roots for some reason*

We rode in silence until we reached an ice cream place. Then we had an ice and talked about pretty much anything. He must've thought I was such a MORON, saying kisses were disgusting. Oh, well. Still, we had an ice!!! Yayyy!!! =D

**30 mintues later**

Bridget inclined to never forgive Moira for as long as she lives. Moira not happy and feeling guilty. Bridget and Matt still not speaking to each other. Things are not good for the Linton family. Or would that be the Adams family? Their having a stepfather confuses me...

**5 minutes later**

This is killing me. I MUST find out John's secret.

**Time: **9 pm

**L****ocation:** Living Room

**Mood:** Curious

Oh, perfect. I was just having a nice relaxing time with just myself in the living room. Samuel has just come in. I will just continue writing. I'll write down this annoying conversation as it happens:

**Sam: **So. Went out with George again, did you?

**Me:** That is none of your business.

**Sam:** It is! You're my baby cousin and it is my duty to protect you.

**Me:** Ha. Ha. Ha.

**Sam:** So what did you do?

**Me:** I told you, it is none of your business.

**Sam:** Junebug, could you stop writing for just one second?

**Me:** No.

**Sam:** Fine. Be like that.

**Me:** I will.

**Sam:** Fine.

**Me: **Fine.

**Sam:** Seriously though, how are things with George?

**Me: **How are things with _Betty_?

**Sam:** Oooh, touchy touchy!

**Me: **You are UNBEARABLE!!!

**Sam:** Why, thank you!

**Me: ***sudden inspiration and subject change* Anyway, what do you think John's secret is?

**Sam:** Talking with someone who is writing at the same time is extremely annoying, you know that?

**Me:** Yes. That's why I do it. So what do you think is John's "big secret"?

**Sam:** I know you're trying to change the subject, but just this once I'll let it work because it's interesting. Then again, it's probably something extremely boring like "I only studied three days for an exam instead of five".

**Me:** *snorts* Maybe. I don't know. I mean, he went pretty pale, didn't he?

**Sam:** Yeah, I wasn't expecting _that_.

**Me:** He doesn't keep a diary or anything, does he?

**Sam: **June. He's a_ boy_. And anyway, would he ever do anything that you do?

**Me:** _I_ don't know. Well then, since you're so clever, what do you think _could_ be his secret?

**Sam:** How should I know? You're the one who thinks she's a genius!

**Me:** No I don't!

Matt comes in.

**Sam:** Hey! He's the genius!

**Matt: ***depressed tone* Academically, maybe. But socially...

**Me:** Very true. Socially, you're a jerk.

**Sam:** All right. What is going on here?

**Matt:** Nothing.

**Me: **Except that you're a jerk.

**Sam: **Do I want to know what this is about?

**Matt & Me:** No.

**Sam: **Well, thank you, dear cousins. Let's just keep Sam out of everything.

**Me:** He had a fight with Bridget because she wouldn't tell him what was going on. You know, after the argument with Moira thing, and made her cry.

**Sam:** Oh. Right. You're a jerk. What was up with that, anyway? I can't make heads or tails of it.

**Me:** Can't tell you, I promised Bree.

**Matt: **You mean she told YOU?! And not ME?!

**Me:** Exactly.

**Matt:** How???!!! And will you please stop writing?!

**Me:** It might be based on the fact I'm her friend. And no, I won't.

**Matt:** I'm her friend also! *goes red*

**Sam:** Friend. HA!

**Me:** ANYWAY. Back to the John issue...

**Sam:** Oh, yes. Matt, we were just discussing, what do you think is John's big secret?

**Matt:** I honestly could not care less.

**Me: **He's our BROTHER!!! And he actually has a secret! And all this time we were deceived thinking he was perfect!

**Matt:** I don't CARE!!! All right??!! I don't care!!!!!! *storms away*

**Sam:** Well, seems like we're all alone in this mystery. Poor boy.

**Me: **Poor boy???!!!

**Sam:** I know he's a jerk, but come on! Look at his anguished face!

Alicia has come in.

**Alicia: **Dick is going to confess his undying love for Moira in five minutes! He's just gone out into the garden to pick out flowers!

**Me: **I have GOT to see this!

**Sam: **Hold on, aren't we going try and stop him?

**Me & Alicia:** NO WAY!!!

**Alicia:** Don't be such a spoilsport!!! This is going to be HILARIOUS!

**Sam:** *thinks for a second* Oh, all right. After all, what better way to learn something than from your mistakes?

I have GOT to see this! Oh my god!!!! I hope it's true. Bye bye, diary! I'll tell you how it went once the show is over!

**30 minutes later**

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! That was so FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Declaration of love while Sam, Alicia, Roger, George and I looked through the window:

**Dick: **Moira? Can I talk to you for a second?

**Moira:** Um...of course. What is it?

**Dick: **Not here...in the garden.

All us evesdroppers quickly go from listening at the door to the garden window. Soon enough, Moira and Dick are there.

**Dick:** M-m-m-moira I-I have something to s-s-say to you.

**Moira:** Yes, do go on. *baffled look*

**Dick:** *goes down on one knee. How pathetic and hillarious is that?!* Iloveyou!

All of us were laughing our heads off at Moira's stunned look. There was a long silence and then he handed her the flowers. Hahahahahahahaha.

**Moira:** *takes the flowers looking as if she wanted to die right there and then* Errrrm. Thank you...but...ummmm...well, you're a bit...errm...young for me...but...it's very sweet of you...

**Dick:** *looking absolutely crushed* Oh. Well. Thank you anyway.

**Moira:** I'm sorry...

**Dick:** No, it's...it's fine... *gets up and walks away slowly*

Moira just stood there, flowers in hand. She looked absolutely mortified. It was so hilarious!!! We all collapsed laughing, of course.

Hahahahahahaha.

**Time:** 11 pm

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** Arrrgh!

It is NOT nice to share a room with someone who is bawling their eyes out. I HATE Matthew.

* * *

**28th of August**

**Time:** 11 am

**Location:** Kitchen

**Mood:** Dying of curiosity

Dick refused to come down to have breakfast because "he wasn't feeling well." And when my Aunt asked: "Where does it hurt?", he went in this really dramatic voice "Inside my chest. It feels like my heart has been ripped to shreds." (Aunt, as usual, didn't get it). Moira is like a walking guilt magnet. She's apologized to Bridget like twice, and Bree refuses to forgive her. I don't blame her. Stupid, tactless Dictator. Oh, our dad shot himself so I'll just say: "I wish you would shoot yourself!" to my little sister and expect her not to be affected by it. Come on, Moira! And now she broke Dick's heart. She really IS a walking guilt magnet.

Bridget and Matt were AGAIN avoiding each other's eyes. If this goes on I may have to kill someone. Alicia, Betty, Sam, Roger, Tom and George are the only cheerful people around. Especially Roger. Since Bridget argued with Matt, he's been dancing around the house, smiling from ear to ear.

What is killing me is John's secret. What is it???!!! I can't figure it out!!! He keeps glaring at Sam all the time, like he's scared he'll say something. I tried to talk to him this morning. Didn't work. I went to his bedroom, not knowing he would be doing what he was doing, which was getting dressed. I still cannot get that disgusting image of him naked out of my mind. Ugh! So I stupidly opened the door without knocking and the next thing I knew, John was screaming "GET OUT!!! OOOOOOOOUT!!!!!!" and throwing all his pairs of shoes at my head. What normal boy has seven pairs of shoes anyway? Especially all black and the same style?

Alicia's yelling at me to go make my bed. Who the hell does she think she is anyway, my mother? She'll make a good nagging wife someday. She uses me for practice for all her wife skills. That sounds sick. Shut up, brain!!!!

**Time: **3 pm

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** OMG!

The Dictator has spoken. I should've known. Especially when she came in to TALK to me. She was all like:

**Moira:** June. May I talk to you for a minute?

**Me: **If it's a declaration of love in the garden, forget it.

**Moira:** Ha, ha. Wait. You SAW that?!

**Me:** *smirking* What, your declaration of love to me? With flowers? In the garden? Nah, can't see the future. But I saw the flowers. But I prefer orchids, I don't like daisies much.

**Moira:** Oh, god. You saw, didn't you? You know what I mean!

**Me:** Yes, yes, I saw. Poor Dick. You had no right.

**Moira: ***going bright red. Guilt, I expect* Anyway, I came to talk to you about another matter.

**Me:** Oh, Moira, you're too old for me!

**Moira:** Zip it. About Bridget. She seems inclined to not forgive me.

**Me: **Can't say I blame her. Let's just make her remember the death of her father, shall we?

**Moira:** *snapping* He was my father too, you know. So she told you about that?

**Me:** No, I'm a mind reader. What do you think?

**Moira: **So I was wondering if maybe you could persuade her to forgive me, since you're such close friends? I've already apologized about three times.

**Me:** Hmm, let me think...no.

**Moira:** I'm just asking one favour, June! It's the least you can do, especially after last year.

**Me: **All right, let me think again...no.

**Moira:** Fine, you little pig. I suppose I can't make you. There's just one other way, then.

**Me:** One other way? What do you mean? What are you going to do?

**Moira:** That is none of your business.

And then she went out. And guess what she did. Really, it's no wonder she was left down a year. She told Matt everything. When Bridget found out, she went and yelled her head off at her. Now she is in the bathroom, refusing to come out. This is bad.

**15 minutes later**

She won't even come out for _chocolate cake_. Things are very very wrong.

* * *

**A/N: Drama drama drama! ****Please review! Lots of cookies!**

**Oh, by the way, I'm not sure what John's "big secret" could be. Or rather, I am, but my co-author the great and wonderful Elennare (my sis lol) disagrees. So if you have any ideas, please message me or put it in the review. Thanks! =)**


	14. War and Even More War

**Still August 27th**

**Time:** 5 pm

**Location:** Bathroom

**Mood:** Irritated. I hate the world.

So much for drama. Bridget and Matt have mutually come to an agreement of forgiveness. Now they're almost as bad as Samuel and the buffoon. Only without the kissing. _For now_.

Dick is still in his room. I knocked on his door and he said: "There is no one in." Honestly. He said: "There is nobody in". How stupid can you get? So I said: "It's me, June" and he replied: "With more reason, there is nobody in." Charming. So I said: "Well, that's perfect. I was just coming to give you a snack, but..."

"I don't care. I'm not hungry. Now go away."

"What, not even for chocolate chip cookies? Moira baked them..." (That was a lie, Aunt did. The dictator did try to bake a cake once and failed miserably. She put decorations on it before cooking it and the decorations melted all over. And the cake exploded inside the oven. I don't know how she managed to do that. But it happened, I saw it with my own eyes.)

He opened the door, of course, and looked at the cookies dreamily.

Dick: You mean her hands_ touched_ these?

Me: Er...yes! She feels guilty so she thought she would bake cookies for you.

Dick: That means she does return my love!

Oh, crap. Backtrack, June, backtrack.

Me: *gently* _Nooo_, she just made them because she felt_ guilty_ and...

Dick: *obviously not listening* Of course, how could I have misinterpreted the signs? She said: "You're a bit young for me"...which means...that she loves me, but is pressured because of our age difference! So she wants me to give her some time to sort things out! Thank you, dear, darling cousin!!!!

Then he gave me this great big joyful hug and skipped merrily down the stairs with the cookies. Me? I just stood there in shock. Dick hugged me. Dick. The person who thinks I'm horrible and said: "You look slightly less horrible than usual" when I had gotten all dressed up for George. Dick. Hugged me. Touched me. I huddled in the corner of the room for half an hour trying to recover from the trauma that I had just suffered. Then I went to the living room, where Sam and Betty where being disgusting, so I went to the bathroom to throw up, then I went to the garden, where Alicia showered me with the hosepipe. Merde, merde, merde! Is there NO peaceful place in this dump???

Now I am in the bathroom trying to get my hair dry after that DEVIL showered me. I hate her so much, it's amazing. I hate a lot of people, now that I think about it. I should do a list. I think I will. I'm so bored, there's nothing else to do. So, in order:

**1)** **Alicia Johns:** All reasons I have already written, but I will write them down again: selfish, arrogant, stuck up, beastly, irritating, idiotic, tormenting...I'll shut up now.

**2)** **Moira Linton:** I hate her, I hate her, I hate her. I don't know if she or The Devil Incarnate should be first. Reasons: Dictatorial, selfish beast. All I need to say.

**3)** **Betty:** She is a disgusting person who does everything The Devil will say. And she and Samuel are disgusting!!! And she torments me.

**4)** **Sam** **(on occasions):** Sam is weird. Sometimes I love him and sometimes I hate him even more than the Devil Incarnate. Reasons: He thinks he's God. He may look like one, I mean, he's so handsome, with his blonde hair and incredible blue eyes and hefty arms and...SHUT UP, JUNE!

**5)** **Susan** **(school, my class):** Reasons: Ugh! FRIEND STEALER! She pretends to be so nice. Ha. If she steals best friends, there's no reason not to think she won't steal boyfriends, or anything else for that matter. Plus, she has absolutely NO personality. Stupid Felicity. Choosing Susan over me. Well, her loss.

**6)** **Darrell Rivers** **(school, one of Alicia's friends) :** How can you like someone who shakes you like an animal and for NO REASON? I swear, I was innocently sitting on the piano stool, practising for my music lesson like a good little girl, when this insane macho girl (also know as Darrell Rivers) comes up to me, grabs me by the shoulders and starts shaking me. Explain to me how THAT is normal behaviour.

**7) ****Charlene Lawson (school, my class) :** She's like a miniature Gwendoline. Cries when going back to school, brushes hair hundred times every two hours. Sets my teeth on edge.

**8)** **Gwendoline Mary Lacey (School, Alicia's class) :** Used to love her for irritating Alicia, but hated her ever since I, by total accident, spilt a drink on her Sunday clothes, and she started shrieking and going ballistic and reported me to the Grayling, insisting I had done it on purpouse. I had to do fifty lines of: "I must not spill my morning coffee on elder students, no matter how insufferable they can be." Bitch. Gwendoline, I mean, not The Grayling.

**9)** **St. Catherine: (School, Alicia's class) :** She's one of those people I hate and I don't know why. She just sets my teeth on edge with her saintly comments. Once she started lecturing me on how it was wrong to feud with my own flesh and blood. I was baffled for a minute, like, I don't battle with my flesh or my blood, until she said Alicia's name. How irritating.

**10)** **John: **I love him (sometimes) just because he's my brother, but he still drives me INSANE with his PERFECT, saintly ways. He has a secret though. WHAT IS IT??????

That stupid guy who lives downtown: He yells very gross and embarassing things when I walk past him. Half of them I don't know what they mean. Once he yelled something about me in a bed when Alicia and Sam were with me and they rolled on the floor laughing. It was vair vair embarassing.

There are more people, but I won't bother writing them all down. Some people (like my parents) I don't know where to put, since I both love and hate them at the same time. I'm going out now.

**30 minutes later**

OH MY GOD. Matt and Roger have just had a fight. I don't know exactly how it happened or what it was about, because I just found out. I wanted to go to the bathroom, and Aunt was there bandaging them and telling them off. She kept asking them what they were fighting about, but they just went "nothing". You don´t give someone a black eye and lots of scrapes about nothing! Honestly. Boys.

And it´s really weird, because they never fight. Matt's not the type to hit people, and Roger is always in a good mood. What were they fighting about???????

**20 minutes later**

Ok, I asked them. Aunt told them both to go and sit quietly in the living room, so I took my chance.

**Conversation:**

**Me:** What were you two fighting about?

**Roger & Matt:** Nothing.

**Me: **That's stupid!

**Matt:** I'm not stupid!

**Roger:** Oh, no, you're certainly not _stupid_.

**Me:** *confused* What? What is going on?

**Roger:** Look, it's none of your bussiness. Now run along and have a good gossip with Bridget.

**Matt:** Yeah, you do that. Roger would love to know Bridget is gossiping about him, wouldn't you, Roger?

**Roger:** Which isn't going to happen if she's too busy gossiping about you, you traitor!

**Me:** What??? Why is Matt a traitor?!

**Roger: **Because.

**Me:** Because WHAT?!

**Roger:** Just because. Now run along with Bridget and tell her to look out because HER boyfriend might betray her every day since he's such a filthy traitor.

**Matt: **I'm not her boyfriend!

**Me:** You're not?! She considers you one!

**Matt:** *delighted tone* She DOES??!!

**Roger:** *outraged tone* She DOES??!!

**Me:** *throws hands in the air* WHAT IS GOING ON???!!!

**Matt & Roger:** Ask _HIM_!

That's when I finally got it. Matt and Roger both like Bridget. So that's why they were fighting! How is it fair that she has two boys that like her and I have zero???!!! She keeps insisting that George DOES like me, but I don't know.

**40 minutes later**

Sam and Betty argued. Again. And they went "I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry" in less than ten minutes and embraced. Alicia thinks it's "awww. Sweet." Ha. "Sickening", more like. I said this to her and she just laughed and announced I was "jealous". Me? Jealous? Yeah, right. Apparently he was "flirting" with the market girl, at least from what I heard from all the shouting and door slamming. Sam was like: "Well, I have known her since I was five, I have to talk to her!" And Betty went: "Well, you didn't have to talk to her for so long!" and Sam "It was five minutes!"

Geez. And then I'm the jealous one. She doesn't even let him have girlfriends, for heaven's sakes. I mean girlfriends as in girls that are friends. Not girlfriends. Obviously. That would be stupid. SHUT UP, BRAIN!!!

* * *

**Time:** 9 pm

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** Vair vair angry and vair vair embarassed.

Aaaaargh! I HATE my life, I HATE The Devil Incarnate and I HATE myself!!! What happened was, since I was bored and fed up with life so I decided to have a sulk with Bree.

**Conversation:**

**Me:** Life's perfect. Just perfect. My best friend had two boys that like her, and I don't even have ONE! Nobody loves ME."

**Bridget:** _I_ love you!

**Me: **Eurgh!!!

**Bridget:** Not like that, you idiot!

**Alicia:** *Pops out unexpectedly from behind door* I love you too, Junebug!

**Me: **GET OUT OF HERE!!! CAN'T YOU SEE WE ARE HAVING A PRIVATE CONVERSATION?????

**Alicia: **Correction. You WERE having a private conversation.

**Me:** *spitefully* You're just bored because your best friend and your brother care more about each other than they do about you.

**Alicia:** Is that the jealous Junebug jabbering?

**Bridget:** Why on earth does every word start with a 'J'?

She is not a very bright person. At all. It's called Alit... Aliter... oh whatever. This isn't an english class!

**Me:** I am NOT jealous. WHY on earth would I be JEALOUS?!

**Alicia: **Oh, I don't know. Maybe something to do with: 'Oh, Sammy! And his glorious HAIR!'

**Me:** I'M not the jealous one. YOU'RE the jealous one.

**Alicia:** Me? Darling, you don't HAVE to repeat jealous one twice. Once would do perfectly well. Then again, English isn't your strong point...well, thinking isn't your strong point, is it?

**Bridget: **You still haven't answered her question about you being jealous.

**Alicia:** Actually, she never asked. She stated it.

**Me:** STOP SMARTTALKING ME!!!!!!!!!!!

**Alicia: **Smarttalking. All one word. I ask you.

**Me:** Now, as I was saying, YOU are the jealous one. NOT me.

**Alicia:** That would imply I fancied my brother or my best friend. In either case, ugh! You disgusting child!

**Me:** Now who's being stupid?! I didn't mean it like that. I meant like you're LONELY, because they're not paying attention to you. Because nobody CARES about you any more. You might as well be DEAD. No one would notice.

**Alicia:** First, how can I be lonely? I have_ you_, Junebug!!!

**Me:** Eurrghh!!

**Alicia:** Second, you know you care about me really, and you'd be devastated if I died.

**Me:** No, I wouldn't. I would sing and dance around the room in joy.

**Alicia:** And third. And correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't this conversation start out because nobody loved you?!

**Me: **GET OUT!!!!! OOOOOOUUUUUUUUUTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!

**Alicia:** You can't order me out. This is my house.

**Bridget:** *who has been trying not to make it really obvious that she's laughing her head off inside* She is right, you know.

**Me: **YOU FILTHY TRAITOR!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Bridget: **I was _joking_! What's wrong with you today, anyway?

**Me:** NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!

**Alicia: **Oh, dear Junebug has always been slightly...different, shall we say? Touched, maybe? Or in plain language, she's completely mental. Plus, she's in a bad mood because of a certain person who shall remain nameless.

**Me:** I am not mental!!! And if you mean George, why can't you say so???!!!

**Alicia:** I was simply trying to respect your delicate feelings, darling. Anyway, you see, Bree, this certain person and our dear Junebug have been riding out very frequently...

**Me:** GET OOOOUUUUT!!!!!!!!!! And _stop_ calling me that!!!! And_ shut up_!!!!

**Alicia:** *completely ignoring me* ...and that has lead us to suspect that they may entertain certain special feelings for each other, if you get my meaning...

**Me: **OOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUT!!!!!!!!!!!

**Alicia:** *still completely ignoring me* ...or, if our suspicions have been incorrect, it might just be that our Junebug here is the only one entertaining such feelings, and that the certain person might simply consider her like...a friend! Or worse...

**Me:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTT!!!

**Alicia:** *do I need to say it?!* ...he might just be trying to be polite, or even WORSE...

**Me: **OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT!!!!

**Alicia:** ...he might simply be acting nice to our Junebug to get closer to someone else!

**Me:** YOU BEAST!!!! GET OOOOOOOOUUUUTT!! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!

**Alicia:** ...I wonder who that someone might be, don't you, Bree?

**Bridget:** *who stoped laughing at Alicia's last sentence* No, but I'm sure he really does care for her...

**Alicia:** ...Oh, I hope so too, Bree, but you see, it's so hard to tell with teenage boys! And they are so unscrupulous. He might be trying to get closer to Junebug's...

**Me: **OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Alicia:** ...best friend!!! Now, wouldn't that be just _despicable_?

**Me:** YOU HORRIBLE, HATEFUL, TERRIBLE, BEASTLY, TORTURING, INHUMAN...*and on and on and on. With slightly, shall we say, "censored" words*

**Alicia:** *just sits there looking like the cat who got the cream*

**Bridget:** You're not really saying this, it's just to wind her up!

**Alicia:** Discovery of the century. *rolls eyes*

**Me:** *runs out of breath with insults and throws a pillow at the Devil Incarnate instead*

**Bridget:** Alicia, it's NOT FUNNY!

**Alicia:** *who had started laughing her head off* I beg to differ. It's not just funny. It's hysterically funny.

**Me: ***continue to pummel her with pillows, acompannied by various insults and screams*

**Bridget: ***joins me pummeling her*

**Me:** OUCH!!! (Alicia had just wacked me over the head)

Sam & Betty walked in and started helping Alicia. It's not FAIR! That's 3 against 2 and they're bigger than us! And Alicia _deserved_ to be murdered!

Now she's telling the two lunatics what happened whilst laughing her head off.

And then...oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. George walked in. Alicia and her buffoons laugh vair vair hysterically. I scream. And scream. And insult.

**Alicia:** *solemnly* George, I do hope your intentions are honourable. Aren't they?

**Me:** SHUT IT!!!!!!!!

**George:** *looks handsomely baffled* What?

**Alicia:** Well, you're not the kind of boy who would pretend to be nice to a girl and take her out riding occasionally to get closer to someone else, say, her best friend?

That's when I lost it. I jumped on her and tried to throttle her. Then I saw the absolutely baffled look on George's face, realised what I was doing and ran out of the room screaming.

* * *

**Time:** 8 pm

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** Is there any effective poison that would kill you instantly?!

I hate my life. I want to die. I am seriously considering suicide. I could stab myself. No, that would hurt, wouldn't it? Whatever. The reason is that nobody likes me. I'm ugly, stupid and fat and nobody will ever love me. I'm unlovable.

Bridget has come in. Back later.

**1 hour later**

I hate Alicia, I hate Betty and I hate Moira.

Bridget came in the room and saw me bawling my eyes out. She ran over to me and gave me a hug.

**Bridget:** Don't cry, honey! What's wrong?

**Me:** What's wrong?! Everything! I hate my cousin! She is such a beast! How can she say that in front of George!

**Bridget:** I know...

**Me:** And I'm unlovable.

**Bridget:** That's not true!

**Me:** Yes it is. Nobody will ever love me because I am too ugly and too idiotic.

**Bridget:** You're not! Ugly, I mean. Idiotic, on the other hand...joke, joke!! (I had been throwing daggers at her with my eyes. Not literally, of course. That would be weird.)

**Me:** I am. That's why George is after you. He doesn't love me, he loves you.

**Bridget:** That's not true, stupid! Alicia was just saying that to wind you up!

**Me:** So you have three choices. Matt, Roger, and George. Have your pick, I don't care.

**Bridget: **June! Stop it! Goerge likes you, I'm sure he does!

**Me:** No, he doesn't. Who would ever like me??

**Bridget: ****_J__une_!**!!

Alicia and Betty walk in.

**Me: **GET OUT OF HERE, YOU... (a load of insults not fit for being written on paper)

**Alicia:** Nooo, Junebug, nooo. Swearing is not the way to impress a boy.

**Me:** And I suppose YOU'D know, wouldn't you?! Because you have whole _string_ of boyfriends!

**Alicia: **Love, if i wanted them, I'd have them, but as far as I can tell, they're a complete waste of time.

**Me:** Who would ever like YOU???

**Alicia:** Oh, I don't know... Peter from the village?

She has got to be joking! He's the best looking boy in town! Except for George and Sam, of course.

**June:** I don't believe you!

**Alicia:** Fine, I'll ask him next time we go to the village. Anyway, I thought we were discussing your love life.

**Betty:** Or rather lack of it!

**Me: **I HATE you!!! You're HORRIBLE! (God, how pathetic. I couldn't think of a better insult than horrible?!)

**Betty:** Horrible? Well, that's a matter of opinion, I guess...

**Alicia:** _Sam_ doesn't think so. Much as it may make our darling Junebug jealous.

**Me:** GO _AWAY_!!!

**Betty:** That's rude, darling.

**Alicia:** Terribly rude. And you can't kick me out of my own house, you know.

**Me:** It's _my _bloody room!!! Get out!!!

**Alicia:** Tut, tut, dear. Swearing like that, at your age?

**Me:** I learnt from you, hon.

**Alicia: **You're not a very good student, then. I was always much more creative.

I was just about to respond when dear darling MOIRA dropped by to make things even greater.

**Me: **Oh, and I thought my life couldn't get any_ worse_! What do YOU want?!

**Moira:** Nothing from you, June Johns. I wanted to have a word with my sister.

**Bridget:** Well, _I_ don't want to have a word with you! I'm slightly occupied, in case you couldn't tell!

**Moira:** BRIDGET!

**Alicia:** That's the word? You just wanted to say her name? What a waste of time! All right, off you go now, chop chop.

**Moira:** None of your impudence, Alicia! Bridget. Out. Now.

**Alicia:** You're not head of form in the holidays, dear. And really, I'd hope the head of form would be slightly more articulate than: "Out. Now."

**Moira:** Bridget! If you don't come right now, I'll...I'll...

**Bridget: **Give me detention? Report me to the headmistress?

**Moira:** I'll tell dad.

What? Oh, she means Mr. Evans. I keep forgetting he is their stepdad for some reason.

**Bridget:** Tell him what?!

**Betty:** Well, that you were rude and disrespectful, of course.

**Bridget:** Elizabeth. You're not helping.

**Alicia:** She's not trying to. We're just enjoying the argument.

**Moira:** Briiiidgeeeett...!!!

**Bridget:** All right, all right! Anything to shut you up!

So she went out. Me, The Devil and her buffoon, of course, followed them and eavesdropped. It was something like this:

**Bridget:** Well? What?

**Moira:** I feel it's my sisterly duty to point out that I have not been too impressed with your behaviour lately.

**Bridget:** Right. Why?

**Moira:** All this..._flirting_. It's not proper, especially not for someone your age.

**Bridget:** What the...excuse me?! When did you turn into a nun?!

**M****oira:** You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. And even worse, you flirt with more than one boy at the same time.

**Bridget:** _What_?! Have you gone MAD?!

**Moira:** Fine. Let me count. First, Matthew. Second, Roger.

**Bridget:** I DO NOT FLIRT WITH ROGER! What on EARTH are you_ on_ about?!

**Moira:** I am "on about" the fact that they were obviously fighting about you.

**Bridget:** They were NOT!

**Moira:** *raises eyebrow* Really. And in any case, you admit you've been flirting with Matthew.

**Bridget:** I'm sixteen years old, for heaven's sake! I'm allowed to have _fun_! He's a nice boy and I like him! What's your problem?!

**Moira:** My problem is that you're disgustingly _forwards_! And no doubt you've been flirting with George, too, and that's why June was crying...

The cheek of it! I was NOT crying! Hysterical, maybe. But not crying. At least, not when SHE was around. Moira, I mean.

**Bridget:** I NEVER FLIRTED WITH GEORGE!!! What do you take me for?! And what do you mean, _disgustingly forwards_?!

**Moira:** That no doubt you'll end up as bad as Betty. It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for Sam...

And she got no further, because Betty ran into the room and tried to throttle her. It was quite amusing, even in my utterly depressed state I could appreciate it.

**10 minutes later**

Went to ask John what his secret was. He went, all martyr-like: "That is none of your bussiness. Curiosity killed the cat." And walked away all dignified. He drives me CRAZY! And why does he wear SUITS all the time?! What boy his age wears SUITS?!

Going to bed early tonight. I am tired and depressed and need my beauty sleep after bawling my eyes out all day.

* * *

**A/N: Loved it? Hated it? Please review! And please, please, _please_ tell me if you have any ideas of what John's secret could be, I just can't think of anything! Or at least, my co-author doesn't like my idea...grr. So _please_! *puppy dog eyes* Cookies for everyone!**


	15. Ghosts and Gossip

**August 28th**

**Time:** 6 am

**Location:** Bathroom

**Mood:** Very very very very embarassed and recovering from heart attack.

Sometimes I amaze myself with stupidnessity. I am NEVER coming out of this bathroom again. NEVER.

What happened was that I had a bad dream, and in my stupidness, I thought that dream was real. Nightmare, more like. Basically, I dreamt that I had trampled George with my horse, and basically, he died, and basically everyone kept saying that basically it was my fault, and basically the dream ended with me throwing myself in the bed and howling. Slap me if I say basically again.

So here comes the embarassing part: I woke up when I had thrown myself to the bed in tears, right? So of course, I thought the dream was real. So basically (slaps self) I ran out of the room screaming hysterically and woke up the whole bloomin' house.

**Me:** NOOOOOO!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

**Bridget:** WHAT?! WHAT'S WRONG?!

**Alicia:** What the HELL is going on here?!

**Me:** DON'T YOU REMEMBER??!! HE'S DEAD!!!!!!! AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!!! *sobs hysterically*

**Alicia:** Who the_ hell_ is dead??!!

**Me:** GEORGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Betty:** _What_?!

**Me:** YES!! DEAD!!! TRAMPLED BY MY OWN HORSE!!!!

**Everyone:** _What_?!

**Me:** DON'T YOU REMEMBER?! I KILLED HIM, AND ALL OF YOU WERE BLAMING ME, AND...

**George:** Um, excuse me, June, I don't _think_ I'm dead.

This is the really, really EMBARASSING bit.

**Me:** AAAAAH!!! GHOST!!!!!! GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Sam:** June. He is _not_ a ghost.

**Me:** YES HE IS!!! LOOK!!!

And I went over and touched his arm, and finally dawned on me he wasn't dead when my hand didn't go through his body.

**Betty:** Junebug. You were _dreaming_.

And here's the really really_ really_ embarassing bit. Oh my god, I can't even bear to write it down.

**Me:** *throws arms around George and sobbing hysterically* OH thank _GOD_!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!!

OH MY GOD, NOOOO!!! How am I so STUPID?! I came back to my senses as quickly as I had lost them. I only had time to look at the vair vair amused expressions on the rest of the family (except Aunt and Uncle. They weren't there. So much for unclerely and aunterly concern) before I went beetrot red and ran and ran and ran towards the bathroom and locked myself in. I am never coming out of here again, NEVER.

**28****th**** August**

**Time:** 10 am

**Location:**Living Room

**Mood:** Embarassed and ashamed and angry

OK, so I came out. I had to, otherwise Sam would read the poem. He used that stupid blackmail on me AGAIN. Breakfast was UMBEARABLE. It went something like this:

**Aunt:** June, dear, I heard you screaming last night. Did you have a bad dream, honey?

**Me:** Nygh.

**Aunt:** *puzzled* Nygh? What do you mean, Nygh?

Oh, for the sake of bonnie bobby _shaftoe_!!!!!!

**Me:** *emphathically* Nothing.

**Uncle:** What was it about?

**Me:** *glares* Uncle. Please. I have no desire to discuss this any longer. I might die, socially, sentimentaly and literally, if we do not stop this conversation right here, at this moment in universe, time and space.

I just made no sense there, did I?

**Uncle****:** *puzzled* _What_?

**Alicia:** Dear mother and father, allow us to enlighten you. Sam? Will you do the honours?

**Me:** *snarling* Shut it!

**Sam:** *completely ignoring me. Surprise surprise.* Why thank you, dear sister, I would be glad to. You see, dear progenitors, our darling June here had a rather terrible nightmare last night...

**Me:** I said, SHUT IT!

**Sam:** *in a singsong voice. Even his singsong voice souds amazing. Kind of deep and it sounds...golden, like his hair...SHUT UP, JUNE!!!* The poooeeeem...

I shut up.

**Sam:** As I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted, our June had a horrible nightmare. Truly horrible. It seems that the dreamt that George here was, apparently, lifeless. In other words, dead. Which upset out poor little Juney _dreadfully_, as you can imagine why.

**Aunt:** Oooh. I _see_.

So much for Aunt's promise to be "discreet". She's about as "discreet" as Caroline Meyer when she told everyone about my...anyway, that's another story.

I threw him a vair vair dirty look and said, very dignified:

"You may chew me up and spit me out, but you can never chew and spit out my dignity, my dreams, or my, er, world or...universe."

**Everyone:**Huh?!

**Me:** *flushing*_ I_ don't know. Forget it.

**Alicia:** Oh, yes, she was simply in _hysterics_, poor darling. _Flung_ her arms around George when she realized he wasn't dead.

**Sam:** Wasn't it sweet of Juney, though? To be so woried about darling George?

**Alicia:** but there again, is Geroge _really_ such a darling? You do remember our ... doubts about him, don't you, brother dear? About how he might just be using a certain girl to get closer to another?

**George:** *looking extremely baffled and uncomfortable* Umm...I don't really understand what you mean by that...

**Sam:** Don't worry, Georgie._ I_ think you're OK.

**Alicia:** Are you completely sure, brother dear? We can't have Juney getting hurt, you know...

**Sam:** You are quite right, sister dear, but I'm sure.

**June:** What do you care if I get hurt? Not that I will, but anyway you'd probably enjoy it.

**Alicia & Sam:** June! You wound us!

**Uncle:** *baffled* "Why would June be getting hurt? Who is going to hurt her?

**Alicia****:** *sweetly* No one, father, don't worry. We're just having a hypothetical conversation about human relationships.

Since when does Alicia talk like that? Is Matt really contagious?

**Matt:** Exactly, Uncle, the potential for harm is inherent in the undertaking of any such relationship, making it a commitment of trust on both sides.

_Huh_???!!! I take it back, Alicia was actually understandable.

**Uncle:** *still baffled* All right, I see.

Hah, right!

**Moira:** *loftily* Children.

**Betty:** *sharply* And how old are _you_, madam?

**Aunt:** *trying to stop the argument* well, anyway, dears, if you've all finished, perhaps some of you would go down to the village and do some shopping...

**Betty:** _I_ will. *undertone* anything to get away.

**Sam:** I'll help you.

**Alicia:** Do you mind terribly if Junebug and I tag along? There's something I'd like to prove to our dear cousin.

**June:** Who said I wanted to go???

**Sam:** Of course you do, and so does George, right George?

**George:** Umm.... sure....

**Alicia:** Oh yes, you wouldn't let poor June carry all our shopping home, would you?

**George:** No, no, of course not.

**Sam:** Well, June?

I hate giving in to him... but George is coming! And I wonder what the davil incarnate wants to prove.... not that I'm telling her that! No. I must not give in. I'm not going, and that's_ that_!

**2**** hours later**

Fine, so I did go to the town. Well, c'mon, was I going to miss a chance to be with George? Alicia is UM-BE-LI-VABLE. Basically, this is what happened:

I felt I had to give some kind of apology to George for throwing myself on him and practically causing homicide to him:

**Me, to George:** Erm... I'm... eerm.... sorry about last night. I was, erm... a bit, errrrmm...crazy.

Seriously, how many 'erm's' can I fit into one bloody sentence?!

**George:** *going red as a blushing flamingo* Oh, errmm..that's allright...it was, umm, sweet...you caring so much for my, erm, death...kind of, errr, scary, but sweet.

Yeah, right. Sweet. Bloody psychotic, more like. Still. HE SAID I WAS SWEET!!! YAYYYY!!!

**Me:** Oh, um, er, erm, thank you. *blush like a rotten tomato. Except that rotten tomatoes are brown, not red. And I don't blush brown. That would be anormal. Shut up, brain!!!*

And here is what my dear cousin, the Devil Incarnate, wanted to prove to me. Remember that she had claimed that Peter, the best looking boy in the village (apart from George, of course, and Sam, much as I hate to admit, no one can top his golden hair...and deep blue eyes...and I'll shut up now, since my dear little brother is looking over my shoulder and making gagging noises) liked her? And that I went all like: No way, and she went: Fine, I'll ask him next time we go to the village. So she did. She is just umbelievable. Just walked right up and asked him. Literally. Like:

**Alicia:** Hey, Peter.

**Peter:** *promptly dropping all the shopping -hey, that rhymes!- to the floor, and blushing* Oh, hi.

**Alicia:** Can I ask you a quick question?

**Peter:** Um...okay...

**Alicia:** Do you like me?

**Peter:** *chokes and turns so red you'd think he was a lobster, not a human being* Um...er...well, yes...actually...I

**Alicia:** Oh, good, so that's settled. *turns and mouthes "see?" to me*

**Peter:** Erm, maybe you'd like to, er, go for a, um, coffee, sometime?

**Alicia:** Sure. See you on Monday then – 3 pm.

**Peter:** *looking both extremely pleased and shocked at the same time* All right.

Then she walked away, with an extremely disgusting smug look on her face. I was speechless. That's the problem with me. I can't argue with success. She didn't seem to notice that Harriet Blake and Gretchen Stock were both staring daggers at her. John, who had decided to come with us for some unknown reason, looked extremely appalled. Abigail and Jeremy Adams were both looking like the cat who got the cream. They're the town gossips, Abigail and Jeremy. They run this pathetic hand-made newspaper with all the gossip of the town folks, and the country folks that live near the town (like us) too. It "comes out" every Friday. I buy it from them sometimes just 'cause it's so hilarious. Today was Saturday and they were selling them, so I walked up to them to buy one. We had a short convsersation:

**Me:** Hello, Abby, hello, Jeremy. How much are the newspapers? Two pence, right?

**Abigail:** Why, _hello_, June! It's been so long!

**Me:** *confused* I only saw you yesterday, Abbs...

**Abigail:** Yes, yes, whatever. Can I ask you a few questions? *takes notebook out, and is instantly followed suit by Jeremy*

**Me:** Uh, sure. (I should've said no! I should've totally said no!!!)

**Jeremy:** Is it true that Als has been going out with Petes?

By the way: Jeremy is extremely femenine. EXTREMELY. He doesn't get teased though, since no one particularly wants to be the victim of a nasty rumor. And when I say nasty, I mean NASTY. They're nice people, but you do not get on their bad side. Oh, and he gives everyone name abreviations with an "S" at the end. Don't ask me why. Like, "Als" is Alicia. Obviously.

**Me:** Not for a long time, she just arranged a date.

**Abigail:** I _see_. And is it true that you are in love with George?

**Me:** *splutters, and then gives extremely fake laugh* What, me?! Nooo. Hee hee hee. _Me_? In _love_? With _George_? _Please_.

**Jeremy:** Oh my gosh, you totally have a crush on him!

**Me:** No. No, I do not. Don't you dare put that in there. No.

**Jeremy:** Ohmigosh, look at how _red_ she is! That is sooo _sweet_!

**Me:** *shouting* No! Honest! I...

**Alicia:** *pops up unexpectedly, as usual* What's the discussion about?

**Jeremy:** Junes here won't admit she's totally crushing on Georges!

"Junes." I ask you.

**Alicia:** What?! But, _Junes_, why are you denying it?! Don't believe her, you should hear her at home, always sighing, and moaning about him. Like: Oh, George! I love him soooo much!

Sam and Betty, at all this, are two busy showing disgusting public signs of affection in a wall corner. Ugh. They were "published" last week as "The couple of the moment."

**Me:** SHUT it!

The worst thing is that George was within earshot the whole time. Of course, the evil siblings saw this and called him over.

**George:** Um, yes?

**Jeremy:** Hi, Georges! Just a weeny question: do you like girls?

**Me:** *sarcastically* _Noooo_. He likes _kangaroos_. What do you think?

Ooops. Big mistake. I forgot who I was speaking to. Jeremy didn't seem to have heard me though, thank god. I do not want bad rumors spreading out again. Like the one where I (quite understandably) got mad at them, and they invented that I, apparently, got drunk one night. They even had eye witnesses of me throwing up, but nobody would listen that I only _seemed _drunk because I was dizzy after the bloody ride at the bloody amusement park! But that's another story.

**George:** Um...yes? Why? Where is this leading to?

**Jeremy:** Any particular girl?

**George:** *goes unbelievably red* Um, look, I have to...

**Alicia:** *eyes glittering malevolantly* Well?

**George:** Ah – I – Erm...

**Abigail:** A particular girl who's name begins with a J - ?

**Jeremy:** And ends with U – N – E - S? Only without the "S"? Sorry, bad habit of mine.

I just stood there for a while wondering what I had ever done to deserve this misery, while I watched George's stuttering and vair vair red face, and Abigail and Jeremy and Alicia's vair vair evil ones. So I did the only thing I could think of. Run. And run. And run. By the time I reached the house, I was screaming my head off. Vair vair loud. Needless to say, people were startled. I ran upstairs, still screaming, and locked myself in the bedroom and continued screaming. Then, while I was screaming, I started banging on everything around me. I had to stop because the bed kind of did a cracking noise when I thrashed it with Bree's hockey stick. I hope I didn't break it. Just in case, I won't touch it. Aunt came and worriedly asked me if everything was all right. I said that she should start calling the funeral men. She said: "June, dear, really...!" And then walked away.

I HATE this town. Why can't people stick to their own bleeping business?! Stupid Abigail, stupid Jeremy and stupid Devil Incarnate. Bree and Matt have gone out riding, so there's no best friend or big brother to comfort me. People are so selfish. The only person in this room is my dear little brother who insists on reading over my shoulder and making gagging noises. Great comfort, I'm sure!

They came back about half an hour later after me. I heard the Devil Incarnate say something like: "Oh, mother, wherever is June? She just ran away, screaming her head off! I have NO idea why...poor thing, maybe she wasn't feeling well!" Bloody hypocrite. She'll probably come up and torment me for another hundred milleniums now. Oh, someone's knocking. Probably her.

Oh, I can't bloody BELIEVE it! She's got Jeremy and Abigail and Sam with her! I HATE her!!! I'll just ignore them and continue writing. As usual. Sam's dragging George in now. Literally. He's struggling. But Sam's stronger, unfortunately. He's tying him to a chair now. I'm sure this is physical abuse. I'll just pretend not to notice.

Alicia: Junes, that was really rude! You can't just run away from interviewers!

Me: I'm not talking to anyone.

Sam: What, not even Georgie? He didn't do anything to you!

Me: Fine. I'm not talking to anyone except George.

Abigail and Alicia and Jeremy and Sam: Oooooh!

George: *struggling with ropes* This is physical abuse! I'm calling my lawyer!

Me: You have a lawyer?

George: No, but they didn't know that. Until now.

Jeremy: Oh, c'mon, you two, just admit it! You're totally in luuurve with each other!

Me: ....

George: ....

Abigail: Well?

Me: I refuse to answer any questions.

Jeremy: So you do like him!

Me: I neither deny or admit. I stay silent. Silence is golden.

Alicia: *slyly* Golden? Like Sam's hair?

Me: YOU READ MY DIARY AGAIN!!!!!!

Sam: Ooooh, so you really did write that down?

Me: I neither deny or admit. I stay silent.

Tom: Yes, she did! She also wrote that Peter is the best looking boy in the village after George and Sam, because no one can top his golden hair and deep blue eyes!

Everyone is laughing helplessly. Abigail and Jeremy scribble furiously.

Me: *between gritted teeth* Tommy. Do you want to die?

Tom: *lights up* Oh, yes! Lets play dying!

Me: We are NOT playing dying. Lets play "Putting a sock in your gob." You just take a sock and push it up your mouth.

Tom: Cool! I'll go fetch the socks!

He's out. He is so weird. Seriously, why can't he play football like any normal eight-year-old?!

Jeremy keeps throwing flirty looks at Sam. This is disgusting.

Jeremy: Sams? Have you any proof that these two love each other?

Sam: Well, I think their faces should be enough proof. Red as lobsters, as Junebug would say.

Jeremy: Junebug! That's so funny! *laughs flirtyly. I am seriously throwing up now.*

Tommy's come back with two green socks.

Me: OK, now stuff it up your mouth.

Alicia: Don't. Seriously, June, he'll choke.

Me: Good! OK, OK, Tommy, no, you'll choke to death.

Tom: You're no fun! *runs out of room*

Jeremy: I love that little guy. Kids give the best answers. Now, June, George...kiss! kiss! Kiss!

Oh my god this is so embarassing. Everyone's joined in "kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" WHY, god? WHY???!!!

Me: I have to go to the bathroom.

Alicia: Oh no you don't. You're not leaving this room until you admit just hw much you love Georgie.

Abigial: *grins wide* What's that famous song? Georgie porgie pudding and pie...

Alicia & Sam: ...kiss the girls and make them cry...

Jeremy: ...but when the boys came out to play, Georgie porgie ran away!

Me: Yeah, not like you, right, Jeremy?

30 minutes later

Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. I can't believe I said that. Jeremy is looking at me with that famous hatred. It'll all be gone after he invents another nasty rumor, but still. I don't want another rumor about me being drunk! I feel bad. It's not his fault, after all. But he's really bugging me. Why can't he mind his own business? That's the thing about the Adams siblings, they always end up the victims. I wonder what they'll make up about me now. After an awkward silence, Sam, Alicia and Abigail made up some lame excuse about a chicken in the oven and left me alone with him. And George. He's still tied to that chair. Great. Better start apologizing rightaway.

Me: *awkwardly* Sorry. I didn't mean it like that.

Jeremy: *not looking at me* Whatever, June.

Uh-oh. June. Not Junes. This is bad.

Me: Seriously! I'm sorry. I apologize.

Jeremy: You just don't want me making up some rumor about you.

Me: No! Well, I mean, yes, I don't want you making up anything about me, but really, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.

Jeremy: *smiles slyly* There IS one way you can make it up to me, without me making up anything...

Me: *warily* What?

Jeremy: Answer. Do you like each other?

George: I don't have to answer. I didn't say anything about you.

Jeremy: *sweetly* But you must both answer. If not, Junes here will suffer.

Me: *suddenly* John has a secret!

Jeremy: Yeah, right. Mister Perfect, a secret? Dream on, sweets.

Me: Seriously! The other day, he was all "I'm going to tell Aunt and Uncle about your relationship, Sam and Betty, it's not right that they should be deceived", and Sam went: "You'd better not. Or I'll tell your secret" and John went all pale and went like: "I don't know what you're talking about!" and Sam said: "Oh, but you do, don't you?" and John was like: "OK, OK, I won't tell" and then...

Jeremy: OK, OK, I get the point. All right then. If you figure out John's deep, dark secret by next week, I won't make up anything. But I will put you and Georges under the "maybe" couples.

Me: Deal. *stop suddenly, looking at him in sudden "realization"* Uh oh...I wonder if he might be...you know...

Jeremy: *confused at first, then laughs when realizes what I'm on about.* Oh, no, no, Junes, believe me, this secret is not that he likes boys. No.

Me: How do you know?!

Jeremy: Never you mind, Junes. Now, chop chop! Off you go to find out this big secreto.

George: Uh...guys? Do you think you could untie me now?

Jeremy: *eagerly. A bit too eagerly.* I will!

Me: You will NOT.

Jermey: Oooooh. Jealous much?

I am seriously going to kill him someday. Him and his sibling. I love them because I've known them my whole life, but they could mind their own business a bit more.

Time for lunch. Got to go.


	16. ze zecret iz revealed!

Still August 28th

**Time:** 3 pm

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** Exasperated

After a speech of "you shouldn't break furniture to let out your anger" by Aunt and Uncle, and after almost being murdered by Bree (I had to offer to buy another hockey stick because it snapped as soon as Bree touched it. Now where am I going to get money for a new Hockey stick?!) I put my mind and attention on one mission: John's secret. Or else, get my reputation totally blown away by my dear "friends" Jeremy and Abigail.

I was kind of obvious, I am ashamed to admit. He spotted me following him straight away.

**John:** June? What are you _doing_?

**Me:** I erm, lost...lost...looooost...my....my...myyyyy...erm...banana!

**John:** *baffled* Your _what_?!

**Me:** My banana...I lost it.

**John:** Your banana.

**Me:** Yes!

**John:** I see.

Silence.

**John:** June. I am not stupid. I know what you're doing. Trying to find out my "secret". Let me give you some advise, sister. Mind. Your. Own. Business.

Then he walked away. Bloody little snob. He is so selfish. But I'll find out. You just wait and see.

* * *

**August 29th**

**Time:** 3 pm

**Location: **Sitting Room

**Mood:** Hysterical and annoyed

Jeremy just phoned. Thank _god_ he doesn't like girls, or I'd be the loons' tease victim for at least the next five years.

Jeremy: Found out yet?

Me: Oh, please, give me a break! I've only had like a day!

Jeremy: Every second counts, sweetie. Just remember I need it by the day after tomorrow.

Me: The day after – _Jeremy_! It comes out next Friday!

Jeremy: Change of plans. Now it comes out Tuesdays and Fridays. Sorry.

Me: SORRY??!! That's not FAIR! I need a week!

Jeremy: C'mon, Junes, you're a bright girl, you can figure this out.

Me: NO! I CAN'T!! This is just not FAIR!

Jeremy: C'est la vie, darling.

I slammed the phone down on him. I hate him so, so, so, so much right now. I need to find out John's secret by Tuesday or I am DEAD.

Oh, great. MOIRA just came in. What the hell does _she _want?

Me: What the hell do _you_ want?

Moira: *shocked* Well, _really_! Swearing, at your age!

Me: Well, _really_! Entering without knocking, at your – uh, nothing. Anyway, I only said "hell".

Moira: That's swear – never mind. What I have really come here for is to have a word with you about something.

Me: Oh, great.

Moira: *sharply* What?

Me: Nothing, nothing...

Moira: Anyway. I wanted to talk to you about the relationship between my sister and your brother.

Oh, for the sake of my broken Elvis Presley record!

Me: What about it?

Moira: Well, that I think she is moving too fast. It just is not proper, a young lady flirting with boys like this.

Me: Escuse me, but if you didn't flirt at all, you wouldn't marry, and then there wouldn't be reproduction, and therefore, humanity would cease to exist.

Moira: June. I seriously doubt Bridget will marry at sixteen.

Me: No, but anyway, it's none of your business. You're just like Alicia. Jealous because your little sister has gotten herself a boyfriend before you.

Moira: What? Oh, please.

Me: It's true! Now get out, I need to think.

Moira: You? Think? Whatever about?

Me: Ha, ha. Out. Now. I'm busy.

Moira: Fine. But I insist, Bridget is going too fast with this. Talk to her about it.

Me: Yeah, yeah. Now, out.

God, she is so annoying.

**Time:** 7 pm

**Location:** Bathroom

**Mood:** Oh goooddddd.

Oh goooddddd. I can't believe it. During dinner, aunt May told me my "mother" was considering sending me to a bloody _psychologist_! Apparently Aunt told her over the phone about the bed and the hockey stick. And guess what? Aunt thinks it's a "very good idea" and that it'll help me "channel my anger". Oh, c'mon. Please. Not even the best psychologists in the world can "channel my anger" with all the evil lunatics I have to put up with here. The evil lunatics in person were laughing their airheads off at this pathetic suggestion. Psychologist. I ask you.

**2 minutes later**

I have an appointment with the psychologyst on September the 1st at five pm. Yipee. Not.

**Time:** 1 am

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** Insomniatic.

I can't sleep. Must be all the stress. First Jeremy, now a psychologist. Yup, definitely stress. And the fact I am now sleeping on a matress on the floor. Why oh why did I break the bed?

**2 minutes later**

I think I'll sneak to the kitchen and make myself a hot chocolate.

**5 minutes later**

Sitting in the sofa in the living room drinking lovely hot hot hot chocolate. Ah, bliss.

**7 minutes later**

I hear footsteps. Oh no. Must be Aunt or Uncle. If they find out I've been meddling with hot things in the kitchen without adult supervision I am dead. Especially since they are still angry at me for the bed incident. I am now hiding behind the sofa.

**2 minutes later**

God god god giddy-god, it is John! What the heck is he doing? Oh my god, he is opening the front door! He is going out! I am seriously having multiple spasm attacks right now. I must follow him. Thank god my coat is on the armchair. Thank god it's a dark coloured coat. Thank you, god!

**50 minutes later**

God god god!!! I found out John's big secret!!! And I wasn't seen! I am so proud of my intelligentosity.

I followed him very discreetly, which is hard to do in the countryside. I followed him up to where the little lake near town is. There, he sat on a rock and waited, and waited. And I waited, and waited behind a sort of bush. And then, someone else came – a girl! I had to resist the strong urge to shout "busted!". Then I had to resist the very strong urge to jump out and start singing "Johnny's got a girlfriend, Johnny's got a girlfriend!"

The girl was about John's age (fourteen) and she was a gypsy, by the looks of her. She was dark and dressed in bright colours and a long red skirt. She's bloody pretty, I'll give her that. He has good taste. Can't say the same about her though...

This is what I caught of the conversation:

**John:** Ramona! I thought you weren't coming!

**Ramona:** Sorry, I couldn't get out. I had to get dad to bed. He's been at it again. Drinking. Listen, John. I can't stay much longer. My people are going to move again. I don't know where.

**John:** But...you can't go yet!

**Ramona:** I don't want to, but I have to. It's not my desition, it's Garko's.

Who in the name of Noddy and Big Ears is Garko?!

**John:** When are you moving?

**Ramona:** I don't know. Tomorrow, I think. Tomorrow afternoon.

**John:** Can I see you again? In the morning?

**Ramona:** It'd be rather difficult. Could I come to wherever you live at about 7 am?

**John:** *hesitating* Well...I don't know. My Uncle...he...he doesn't like strangers, and...

WHAT???!!!

**Ramona:** Strangers, or gypsies?

**John:** No, not just gypsies, any kind of stranger. He's rather odd like that.

John, what the heck are you ON about? Uncle doesn't have anything against strangers, or gypsies as far as I know. Alicia used to have a gypsy friend when she was little, and she used to bring her round to the house every day, and I can't remember Uncle or Aunt minding.

**Ramona:** All right, then, how about we meet here again at 7 am?

**John:** Good. That's settled, then.

God, even when he talks to his girlfriend he sounds like a bloody businessman. He really gets on my last nerve.

**Ramona:** 'Bye then. And John?

**John:** Yes?

**Ramona:** Love you.

I had to seriously restrain myself from throwing up savagely.

**John:** *mumbling* Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. I ask you. He's about as emotional as a wooden teapot. And as useless.

And then she was gone. And then he walked home. And I followed him without being seen. Can you believe it, he cried! At least, I think he did. I mean, he sat down on the rock and buried his head in his hands. That's crying, innit? So maybe he is a bit more emotional than a wooden teapot. I had to climb in through the window so John wouldn't hear me coming in after him. Bree was surprised to say the least, and demanded to know what was going on. She is so nosey. Why is everyone butting into other people's business nowadays? People have just no respect for other people's privacy nowadays. And so hypocritical!

So I had to tell her and she went into a spasm of squeals. It was kind of disturbing so I gave this big false yawn and said I was tired and crawled back into bed. She continued with her sqealing spasm until she fell asleep. She really worries me sometimes.

I can't wait to tell Jeremy everything! I have to get the whole truth out of John tomorrow. I'm sure my lovely family will help. And if they don't, I'll play my Frank Sinatra disc nonstop.

* * *

**August 30th**

**Time:** 5:30 am

**Location:** Round about the house.

**Mood:** EVIL! MUAHUAHUAHUAHUA!

First thing in the morning (well, a bit before morning. I was exited): I jumped up and down on Bridget's bed screaming "I FOUND OUT, I FOUND OUT!!!" Then I went into the Devil Incarnate and the boffoon's room and did the same. Alicia screamed and fell of the bed in surprise. It was very hilarious to say the least. At LAST, Alicia and Sam were out of bed (the rest just threw things at me and went back to sleep), with very annoyed and sleepy looks on their faces.

**Me:** I FOUND OUT!!!

**Alicia:** So we've heard about ten thousand times, except we don't know what the HECK it is that you found out, you little brat, so would you be so KIND as to enlighten us?!

**Me:** A secret. THE secret. _HIS_ secret.

**Alicia:** _WHAT_ secret?!

**Me:**_ JOHN'S_ secret!

**Sam:** What? Really?

**Me:** Oh, right,_ now_ you're interested. I'm offended. I'm not saying anything now.

**Sam:** Fine.

Short silence.

**Me:** All right, all right, I'll tell you! So John went out last night, at about 1:30, and I followed him. And guess what I saw.

**Alicia:** What?!

**Me:** I followed him down to the river, you know, the one near town, and guess who he met there?

**Alicia:** June, if you say "guess" one more time, I am going to stick –

**Me:** OK, OK. But GUESS!

**Sam:** The village policeman who arrested him for being a vagabond?

**Me:** What? No!

**Sam:** I was being sarcastic.

**Alicia:** TELL US!!! _NOW_!!!

**Me:** Don't yell! It's rude, dear.

**Alicia:** June, I swear, tell now, or I will phone Jeremy and tell him –

**Me:** OK, OK, OK!!! He met this girl. A gypsy.

**Alicia:** So? Do you have a problem with gypsies? *agressive tone*

**Me:** *exasperated sigh* _Nooo_. John seems to be the one who does. In fact, he has two problems with gypsies. He doesn't like them, but his girlfriend is one.

**Sam:** Girlfriend? But...I thought he was...

**Me:** Yeah, me too. But no, Jeremy assured me he wasn't.

**Alicia:** *witheringly* How does _he_ know?

**Me:** He wouldn't say. But c'mon, he's Jeremy, he knows everything about everyone! So my idea was to confront John now about it.

**Alicia:** Oh, good! Shall I start? I'll go up now and start with: "June followed you..."

**Me:** NO! I don't want him to know it was ME!

**Sam:** Well, what_ is_ your idea then?

**Me:** Just say that we know his secret, and that we know what it is, and what he's going to do about it!

**Alicia:** You know what he's going to do about us knowing his secret? Kill us, probably.

**Me:** No, not about that, what he's going to do about his girlfriend going away!

**Sam:** She's going away?

**Me:** Yes, she's a GYPSY!

**Alicia:** Do you have a problem with gypsies?!

**Me:** _NO_!!! GOD!!! It's IMPOSIBLE to talk to you!

**Alicia:** *smirks* I know what you mean, stupid. But winding you up is just SO easy, and SO much fun!

And it went on and on and on, and on...OK, I think you get the point...untill we went to John's room. I knocked. No answer. Sam knocked. He nearly knocked the door down. Still no answer. So Alicia tried the door. It was open. John was pretending to be asleep, so I started hitting him with his pillow.

**John:** WHAT THE HECK DO YOU WANT???!!! (or words to that efect)

**Me:** So. Johnny. How are you feeling today?

**John:** How am I - ??!! What do you think???!!!

**Me:** So you're _not _feeling well? Why's that?

**John:** Well, it isn't exactly the best way to wake up, your sister trashing you with a pillow!

**Me:** Yeah, right, whatever. What is your opinion on gypises, John?

**John:** Excuse me?!

**Alicia:** What is your opinion on gypsies?

**John:** *snaps* I heard the first time.

**Alicia:** *sweetly* Oh, sorry, it's just that when someone says "excuse me" it mean they haven't heard properly.

**John:** It can also be an expression of "indignation"! Now, go!

**Sam:** You haven't answered the question.

**John:** Because I don't WANT to. I think you're extremely _rude_, barging in like this.

**Alicia:** Gosh, are you this high and mighty with your girlfriend?

**John:** *going red* What are you talking about?!

**Me:** Stop pretending. We know.

**John:** About what?

**Sam:** About your gypsy girlfriend, John!

**John:** I have no idea what you're talking about. And what is this fictional girlfriend of mine called?

**Me:** RAMONA! (I have no idea why, but I burst out into peals of laughter)

**Alicia:** So. Enough of the secrecy, Johnny dear. Tell us all. How you met her, why the poor girl had such an appaling lapse in common sense as to become your girlfriend, and why we have never met her! And any other details you care to share.

**Sam:** It really is no use pretending, John.

**John:** I do not feel obligated to answer that question.

Who does he think he is, anyway, a bloody celebrity?

**Me:** Tell. Or we phone Jeremy. And tell him all about it.

**John:** *goes pale* No, no! All right. We met at a fair. YOU weren't with me. Thank god. We started talking, things progressed, we've been meeting, and you have never met her because I prefer not to introduce people to a band of such lunatics.

Hey! That's MY name for them! Bloody copycat.

**Me:** And WHY did you tell her your Uncle doesn't like strangers around the place?

**John:** How do _you_ - ? YOU FOLLOWED ME!!!

**Sam:** Bravo. *claps*

**Alicia:** So much for not revealing your dastardly deeds, Junebug.

**Me:** Oh, fine, yes, I followed you. So?

**John:** _So_?! It is wrong in so many ways I can't begin to count them!

**Me:** God. No wonder she's going away. She's obviously trying to escape from you. Not that I blame her, poor girl...

**John:** SHUT UP!!!

**Sam:** Enough, you two. But John, you never answered her question: Why did you tell her your Uncle doesn't like strangers around the place?

**John:** Like, I SAID, because I didn't care to introduce her to you.

**Me:** Hmm. Sure it isn't the other way round?

**John:** What?!

**Me:** Sure you didn't want US to meet HER? Because she's a gypsy?

**John:** I am NOT as prejudiced as you think.

**Alicia:** John. Just yesterday you were saying it was dangerous to have them in the neighbourhood.

**John:** I was _covering up_ for myself.

**Me:** Yes, but you seem to have prejudice against lots of people.

**John:** Yes, yes, whatever. Now will you get out of my room and let me SLEEP?

**Alicia:** Sure. So long as you promise to bring her over tomorrow.

**John:** She'll be gone by tomorrow.

**Me:** Well, today then. You have an appointment with her at 7, remember?

**John:** *goes red* I-I can't.

**Sam:** Why not?

**John:** Becaue – because – oh, fine, I will! Now get out and let me sleep!

**Me:** Okie dokie! I'm off to phone Jers! (Jeremy)

**John:** WHAT?!

**Me:** Yup. He's my friend, isn't he? Aren't I allowed to speak to my friends any more? Oh, yes, you probably have prejudices against Jers too, right?

**John:** Oh, for **- **just get out!

**Me:** Fine, fine. Lets go, Ally, Sammy.

So I went off to phone Jers. At 5:45 in the morning. I know, I know. But I was so excited!

**Abigail and Jeremy's father:** *groggily* Hello?

**Me:** Hello, may I please speak to Jeremy?

**A.a.J.F.:** Who is this? Do you have ANY idea what time it is??!!

**Me:** It's June Johns (Crap. I meant to say a false name)

**A.a.J.F.:** Well, Miss June, please phone back at a more adequate time! *slams the phone down*

Mm. Now I see were they get their drama queen personalities from. Anyway, about five minutes later the phone rang.

**Me:** _Bonyour_?

**Jeremy:** Uh...Junes?

**Me:** _Oui_.

**Jeremy:** What made you phone at such an early hour? And why are you speaking in french?

**Me:** Guess. And I don't know. Fun.

**Jeremy:** Oh my gosh! Wait, lemme guess: you found out the big secret?

**Me:** _Oui, ma chére_! I got up at 1:30 and followed John to the river and he met up with a gypsy girl but now she's going away so he is not happy.

**Jeremy:** Woah, woah! What is this girls name again?

**Me:** Ramona.

**Jeremy:** *gasps* Ohmigosh, the gypsy girl?! Ramona Pike?

**Me:** Er...she's a gypsy, don't know her last name...

**Jeremy:** Ohmigosh ohmigosh omigosh!!! This is going to be on first page! Wait 'till I tell Abs! Thanks sweetie, and _molte grazie_!

Then he hung up. Then Uncle came fuming down the stairs and started sermoning me (shouting, more like) something about phones and ridiculous hours. Then he sent me to bed.

**Me:** Now, now uncle, remember what grandpa always says: "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

**Uncle:** *baffled* What?

**Me:** Oh, no, not that one...what was it...something about going early to bed and a wise man...

**Uncle:** "Early to bed, early to rise, makes the man healthy, wealthy and wise"?

**Me:** Yeah, that.

**Uncle:** Well, I don't think my health will get any better if I wake up at 6 o'clock in the morning by a telephone ringing.

**Me:** _C'est la vie_, _ma petite_ _Oncle_.

**Uncle:** Why are you speaking in french?

People can be so nosey and interfering. And exasperating. And idiotic. And hypocritical. And...I'll shut up now.

* * *

**A/N: Chappie 16 up! YAY!! Hope you enjoyed it! Loved it? Hated it? Please review! *hands over chocolate chip cookies with icing on them***


	17. Visits and pain

**Still August 30th**

**Time:** 7 am  
**Location:** Living room  
**Mood**: Anxious and amused

I am now sitting in the living room with the two loons (Alicia and Samuel) in loonplanet, anxiously waiting for John to come back with his girlfriend. He has to bring her, he promised. And I know John, he's so bloody correct there's no way he'll break a promise.

It is very boring, here with the two loons. Alicia is telling Sam about something that happened at school. School. Who cares? It's something about Gwen-whatsit. And Darrell the macho girl.

In the midst of my boredomity I have started singing "White Christmas." They have stopped babbling to look at me as baffled as two baffled turtles.

**Me:** I am bored. If you do not entertain me I will have to entertain myself, won't I?

Oh, great. Before the loons coud respond, Hitler Moira came in.

**Me: **Forget it. There is no possible way for entertainment without Hitler here proclaiming that whatever form of entertainment we do is "common" or "unsuitable" or some idiocy like that.

**Moira:** *frowns* Honestly, June Johns, must you be rude every waking moment of your life?

**Me:** No, just of _your_ life.

**Moira:** The reason I came, actually, was to talk to you.

**Me:** What, again? No, thank you. I don't feel like being recrimintated for whatever insignificant thing I may have done.

**Moira:** Is your consience really _that_ dirty?

**Me:** Ha, ha. Go away, please, I am writing and you are disconcentrating me.

**Moira:** Really? What's that? More hate messages?

At that point, Sam and Alicia starting making "ooooh!" noises. The idiocy.

**Me:** Oh, how absolutely amazingly hilarious. Not.

**Moira:** I need to talk to you, now. Stop writing.

**Me:** Make me.

* * *

**2 hours later**

Bitch. She made me, all right. She dragged me to the hallway by my beautiful hair. It hurt like hell. The other two devil traitors didn't even try to help me.

**Me:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!! WHAT???!!!

**Moira:** BRIDGET!!!

**Me: **WHAT ABOUT HER???!!!  
**  
Moira:** Did you speak to her like I told you to???!!!

**Me:** ABOUT WHAT???!!!  
**  
Moira:** MATTHEW!!!!!!!!

**Me:** _WHAT_ ABOUT HIM???????????

**Moira:** ABOUT THAT SHE IS GOING TOO FAST WITH HIM, _REMEMBER_??!!

**Me: **Oh, that. NO!!! I DIDN'T!!! AND I NEVER WILL!!!! NOW LEAVE MY BEST FRIEND AND BROTHER _ALONE_!!!! THEY DO NOT _DESERVE_ THIS!!!

Maybe I am reading too many dramatic family novels. Whatever. I stormed back into the living room.

**Alicia:** Junebug?

**Me:** WHAT???!!!

**Alicia**: What happened?

**Me:** NOTHING!!!!!!!!! BRIDGET AND MATTHEW!!!!! GOING TOO FAST, ACORDING TO THE INTERFERING HITLER GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

**Alicia:** Oh. And?

**Me:** AND SHE WANTS ME TO TALK TO HER TO PERSUADE HER THAT SHE IS GOING TOO FAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HALF OF MY HAIR IS GONE THANKS TO THAT BLOODY LUNATIC!!!!! WHY CAN'T SHE LEAVE MY FAMILY AND HER FAMILY ALONE??????!!!!!!!!!

**Alicia:** June, you're reading too many dramatic family novels.

**Me**: SHUT UP!!!! MY HAIR IS NOT THE SAME NOW THANKS TO HER!!!!

**Sam:** Looks the same to me.

**Me**: IT IS NOT!!!! MY POOR HAIR IS TRAUMATIZED!!!!!! RUINED FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Sam**: June, June, calm down!

**Me:** I CAN´T!!!!!!! I'M SICK OF HER!!!! I WANT MY _LIFE_ BACK!!!!

**Alicia:** What life?

**Me:** THE ONE THAT YOU RUINED!!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!! I HATE EVERYONE!!!!!

**Alicia:** What, even Darling Sammy, with his lovely golden hair? *bursts into peals of laughter*

**Me:** AAAAAAARRRGGHH!!!!!!! YOU'RE EVEN WORSE THAN HITLER GIRL!!!!!

**Sam:** Hmm, it seems as though Junebug has a knack of inventing nicknames, hasn't she? Devil Incarnate, Boffoon, Ugly Betty, Hitler Girl...

**Alicia:** ...Macho girl...

**Sam:** Who's Macho Girl? That girl from your school...Bill?

**Alicia:** No, Darrell.

**Me:** *puzzled* How do you know about macho gi – YOU READ MY DIARY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Alicia:** *claps* Bra-vo.

**Me: **I HATE YOU!!!! YOU'RE RUINING MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!

Just then, the screaming session ended with Bridget coming in all exited. She was all like: "John's come back, he's got his girlfriend with him, she's really pretty, isn't she, and they are holding hands, isn't that so sweet, and he looks so nervous and..."

After twelve centuries later she shut up and John walked in all red in the face and I thought oh, tee-hee, this is going to be fun! By the looks on people's faces it seemed they where thinking along the same lines.

Ramona, for one thing was trying way too hard to be "refined." She obviously thought we are a "refined" family. Ha. Yeah, right. We're about as refined as a three eyed cow trying to mount a flying pig.

That made no sense. No matter, I will go on.

After saying hello, I rushed down and phoned Jeremy and Abigail whilst Alicia and Sam called the rest of the Loonland population.

**Phone call:**

**Abigail and Jeremy's dad**: Hello?

**Me:** Hello. Is Abby or Jeremy there?

**A.A.J.D**.: I know you. You're the girl from last night, aren't you? June Johns!

**Me: **Uh...nooo...

**A.A.J.D.:** Oh? Who is it then?

**Me:** Erm...errmm...Jane. Jane Eyre.

**A.A.J.D.:** June. That's a character from one of the Brontë books.

Darn. I knew I'd heard that name somewhere.

**Me**: Fine, it is June. I'm sorry about last night. May I please speak to Abby or Jeremy?

**A.A.J.D.:** All right. Jeremy! Abigail! Miss "Phone at the most unreasonable hour ever known to humanity" is on the phone again.

How rude can you get?

**Abigail:** _Hello_?

**Me:** Abbs, you and Jeremy come over NOW!

**Abigail:** What? _Why_? Oh, Jeremy _told_ me about _John_ and _Ramona_!

**Me:** And that's the reason you should come over. He's brought Ramona.

**Abigail:** *squeals* Ohmigosh!! We'll be _right _there!

Then I heard her having a short argument with her incredibly rude father begging him to take them in his car. He finally accepted and they came over.

I felt rather sorry for Ramona. Aunt was trying to be all welcoming and make her feel at home, but Ramona kept getting more nervous than a nervous, um, nervous thing.

Alicia must've got hit on the head with something. She was actually being nice to them. She was asking Ramona about her old friend, Jenny. It seems Jenny's married, and travelling in Europe now. Well, who cares. OK, I suppose Alicia cares. And Ramona. But I don't. Whatever. Why am I even going on about this?

John wasn't being much help. Just sort of sat there stupidly. Well, he's always stupid, so it doesn't really make a difference. Moira looked kind of uptight. Doesn't approve of gypsies, I suppose. Typical. Sam and Betty were looking all "aww, aren't they sweet". It was disgusting. I half expected them to start giving friendly advice. If they had, I would simply have had to kill myself on the spot.

Then George came in. I wasn't expecting him to come in (I don't know why, I mean, he's staying here), and I sort of squealed. And jumped up. And I was handing out a plate of buiscuits. And I jumped with the buiscuits. And buiscuits went everywhere. And everyone smothered laughter. Except for Alicia. And Sam. And Betty. And Matthew. They just laughed out loud. So kind and considerate. Then I had to pick the buiscuits up. And go out to the kitchen and get some new ones. That hadn't been lying around on the floor. It was a very embarassing ordeal.

When I went back, Jeremy and Abigail had arrived. And everyone was smirking at me. I hate my life. The very inconsiderate pig known as Jeremy asked if he could interview me for most embarassing moments. I glared.

**Matthew:** But, really, Jeremy? Do you think this is the most embarassing moment? I mean, statistically, she makes a spectacle of herself three times a day on average. You could probably run a whole new magazine with the acumulation of my sibling's most embarassing moments.

**Me:** Shut up!

**Matthew:** My dear girl, you must admit that the ammount of times and ways you find to embarass yourself occasionally seem to contradict the laws of nature. These cookies, for instance, I would never have expected them to spread around the room as much as they did. The laws of gravity would seem to be against it.

What in the name of Uncle's goat Billy is he on about?

**Aunt:** Now, June, Matthew, don't fight like this. You'll embarass our guest.

Ramona, who had been watching this with great relief, as the spotlight wasn't on her for a while, looked stricken.

**Me:** He embarasses me every single time he opens his mouth.

**Jeremy:** Yes, yes, very interesting, but let's get down to business. Johns, dear, aren't you going to tell us how you met...hmm, what shall I call you? Rams? Rammys? Rammys! It sounds sweeter!

**Ramona:** Um...Ramona's fine...

**Alicia:** Don't mind him. He gives everyone nicknames. Don't you, Jers? And everyone ends with 's'. Don't ask me why.

**Jeremy**: Part of my endearing qualities, darling.

**Abigail:** Yeah. Right. Endearing. Anyway, _how_ did you two _meet_?

**John:** Erm, well...I was walking...around the fair?

**Jeremy & Abigail:** AND??!!

**John:** Well...we...met...you know?

**Jeremy:** *exasperated* You're useless, Johns!

**Abigail:** Absolutely _useless_! Ramona, I'm sure _you_ can tell a _better_ story.

**Ramona:** *horrified* No, not really. I'm useless too.

**Sam and Betty**: aaaawww!

**Jeremy:** Come on, Rammys! How long have you been going out, does your family know, what are you going to do now you're leaving...? Details, dear, details!

**Ramona**: Um...okaaay...for a week and half, yes, and we'll sort it out.

**Abigail:** Ramona! _Details_, dear, we _need_ details!

**Aunt**: What for?

I love my Aunt, she's SO innocent!

**Abigail and Jeremy:** *looking shocked* Newspaper, dear, _newspaper_!

**Aunt**: *looks baffled* Oh...I see. Anyway, I'll get some tea, shall I?

She went away. Unluckily for Ramona.

**Abigail and Jeremy:** *turning back to their victim* Well?!

**John:** That's enough, leave her alone.

**Everyone:** AAAAAWWWWW!!!

Aren't we so kind and considerate and romantic? Hahahaha.

**John**: *rolling his eyes* I must apologize for my family, Ramona.

**Everyone**: AAAAAWWWWW!!!

**John:** If you cannot behave yourselves adequately, I'm afraid we have no option but to leave. Goodbye.

**Everyone:** AAAAAWWWWW!!!

Then we collasped into laughter. Unfortunately. Because that meant we couldn't stop them when they left.

**Abigail:** HAHAHAHAHA!! Jeremy we should...HAHAHAHAHA..._stop_ them!

**Jeremy:** HAHAHAHAHA!! I would if I could, Abbs!

Fourteen and a half centuries of laughing later, Sam asked:

"Well...I guess your big story has just run away... what are you going to do now?"

**Jeremy**: Oh, we'll find something...I suppose you wouldn't care to be interviewed, Sams?

God this is disgusting. He's bloody _batting his eyelashes_!

**Sam:** Er...no, thanks, I'll pass.

**Abigail**: He does have a _point_, I mean, we've got enough for the_ front_ page but not for the _rest_ of the paper.

**Matthew:** The whole paper was going to revolve around John and Ramona's relationship...is there absolutely nothing else of interest going on in the whole village?

**Jeremy:** Well, it's just that nobody else apart from you has so many things happening in two weeks, Matts dear!

Ugh! Now he's flirting with my brother! How desperate IS he?

**Abigail**: Any _other_ relationships arousing the house?

**Alicia:** Yeah, loads! Matt and Bree, for one, Sam and Betty – but you already wrote about that – George and June look as though they're about to start another, Dick is all over Moira but she refuses him, probably because she's three years older, Roger's mad at Matt for apparently "betraying him", probably likes Bree or something, god knows...

**Matt, Bree, Me, George, Moira and Roger:** Alicia, SHUT UP!!!

At all this, Jeremy and Abigail looked like the cat who'd got the cream. I HATE the devil incarnate with a passion that cannot be defined.

**Me:** Well, Jers, Abs (oh god, he's contagious) remember Alicia's date with Peter?

Alicia is looking at me with very much hatred. Muahuahuahua!

**Jeremy:** Oh yes, what was that, Als? When are you going out?

**Alicia:** *through gritted teeth* None. Of. Your. Bussiness...oh, crap.

**Abigail:** What? Oh...you _forgot_, didn't you?! You actually _forgot_!

I've just noticed. She seems to emphasize words a lot.

**Alicia:** Of course I didn't.

**Sam:** She did.

**Alicia**: What do YOU know?

**Sam:** Er...dearest sister, I've known you all your life. I know when you've forgotten something. Especially when you say things like: "oh, crap."

**Alicia:** I was just annoyed at someone reminding other certain someones about it.

**Me:** You forgot. I know you did. It's today. I heard you.

**Alicia:** Thank you, June. I really needed a walking talking appointment diary. And yes, it's today. And no, I will not be telling you the time, or the place.

**Me:** You're still on time though. At 3 pm, wasn't it?

At that point, Alicia got up and started throttling me. Then Bridget tried to defend me, Betty tried to defend Alicia, Matthew and George joined in on our side, Sam and Roger on theirs (all because he's mad at Matthew. I ask you). Abigail and Jeremy were scribbling everything that was happening down on their pathetic notebooks, and Moira was looking on disapprovingly. As usual. Then Dick walked in. He sat beside Moira and looked up at her adoringly. How disgusting. He has no shame. Or taste. Or refinement...although I can't talk about refinement, seeing as I was in a huge fight at the time. But still. Moira looked sideways at him and edged away. It was quite funny really.

Hmm. It's half past 9 now. In 3 hours and a half Alicia has to go on her date.

It's so boring here. Nothing ever happens. All right, things do happen. But I'm still bored. Anyway, on with what happened:

After Alicia finally finished with her attempt to throttle me, Jeremy and Abigail, seeing as they were getting nothing out of Alicia, moved on Dick and Moira.

**Abigail:** _So_, Dick, I hear you have an – _affection_ – for _Moira_ here?

She really does emphazise words way too much. It irritates me no end.

**Moira:** *groaning* Oh, great.

**Jeremy**: What was that, Moirs darling?

**Moira:** Nothing, nothing...

**Jeremy:** *turning back to the pathtic lovestruck prat, also known as Dick* Well, Dicks?

**Dick:** *not listening. He was staring lovestruck at Hitler Girl* Uh...uh...what? *dreamily*

**Jeremy**: Awwww! He's so in love he can't even think about anything or anyone else! How sweet is that? And you, Moira?

**Moira:** *explodes* He's three years younger than I am, for heaven's sake! Of course not!

Dick looked as hurt as a puppy who had just been told off by his master. He stood up with a trembling lower lip and ran out of the room. You could hear his wails all down the bloody corridor. Moira looked as though she felt as guilty as an, erm, murderer. Because...murderers feel guilty. Some of them. Not she did feel guilty. So she was like that some of them. Yeah. Even though she didn't murder anyone...whatever! She looked as though she felt guilty, ok?!

Jeremy and Abigail were scribbling down furiously.

**Jeremy:** That was rather mean, Moirs! Are you going to go after him?

Moira didn't say anything except to give him the Hitler Girl glare. No one insists on the Hitler Girl glare. No one.

**Sam:** I agree with Jeremy, someone should go.

**Jeremy:** Thanks, Sams! At least _someone_ agrees with me!

Oh, Godddd. I'm seriously throttling him if he doesn't stop flirting with my Sammy. I mean, my family.

**Me:** _You_ go.

**Sam:** Not me!

**Me:** You're a man.

**Sam:** Exactly. What he needs is a girl to comfort him. He needs motherly comfort, something that a man can't give. Or my Aunt, considering that would embarass him more.

**Me:** Well, then, Alicia, Betty, Bridget or Abby can go. Or Jeremy. He's already like a girl as it is.

**Jeremy:** Junes!!! Do you remember what happened last time we had a similar conversation???!!!

**Me:** Yes, yes, yes, sorry, sorry sorry!!! I meant...um...that in his weak and emotional state, I'm sure you could get lots of information out of him by "motherly comfort."

**Jeremy:** Oh yes, Junes, I'm _sure_ you meant that. Still...that _is_ a good point...

**Me:** Yes. As long as you don't start flirting with him too...joke, joke!!!

**Alicia:** June, you go.

**Me:** Not me! You go!

Of course, it ended up with me going. All because Sam blackmailed me again with that bloody poem. Merde, merde, merde! This is crazy. We don't even get along well. When we were five years old he emptied a bucket of sand over my head. And he always says I look horrible. Wich is a minus in my book. Of course. Duh.

**Consolation:**

**Me:** *opening door suddenly* DIIIICK!!!! HELLOOOOO!!!

**Dick:** *jumping about a mile from the bed where he was sitting* Aaaargh!! JUNE! What the HELL do you want?!

**Me:** To console YOU, my dear cousin!

Next, I rushed over and "hugged" him.

**Dick**: Erlack! Get OFF me! I don't need you. I don't need no one.

**Me**: Nooo, Dick, you can't say "no one" 'cause it's a double negat – OUCH!!!!

At this point, my dear cousin kicked me on the leg. Blood spurted out. It hurt like hell.

**Me**: *punching him* You utter ANIMAL!!! That HURT!!!! LOOK! Real blood!!! And it's all your fault!!!!!

**Dick:** I don't care. I don't care about anything any more.

I went out to resist the strong urge of killing him, and went back to the living room. The loons and George stared.

**Sam:** How did it go?

**Me**: Oh, _spiffing_. WHAT DO YOU THINK???!!! BLOOD IS SPURTING OUT OF MY LEG!!! REAL BLOOD!!!! AND IT IS ALL DICK'S FAULT!!!!!

**Alicia:** Are you sure it isn't red paint?

**Me:** _Am I sure it's not...!_ – OF COURSE IT'S NOT BLOODY PAINT!!!!

**Alicia:** Well it was last time you banged your head on the freshly painted red wall and you thought it was blood.

**Me:** WELL THAT'S DIFFERENT!!!

I had to walk over and let her touch my leg. That finally seemed to convince her.

**Sam:** What did he do to make you bleed like that?

At last, SOME concern.

**Me:** He kicked me with his foot.

**Sam**: What?! You mean he hurt you like that with one kick?! I must go and congratulate him!

Scratch that. Concern? Ha!

**Me**: IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!! I AM BLEEDING TO DEATH AND I MIGHT DIE ANY MOMENT THANKS TO HIM AND YOUR LACK OF CONCERN!!!!

**Moira:** Don't be ridiculous, June. It can be easily cured with a bandage, there is no need to be dramatic.

**Sam:** Right there.

**Betty:** *snapping* You're defending HER?!

**Sam:** Only because she's right, sweetheart.

**Betty**: She is NOT! That looks really bad. It can't be easily cured with a bandage! Come here, June, honey. Let me see your poor leg.

Oh, for the sake of Macho Girl's machonesity. This is umbelievable. The only way I can get any sympathy at all is through Betty's jealousy. How fair is that?

Jeremy and Abigail, at this point, were rolling on the floor in laughter. The rest of the loons except for Sam, Betty and Moira (who is physically unable to laugh OR smile, for that matter) and Tom (who was busy drawing a little stick man mashing another little stick man into pulp with an axe) looked as though they were about to do the same. Even Bridget, and she is supposed to be my friend. How distressing. Nobody loves me. Nobody. Not even when my leg has blood spurting out from it. Except for Betty, and she is only doing it to contradict Hitler Girl.

Anyway, I let Betty the Yetti see my leg. She pretended to be all concerned about it and even brought a bucket of water and rinsed a cloth over my poor, now deformed leg. She stopped being concerned when Sam came over and started slobbering all over her in that disgusting way they constantly do. Although I wouldn't mind if George slobbered all over me like that. SHUT UP, BRAIN!!!

Phew. What was I blabbering on about? Never mind. I must breathe. It's suddenly really really hot in here. Like a sauna. Or a raging hot volcano. But a sauna sounds more sophisticated. I think. My brain has suddenly turned into mush. Breathe, June, breathe.

I must go. It's time for lunch. I hope it's nothing hot. It'll make this sauna even more sauna-ish.

Oh, crap."A lovely, hot soup" as Aunt calls it. Great. That's life for you. I say I want nothing hot, and what does life give me? "A lovely, hot soup." Great. Just great.

Ramona and John have come back. John is pointedly ignoring us and Ramona is still all twichy and nervous. She was pretty taken aback when I told her Dick had pulled a piece of flesh out of my leg. So was Aunt. But she took a look at it and said it wasn't that bad. This is just typical. My cousin wounds me and all I get is "Oh, well, it's not that bad. I'll have a word with him later. He must apologize, of course. He's just very sensitive right now. Something Moira said?"

At which point Hitler Girl went red and muttered something like: "Gurgle". Seriously. I asked her to kindly repeat what she had said and all I got was a "Mind your own bussiness, June." What is the point of being a kind person?

* * *

**Time:** 2 o'clock

**Location:** Kitchen

**Mood:**IN PAIN!!!!!!

Centuries later, Dick came down for lunch. I discreetly showed my leg (all right, I put it on the table and muttered "AHEM!" really loudly. Unfortunately, I forgot the soup was there. So I spilt soup. All over my wounded leg. And I screamed in pain. And everyone laughed. Including George. Though at least he looked sorry for me. I hope.) and Dick was forced to "apologize." I say "apologize" because he muttered something like: "Sorrrray."

Now I am in the kitchen washing up. I am forced to wash up in my bed of pain. Except I'm not in a bed. I'm still in PAIN, though. I hate everyone. Except George. And Jaz my horse. And maybe Bridget. Although she laughed. I confronted her about it earlier. I said "I'm not talking to you." And she went "But you just did" , "no I didn't." Etc, etc, etc, until she finally apologized. But she still mantains it was funny. FUNNY??? What kind of a disloyal friend have I got??? That's it. She is dead. To my brain, anyway.

Although I suppose if it had been Alicia it would have been funny. Speaking of, I think I'll glue her to a chair. Just for fun.

* * *

**3 minutes later**

!!!!!!!! SHE SAT ON IT!!! AND SHE WILL NEVER KNOW IT WAS ME! HAHAAHAHAHA!

* * *

**1 minute later**

Oh, crap. My fingers are glued to the pen. Crap, crap, crap!

* * *

**2 minutes later**

Very amusing, though. Now she's trying to get up. Hahahahaha. I have to keep writing or otherwise they'll wonder why I don't put my pen down.

Now she's screaming: "WHO WAS THE JOKER????!!!"

**Matthew:** We are not a pack of cards. You should say: Who has glued me to this chair? Or, to be more polite, will anyone be kind enough to tell me who has glued me to this chair? Otherwise, you could ask 'who is the practical joker, or prankster?' but that does not specify to what prank you are refering.

**Alicia**: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!

Hahahahahahahahaha.

* * *

**4 minutes later**

She noticed. She hit me. She dragged her chair over to where I was sitting, helpless with laughter. And started hitting me. I tried to defend myself, but the pen was a bit of a nuisense. She actually hit me on the wound. She must die, she must die.

* * *

**1 minute later**

Still. It was worth it. Especially now she has ink al over her face. Hahahahahaha. And she only has one hour until her date! Muahuahuahuahua!!

* * *

**A/N: Plz review!! *hands over promised cookies* Next chappie will be all about Alicia's date! Muahuahuahua!!**


	18. spying on love declarations

**August 30th **

**Time:** 3.30

**Location:** Behind plant

**Mood:** Hee hee hee!! EVIL!

I am now behind a plant pot with Bree waiting for Alicia to come out of the bathroom. She's on her date with Pete and they are having coffee and ...

I had to cut off right there because Jeremy surprised us. Well, actually, he sort of ran into us. Apparently that's the place he uses to watch people, and he didn't know we were there.

**Conversation:**

**Jeremy:** Hi

**Me & Bridget:** AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

**Me:** What the inferno!!!??? You scared the rubbish out of me! (see, I am learning not to use swearwords).

**Jeremy: **Huh??!!

**Me:** Never mind. No one appreciates my extensive vocabulary. Anyway. What are you doing?

**Jeremy:** Nothing. What makes you think I'm doing anything? Why would anyone think I was doing anything? What KIND of anything would I be doing? *extremely defensively*

**Me:** Jers. I was just _asking_.

**Jeremy:** Oh. Right. I'm, er, gathering information for the newspaper. Yes. That's it.

**Bridget**: Oh, cool, can we help you? We could be special guest reporters! And then we would be famous, and..

**Me**: Bree.

**Bridget**: What?

**Me**: We would not be famous. Anyway, he's not really gathering information.

**Jeremy**: Of course I'm gathering information! Why would you think I'm not gathering information??!! I'm always gathering information!!! THIS NEWSPAPER IS MY LIFE!!!!!!!!! AND YOU INSULTED IT!!!!!

**Me**: Huh?!

**Jeremy**: *clears throat* Sorry. I mean, of course, Brees, you can be special reporters.

**Bridget**: Yay! Can I report that everyone seems to be staring at the plant pot in a very weird way?

**Jeremy**: Ooops.

**Me**: Bridget, shut up now. Jeremy, why are you acting so weird?

**Jeremy**: I am _not _acting weird!!!!!!!!!

**Me**: No. Not at all.

**Jeremy**: NO!!!!!!!!

Alicia came back from the bathroom, so we all shut up and watched. She sat down and Pete GRABBED HER HAND.

**Jeremy**: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I mean...wow. Yes. Wow.

**Me**: Wow?!

**Jeremy**: Yes, of course, this is going to be fantastic news for the newspaper *nods dementedly*

**Bridget**: But why did you shout no?! And why are you acting like a crazy person?!

**Jeremy**: I shouted no because...because...I couldn't believe my eyes!

**Me**: Right. Is that why they seem to be popping out of your head?

**Jeremy**: I don't criticise YOUR looks, Junes dear.

**Me**: I want to get nearer. I can't hear what they say.

**Jeremy**: Well, tough. I DO know a better place but I'm not telling you now.

**Bridget**: If you know a better place, why did you come here first?

**Jeremy**: This is a preliminary scouting place, in which I establish whether or not it would be convenient to move to the other location.

Oh, great, now he's sounding like Matthew. Oh dear. I hope imitation is not a sign of infatuation...wait, now I sound like Matthew. Does that mean that...eeeewwww!!!! Stop that, brain!!!!!!!!

In the end, we moved to that better place. It turned out to be behind the bar. Jeremy knows the barman.

Here is what we heard.

**Alicia**: ...and then she came out screaming, with her hair totally blue!

**Peter**: *laughing* That's brilliant!

THE FEMALE DOG!!!!!!!! (see? No swearwords!) How DARE she????!!! PIG!!!!

**Peter**: It reminds me of a prank we played on one of my dorm mates once. We shaved his hair off while she was asleep.

**Alicia**: Oh, gosh, don't remind me. June and her darling friend shaved off mine and Betty's eyebrows while we were asleep.

**Peter**: *laughs* Sorry! *laughs more*

**Alicia**: *swatting him playfully* It's not funny! *laughs*

**Jeremy ( to us): **this is terrible.

**Me and Bridget: **Why?!

**Jeremy**: They're dreadful for each other! Can't you see that?

**Me**: No. *looks over at where they continue to talk about pranks and laugh their silly heads off* I'd say they were perfect for each other.

**Jeremy**: *shakes his head* It'll all end in tears, you mark my words!

**Me**: Tears of laughter, maybe!

**Bridget**: But...why are you happy that they're getting along?

**Me**: So I can torment her about it for the rest of the hols, girl with nothing in her head!

**Jeremy**: *stamps his foot angrily* NO!!! Peter – I mean, Alicia – I mean, both – are making a TERRIBLE mistake!

**Bridget**: They'll probably end up married.

**Me**: Alicia? Married? Ugh!

**Jeremy**: SHUT UP!!!!!!! * covers his ears*

**Me**: Jeremy, what is going on???!!!!

**Bridget**: May I make another special reporter observation? If he keeps yelling like this, people will hear.

**Jeremy**: They will NOT end up married. Or have lots of kids, and live a nice long life together, or grow old and – NO!!!!!!! AAAAHH!!!

**Me**: Are you all right?!

**Jeremy**: Yes, thank you, I'm perfectly fine! *ridiculously brightly*

**Bridget**: Well, if you don't think they're right for each other, who do you think would be right for them?

**Me**: Maybe he thinks HE would.

**Jeremy**: Junes Johns!!! *stops suddenly* wait...Junes, you're a genius!

**Me**: I know. But why?

**Jeremy**: Wait and see.

And he got up and ran out of the place. We were completely astounded. (Take that, Matthew! I have a vocabulary too!) A few minutes later he came back with a huge bunch of flowers. Next, he went up to their table. We were in shock.

**Jeremy**: Alicia! My darling! I have been looking for you everywhere!

**Alicia**: *nonplussed* You have?

**Peter**: He HAS?

**Jeremy**: I have! My dear, sweet girlfriend, I have brought this bouquet of flowers as a token of my undying affection for you!

**Alicia**: WHAT??!! *starts to laugh* This is a joke, isn't it?

**Peter**: Girlfriend???!!! Undying affection??!!! What are you talking about??!!

**Alicia**: Don't listen to him, he's just fooling around.

**Jeremy**: Ah, my heart's dearest, you will have your little joke. But there's no need to deny our love!

**Alicia**: Yes, yes, I love you too, honey. Now can you please go? This joke's funny, but seriously, get out.

**Jeremy**: My beloved! Your harsh words wound my heart and cut my spirit to the quick! How can you so callously reject me?!

At this point we were absolutely gobsmacked.

**Peter**: Alicia? Is something...going on between you two?

**Alicia**: No! *by now, she was looking slightly worried*

Then Abigail suddenly appeared from under a table.

**Abigail**: _Jeremy_!!! What _are_ you _doing_?

**Jeremy**: Oh, hell. *switching back into purple prose mode* Forgive me, sister dearest, I should never have kept this a secret from you!

**Abigail**: Yes,_ I_ know _all_ your secrets, and _this_ certainly doesn't seem to fit!

**Jeremy**: It is always so. Even those we know best may surprise us.

**Abigail**: Uh...OK. You don't _mind_ being reported on the newspaper,_ do_ you?

**Jeremy**: For the newspaper, for our lives' work, anything!

**Alicia**: Abby, are you in on this too? Do you mind explaining??!!

**Abigail**:_ Trust_ me, I have _NO_ idea! I'm just a reporter, ignore me.

**Jeremy**: Alicia, love of my life, please, just one word of encouragement, of compassion even?

**Alicia**: *glares* I hate you.

**Jeremy**: Alicia, please?! *heartbroken look*

**Peter**: *angrily* All right, that's quite enough. I think Alicia's made it quite clear that she doesn't enjoy your little joke.

**Jeremy**: Little JOKE? I bare my heart before you – I mean her – and you call it a little joke?

**Alicia**: Jeremy, seriously, enough. We all know it's a joke.

**Jeremy**: How can you be so cruel?

Then, tears started falling down his face. Real tears. This is worrying. Jeremy, let me tell you, is NOT as good an actor as me. He can't fake tears. I remember because he tried very hard once and it didn't work. So what the heck was going on?!

**Alicia**: *taken aback* What the -? Come on, Jeremy, It's _obvious_ you don't fancy me. I mean...you're, well, how shall I put this...effeminate?

**Jeremy**: How can you insinuate that?! I hate you!!!! *runs out in tears*

**Abigail**: _Alicia_. Very, _very_, bad. You'll _regret_ this.

**Alicia**: I'll regret it???!!! He's the one who started it!

**Abigail**: _You_ do not _mess_ with _us_. Capice?

**Alicia**: *stammering* But – but – what???!!!

**Abigail**: This isn't the last of this. *swishes out*

All the coffee shop was in silence. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, was staring at us. In the middle of that golden silence, I stupidly hit my head against the back of the bar. And even more stupidly, yelled: "OW!". Of course, the Devil Incarnate recognized my voice. She came round, banged my head and Bree's together, and screamed: "YOU – ABSOLUTE – _DEMONS_!!!! YOU PUT HIM UP TO IT, DIDN'T YOU???!!!"

**Me**: NOOO!!!! It _was_ hysterically amusing though. OOOWWW!!!

**Alicia**: LIAR!!!!

**Me**: REALLY!!! He was crying!!! And acting really weird!!! HE is not that good of an actor, he can't cry, you know that!!!

**Alicia**: *puzzled* You're right. This is really weird.

**Peter**: Oh, so this doesn't happen all the time? That's a relief.

**Bridget**: And you banged our heads together for no reason!!!

**Alicia**: You were spying on me. That's enough of a reason. But, sorry *pointedly* _Bridget_.

**Me**: Ha, ha, ha.

**Alicia**: *ignoring me. What else is new?* I'm really sorry, Peter. Shall we go somewhere quieter?

**Me**: Ooooooooh!!! Oooooh! Oooo – OUCH! (She banged my head again)

**Peter**: Sure, that might be best.

And they went off and lived happily ever after. Well, for the next hour, anyway. We felt ashamed, so we didn't follow them. Oh, all right. We tried. We lost them. We were left all alone in the coffee shop, and everyone was staring at us very rudely.

I suppose I should go and see Jeremy. And make sure Abigail keeps her promise to get revenge on the Devil Incarnate. Wait, that's not a nice thing to do. Oh, who cares?

Anyways, bye for now!

**2 hours later**

Went to see Jers. He was locked up in his room. After hours of knocking, he finally let us in. He looked like was having a panic attack.

**Jeremy**: Oh no, Ohnoohnoohno. Now everyone will know my secret, thanks to Alicia.

**Me**: I think everyone had it figured out.

**Jeremy**: WHAT???!!! NOOO!!!

Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

**Me**: But why did you do all that in the first place?

**Jeremy**: I thought that - . Never mind.

**Me**: What?

**Jeremy**: It doesn't matter. I was daydreaming, I guess. Like he would just...as if it would provoke any jealousy. I'm an idiot. It didn't work, and now I'm so humiliated I want to kill myself. How could I even think that...?

He broke off. Suddenly I got it. Poor Jeremy.

**Me**: Oh, Jers.

I gave him a hug. About fifteen minutes alter I came back to the asylum, also known as my relatives' "home". Life is getting full of drama right now. His depression depresses me. I think I'll go and annoy Hitler Girl. That would make me so happy.

**1 hour later**

Spent an hour torturing Hitler Girl. Ah, bliss.

I went into her bedroom, where she was reading a book. She was so concentrated she didn't notice me go in. I started to sing at the top of my lungs.

"IIII'M DRREAMING OF A WHIIIITEEE CHRIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAS!!!"

Hitler Girl jumped, screaming, and her book went flying out of her hands in her surprise, landing very neatly outside the window. It was extremely amusing, so that I started rolling on the floor in laughter. Hitler Girl was not amused.

"Go and fetch my book this INSTANT, June Johns!!!!!!"

"Oh, you have plenty of books, you won't miss it."

"I have to read that book for school, now GO AND GET IT!!!"

"Geez, you're doing schoolwork already?! It's ages!"

"It's only nine days, you idiotic pig."

"I rest my case."

"Oh, just get my book!"

"What will you do if I don't?"

"Make your life not worth living."

"What, so I'll kill myself? No, thanks, my life is not that miserable. Suicide is a stupid decision. What do you do after that?"

"STOP TALKING ABOUT SUICIDE AND GET MY BOOK!!!!" (Or words to that effect)

"Nah, too much work. I'll just kill myself. After all, suicide is painless, right?"

I started singing suicide is painless at the top of my lungs. That was when Hitler Girl tried to suffocate me with a pillow.

And so on. In the end, I had to go and fetch it because the moron threatened to cut my hair off with a pencil sharpener. Don't ask.

**15 minutes later**

Oh hell. Just realised. Suicide. Moira's dad. Great. I really am an idiot. Maybe I should apologise... sometime.

**5 minutes later**

Interesting, psychologically. Was it fully unintentional or did my subconsciousness want to do that? Hmm. Whatever. I didn't mean it. I have no control whatsoever over my subconscious-thingy.

* * *

**Still August 30th**

**Time**: 8 pm  
**Location:** Bedroom  
**Mood:** Nostalgic

I hadn't realised school starts so soon. Nine days. Nine days and I won't be seeing George for a whole term. I don't think I can bear it. Though I must say it'll be nice to get away from here. Not that it's much better at school. People are stupid everywhere you go.

Oh, oh, oh!! The Devil Incarnate is back! I must go and give her small words of encouragement.

**Another hour later**

Hahahahahaha. Priceless. I went into the bedroom, where Alicia was talking to Betty. I went and sat down on the bed, my eyes bright.

**Me**: Oooh, so how was your date with Prince Charming, then?

**Alicia**: You know very well how it went, you were there, very rudely spying on me.

**Me**: I just wanted to make sure it went well. Anyway, it seems it went quite well, didn't it?

**Alicia**: Yes, until you messed everything up, you pig.

**Me**: I didn't! It was Jeremy!

**Betty**: Jeremy? What did he do?

**Me**: He confessed his love to her with a huge bunch of flowers. You should have seen her face.

**Betty**: *extremely puzzled* What? Jeremy? But...I thought he was...

**Me**: Exactly.

**Betty**: I don't understand.

**Alicia**: Of course you don't. Nobody does.

**Me**: *grinning* I do. And then he ran out in tears. It was to provoke a reaction from someone else. Now do you get it?

**Betty and Alicia**: *looking puzzled* No.

They are so thick. But I'll leave them to suffer with their curiosity.

Betty then started to laugh. Alicia looked at her indignantly.

**Alicia**: IT'S NOT FUNNY!

**Betty**: *still laughing* Yes it is. I mean...Jeremy! Confessing his love to you!

**Alicia**: How can you laugh?! It's horrible! Now Abigail and Jeremy will do something horrible to me!

Of course, Betty had no idea what she was babbling on about, so we had to explain everything. By the end of it, she was positively howling with laughter. It set me off. We looked like two lunatics in a lunatic situation. Alicia was looking at us with deep despise. Then Sam came in and we had to explain everything to him too. Then we were three who looked like three lunatics in a lunatic situation. Alicia went off in deep offense.

Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for Jers. But declaring his "Love" for Alicia...hahahahaha. And Abigail will ruin her life!! YESSSS. I can't wait.

* * *

**31st of August**

Tomorrow we are going to town to buy the stuff for school. Oh, joy.

**10 minutes later**

I can't stop thining about stupid school now. This is horrible. What's the point of going to school? All I want to do in life is marry George and have kids. And also be a famous and respected actress. And I quite fancy being a singer. Except for the fact that I can't sing. Just an actress, then. I don't need school to be an actress! I hate it. Some of the girls that go there are so bloody snobbish. And stupid.

**2 minutes later**

Sudden thought. Bridget is in a different form. She made friends with this Connie girl last term. How dare she replace me with her!!!!

Actually, she didn't. Connie was friends with her before me. I'm still cross with her, anyway!!!!

**10 minutes later**

I'm not speaking to her. She is dead to me.

**3 minutes later**

The dead girl does looks baffled at the fact I'm not speaking to her. She is so thick.

**20 minutes later**

The day after tomorrow Abby and Jer's newspaper comes out. I can't wait for Abby's sweet revenge. Whatever that is.

* * *

**A/N: Please review!!! Sorry for taking so long to update, school and life in general is driving me nuts. Thanks for the patience. Cookies for everyone!!! Thanks for all the reviews I've been getting. Keep on giving constructive critisism =)**


	19. parallobliqoueslell equations

**A/N: I can't believe it's been so long since I last updated this! Wow, time goes by fast. I've been really bust, what with exams and whatnot. Next chapter, I'll try to update as soon as I can. Thanks to all you who have reviewed this story! **

**

* * *

**

**STILL 31st of August**

**Time:** 1:30 pm

**Location**: Kitchen

**Mood:** IRRITATED AND ANGRY

I am going to murder the Devil Incarnate. I don't think I can take it much longer. She is literally driving me around the bend. Well, not literally. There isn't a bend. But…oh who cares! The only thing that matters is that the enemies must DIE. And NOW.

OK, it wasn't that bad. I washing the dishes, because Aunt May has decided that "doing the chores will be good for you and teach you responsibility and cooperation". Also because paper lost to scissors with Alicia. And Sam looked at me with his stupid puppy eyes and I'm so soft I gave in. Darn his good looks. Of course, he immediately disappeared with his blasted girlfriend. And my brothers and my other cousins…well, lets say that Aunt nearly had a panic attack at the idea of them washing the dishes, and was scared she might find that there were none left. Bridget and Moira weren't expected to, of course, because they're guests. I'm a guest too, but of course, I don't COUNT. I hate my life.

But that's not all. Oh, no. Having defeated me, the Devil Incarnate had to hang around and boast her good fortune.

**Alicia:** JUNEBUG!

**Me:** Get. Out.

**Alicia:** I was just coming to offer to dry the dishes for you, June dear.

**Me:** Fine.

Silence. She then began to annoy me in her usual way by turning the tap off every two seconds while I was attempting to wash up, claiming "the water could run out". Idiot. How can it run out? There's a big ocean all around the world. I tried to attack her with a dishcloth, but she dodged. I HATE HER.

Then she complained that a pan wasn't washed properly. In rage, I threw down the cloth and screamed: "FINE! FINE! YOU DO IT, IF YOU'RE SO BLEEDING GOOD AT IT!"

**Alicia:** Very well, Junebug. Pay attention and learn how it's done.

I stormed out of the kitchen. I could hear going on, and on, and on, and on…and ON. Geez. How annoying can one person be? And how pathetic too, thinking it's important how you wash up? I bumped into Tom in my rage, and he was DELIGHTED. He thought I was going to want to play zombies with him. Zombies. Why the heck would I want to play zombies? I ask you. There is something seriously wrong with that child, but HE'S not being sent to a psychologist. Oh, no. I am. There is no justice in the world. I will go and find Bridget. Oh, no, I can't. I'm not speaking to her. She is dead to me.

**15 SECONDS LATER**

Oh, forget it. I have to speak to her. Who else am I going to speak to in this loony bin? Wait, I know…I'll tell her all that rubbish Moira wanted me to say to her, about her going "too fast" with Matt. Then she'll beg my forgiveness and then it'll be alright to speak to her again. She'll also have to beg forgiveness for having a friend before me. I would never do that to her.

All this reminds me, I really need to call Jenn sometime. Remember my best friend out of school? WHY AM I ASKING MY OWN DIARY IF IT REMEMBERS SOMETHING? Maybe I do need that psychologist after all…

**1 hour later**

I cannot BELIEVE this! I told Bridget EVERYTHING, and she STILL won't beg for my forgiveness! She is still baffled and demands an explanation. Who does she think she is to demand an explanation?

**30 minutes later**

I am so STUPID. I threw my diary at Bridget's head to see if I could knock some SENSE into her, and she READ it. Can you believe it? She locked herself in the bathroom and READ it. She's not just dead to me now. She is BURRIED. Far below. Far, far, FAR below. I hell. Burning in the devil's lair. Which would be Alicia's lair, as she IS the Devil Incarnate. OK, this is getting really weird now.

Anyway, so she read it, and now says she is not speaking to me because I am apparently being "completely unreasonable and stupid". Oh, look who's all high and mighty now. SHE MUST DIE, SHE MUST DIE.

**5 minutes later**

We are talking again. We agreed that we had both been stupid, and that we couldn't stop speaking to each other, because then we would be alone and defenseless in the midst of the Lunatics. Now we're planning pranks on Hitler Girl. Muahuahuahua. This should be fun…

**2 hours later**

Oh, great. People are yelling at me and Bree. When I say "people" I mean Uncle, and Aunt and Mr. Adams. We didn't do anything, it's so unfair! All we did was hide one of Moira's books. OK, two. Oh, all right, the whole lot. But she made such a FUSS. And I mean, they were SCHOOL BOOKS! Who makes a fuss over SCHOOL BOOKS for crying out loud? I mean, apart from people like intelligent people. Which she's not. If she's so clever, then why was she kept back a year, I ask you?

Oh, yeah. Health issues. Anyway. We only hid her schoolbooks!

And maybe a few pages of her notes were in the wrong order. It's not as if we threw them out the window or anything.

I take that back. Bree threw some of them out. All I did was take a sneak peek at her diary. Yeah, she keeps one. It was HILARIOUS! Her FACE! She went all red, and with all the dignity she could muster (which wasn't much) she was like: "It is NOT a diary, it is a record of my days."

Not that it was very interesting. It was mainly stuff like "we went to the park today. It was much fun". At least, I didn't get to read much of it. Probably because just then Moira came in and started whacking me across the head with her "record of her days" over and over and over and over. And over. It HURT. I am an abused child. No wonder I need a psychologist.

It was still worth it, though. Uh-oh. Aunt and Uncle are saying something about punishment. This can't be good. Uncle's like: "PUT THAT DIARY DOWN!" Geez. He is so inconsiderate.

**30 minutes later**

Oh no. Ohnoohnoohno. Well, this is just great. Just amazing-freaking-tastic. Guess what our punishment is. No, don't guess. I'll show you the conversation:

Aunt: This is unbelievable! I can't have you two rooming together any more. You, June, will share with Moira, and you, Bridget, with Alicia and Betty. The boys can have their own room back.

**Everyone (me, Bree, Alicia, Moira, Betty):** What? NOOOOOO!

**Alicia:** Mother! Do WE really have to be punished too?

**Moira: **Surely there is something more...reasonable?

**Bridget**: Oooh, reasonable. Look who's all smarttalking now. Look who's...

**Me:** *whispering* Bree. That isn't such a smart word.

**Bridget:** Oh. *looks embarassed*

**Aunt May:** I'm sorry, but you girls must see I can't have June and Bridget rooming together. They're bad influences on each other.

**Me & Bree: **No we're not!

**Alicia & Betty:** *snorting with laughter*

**Me: **see? Alicia and Betty are bad influences on each other, but you don't make THEM separate, do you? IT'S NOT FAIR!

**Uncle:** *tiredly* June, don't yell at your Aunt.

**Me:** But YOU yelled at her this morning too! And it was only over a boiled egg!

**Uncle: **That's ENOUGH, June.

Now he's yelling at ME. Hypocrite.

**Mr. Adams: **It DOES seem unfair that older girls also wind up being punished. I think something else would be better.

**Aunt:** I know! They should do their holiday tasks. I hear you're rather behind at Maths, June.

**Mr Adams: **And Bridget is rather behind in History, and Geography. Moira could supervise them, I'm sure she won't mind.

**Me&Bridget:** NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Moira looked like the cat who got the cream. She is truly WEIRD.

**Alicia: ***eyes shining* I wonder...I wouldn't mind taking turns with Moira to supervise them. I'm sure she won't want to do it _every_ day.

NO! SAY NO, HITLER GIRL, NOOOOOOOOOO!

**Moira**: Why, thank you, Alicia.

Darn.

**Aunt: **That's settled then.

**Me:** *looking, I expect, extremely pale* Not all day, _surely_!

**Uncle:** Don't be ridiculous, June. We may be angry, but we are reasonable. You will only study from 9 am to, shall we say, lunchtime...and another two hours after tea?

No. No. NOOO! Nononononooooo! This cannot be happening! SIX WHOLE HOURS with Hitler Girl or the Devil Incarnate! Oh, and REASONABLE? He thinks that's REASONABLE? I'm too depressed to even think, let alone write. More later.

* * *

**Time:** 11 pm

**Mood:** Tired, angry, and annoyed.

**Location:** Bed.

Can you BELIEVE we actually had to start TODAY with the two hours after tea? Can you BELIEVE that? MOIRA supervised us as well! She really IS Hitler Girl! She made us sit at opposite ends of the table, and wouldn't let us talk to each other at all!

And she is just so IMPATIENT. She got all indignant just because I made a teeny mistake. I mean, how was I supposed to know that prime numbers can't be divided into a whole number? Geez. Sorry, I'm not Matthew.

Mr. Addams was right. Bree is NOT good at Geography. She claimed that Hungary was the capital of Budapest. It ended up with them screaming at each other like madwomen.

**Conversation:**

**Moira:** Gosh, you are terrible at maths, June. Maybe if you had paid more attention in class rather than spend them writing hateful messages, you'd understand it. June, are you seriously telling me that two parallel lines are the same as an oblique one?

**Me:** I don't know what any of those words mean. And kindly do not speak to me. I don't want to catch a brain disease from you, thank you very much.

**Moira**: You can't. You haven't _got_ a brain.

Since when does she do funny remarks? Not that it's funny. It's extremely offensive.

**Me:** *haughtily* Well…at least then I won't get a disease from you, which you have, even if you're the one who doesn't have a brain!

That made no sense, I know.

**Moira:** That made no sense, you know.

Oh, for crying out loud.

**Me:** I know. It was intentional. To confuse your brain, that is unexisting, but still diseased, so it's existing in a parallel universe, somewhere. Probably inside of your head, that in this universe is now brainless. Maybe.

OK, that's not right either. I don't even know what I was trying to say.

**Moira:** That's not right either.

**Me:** Oh, for the sake of parallobliqoueslell ecuations!

**Moira**: *looking extremely baffled* What? That doesn't exist. It's either parallel or oblique.

I ignored her with dignity. She must die, she must die.

**Moira:** Let's see your work Bridget. *takes one look at her map and groans exasperatedly* Oh, good grief. Bridget, how can Argentina possibly be in Asia? It doesn't even _sound_ Asian!

**Bridget:** *snaps* Well, it's far away from here, I know that much, so why don't you hop on a plane and go there if you're so interested in its location?

**Moira:** Believe me, if I could, I would. Now finish your map.

Stony silence.

After an hour went past, it was Alicia's turn. I was moderately grateful. Imagine you have nothing but excrement to eat. Well, now it's like having mud. Slightly better, but still horrible. Disgusting metaphor, I know, but it's seriously the best comparison I can think of for this horrible, horrible moment.

Alicia came in with her usual jaunting grin. I HATE HER, I HATE HER.

**Alicia:** So. Let us see. *takes a peek at my equations and shakes her head* Oh, June. Such a pity you didn't inherit my gift with maths. I suppose you have so much on your mind that you simply can't think of anything so unimportant as numbers. Thinking about Georgie pie? Or maybe Dear Sammy?

**Me:** Shuddup.

**Alicia:** Awww, bless. You're blushing! Well, Bridget, let's see if you've managed to think of anything besides my darling cousin…ooops, seems not. Geography isn't your strong point, is it?

**Bridget:** Tact isn't your strong point either, is it? *looking at me significantly*

**Alicia:** What, with you two? Well, let's just say It's not my first concern.

**Me:** *snorting* Not us, stupid. Jeremy. You're in for it now, after you 'insinuated' what you did. Tomorrow you're in for it.

**Alicia:** *smirking* Oh? You may be surprised.

Oh no. What is she looking so happy about?

**Bridget:** What do you mean?

**Alicia:** Let's just say I…made up with him.

**Me:** WHAT? He FORGAVE you?

**Alicia:** That is usually what making up means, yes. One forgives the other for the offence the other has caused.

**Me:** But that's not FAIR! He didn't speak to ME for a whole month last year, and it was only because I spilt juice on his pink shirt!

**Alicia:** Well, it _was_ his favourite shirt, you know.

**Me:** I-what does it- what does that have to do with anything! The fact is, Jeremy doesn't forgive and forget just like that! First he has to make up some rumour about you, or at least stop speaking to you for about a year! He must be bluffing. He must want to shock you or something.

**Alicia:** Oh, he isn't.

She looks really sure about it. OK, I'm really getting scared now.

**Me:** How is this _possible_? What did you _do_? What did you say to him, to make up with him so fast? Did you make some love potion and force Pete to fall in love with him or something?

**Alicia:** Don't be ridiculous. That's impossible, not to mention unethical. No, let's just say I made some…arrangements. A deal.

**Me:** A DEAL?

**Alicia:** *patiently* Yes, Junebug, a deal. I mean a pact between two or more people that will eventually benefit one or both sides…

**Me:** Yes, yes, yes, I know what it means. I just…what KIND of a deal?

**Alicia:** *with that annoying family twinkle in her eye. It makes her look a bit like Sam. She looks rather handsome, actually…WHAT? NO! STOP THAT, BRAIN! UGH!* Oh, I expect you'll find out soon enough.

Oh god. What is going on? I am DYING of curiosity, I just HAVE to know. I want tomorrow to be NOW. I WANT that newspaper.

**15 minutes later**

Oh, wait. I have to go to the psychologist tomorrow after lunch. And before that, I have to study with Hitler Girl. I'll have to go out at 4pm.

**10 minutes later**

Oh, I'm not allowed to go out. I'm on probation for at least tomorrow and the day after, says Uncle. On _probation_. I ask you. And he asked if I had any idea what time it was and that I should be in bed. I answered that I WAS in bed, but then my brain started functioning more than it should. He sent me to bed, saying if I didn't go right away I wouldn't be on probation for much longer, and not ina good sense.

I'm a prisoner in this place. Matthew and George are going, so they'll pick up the newspaper.

**3 minutes later**

I can't wait that long. I'll phone Jeremy.

**30 minutes later**

Huh. So much for a friend. This is how the conversation went:

**Phone:** Ring ring.

Jeremy and Abigail's father: Hello?

**Me:** Hello. Is Jeremy there?

**J.a.A.F:** June, do you have any IDEA what time it is?

Why is everybody asking me what time it is?

**J.a.A.F.:** We're already in bed!

**Me**: I'm not me, I'm…I'm…Marilyn. Marilyn Monroe. Oh, no, she's an actress, isn't she…oh, all right, It's June. Please, Mr. Abigail and Jeremy's father. This is a matter of extreme urgency.

**J.a.J.F:** Jeremy! It's miss "call at any unreasonable time and make up a name that is already famous" again!

Charming.

I heard some muffling in the background. Then, a faint voice, Jeremy's, saying: "Tell her I'm not in!"

**J.a.J.F:** He says he's not in.

Oh, for the sake of parallebliquos ecuations.

**June:** All right then, I really need to know, do you have any idea what story is going to be the main one on tomorrow's newspaper?

**J.a.J.F:** *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* (He didn't say that, by the way. That would have been extremely weird. He hung up on me! Can you believe it? How rude and obnoxious is that?)

I won't sleep at all tonight, I just know it.

* * *

**1****st**** of September**

No. No. NO! This cannot be happening. This is a nightmare. The worst I've ever had. Worse than the one where I turned into a giant walrus and nobody knew it was me except for The Devil Incarnate and she was even eviler than in real life and wouldn't tell anyone. This is it. It's OVER. Goodbye, sweet world. You will not hear from me again. Ever.

* * *

**A/N: And that's the end of June. Nah, just kidding, it's just a cliffhanger with June being dramatic as usual. What will the newpaper's story be? You'll find out soon enough! Please review! You will get your cookies…someday…*shifty eyes***


	20. In the closet

**A/N: Here's the 20th chapter! Wow. Thanks for the 49 reviews! **

**By the way, I'll be uploading a few chapters more, untill they go back to school. Then I might do a sequel qith June in Malory Towers...what do you think? :)**

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* * *

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**1st of September**

No. No. NO! This cannot be happening. This is a nightmare. The worst I've ever had. Worse than the one where I turned into a giant walrus and nobody knew it was me except for The Devil Incarnate and she was even eviler than in real life and wouldn't tell anyone. This is it. It's OVER. Goodbye, sweet world. You will not hear from me again. Ever.

**Still 1st of September**

**Time:** 1 pm

**Location:** Burning in the flames of hell

**Mood:** Embarassed, angry, hurt, annoyed...every bad feeling. You name it.

You know all the times when I've said "this is the worst day of my life!"? Well, scratch that. THIS is the worst, rotten, putrid day of my entire life.

You want to know what happened? I'll tell you what happened:

ALICIA SOLD MY POEM TO THE NEWSPAPER!

Can you BELIEVE that? She sold the poem! She got it from Sam (you know, the poem he was using for blackmail) and SOLD it to Jeremy, and the traitor USED IT AS A STORY FOR THE FRONT PAGE!

In case you don't remember, here's the poem again:

_"Riding off into the sunset,_

_Oh, fine, off to the afternoon sun._

_With you. And Jazz._

_Let the afternoon pass_

_Picnic on the grass_

_I love you._

_Oh, yes I do!_

_Because of that, the lunatics_

_Will never separate us with their tactics!"_

And what's even WORSE, George and Matthew went this morning to buy it after my pleading! WHY oh WHY didn't I keep my mouth shut? When they arrived, they were like "oh, I don't think you want to see it" and boy were they right. I snatched the paper of their hands, took one look at the headline ("JUNE JOHNS DEDICATES LOVE POEM TO FRIEND GEORGE") and started screaming. Alicia came in and I jumped at her, trying to throttle her. It didn't work, unfortunately, and the others pulled me off her. Sam looked at the headline and groaned. What about? He obviously GAVE the poem to Alicia! I HATE HIM.

In short, I am angry with everyone, I'm locked in the closet and I am never coming out. NEVER EVER EVER. It's quite a big closet, actually, and it has a tiny lightbulb above my head. I considered smashing it on my head to kill myself and get out of this horrible, HORRIBLE world, but then I decided not to. It would probably hurt. Plus, if I died, then I would never be able to pursue my dream of becoming famous and rich and then when The Devil Incarnate, Sam, The Boffoon and the rest of the loons come to my mansion to beg for my help (in my dream, they will be very poor) and beg for forgiveness. And I'll say: "It's too late for apologies" and shut the door in their stupid, idiotic, putrid faces. HA! HA and double HA! Serve them right. Pigs.

And JEREMY! How could he DO this to me? After I was so kind and noble and generous to him. What is the point of being a nice person? you can be sure somebody will get hold of something you wrote for another somebody from another somebody who used that something for blackmail and then the first somebody will SELL it to some trashy town NEWSPAPER owned by two other somebodies who where trying to publish something bad about the first somebody in the first place, but then changed their minds when they saw how juicy the news about the nice person's something was, and then they PUBLISH it and then the somebody that the something was about goes and BUYS that newspaper and READS it and it's so blooming OBVIOUS that the something is about that somebody, since the headline of that newspaper includes, in big bold letters "...HER FRIEND GEORGE" and then the nice person snatches the newspaper from that somebody, reads it and goes to DIE in a closet.

That is the point of being a nice person.

A.k.a: NO POINT.

I hate my life.

**15 minutes later**

Bree and Matt have just tried to reason with me, as they call it.

**Conversation:**

**Bridget:** *knocks on door* Come on, June. It wasn't that bad really.

**Me:** NOT THAT BAD?

**Bridget:** Well...I mean...at least nobody's dead, right?

Cheers, Bridget.

**Me:** I wish the Devil Incarnate was, that's for sure.

**Matt:** You know, June, calling Alicia Devil Incarnate is not a very clever insult, really, for the Devil tortures people who are sinners and evil, therefore you are insulting yourself.

**Me:** Matthew. Do me a favour.

**Matt:** What?

**Me:** Shut up.

**Bridget:** June, don't be mean. He can't help being smart, can he?

Even though I can't see them, I am sure they were looking at each other in that sickly loving fashion again. I'm seriously going to puke just thinking about it.

**Me:** Oh, go away. Nobody loves me.

**Bridget:** Oh, come on, _I _love you! Just come out of the closet...

**Me:** I'm sorry Bridget, I don't feel the same way!

Even in my desperation I manage to be witty. I amaze myself.

**Bridget:** *puzzled* Huh? Same way as what? All I asked was if you could come out of the closet...

**Me:** Exactly.

Puzzled silence. Wow, she really is thick. Nobody appreciates my jokes. Except for maybe Sam. He has a good sense of humour. His eyes crinckle when he laughs, and he throws his head back, with his golden hair everywhere...SHUT UP, LUSTY PART OF THE BRAIN!

Anyway, I'm not talking to him. I'm not talking to anyone.

**20 minutes later**

I cannot BELIEVE Alicia. She actually had the NERVE to come and SPEAK to me!

**Conversation:**

**Alicia:** *knocks* Junebug?

Of course, I went berserk, just like any other normal person would. I threw the closet door open and flew at her neck. Sam was with her, and he managed to pull us apart.

**Alicia:** *brightly* See? It worked! She's out of the closet!

**Me:** *struggling against Sam's grip* I hardly think so. Sorry to dissapoint you, but that was not an act of passion.

The Devil Incarnate smirked. Sam snorted and shook his head. They may be horrible, but at least they get my jokes. Not like SOME people.

**Sam:** June, STOP struggling! Listen, you can't kill your own cousin. Believe me, I thought it was low too, but really, I think you're overreacting.

**Me:** OVERREACTING? OVERREACTING? I was publicly HUMILIATED in front of the whole WORLD! Tell me how that is overreacting!

**Alicia:** Did you know your voice goes all high pitched when you shout?

**Me:** SHUT UP!

**Alicia:** Wow, that must have been about five octaves higher. Very impressive!

**Me:** I HATE YOU! AND YOU! *turning to Sam*

**Sam:** All right, what did I do?

**Me**: OH, DON'T GIVE ME THAT INNOCENT LOOK! YOU KNOW I CAN'T RESIST IT!

WHY did I have to say that out loud? WHY?

**Alicia:** Oooooooh! Oooooooh! Ooooooooooooooooo-

**Sam:** I'm not giving you an innocent look, I AM innocent! And I know. I'm irresistible.

The pompous nincompoop.

**Me:** You are NOT! And you KNOW what you did! You GAVE HER THE POEM! How COULD you?

And with that I slumped down on the floor, sobbing. It was just too much.

**Sam:** I _didn't_!

**Me:** *looking up* What?

**Sam:** I didn't! Alicia, or the Devil Incarnate, as you call her, stole it from my drawer.

**Alicia:** Guilty!

**Me:** I see.

I got up calmly and then walked all dignified to my room. As soon as I got there, threw myself on my bed and burst into tears. Not silent ones, either. You know when a baby wails because it's hungry, wants to poo and his mother's not there to give him food? Well, like that, but louder. I'm sure the whole neighbourhood heard me, of not the whole country.

Then Sam came in (NOT the Devil Incarnate, thank GOD) and sat down beside me, patting my back.

**Sam:** Could you wail any louder? I'm sure there's a little old lady in China that didn't hear you properly.

**Me**: WAAAAAIL!

**Sam**: I guess you can. Come on, it's not that bad.

Me: WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP TELLING ME IT'S NOT THAT BAD? IF I HEAR THAT STATEMENT AGAIN I SWEAR I AM GOING TO CUT MY EARS OF WITH A KNIFE AND THEN STAB IT INTO MY HEART!

**Sam**: But wouldn't that hurt terribly?

**Me**: I don't care. It could not possibly be more painfull than having your POEM spread out all over the town's NEWSPAPER!

**Sam**: June, it's just a third rate small town paper. Nobody reads it, anyway.

**Me**: Oh, and I suppose THAT'S why all town has been ringing the house all morning, asking for me?

**Sam**: Well...maybe SOME people do. All right, a lot of people do. Oh, OK, all town. Come on, it's hardly the end of the world.

**Me**: It IS. YOU have never been publicly humiliated. You don't understand.

**Sam**: True, it's my natural charm. I guess people just like me too much to publicly humiliate me.

**Me:** True, Jeremy _definitely_ likes you.

See? I can still be very cutting and quick thinking. I truly do astonish myself. I'm such a nice, witty, funny, lovely person. So modest, too. I NEVER boast.

**Me:** Which reminds me, I should phone Jeremy and give him a pice of my mind.

I heard Sam going on about "no, June, you have to prove that you're the bigger man..." but I paid no attention. Anyway, I'm not a man, I'm a girl. And I'm proving I'm the bigger girl by calling him and destroying his eardrums. I dialled the number.

**Jeremy and Abigail's Father**: Hello?

**Me**: It's June. Jeremy. Now.

**J.a.A.F.:** Is this about the story?

**Me: *******sarcastically*** **_Nooo_, it's about Elvis Presley's new song. Yes, it's about the story!

**J.a.A.F.:** Oh. Well, then, he says he's not in.

**Me:** Tell him that if he doesn't come over to the phone right NOW, I'll tell his biggest secret to EVERYONE. You tell him that.

He did. Jers came immediately.

**Jeremy:** *hissing* Are you INSANE? Now my dad's going to be nagging me about what's my secret! Thanks a lot.

Me: EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME? YOU get offended with ME? HA! IRONIC MUCH?

**Jeremy**: *meekly* Oh.

Me: Oh? _Oh_? You publicly humiliate me and the best you can say to me is _OH_?

**Jeremy:** Errrrm...I'm...sorry?

**Me:** SORRY? Oooh, you can't fix this with an "I'm sorry!" You are DEAD to me! And what's more, I'M TELLING!

I hung up, smashing the phone down. Tommy looked at me gleefully. "Are we playing 'smash everything you find into smithereens?'"

Oh, for the sake of the psychological profession. Why isn't HE in treatment? I've got to go in an hour. Oh joy. Just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse, it does.

**10 minutes later**

Mr. Dead to Me phoned back.

**Jeremy:** Junes, listen. You cannot possibly mean that you're going to tell.

**Me:** Hmmm. That's weird. I don't hear anything. Just a ghostly whisper.

**Jeremy**: Juuuuunes. Come on, please?

**Me**: You should have thought THAT through, shouldn't you? Not as smart as you think, are you? IDIOT.

**Jeremy**: Would you believe me if I told you it was all Abigail's fault?

**Me**: No. Alicia said that you two were friends again. But you do have a point. Tell Abigail that she is also dead to me.

I hung up again.

Then, surprise surprise, Mrs Dead to Me phoned. No, wait. That sounds as if she's married to...EEEEUURGH. STOP THAT, BRAIN! I mean Miss Dead to me.

**Abigail**: June, are you _seriously_ considering doing such a _foolish_ thing?

Why does she HAVE to speak in italics?

Me: Noooo, you ruin my life, so I think I'll come over and give you both big hugs! Yes, I'm telling! And if I ever find out anything about YOU I'll tell THAT too!

Alicia pops her head around the door.

**Alicia**: But YOU were the one that was in the closet, Junebug!

**Me:** SHUT IT!

I threw the phonebook at her head. Stupid eavesdropper. Has she NO conscience at ALL?

**Abigail:** _What_?

**Me:** NOTHING. I hid in the closet after you two ruined my life. Then I came out LITERALLY, to kill my cousin for what she did.

**Abigail:** ANYWAY. As I was _saying_, you don't want to do that.

**Me:** You weren't saying that.

**Abigail:** Oh, shut up. I am _now_, so _listen_. _You_ tell, _we_ make sure you're on the front page every issue for the rest of your _life_. Is that clear?

**Me:** What if I sell you somebody elses privacies? Will you change your minds again, as you did with Alicia? *sarcastic tone*

**Abigail:** Depends. Can you prove that _everyone_ is a mass murderer or having fifty _affairs_ at the same _time_?

**Me:** What?_ No_!

**Abigail:** Then I'm afraid _not_. But you don't have to worry, as long as you don't _say_ anything.

**Me:** Or as long as any of my dear cousins don't say anything, or so it seems!

**Abigail:** The time will come. Good_bye_.

And she hung up on ME! How DARE she. She is now not only dead, but burried. Very deep. Like Bridget was before.

Then JEREMY phoned.

**Jeremy:** Junes, listen. I'm sorry!

**Me:** Don't worry. I'll just go and kill myself. I'll gauge my eyes out with a knife and then stab myself in the heart.

**Jeremy:** But wouldn't that hurt terribly?

OH FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES! SAM said the exact same thing! I should tell him that – oh, no, I won't. He'll start thinking he and Sam are soulmates. Ugh. He CAN'T have MY Sammy!

Well, he's Betty's Sammy. But still. It's enough sharing him with ONE person.

**Me:** It would not hurt as much as being betrayed by my so called "friends".

**Jeremy:** I AM your friend! That's why I'm apologizing!

**Me:** *sarcastically* Oh, yes! You're my bestest friend in the entire UNIVERSE! Why, you're such a good friend that I think I'll tell PETE exactly what YOU told me, so that you can have your happy ending!

**Jeremy**: Oh, COME ON! What do I have to DO, Junes?

**Me:** Invent a time machine, go back in time, and do NOT publish my poem.

**Jeremy:** But it was so funny! Don't you want people to know your wit?

**Me:** *indignant* Funny? FUNNY? THAT IS REAL HEARTFELT TALENT!

**Jeremy:** Think of the bright side: Georges knows how you feel now, so he can tell you he feels!

**Me:** Oh, all right, if I tell Pete you'll just have to look on the BRIGHT side, then!

**Jeremy:** NOOOO! That's DIFFERENT! What can I DO? What can I DO to make you forgive me? Pleeeease?

**Me:** *sudden thought* I know. Publish what you had to publish about Alicia.

**Jeremy:** That's the problem! We don't have anything to publish about her! She's IMPOSSIBLE to embarass! She's really tough.

**Me:** ARE YOU SAYING I AM A WEAKLING?

**Jeremy:** NO! God, you're impossible! Tell you what: find something about Allys, and I PROMISE we will publish.

**Me:** Fine. But if I don't find anything, you're still dead to me.

**Jeremy:** And until then?

**Me:** You're still dead to me.

I hung up. Geez. People are so FAKE.

I wonder if I could find anything about my dear cousin, though. She doesn't keep a diary. She doesn't tell anyone intimate details, except maybe Betty, but SHE'S not likely to tell.

I KNOW! Macho Girl is quite a good friend of Alicia's. I have Felicity's number from when we were still friends, before she went off with miss I-Have-No-Personality Susan. I'll call and pretend to be Alicia.

**Phone Call:**

**Phone:** Ring, ring.

**Felicity:** Hello?

Oh drat. It's Felicity. She's bound to recognize me.

**Me:** *extremely deep voice* Well, hello, Felicity darling. This is Alicia.

**Felicity:** Do you have a cold? Your voice sounds awfully queer.

**Me:** Errrm...yes. Can I speak to Macho – I mean, Darrell, please?

**Felicity:** Um...okay. Darrell! For you!

**Macho Girl**: Hello?

Even her voice sounds aggresive. Or maybe I'm blinded my hatred. No, not blinded, deafened.

**Me:** Darrell, old girl! Why, how are you? By the way, do you remember that secret I told you, that you weren't to tell anyone else?

**Macho Girl****:** Wha- what secre – who IS this?

**Me:** Why, Alicia, the person who told you a very important secret!

**Macho Girl****:** Alicia? What's wrong with your voice?

**Me:** Just a wee cold.

**Macho Girl****:** And why are you talking like you're scottish?

**Me:** Never mind. The SECRET, remember? DO you remember what it was?

**Macho Girl****:** Alicia, what are you ON about? WHAT secret?

**Me****:** Oh, you know. THAT secret.

**Macho Girl****:** Wait a second. Who is this? June Johns, is that YOU?

**Me:** Errrrm...errrrrrrrrrrrm...

After eight hours of errrming later:

**Me:** You have reached the John's family. I mean, the Addams family. Please leave a message. Thank you.

I hung up quickly. Phew. Narrow escape.

Uh-oh. Uncle looks mad.

Oh, he's complaining about the phone bill. Blah, blah, blah. Well, if he doesn't let me out of the house, what does he expect?

Seriously though. Has the Devil Incarnate got NO secrets? That's not possible. EVERYONE has secrets. I bet even Saint Catherine has secrets!

I'm bored. I think I'll go read Hitler Girl's diary.

**5 minutes later**

She is so boring. "What a spiteful little beast, that June Johns! She was the one sending me all those meassages..." blah, blah, blah, blabbety blah.

**1 minute later**

This looks more interesting...

OH MY GOD.

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**A/N: CLIFFHANGER! Muahuahua. Next chapter will be full of "revelations" about Alicia, Moira, and maybe Betty and Sam. Plz review!**


	21. Revelations!

**A/N: Chapter 21 up! Yay! ****Thanks you so much for reading and reviewing, please keep on doing so...what? The cookies aren't there yet? I don't know, post these days...*looks down shiftily* Erm...anyway, lets continue.**

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**Still 1st of September**

OH MY GOD. OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD! OH MY DOG. I mean, OH MY GOD! I don't even know what I'm saying!

I can't believe this. Ooooh, wait till I tell Jeremy. He'll be my slave forever. Or at least he should be.

Oh darn, he might not want to publish it. But he promised! Oh wait, he promised about Alicia. Not Moira. Drat.

I could tell Abigail! And ask her not to tell him. Oooh, yesss. I am STUPENDOUS. Absolutely AH-MA-ZAING. Except that they always check all their stories together.

Especially after what happened three years ago. God, it's scary when those two fight. You have to side with one of them. Worst thing is, to try to be friendly with both so they wont take out their anger on you, but if you are then they BOTH get offended with you and they BOTH publish stuff about you. Which is simply dreadful. I should know...but that's another story. I'm trying to tell you Hitler Girl's secret, not mine.

Here's the thing: Moira is the opposite of Jeremy. Oh, no, I mean, the same...but...I mean, she likes girls!

_Like_ like. Not friend like.

Muahuahua. This is GREAT. I will now proceed to tell you how I found out.

I was innocently flipping through the pages, after reading all about how beastly I was without much interest, then she went on and on and on about how beastly practically everyone was, which I also read without much interest, untill I cam eupon a rather signigifcant piece of news.

First, she went on about how "different" and "abnormal" she apparently was. I didn't know what on earth she was on about, apart from the obvious fact that she is an evil, horrendous, putrid dictator, until I read something like "Gwendoline is awful, but she has the looks of an angel" struck me as rather odd. Gwendoline? Looks of an ANGEL? And then she wrote pages and pages on how Catherine was irritating her to no end, but she had GEORGOUS eyes, not to mention extremely shapely figure. And how she's always terrified that Catherine would see through her because because she's known her the longest.

She is BLIND. Seriously. Saint Catherine has the eyes colour of a putrid green lake that has been used as a toilet for cows. No joke.

Or might be just my dislike for her. I am blinded by the dislike of a lot of people, come to think of it.

So then I put two and two together (see, Uncle? I'm not AS far behind in maths as you think!) and the lightbulb went on in my head. I feel kind of sorry for Hitler Girl though, I mean, just because she likes girls it doesn't make her really _abnormal_. It's the fact she's an absolute pig that makes her abnormal. STOP FEELING SORRY FOR HITLER GIRL, BRAIN!

So now I will ring Abigail. No, wait. Maybe I'll keep it for blackmail. At least until I find out something about Alicia too, and then I can throw the whole package at them. I will follow Alicia around EVERYWHERE. What with my super spying skills, she will never notice me.

I know, I'm brilliant.

Oh, great. I have to go to the bleeding PSYCHOLOGIST now. This makes no sense. I AM THE SANEST PERSON IN THIS HOUSE!

**Time:** 4 pm

**Location:** Bedroom

**Mood:** Irritated and fed up. Also spyingy. Yes, that is a word. I command it.

Oh godddddddd. Well, that was a good use of my time. And by good, I mean a complete and utter WASTE.

First, the psychologist was this terribly nosey middle aged woman, with an EXTREMELY false smile and high pitched voice that made my teeth hurt. She was all "Oh, how are you, my dearie? Are you excited about today's session?" I politely explained that I would be more excited being in the middle of a desert island with Miss Carton the History Teacher. She asked me if my history teacher was very exciting. I answered she was about as exciting as a piece of fosilated wood.

She looked rather puzzled.

She kept asking me how I felt.

BLOODY EMBARASSED BY BEING THERE, THAT'S HOW I FELT.

Then she asked me to draw myself and my family. I drew them all in lunatic assylum inmate clothing. My parents were going away, leaving me screaming as the lunatics approached me. Very creative, if I do say so myself. I drew Tommy as he would have liked: covered in blood. Alicia had horns on her head. The psychologist didn't think much of all this. She just tutted and put it away. Some people just can't appreciate talent. I might be the next Picasso for all she knows. Then she made me do all these STUPID games. How old does she think I am, five? Seriously.

I was never more glad to be back in the loony bin. I swear, I will never complain about this dear little asylum ever again.

**1 minute later**

God, I HATE this place. Not to mention the people living in it.

**2****0 minutes later**

Well, that didn't turn out well. I followed Alicia everywhere, as I said, and she doesn't seem to do ANYTHING apart from being stupid all day long.

I followed her to the bathroom and spied through the keyhole. Well, what if she was doing something she shouldn't in the bathroom?

Then Alicia opened the door and I fell in. She looked at me and completely overreacted. Her exact words: "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? YOU SPYING, DISGUSTING..." on, and on, and on. Whacking me on the head with a towel. A pretty HARD towel too. I got up and ran out.

She is so inconsiderate.

**Time:** 11 pm

**Location:** Bed

**Mood:** A mixture of exhausted, annoyed, amused, and too many feelings.

Gosh, I'm tired. After tea, me and Bree had to STUDY again. This time it was Hitler Girls turn to supervise us. JOY.

Tea was pretty amusing., despite the awkwardness between me and The Devil Incarnate, not to mention between me and George. Whenever Hitler Girl even looked at a girl (unless it was Bridget, of course. Or Aunt May. That would be disgusting) I would stare intently at her, hoping she would see me and go as red as a beetrot.

She didn't do either. The pig. So then I resorted to being more direct without everyone noticing.

**Conversation:**

**Me:** *sweetly* Moira dear, could you pass me the salt, please?

Moira rolled her eyes and practically threw the salt at me. She is so rude.

**Me:** So, Moira, have you heard anything from your friend Catherine lately?

**Moira:** *witheringly* Why on _earth_ would you be interested in Catherine?

**Me:** Oh, I've always liked Catherine. Though not as much as you do, probably.

**Alicia:** June. You hate Catherine. I saw your "ten people I hate the most" list you wrote in your diary.

**Me:** I – I – Well, a girl can change her mind, can't she!

So much for being cool and smooth. Why does the Devil Incarnate always make me look stupid, even though she's WAY stupider than me?

**Me:** And kindly do not speak to me, cousin. I don't know how you can even look me in the eye. Have you absolutely NO shame?

**Alicia:** *thinking* Hmm. Nope, don't think I do.

**Me:** I think you are mistaking me for someone who has any interest in what you have to say.

HA! Take THAT, Devil Incarnate!

**Alicia:** What? I didn't say anything. You asked me a question, I answered.

**Me:** Shut up. I'm not talking to you.

**Alicia:** But you just did.

**June:** Well, now I'm not.

**Alicia:** But...

**Sam:** June. Alicia. Stop talking.

Silence.

**Me:** So anyway, Moira, _have_ you?

Moira: *irritably* _What_, June? Have I _what_?

**Me:** Heard from Catherine!

**Moira:** That is none of your bussiness.

At all this, Aunt, Uncle and Mr. Addams looked very very puzzled. It was very amusing. So amusing, in fact, I snorted and lemonade went up my nose. After I had calmed down, I looked at her with a fake wounded expression on my face.

**Me**: None of my bussiness? Why, that's rather _rude_, my dear! I was only trying to be _nice_!

Moira got fed up and didn't say any more. Neither did anyone else. We ate in complete silence. Or it would have been complete silence, if Tommy hadn't been playing "squelch the man". This consists of squelching a tomato with your hand, pretending it's an innocent pedestrian. He is truly disturbing.

After all this, we had to study. It was exhausting, but rather amusing at the same time. Moira was going on about polynomials. Blah blah blah. Who CARES? Honestly, if she likes girls, she shouldn't talk to them about POLYNOMIALS. Unless she wants to bore them to death so then she can make a collection of dead girls.

That is a very disturbing thought. STOP IT, BRAIN!

**Moira**: June, June, _think_. If a2 + ab + ba + b2 is the basic formula, then how would you solve X (3X2 + 5) – 2 (X3 – 2)2 ? It's not THAT complicated!

**Me:** I don't know. Maybe if you replaced those letters with M and C it would be easier.

**Moira:** *puzzled* What? Fine, replace the letters with M and C if you want. It's the same. Then how would you resolve it?

**Me:** *triumphantly* M + C = love. You agree?

**Moira:** *more puzzled than ever* Huh?

**Me:** *exasperatedly* Never mind.

God, she is so thick. If Bridget wasn't here, I could be more direct. I don't want anyone else to find out. It's my personal bit of knowledge.

After two hours of absolute and utter BOREDOM, Hitler Girl looked at her watch and said we could go. Bridget went. I stayed behind and looked at Hitler Girl, grinning from ear to ear.

**Moria**: *warily* what do you want, June?

**Me:** Oh, nothing. I was just wondering: could I ask you a personal question?

**Moira:** *turning her back to me, organizing her books* No. Now go away.

I chose to ignore her apalling rudeness. Am I the only polite person in this house?

**Me:** Do you _really_ think Catherine has georgeous eyes? Cause they sure look like frog swamps to me.

**Moira:** What?

Then realization seemed to hit her. She completely overreacted, just like Alicia. She kept screaming stuff like "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, NOSING AROUND IN OTHER PEOPLE'S PRIVACIES..." blah, blah, blah, blah. And on and on and on. Very uniteresting stuff, not to mention extremely rude.

**Me:** Moira. Do you _really_ think this the best way to win my silence?

**Moira:** *going redder than a tomato* I – I – I ...you little... *collecting herself* June. If you have ANY bit of human kindness left inside you, I beg you to keep quiet about this.

**Me:** Hmm. I guess I'll just have to think about it, won't I?

**Moira:** You beastly child. Get. Out. _Now_.

I skipped out happily looking slightly like Little Red Riding-Hood in the forest. Betty was there with Matthew and Roger, who all looked at me as if I was a little green man from mars. I heard Roger murmuring distinctly: "Skipping happily. _June_ skipping happily. Something very very good for her and very very bad for us is going on".

Then I went to bed, exhausted after all the day's excitement.

They will see. Oh, tee-hee, will they see.

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**2****nd**** of September**

I've been looking at the calendar. Only 8 days to go until school starts. Oh, joy. I can hardly wait to get back to all my boring, bland classmates and my boring, sadistic, so called "teachers". NOT.

Seriously, school is the stupidest invention in the history of mankind. Even stupider than waxing, and that's saying something (I mean, what STUPID person thought 'oh, I'll try putting some of this hot, boiling wax on my leg and then yank it out, to see what happens'? Someone with no life whatsoever, that's who).

But lets not think about school. I have come to tell you that I have been spying on my cousin again, and AGAIN found NOTHING whatsoever that could be considered illegal, cheating, or even slightly bad that she has done (apart from stupid tricks and remarks, often played on me). I mean, seriously. Has she NO life?

Before spying, though, I had to STUDY again. This time, The Devil Incarnate herself supervised us. It was HELL. She kept going on and on and ON about "Georgie" and "how did he respond to your feelings". He hasn't even SPOKEN to me since the incident. Not even tried.

Well, he did try, but as soon as I saw him coming near me I screamed my head off like a madwoman and started running. Promptly slipping on the newly polished floor and falling flat on my face. A very embarassing incident that I do not wish to talk, write, or think about for longer than a second.

I TRIED to ignore her. I really tried. But when she started going on about the incident I just mentioned, I had no choice but to "accidentally" spill ink. All over her white blouse. I mean, what ELSE could I do? It was only fair.

Well, Alicia didn't think it was fair, and told Uncle.

He didn't think it was fair either, and sent me to my room.

When I was FINALLY let out, I started my spying bussiness, which, as I told you, proved to be of no interest whatsoever.

Now? I'm still spying while I write this, crouched behind the kitchen cupboard, staring at The Devil Incarnate while she bakes bread. Oh, great. Now Aunt will force us to eat it, saying how much Alicia has worked on this bread for us, and it will taste of cardboard like The Devil Incarnate's bread ALWAYS does, and then she will pretend to get all offended at my disgusted facial expressions and I will have to apologize to her while she grins satisfiedly behind Aunt's back.

Perfect. Just perect.

Now she's putting the bread in the oven. Big whoop.

Now she's going out. Now I can slip out without her seeing me. I must be very careful and sly and...oh, drat. What was that?

**2 minutes later**

So much for being careful and sly. I trod on a most DISGUSTING bug. After hearing the squelching sound, I looked down, saw it, and screamed the place down.

Luckily, Alicia didn't suspect anything, thinking I had just gone in. Uncle sighed exasperatedly and was like: "oh, for heaven's sake, June, _must_ you have this tendency to overreact at any little thing? I thought someone was trying to murder you. Oh, stop shrieking, it's only a bug."

ONLY A BUG? IT TOUCHED MY SKIN! MY DELICATE, LOVELY, PURE SKIN! TELL ME HOW _THAT'S_ OVERREACTING!

My skin will never be the same again. I am scarred for life.

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**Still 2****nd**** of September**

**Time:** 3 am

**Location:** Bed

**Mood:** EXTATIC!

YES! YES AND DOUBLE YESSS!

At last, SOMETHING. Oooh, muahuahua. This is GREAT. All I needed. Now I've got SO much to tell Jeremy! The Devil Incarnate will be so FURIOUS when she finds out that I found out!

I am sure you are wondering what happened, diary.

Well, I was innocently walking along the corridor at 2 am when I happened to hear The Devil Incarnate's voice coming from the garden. And Betty's. And Sam's. So I opened the door slightly so I could hear them better and see them. I heard Alicia say something about "not wanting to intrude on you" in a jokey voice. Then Betty laughed and told her not to be stupid. Interesting bit: THEY WERE ALL HOLDING GLASSES WITH ALCOHOL IN IT (Sam is of age, but the girl's are still seventeen).

Then Sam said "I tried this with the boys last year". I didn't know what on earth he was on about, until I saw a little packet. I squinted to see what they were, and with glee saw they were, in fact, CIGGARETTES! Ooooh, can you IMAGINE the scandal when people find out that two well brought up, boarding school girls DRINK and SMOKE?

I started jumping up and down in glee. FINALLY, something! Alicia and Betty both coughed loudly after a drag and declared they were never trying that disgusting stuff again. Sam laughed and said he didn't mind it, but didn't think it was anything special at all.

Then I saw them putting off the cigarettes and starting to walk back I ran and ran and ran very silently and jumped on my bed. Bree woke up and demanded to know what was going on. How nosey can you get? I told her "Oh, you'll see" in a very deep, misterious voice. She asked me if my voice was OK and did I want some mints. I told her no I did not want some mints, and to go back to sleep. She insisted to know what I was doing up at 2 am. I ignored her and pretended to fall asleep.

Ooooh, I can't WAIT until tomorrow! Forget blackmailing Moira. I'm telling Jeremy EVERYHTING.

Until tomorrow, diary. The day hell breaks loose!

Well, actually, that would be the day AFTER tomorrow, when the newspaper comes out. Tomorrow I'll tell him, and he will publish it. And if he doesn't, it's bye bye Jeremy.

I love my life right now.

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**A/N: Yay! Another chapter! That was quick...god, I love writing :) Hope you liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please review! Please? *puppy dog eyes* **


	22. revenge, sweet revenge!

**A/N: Thanks for ****reading and/or reviewing! Here's the next chapter :) **

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**3rd Of September**

**Time:** 6:30 am

**Location:** Living Room

**Mood:** Excited

I am so so so terribly excited, I can't WAIT until tomorrow comes. I swear, tomorrow will be the happiest day of my life. I just know it.

Got up at 6, two hours before we start sutdying. Crept down to phone Jeremy.

**Conversation:**

**Phone:** Ring, ring.

**Jeremy:** *groggily* Hello?

**Me:** Jeremy! Thank god it's you and not your dad. I was worried you might be asleep.

**Jeremy:** I was. So was everyone else. Dad yelled at me to answer it, knowing it was you.

**Me:** He must be psychic.

**Jeremy:** More like personal experience. Now, what do you want?

**Me:** Don't you take that tone with me. I thought you wanted me to forgive you.

**Jeremy:** Yes, yes, sorry, sorry. Oh, wait. Do you mean...

**Me:** I found something about my cousin? Yes, yes, and about Betty too. And Moira! Oh, wait until you hear this. It's amazing, all you can find out in one day.

**Jeremy:** *suddenly extremely interested. He is such a gossip* Spill!

**Me:** Who first? Moira or Alicia?

**Jeremy:** Allys.

**Me:** OK. Get this: Alicia smokes. Think of what her parents would say! Their posh, well brought up little girl somking! Not to mention drinking too. Betty was with her, they were both in the scene of the crime.

I decided not to mention Sammy. I couldn't bear it if he didn't talk to me ever again. Plus, it wasn't HIM who sold the poem. And he has been nice to me lately.

**Jeremy:** She smokes _and_ drinks? Like, a lot?

**Me:** Well. I think she was only trying to see what it was like. But you can exaggerate a litte, right? Say that she's been doing it all her life and that she is an addict, RIGHT? *slightly menacing*

**Jeremy:** Oh, ABSOLUTELY. And Moirs? I can't believe boring old Moirs would have anything to hide.

**Me:** Well, get this. I was innocently sorting out some books the other day, and somehow I found her diary, and accidentally read it...

**Jeremy:** Junes.

**Me:** All right, all right, I was bored and I thought I would read it. Intentionally, yes. It's only fair, everyone's read MY diary. Even though she claims it's a "notebook of personal experiences and events". ANYWAY, guess what I found out. Moira...

**Jeremy:** Yes?

**Me:** Likes girls the way YOU like boys.

**Jeremy:** *flatly* No.

**Me:** What? Oh, come on, Jers, there's no need to hide it from ME, or from anyone for that matter, everybody already KNOWS that –

**Jeremy:** No, no, not that. I mean, I'm not publishing that.

**Me:** WHAT? Jeremy, since when have you become Mr. Respectful of people's privacies?

**Jeremy:** Sorry hon, but no. I'm not publishing that Moira likes girls. It'd be hypocritical, not to mention absolutely, WAY out of line. No.

**Me:** Oh, but it WASN'T out of line to publish MY poem dedicated to the boy I'm totally in love with, oh no, that's PERFECTLY fine, isn't it?

**Jeremy:** Junes, come on. That wasn't exactly such a deep, dark secret, was it?

**Me:** IT WAS THE MOST HUMILIATING, HORRIBLE...!

**Jeremy:** OK, OK, I get it. You hate me for it. I'm _sorry_. I am. But that wasn't part of the deal. I said if I found something out about Allys I'd publish. I never said anything about Moirs. Don't you think Allys is the one you should be getting revenge on, anyway? It wasn't Moirs who sold your poem.

**Me:** *grudgingly* Fine.

**Jeremy:** And you forgive me?

**Me:** Well...

**Jeremy:** June! Come on, that was the deal!

**Me:** Oh, all right. But you publish anything about me again, and you're DEAD.

**Jeremy:** Yay! Okie-dokie. I guess I should get started on the paper. And Junes?

**Me:** What?

**Jeremy: **Don't tease Moirs too much. It's horrible, you know, being teased about that.

**Me:** That was not part of the deal. But OK.

And we hung up. Poor, naive Jers. He seriously thinks I'm going to let this rest? Oh, no. I am going to talk to Abigail later. Jeremy might be able to resist gossip, but Abby definitely cannot.

Hmm. I'll phone and if Jers picks up I'll pretend I'm Abby's friend, what's her name...Rose. She has a really high pitched voice, so it's not too difficult to imitate.I'll just pretend to be really really angry (The Devil Incarnate is right. My voice DOES go up about five octaves higher when I'm cross) Be right back in a few minutes.

**30 Minutes**** Later**

Yay! It WORKED! I can't believe it! Oh, there are times when I really love Abigail so much I could kiss her (not literally. Eurgh. Go away, mental image!) Of course, she was ECSTATIC. She said this was the best piece of gossip she had recieved EVER. I asked her how on earth she would manage to publish it without her "politically correct" brother noticing. She said she would find a way, and that even a hundred arguments with Jeremy were worth this. She promised she'd tell Jeremy that she found out from reading Hitler Girl's diary when she comes over this afternoon to collect eggs. It all makes sense.

Life is so good.

Or not. Got to go study with HITLER GIRL'S supervision. Thrilling.

Oh, wait, it IS thrilling! I can torture her with what I know. Muahuahuahua. I'm heartless, I know.

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**Time:** 3 pm

**Location:** Evil Heaven

**Mood:** Amused.

Study time was BLISS. Hitler Girl could hardly look at me in the eye. She kept on explaining to her sister and hardly spoke to me.

Of course, I suddenly took a keen interest on equations.

**Me:** Moira, I just cannot understand these equations. I just can't tell the difference between paralell and oblique! Please, explain them to me.

**Moira:** *gritting her teeth* What don't you understand, June dear? Paralell is when the graph consists of two paralell lines. Oblique has to be an angle of ninety degrees.

**Me:** Oh, how romantic!

**Bridget:** *looking extremely confused* What is romantic about graphs?

She is so innocent.

**Me:** The two parallel lines live separate lives in the first graph, and then in the oblique one they are joined! How is that NOT romantic? It clearly represents M and C!

Truth is, I didn't know if I was making any sense at all. Whatever, it still worked in embarassing her.

**Moira:** SHUT on with your graphs. Now, Bridget, what's the capital of France?

**Bridget:** Um...ummmmm...

Oh, for the sake of Hitler Girl's dead girls collection. I love Bree, but she is amazingly THICK. How can you NOT know the capital of _France_, for crying out loud?

**Bridget:** Errrrrrrm...

**Me:** PARIS, Bree. PARIS. Which also happens to be the city of love, isn't that right, Moira? I heard Catherine went there on a holiday last year. Did you go with her?

**Moira:** *red as a lobster. Two lobsters, in fact. Maybe ever three* SHUT. UP.

**Bridget:** *looking more confused than ever* No. Why would Moira go to Paris with Catherine? It's such a long way. Mother would never let her.

Good job she's so naive. If this was The Devil Incarnate, she'd have figured it out ten minutes ago.

**Moira:** Anyway. Bree. Lets see you find France on the map.

**Bridget:** *warily* Since when do _you_ call me Bree?

**Moira:** Since you're the person I get along with best right now.

**Me:** *hurt look* What about _meeeeeee_?

**Moira:** Do you REALLY need to ask?

**Me:** No. I am a genious at figuring things out. Like I figured out about M and C! I really AM getting better at maths.

**Moira:** Really? You're getting better at maths? OK, lets see you do these excersises. Your Uncle said he wanted to check some of your work. He can see this later!

Me: All right! Then I'll replace them all with M and C, and when he asks why...well, you KNOW I can't tell a lie.

Moira: You – you –you – you beastly child!

Me: Really? That's the best you can caome up with? I even prefer Alicia's unoriginal "little wretch" to that!

**5 minutes later**

Oh, HELL. Uncle came in, didn't listen to my whole explanation of why I was changing everything to M and C, told me "not to be stupid" and finish all my equations because he'd check them later.

He is so inconsiderate. All I'm trying to _do _is make Hitler Girl's life a misery. Can't he stop interfering?

* * *

**Time: **5 pm

**Location:** Kitchen

**Mood:** Evil!

Abigail just came to pick up the eggs and to have her alibi. She was practically jumping up and down. She couldn't WAIT until tomorrow. She asked if she could have a sneak peek at Hitler Girl's diary just to confirm the story, and I was more than happy to oblige.

It took us a while to find it, because Hitler Girl had hidden it. She clearly doesn't have a dedicated spy like ME living with her. Under the matress is NOT a safe place to hide a "notebook of experiences and events".

**Abigail: ***reading it* This is _fantastic_! Better than anything I could _dream_ of!

**Me: **I know! I'd never have thought it of Hitler Girl.

**Abigail:** *bursting into peals of laughter* _Hitler Girl_? That is _brilliant_! I _must_ write that down!

**Me: **You're SURE you can publish it? And that we won't find your dead body the next day?

**Abigail: **June. Jeremy screams whenever he sees a _spider_ and cries "KILL IT, KILL IT!" at the top of his lungs because even though he's scared of it, he just _can't_ bring himself to kill it _himself_. I _highly_ doubt he will kill his own _twin_.

**Me: **Okay, he won't LITERALLY kill you. But he'll do it through the newspaper.

**Abigail: **Oh, this is _totally_ worth it. Anyway, what _can_ we publish about each other that we haven't _already_?

**Me: **True.

**Abigail:** Anyway, thank you _so_ much. This is _brilliant_. Jeremy's already told me about Alicia and Betty. You are a _wonder_, dear. We'd like to credit you in the newspaper, but I don't suppose you'd like to appear with your own name?

**Me:** Oh, no no no no no! They can't know it was me. How about JM+A+B?

**Abigail:** WHAT?

**Me:** Maths talk. "June is greater than Moira and Alicia and Betty."

**Abigail:** Excellent. We'll list you as special reporter.

Then she went. This is GREAT. And even BETTER, if the twins DO start fighting, they won't worry about publishing horrible stuff about ME any more!

Life is good. VERY good.

**10 minutes later**

Oh frikety frak. George tried to talk to me. I don't know what he was actually going to say, because as soon as he opened his mouth I ran away screaming. Again. And I slipped and fell flat on my face. Again. I need new shoes. Ones that don't slip.

I distinctly heard him say, puzzledly: "I was only going to ask her if she had seen my new book..."

Oh GODDDDDDD. I want to DIE.

No, no , June. You can't die. Think of tomorrow and all your dreams coming true at once.

Apart from that one where I become Marilyn Monroe and the rest are all beggars and I toss my head and say I don't have time for them.

But that will come eventually.

It's a bit sad, really. All my dreams will come true because a small town newspaper will be published. Is that REALLY all I have to live for?

Ah, well. Revenge is sweet.

* * *

**3****rd**** of September**

**Time**: 9 pm

**Location:** Living Room

**Mood**: Victorious

OH MY GOD! YESSSSSSS! THIS IS BLISS! TOTAL AND UTTER BLISS!

This is how the best day of my life (meant with no hint of sarcasm!) went:

Sam came in with the newspaper. Looking rather pale, I must admit. Alicia noticed inmediately and demanded to know what the heck he was holding behind his back.

Somehow Betty snatched it off him and went as white as a deformed snowman.

Five senconds later and the whole place was in absolute CHAOS. Everyone was screaming like lunatics. This is what the smoking and drinking headline looked like:

"**ALICIA JOHNS AND BETTY HILL: ALCOHOL AND CIGGARETTE ADDICTS?"**

"_A source close to the family, who wishes to only be known as JA+B+M , has discovered something extremely astonishing about these two well brought up boarding school girls: they have fallen into the dangerous world of drinking and smoking. This source claims he/she saw them with their very eyes, and was just as amazed as we are now..."_

And so on. The Devil Incarnate went WILD. She was going on and on about how "How the HECK did they find out? And it's not even TRUE! We aren't ADDICTS, for crying out loud! we only TRIED a sip! And I hardly smoked, I just took one puff, for goodness' sakes!"

It was all very very amusing. But even more so when Hitler Girl came in, looking all sleepy and saw everyone completely freaking out about the article. As soon as she came in, everyone's eyes fell on the headline: "MOIRA LINTON'S SECRET PLEASURE!". Alicia, Betty, Sam and all the rest gasped in shock. Bridget went as white as a snowman (though not a deformed one like Betty). Dick burst into tears and ran into his room. God, he STILL has that crush on Hitler Girl? He is sad.

Hitler Girl raised her eyebrows and was all "what? Have I got something on my face?" Everyone shook their heads. Sam, being the good, kind person he is, tried to hide it out of sight. But Hitler Girl had already seen the paper and demanded to see it. Well, she's kind of scary when she demands something, so Sam gave it to her eventually. It was very amusing watching her go from red to pale to purple as she read the article which was NOT very subtle, to put it mildly. It was sort of like this:

"**MOIRA LINTON'S SECRET PLEASURE"**

"_A source close to the family (who also happens to be J__A+B+M) has told us something so shocking we hesitated to publish. Not only is it based on someone's tale, but there is PROOF. I, Abigail, saw it with my own eyes: A diary, kept by Moira Linton, where it is revealed that she is in love with a classmate. Which wouldn't be so shocking if Moira didn't attend Girl's Only boarding school Malory Towers. _

_This girl, who is also reffered to quite amusingly as "Hitler Girl" by our source..."_

And she got no further, for as soon as she read that, she screamed, flew at my neck, and tried to brutally murder me. Good grief, has EVERYONE read my diary? Oh, wait. Alicia read it out loud to everyone. Drat. And I _have_ called her that in her hearing. Double drat.

The Devil Incarnate was about to separate us (I don't know WHY. Maybe she thinks no one is allowed to kill me but her), when she suddenly stopped and went "Wait. J is greater than A plus B plus M...OH MY GOD! JUNE JOHNS I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" And she jumped on me too.

Honestly. It's a bloody zoo, this place.

Luckily, Sam pulled them off me. I was all ready to swoon with gratitude, when I saw he was glaring at me with pure hatred. "YOUR ROOM. NOW." He said, with gritted teeth. I didn't dare disobey him.

Hitler Girl ran past me and locked herself in her room. She had tears in her eyes. Hitler Girl. TEARS IN HER EYES. Things are not good.

I feel kind of guilty now.

Oh, drat. George doesn't look too pleased with me either.

**10 minutes later**

I was walking into my room, and as soon as I did I saw dick trying to kill himself with a flimsy bit of string, about to jump off a very low chair. I rolled my eyes.

**Me:** Dick. Seriously. That string is not going to kill you, you know that? And please go commit suicide in YOUR room.

**Dick:** *sobbing* YOU UNFEELING MONSTER!

And he ran off to his room. With the string still around his neck. I ask you.

Then BRIDGET came in and started being all huffy with me.

**Bridget:** Why didn't you TELL me anything? I told you about my dad and you won't even tell me about my own SISTER!

**Me:** Well...I wanted an astonished audience!

**Bridget:** Well, I could have PRETENDED to be astonished. I really don't think it's fair...

Blah, blah, blah. I apologized just to get her to shut up.

Then Sam came in and started shouting at me. God, people are so overreactive in this house. He said that "that was way out of line" and something about "I can't make you apologize to your cousin, but you should certainly apologize to Moira considering she didn't even do anything you you..." blah, blah, blah. And on and on and on. I answered that Hitler Girl DID do domething to me. He asked what, and I answered "she exists". He said that she couldn't help _that_. I think she can. Then I said "also, she's a bleeding dictator" and he replied that "everyone has faults. At least she's not a nosey little wretch like _you_ are". Of course, I started screaming at him in indignation. And of course, he shouted back at ME.

He is not a gentleman.

After ten centuries of shouting later, he left, slamming the door behind him.

**5 minutes later**

I am NOT apologizing to Hitler Girl. Not even if Sam looks at me with his startlingly blue puppy dog eyes. No.

**3 minutes later**

And that is my final word.

**10 minutes later**

Though I _do_ feel a bit guilty...

**15 seconds later**

NO, June. No, no, and NO. She deserved all she got.

**3 seconds later**

And that is _definitely_ my final word.

Goodbye.

* * *

**A/N: Chapter 22 up!**** Yay! Please, please, please review! Pretty please? With a cherry on top? I'll try to have the next chappie up as soon as possible. I hope you enjoyed June's cruelty! =P**


	23. The best and worst day of my life

**A/N: Thanks for reading and/or reviewing! Just FYI, there were two mistakes in the last chapter. First, the last time, 9 pm, was supposed to be 9 am. And the part in the paper where is says J A+B+M it's supposed to have the maths symbol for "greater than" after the J, which makes sense in meaning "June is greater than Alicia and Betty and Moira", only that this site can't show that symbol for some reason (you know which one I mean, the one that looks like a horizontal V). Just clearing that up because I'm too lazy to correct it :P**

* * *

**Still 3****rd**** of September**

**Time: **9:30 am**  
Location:** Bedroom. Where ELSE would I be? Well, I suppose I COULD leave it. Sam can't MAKE me stay. But people would try to kill me. And that would not be good.  
**Mood:** Ecstatic and fed up and guilty and not guilty.

I suppose you are wondering how someone can possibly feel ALL those things at once. Well, not everyone can, of course, but I am a very emotional and sensitive person, as you very well know.

Anyway, I'm ecstatic because, well, the articles were published, DUH. I feel fed up because Samuel Johns suddenly seems to think he is my father now. (Oh. That's kind of gross. GO AWAY, MENTAL IMAGE!) And I'm guilty because…NO. I am NOT guilty. Hitler Girl DESERVED it. SHE DID!

I probably should apologize.

**5 seconds later**

NO. STOP saying, that, June! You are NOT apologizing to HITLER GIRL, of all people! NO.

**10 seconds later**

Although she didn't really DO anything to me, apart from BEING there. Alicia and Betty, of course, completely deserved it.

**1 minute later**

No. NO, NO, NO! I will not feel guilty about ANYTHING. I will now enjoy the rest of the best day of my life. (Hey, that should be a song!)

**15 minutes later**

Oh, goddddddddd. Bridget can be so annoying. She is still freaking out about today's revelation.

**Conversation:**

**Bridget:** I can't BELIEVE you didn't tell me!

**Me:** About what?

**Bridget:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ABOUT WHAT! ABOUT MY SISTER LIKING GIRLS!

**Me:** Oh, that.

**Bridget:** 'Oh, that', she says. _Oh, that_! *muttering to herself*

Quite mad.

**Me:** Sorry, sorry. I was just enjoying my revenge on the Devil Incarnate.

**Bridget:** How on EARTH did you find out?

**Me:** oh, I used my deductive powers, you know how incredibly smart I am.

**Bridget:** You read her notebook, didn't you?

**Me:** *grudgingly* Yes. Maybe.

**Bridget:** Don't you think that's a bit hypocritical, complaining about everyone reading your diary and then you go and read hers?

**Me:** That's different. Hers is a "notebook of personal events". Mine is a diary.

**Bridget:** Whatever. Where is it? I want to read it now.

**Me:** It's hidden under her mattress. I found it with Abigail yesterday.

**Bridget:** You showed it to ABIGAIL and not to MEEEEEEE?

**Me:** Well, you were off with Matt. I didn't want to intrude.

**Bridget:** *going ridiculously red* I – I – I…THAT'S NO EXCUSE!

She waited until Moira went out to go to the bathroom. I never knew Moira could run like that. She wasn't looking at anyone, so she kind of banged her head against the door. It was hilarious. I laughed. She jumped at me and tried to throttle me again, so I pushed her and slammed my bedroom door closed.

Geez. How overreactive can you get?

Anyway. Somehow Bree managed to get it, and brought it into the room. She was just getting to the best bit when Hitler Girl stormed in, grabbed her notebook and shook poor Bree until she was quite dizzy, while screaming "YOU ARE MY SISTER, HOW CAN YOU BETRAY ME?" It was all very worrying but also rather amusing. She finally left, ten centuries of screaming later, and locked herself in her room again.

Lord.

After Bridget FINALLY stopped freaking out ( seriously. For the next ten minutes, she just kept repeating "CATHERINE? _CATHERINE_?" It was very disturbing.) we had a good gossip about what she'd read and what I'd read. It was nice to talk again, even if she IS very dumb. And freaked out. And still dizzy.

**13 minutes later**

Oh, for the sake of flying muffins. JOHN just came in, of all people, and said "I support your taking a stance against the disgusting going ons in this house. I want you to know you are not alone. At the same time, though, I must take issue with HOW you chose to let the world know. Sneaking's never a virtue. You should have put your own name and been proud of what you were doing". I was about to roll my eyes and slam the door in his stupid smug face, but I didn't. After all, there weren't many people willing to talk to me right now. So I gave him a big fake smile and THEN slammed the door in his face.

Oh, drat. Time to eat.

Oh no. HOW am I going to FACE everyone?

Why, June. With smug victory, that's how. Muahuahuahua.

* * *

**AFTER EATING**

Well, _that _was fun.

First, Moira announced she wasn't hungry and that she would rather die than come out. I had to restrain myself from shouting out "oh, but you have!" But I couldn't restrain from giggling madly. Of course, that earned me scowls from a lot of people. The kind of scowl that that Belinda stupid Morris sketches. Once I was scowling, for a very good reason too (Hitler Girl had just said I couldn't be in the school team, after all my hard effort. I ask you, how can you blame me for writing hate messages?) and the stupid hippy sketched it and showed it to every single person in school. Beast.

Anyway. So I went into this giggling fit, and just THEN Hitler Girl appeared. I couldn't help it. I burst into spasms of laughter. I was practically rolling on the floor. I wasn't even sure WHY I was laughing so much, but facts are facts and the fact is I was in convulsions. Hitler Girl pretended not to notice (I don't know HOW she could POSSIBLY not notice, though) and swept past all dignified, holding her head so high she couldn't see anyone. It would have worked if it wasn't for the fact she was redder than red, and looked angrier than a bull when it sees red (which would have made sense, considering I was also red from laughing so much). She sat down and looked at the ceiling. I looked up, following suit, and said, as if talking to a very stupid baby: "CEILING, Moira. Repeat after me: C – E –I- L…OUCH!" Sam had kicked me under the table. He is such an ungentlemanly boy. Well, I suppose he's a man now, he is over eighteen…and so handsome…oh yes, he's a man all right...STOP IT, BRAIN!

Hitler Girl said nothing and began to eat. Everyone followed suit. In absolute SILENCE. Until…

**Tommy:** Hey, Moira, when are you going to teach me about the birds and the bees like you told me you were going to?

I exploded. It was too much. So did Bridget. We were the only ones, although I DID see Alicia's lips twitch slightly.

**Moira:** Another time, perhaps, dear.

**Tommy:** But WHEN? You're going back to school soon!

**Me: **Yes, Moira, don't disappoint poor Tommy!

**Matt:** Why are you never so enthusiastic when _I_ want to teach you something?

**Tommy:** You're _boring_. You wouldn't teach me anything interesting about the birds and the bees, just the dull parts, like you ALWAYS do.

**Sam:** *trying to keep a straight face* Tommy, don't call your brother boring.

At all this, the adults were all innocent. And puzzled.

**Aunt:** *laughing* Because _you've_ never called your brothers names!

**Sam:** I'm trying to set a good example to Tommy. _Someone_ in this family has to.

**Uncle:** But who _doesn't _set him a good example?

**Sam:** Um, no one?

**John:** *slyly* You haven't read the newspaper by any chance today, have you?

**Aunt:** Which newspaper, dear? We don't get the paper today.

John was about to answer when Hitler Girl let out a piercing scream and darted off. Great. Another one in need of psychological treatment.

**John:** *ignoring Moira running off* Why, Jeremy and Abigail's newspaper, of course.

Aunt and Uncle and Mr Adams, of course, weren't paying him the slightest attention, all worrying about Moira's strange behavior. The rest of us were. I don't know WHAT Sam said to him, but he went very very VERY white and shut up. Good heavens, does he have ANOTHER secret?

Actually, Sam could have just threatened to punch him or something. He's a bit of a wimp.

Mr Adams had gone to see if his dear little stepdaughter was alright. Which she wasn't. She had locked herself in her room, presumably to hide the paper.

The rest of the meal proceeded in total silence.

What fun.

Then, my dear cousin Samuel said since we hadn't studied in the morning due to all the horrific events, HE would now supervise us as we made up the time we lost.

Great. Just GREAT. I think I'd almost prefer the Devil Incarnate or Hitler Girl to HIM when he's in this mood.

Write more later, when hell freezes over.

* * *

**Still 3****rd**** of September**

**Time:** 5 pm  
**Location:** Asylum  
**Mood:** Dead

Not literally, of course. I wish I was, though. Sam kept us studying for four whole hours. BEAST. And he was so IMPATIENT. He couldn't BELIEVE I didn't understand polynomial divisions. He kept commenting on how stupid I apparently am. He was MUCH nicer with Bridget, and she is MUCH stupider than I am. How is that FAIR? First he would scream at me for about fifteen minutes and then turn to face a very scared looking Bridget and say very very softly: "All right, Bree, let's see your European map…" and he hardly raised his voice to her at all, even when she said that America was an English colony. He just LAUGHED. It is so UNFAIR.

Then ABIGAIL came over and started telling me how ecstatic she was, and that the news was all around town! It was the one bright spot in a horrible afternoon. Jeremy came too, and he was FURIOUS. Of course, I was trying to keep them separate.

**Conversation:**

**Jeremy:** JUNE! OPEN THIS DOOR, _NOW_!

Oh, crapetty crap. He's mad at me. He's calling me June without the s. This is not good.

**Sam:** *opens door* Oh. It's you. *slams door in his face*

**Jeremy:** Sams, let me IN! *wheedling*

**Sam:** Why should I? You and your sister are the most disgusting gossips I have ever EVER met.

**Me:** YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT TO HIM WHEN _I_ WAS PUBLICLY HUMILLIATED!

At all this, Abigail had hidden behind the sofa, before anyone could find out she was here. Usually this would have startled a person, but what can I say, I'm used to people acting like absolute loons.

**Sam:** *witheringly to me* There is no possible comparison.

He must die, he must die. Hmm. But then his looks would rot, and his blue eyes would lose their sparkle, and…SHUT UP, BRAIN!

**Jeremy:** Abigail published it without my knowledge or permission! I TOLD June I wouldn't publish it! Ok, I did about Allys, but not about Moirs…

**Sam:** *opens door a crack* You DO realize that if our parents find out, Alicia and Betty are DEAD?

**Jeremy:** *going slightly red* Um. About that. You might want to stop your parents going into town for a few days. Or, you know. Talking to anyone. I mean, a lot of people don't believe us, but…some do, and… Actually, Mrs Posnoby was saying something about coming over to warn your parents about the going ons.

**Sam:** SHE _WHAT_?

**Jeremy:** Um, well, you see, people are thinking you're, um…bad influences on their children. Your friend Joe's mother says she might call and complain, and…

**Sam:** Yes, yes, I get the picture. Come in and shout at June if you want. I'll go and see if I can get my parents to leave the country.

So he did. I don't mean that Sam told Aunt and Uncle to leave England. I mean that Jeremy came in. And he shouted. And he literally screamed his head off. Well, not really literally, of course. And on and on and on.

**Me (once he FINALLY shut up):** Jers, what makes you think that **_I _**was the one told your sister about Hitler Girl, anyway?

**Jeremy: **Don't call me Jers. My FRIENDS only call me that. And…lets see. _You _knew about it. _You _wanted it PUBLISHED. "J is greater than A + B+ M" was the secret informer on BOTH reports…hmm, I wonder what could POSSIBLY make me think that?

**Me:** Well, errrm…errrrrrrrrrrrm…I might have MENTIONED it, but I didn't tell her to publish it…or show her Moira's notebook or anything like that…or invite her over so I could tell her absolutely EVERYTHING…

**Jeremy:** Oh, for Christ's sakes! Where IS Moirs now, anyway?

**Me:** Why is SHE Moirs but I'm June without an s?

**Jeremy:** Apply your fantastic detective skills. I'm sure you'll find an answer. WHERE IS SHE?

**Me:** Errrm…I think she might be…um…out. (Half true)

**Jeremy:** *dryly and skeptically* Out.

**Me:** Yes, out! I mean, I'm sure she's not locked up in her room bawling or anything like that…

**Jeremy: ***groaning* Great. Just great. I'm going to talk to her.

**Me:** What? NO!

**Jeremy:** Why not?

**Me:** Because…because…she's HITLER GIRL!

**Jeremy:** Oh, grow up, June.

And he stalked off to Hitler Girl's room. Grow up, he says. I AM grown up. I am extremely mature. Just yesterday, I offered to…erm…to…oh, forget it.

**Abigail:** *peeking out from behind sofa* shouldn't we go and _listen_ to them?

Which, of course, I didn't, because I am so mature and responsible.

Oh, all right. I did. But Abigail is older than me, so I was only following the lead of a sensible and mature person.

Oh, forget it.

**OVERHEARD CONVERSATION:**

**Jeremy:** *knocking* Moirs?

**Moira:** Whoever you are, GET OUT.

**Jeremy:** *puzzled* I'm not in yet.

**Moira:** Oh god. Not _YOU_.

**Jeremy:** I am here to apologize for my sister's behavior. She published without my persmission or consent. I would never have allowed that to be published.

**Moira:** Why don't I believe you?

**Jeremy:** It's TRUE! Can you at least let me IN? I feel stupid talking to a door!

**Moira:** *grudgingly* Oh, all right.

He was let in, and Abby and I crept up to listen against the door. After fighting over who listened through the keyhole (I won. Abigail's eternal gratitude can be a very good thing) we listened to this conversation:

**Moira:** OK. Make me believe that you wouldn't publish it.

She is so thick.

**Jeremy:** Isn't it OBVIOUS?

**Moira: **Well…oh, yeah. Sorry.

Oh my god. I can't believe Jeremy ADMITTED he was OBVIOUS! Wait…that doesn't make sense. Never mind.

**Jeremy:** I'm really sorry. I know what it's like. If it's any consolation, most people are too busy freaking out about Alicia and Betty to notice.

**Moira: **What?Why? I mean…it's not that I'm not happy about it, don't get me wrong, but…it seems strange. They were just smoking, if June can even be believed.

**Jeremy:** Oh, well, they say it's a bad influence or something. And you know, Alicia's lived here all her life, Betty's been coming here for holidays forever, so they're both pretty well known. People don't know you that well.

**Moira:** *gloomily* NOBODY knows me that well.

Oh, for crying out loud. Stop VICTIMIZING yourself, Hitler Girl. PATHETIC.

**Jeremy:** *gently* Maybe that's because you don't know yourself very well, either, Moirs. Once you figure it out and accept yourself as you are, people will get to know you better and like you.

Since when has he become Mr. Philosofy? And no, no one will like Hitler Girl, because she's a dictatorial pig.

**Jeremy:** Oh, come on. Let's get out of this room.

**Moira:** No. I am never going out. EVER.

**Jeremy:** You can't stay in here forever! Just IGNORE them!

**Moira:** It's hard to do when that stupid June is laughing her head off like a hyena.

_Excuuuuuse _me! I am NOT stupid! And I do NOT laugh like a hyena. I laugh like an angel. A sweet, tinkling sound, my laughter is.

**Jeremy:** Pretend that she's a _real _hyena.

**Moira:** *laughs. HITLER GIRL CAN LAUGH. I almost fainted with this revelation* That might work.

**Jeremy:** Well, then? Are you coming out?

At that point, Abigail and I made the mistake of catching each others' eye. We started laughing like tinkling little angels (hyena indeed!) Of course, they heard, and opened the door. We both fell into the room in hysterics.

Everything went blurry for a bit. It might have to do with the fact that they started strangling us. Some people have no sense of humour. Plus, it was an extremely exaggerated overreaction if you ask me.

Eventually we managed to get up and run away.

Hitler Girl, of course, did get out of her room eventually. Great. Now she and Jers are freaking BFFs. And Jers hates me. How can you not feel sorry for poor me?

Today was the best AND worst day of my life. Yes, it's possible.

* * *

**Time: **10 pm

**Location:** Living Room

**Mood:** Fed up

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Roger just came to talk to Bridget. He was like: "Bridget, I don't know about Matthew, but I want you to know that I fully support your sister". It was really stupid, especially since Matt was right there. He looked extremely confused.  
"Um…rrright…because I…also support her, and…where is this going? I couldn't care less about Bridget's sister!"  
Roger pretended to look shocked. "Well! I care about her family!"  
Bridget looked at him all puzzled. "Why?_ I_ don't."

He was quiet and moody for the rest of the day and evening.

Actually, everyone was rather moody and quiet. This isn't normal. Not for us.

Like right now. We're in the living room. Sam, Betty, The Devil Incarnate, George (he's against me too. *sniff*) and Roger are on one side of the living room; me, Bree, Matthew (he's not on anyone's side, but he's being all lovey dovey with Bree. It's disgusting) and John are on the other. Moira is sitting by herself on a chair, pretending to be absorbed in a book about Michelangelo. Dick is near her, looking miserable. Tommy is playing execution with some dolls, and a poor innocent baby doll is about to be behaded with a knife. It is very disturbing to watch.

I think I will break the silence.

**Me:** La la lalala…

Good going, June.

Oh great. Everyone is staring at me in annoyance.

**Me:** *singing* Diamonds are a girls best frieeeend…

Why oh why is it that whenever I can't think of what to say, I SING?

**Moira:** *snorts* Really? I thought the Devil was your best friend.

**Me:** What? No way is Alicia my best friend.

At this, everyone smothered laughs. Moira looked puzzled. Well, at least that proves she hasn't read my diary.

**Alicia:** June. Do us all a favour.

**Me:** What?

**Alicia:** Jump of somewhere really _really_ high and die. Thank you.

**Me:** *huffily* If I did, you'd be sorry.

**Alicia:** *under her breath* I doubt it.

What if I did, though? Would anyone care? Would anyone cry at my funeral? Jenn would, and so would Bridget, I should HOPE. And Matthew. And John – no, wait, he probably thinks suicide is disgraceful. And maybe Tommy, though he would probably be ecstatic that he KNOWS somebody who is now dead! And probably my parents and my aunt and uncle would. But nobody else. In fact, everyone else would probably throw a party.

Why? Because _EVERYONE _HATES ME! How is that FAIR? I didn't even DO anything! All right, I did, but can't they be mature about it and laugh it off?

I'm going to bed. This has been a long day.

And tomorrow will be hell.

Goodbye.

Yours truly,

June.

A/N: Woohoo! 23 now! Plz review! I will love you forever. Truly. Constructive criticism is always welcome!


	24. The Indelicacy Of Love And Hate

**A/N: Thanks for reviewing! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been full of school work the last months, plus I had to concentrate on this story I'm entering in a competition…anyway, here you go, hope you like it! :)**

**Time**: 2 am  
**Location**: Bed  
**Mood**: Determined

So they want me to die. Do they? Fine. I'll show them. I'll hang myself. Right now.

**5 minutes later**

Drat. There's nowhere to hang the rope from. Maybe a knife will do instead.

**3 mintues later**

I can't. I just can't. I think about it, and I get all squeamish. I mean, It'll HURT. Plus, if I kill myself, I won't see Jazz ever again. Or Jenn, or Bree. Not that they would mind, I expect. NOBODY loves me. _NOBODY_!

**15 mintues later**

Change of plans. I'm running away. I'm getting out of their lives FOREVER. That'll show them. I must be _very_ silent. I'll have to grab my coat on the way out.

**2 minutes later**

DRAT. Stepped on the cat's tail and it scratched me half to death. Bloody thing. It's a miracle nobody's woken up.

Time to rush out. Wish me luck!

**1 hour later**

OK, I'm now far and away. I got on Jazz and rushed off, galloping into the darkness, far and away, into the horizons. Well, I don't know _how_ far, considering I can't actually _see_ anything thanks to this stupid fog. I'm writing under torch-light. I only hope to god the battery's not running low. And Jazz is scared of the fog, the silly ninny. From what I can tell, we're in a forest. A very dark and scary forest. But never mind, at least I'm far away from them-who-must-not-be-named.

**25 mintues later**

It's so COLD, though. I'll try to make a fire using sticks like in that film I saw once.

**3 minutes later**

This is ridiculous. Not even SMOKE is coming out yet, for crying out loud.

**1 minute later**

I give up. It's no use. Plus, I just remembered the people in that film got burnt to death by that fire. NO way.

Half an hour later

AAAAAAAAAAAH! SOMETHING IS TOUCHING ME! GET OFF ME, GET OFF…oh. Just a branch.

**2 minutes later**

AAAAAAH! A SPIDER! IT WAS CRAWLING ON MY LEG! I can't BEAR spiders. AND IT TOUCHED MY SKIN!

This country life isn't good for me.

Well. Forest life, actually. I _live_ in the country, so…

**10 minutes later**

Oh no. You have GOT to be joking.

**3 minutes later**

Thank GOD I had an umbrella inside my coat. It's RAINING. JUST AT THIS MOMENT, the stupid clouds decide to let out their, um, necessities. I am now huddled with jazz under my umbrella against a tree.

I'm kind of starting to regret this.

NO. Do NOT say that, June.

Once it's light, I'll start a new life, here with the forest and all its living creatures. I'll make a house out of branches and live happily ever after with my furry animal friends.

**Fourth Of September**

**Time**: 3 pm  
**Location**: BACK IN THE ASYLUM  
**Mood**: Annoyed and ill. Dammit.

So much for my new forest life with furry animal friends.

I fell asleep against the tree after some while, I can't remember exactly when. My mind was numb with cold and I can't remember much. Anyway, I was just dreaming that I made a snowman called Bimbo. Then Bimbo came alive and gave me a bear hug, and I was saying to him: "No, Bimbo, no. Don't touch me, you are too cold!"

**Bimbo**: "June! Wake up, you idiot!"

**Me**: No, bimbo, no! You musn't shake me Bimbo, you're getting snow all over me!

**Bimbo**: _BIMBO_? June, WAKE UP!

**Me**: _No_, Bimbo!

**Bimbo**: It's not _Bimbo_, you idiot! It's _me_!

**Me:** Of course you're Bimbo, you're Bimbo the snowman. You are my creation. I named you bimbo and you will forever be Bimbo.

**Bimbo:** June, WAKE UP, you absolute fishhead! It's me, Alicia!

I finally woke up.

**Me:** *confused* _you're_ not a snowman…

**Alicia: ***dryly* well, _that_ would explain a lot.

I looked at Alicia. Then I looked around me. That explains the Bimbo dream. The whole place was covered in snow, including me. Looking back at Alicia, I finally snapped out of it and started screaming.

**Me:** NO! NOT YOU!

**Alicia:** Oh, yes. I found you. Are you INSANE? For a moment, I thought you were dead! You scared me to death! Come on, we're going home.

**Me:** NO! I AM GOING TO STAY HERE FOREVER AND BE HAPPY AND SAFE WITH MY FURRY ANIMAL FRIENDS! AND I WILL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER IN MY LITTLE BRANCH HOUSE!

**Alicia:** June. You have seriously got to stop watching soppy kid's movies. God, you're FREEZING! What on EARTH possessed you to come into a FOREST, of all places?

**Me:** IT'S BETTER THAN BEING STUCK WITH YOU LOT!

**Alicia: **Yes, of course. I'm sure you would have lived happily ever after with Bimbo the snowman. And raised lots of little snowman children.  
**  
Me: **Yeaugh, no!  
**  
Alicia: **Well, then, COME HOME. Before we both catch our death of cold.

And she forced me to get on Jazz and ride back home. She just kept complaining her head off all the way.

**Alicia**: Honestly, June, your stupidity never ceases to amaze me. You seriously thought we wouldn't find you? Everyone's sick with worry! Tommy was crying, even Moira was frantic! Don't ask me why, I wouldn't blame her if she murdered you, after all you did to her.

**Me**: *sniffing* Yeah, right. I bet everyone was smiling from ear to ear.

**Alicia**: *exasperatedly* No they weren't! People LIKE you, June. Don't ask me why, it makes no sense to me either.

**Me**: They HATE me!

**Alicia**: They do not! NOBODY hates you! Jesus, your voice is so annoying when it goes all shrill!

**Me**: Hitler Girl does!

**Alicia**: Well, you did publish her article. And like I said, she was WORRIED.

**Me**: And you and Betty hate me!

**Alicia**: So what ELSE is new? And Betty was also worried to death, you know.

**Me**: And SAM hates me!

At this point, I started bawling.

**Alicia**: *sighing exasperatedly again* oh, for god's sakes. That is ridiculous. He does NOT hate you. He was practically insane. He went and got his horse and started riding after you.

**Me**: *wailing ever louder* And GEORGE!

**Alicia**: GOD! Will you STOP it! NOONE HATES YOU! We all went out in the pouring rain to try and find you, you stupid girl!

**Me**: *sniffling* George too?

**Alicia**: _Noooo_, everyone except George. _Yes_, George too!

**Me**: Everyone in the village hates me!

**Alicia**: HA! That's a joke! Abigail started wailing and screaming her head off at us, saying it was all our faults and that she was never talking to us again!

**Me**: I know ABIGAIL loves me, I mean Jeremy!

**Alicia**: That's a joke too. You're being ridiculous. He's always loved you to death, just because he got cross at you ONCE…

**Me**: BUT NOW HE DOES HATE ME!

**Alicia**: He does not. He also went out in the rain, and you know how he hates his hair getting wet.

**Me**: But…but…YOU STILL HATE ME!

**Alicia**: *sighing* you are incredibly stupid sometimes. Seriously, if I hated you, why on earth would I come out in the pouring rain to find you?

**Me**: Because everyone else did and you didn't want to look bad!

**Alicia**: *witheringly* June. Whenever have I cared about looking bad? I don't hate you, although I don't know WHY.

When we FINALLY reached our house, I realized, stricken, I couldn't walk. I couldn't even feel my LEGS. Alicia very indelicately DRAGGED me to the door and into the house, were I was greeted by my aunt, Tommy, Moira and Bridget. They were all histerical, especially aunt, who looked as if she didn't know whether to tell me off or be sympathetic, so she did a mixture of both.

**Aunt**: JUNE! Thank goodness! You silly girl, how could you DO this to us? We were all worried sick! You're all wet and shaking, you poor lamb! Moira, fetch a towel, please, dear. Sit her down, Alicia…not, not there, here, in front of the fire!

**Bridget**: June! I can't believe it! This is all their fault! I wanted to go out and look for you, but they wouldn't let me all because I'm a girl and too young! They are so sexist, it's UNBELIEVABLE! They said, "Be a good girl and stay here with Tommy." Idiots!

**Aunt**: Moira was amazing, such a lamb, she stayed here to calm me down. I was in such a STATE, June! Speaking of Moira, where is that towel -? Oh, here it is! Could you dry her up a bit, I'll go and make some hot tea for her. Bridget, could you run upstairs and prepare a hot water bottle, there's a dear. I'll be right back.

**Alicia**: And NOW I have to go out _again_ and look for the rest of the family to tell them I found you! It's amazing the amount of people who were willing to go out in the pouring rain just to go and find a spoilt brat! Oh, _don't_ start wailing, you are a spoilt brat and you _know_ it! Oh, god. Sorry, sorry, whatever just stop that awful baby noise! Geez. I'm out of here.

She went out, taking her horse with her, and rode off. Moira started drying my hair in a very delicate manner. NOT.

**Me**: OW! You're pulling my head off!

My voice had gone all croaky. I sound like a frog. I hate this.

**Moira**: Maybe if you kept still it would be easier!

**Me**: I CAN'T! I'm SHAKING, in case you haven't noticed!

**Moira**: Oh, and who's fault is that, may I ask?

**Me:** YOURS!

**Moira**: Really. Mine. That's interesting. How, may I ask, is that so?

**Me**: Not just yours, everybody's! Everyone was being mean to me!

**Moira**: *dryly* Yes, and of course, that was absolutely unprovoked. You really are a hypocritical brat sometimes, June Johns. If you hadn't published those articles, probably things would have been different.

**Me**: You were mean to me BEFORE that.

**Moira**: No, just when you were being an annoying brat. Which was basically all the time, as you very well know.

**Me**: I am NOT.

**Moira**: Yes, June. Tell yourself that.

**Me**: Everyone hates me for no reason.

**Moira:** Whatever you say, June.

She took the biggest towel and wrapped it around my body, rubbing my back and arms vigorously.

**Me**: OW! Do you know ANYTHING about delicacy, Moira?

**Moira**: *calmly* No, I'm Hitler Girl. Hitler Girl is very indelicate and enjoys torturing people.

**Me**: You really ARE Hitler Girl. Ooooow! WATCH IT! You almost broke my arm.

**Moira**: Good.

**Me**: I hate you.

**Moira**: Feeling's mutual.

**Me**: No, you don't! Alicia said you were frantic.

**Moira**: Yes, well, being around frantic people makes one frantic, doesn't it. And I don't want you to die, I wouldn't want that on anybody. Oh, stop _whining_! I _have_ to be indelicate to get you warmed up and dry before you get pneumonia. You're shivering like mad.

**Me**: Just watch it. If your hands start going ANYWERE near my private areas, I will seriously _thump_ you.

**Moira**: *witheringly* don't worry; I think I can resist the temptation.

**Me**: *feeling slightly more like my usual sly self* would be a different story if it was _Catherine_, wouldn't it?

At this point, Hitler Girl accidentally on purpose yanked my hair back. I yelled, suddenly feeling less like my usual sly self again.

**Moira**: See why you're such an UMBEARABLE brat?

I was about to answer back when aunt and Bree came in with the tea and water bottle. At that very moment everyone – and I mean EVERYONE – burst through the front door, all exclaiming at the same time. And the most STUPID comments, too. "Are you all right?" No, you morons, can't you see I'm FAR from all right? I'm about as half left as it goes.

**Aunt**: Shush, one at a time. And no reprimanding right now, the poor lamb isn't well.

They immediately started yelling all at the same time again. The mind boggles.

**Uncle**: ONE AT A TIME!

**Sam**: POOR LAMB? Who's fault is it that she's not well, I ask you?

**Aunt**: Stop it. Be kind to poor June, she's had a shock.

**Sam**: *to poor little me* Of all the stupid…do you have ANY idea about how worried we were?

Uncle: You heard your mother, Samuel. Don't shout.

**Matt**: He is not, uncle, if I may add, technically shouting; merely reprimanding her. Shouting would require a louder tone and a major strain on the vocal chords, sometimes accompanied by a higher register.

**Everyone**: Huh?

**Uncle**: Fine, stop reprimanding, shouting, whatever you want to call it.

**Matt**: They are not synonyms, so…

**Roger**: *groaning* Matt, can you not talk for two seconds?

Suddenly Abigail and Jeremy burst inside. Abigail threw her arms around me dramatically and started wailing. Loudly.

**Abigail**: My _dearest_ friend in the whole wide _world_! You're _ALIVE_!

**Alicia**: Yes, she's alive. Shame, isn't it.

**Me**: *attempting to scream, but sounding like a low pitched croak* THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR!

**Abigail**: Yes, how _CAN_ you, Alicia? *hugging me again* don't worry, _I_ will protect you!

**Bridget**: Um, excuse me, she's MY best friend!

**Abigail**: I said DEAREST, not BEST. There's a _difference_.

**Me**: *patting her awkwardly on the back* thanks, Abs…and…_why_ am I your dearest friend?

**Abigail**: Well, even my own twin _brother_ hates me! _You_ are my only friend left in the WORLD!

**Jeremy**: Oh, for Christ's sakes.

**Me**: *croaking* Jeremy...do you still hate _me_?

**Jeremy**: Debatable. I'm sorry you're ill. But I hope you've learnt your lesson.

**Me**: Oh, I have!

At this point, Moira snorted in a very unladylike manner. She must die, she must die.

**Abigail**: Moira, leave poor June _alone_! She's _ill_!

**Moira**: Yes, yes, whatever, why don't we all leave her alone? Literally. Forever.

**Abigail**: How _can_ you be so _mean_! Take no notice of her, June, she's just _jealous_.

**Sam**: JEALOUS? Of WHAT?

**Betty**: *snapping* oh, so Moira has no reason to be jealous of anyone, does she? She's so perfect, is she?

**Sam:** Oh, for crying out loud, Betty…

**Abigail**: Stop all this _racket_! You're doing poor June's _head_ in!

**Jeremy**: *muttering* You're doing MY head in.

**Abigail**: SEE? HE _HATES_ ME!

**Jeremy**: Yes, whatever. I loathe you with all my heart.

Abigail burst into tears. LOUDLY.

**Jeremy**: That was sarcasm! Stop making such a fuss!

**Abigail**: So you DON'T hate me?

**Jeremy**: *silence*

**Abigail**: Can you _believe_ it? My own _brother_ hates me! My _TWIN_, whom I shared a WOMB with for nine months!

**Me**: OK, the womb part is grossing me out.

**Jeremy**: I don't HATE you! Well, now I do, now that you've mentioned our womb. I just don't LIKE you very much right now. I still care about you…kinda. Deep down. VERY deep down.

**Abigail**: And would you go out and get me in the pouring rain if _I_ ran away?

**Jeremy**: And get all wet? Nah, it'd be apocalypse for my hair.

**Abigail**: See? You _don't_ love me!

**Jeremy**: Oh, fine, but you'd better make sure my hair looks great after it.

**Abigail**: So you DO love me?

**Jeremy**: YES, I LOVE YOU! HAPPY?

**Abigail:** *inmidiately pushing me away and flinging her arms around Jeremy's neck. So much for dear friend* YOU _LOVE_ ME! Life is good again!

**Jeremy:** Yes, yes, _yes_, get OFF me!

Me: *slightly narked that the spotlight has been taken away from me* Hello? I'M the one who's sopping wet and dying!

**Tommy:** *excitedly* Dying? Really?

Huh. So much for his crying about me.

**Alicia:** *flinging her arms around me in mock sympathy* Oh, poor you! Having the spotlight taken away from you like that! It breaks my heart!

She must die, she must die.

**Aunt:** She's not really dying, Tommy. But seriously, you should get to bed and get into some warm clothes, June.

I still couldn't walk properly. I was kind of hoping Sam would carry me up the stairs, but instead I was DRAGGED up by the Devil Incarnate. I hate my life.

So now I'm in bed, writing all this down, with Bridget furiously going on about how mean the others are and that they led me to such depression that made me run away. I seriously love her sometimes. Good old Bree. She's the only one who understands me.

Ugh. I really do feel ill. I'd better try and get some sleep.

Yours in sickness and in more sickness,

June xxx

**A/N: Please please please review! I will love you forever. More cookies! Chocolate chip :) **


	25. Green Pigs and Frog Pie

**A/N: Thanks for reviewing! 25th CHAPTER UP! Yay!**

* * *

**5th of September**

**Time:** 4:30 pm  
**Location:** Well, not in my little forest house with all my furry animal friends, that's for sure.  
**Mood: **Well, put it this way: not exactly on cloud nine.

How can SO MANY things happen in ONE morning? Oh, first of all, bad news: I'm not going to die. The doctor says I don't have pneumonia, just a normal cold. So I don't have to stay in bed (but, on the positive side, no extra lessons! Life is good) but I can't go out either.

Here's the thing: My brother John has chickenpox. FANTASTIC. With MY luck, I'll probably get it too. And then I'll have blisters all over my face! AND MY FACE WILL BE RUINED! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! GOOD BYE, BEAUTY! Oh, I can't BEAR it…wait a second, this is good: I get to miss the first days of school! Yay yay yay yay yay! Life is so great right now! Oh well, I probably won't get it. I'll stay very VERY far away from him. Oh, how will I bear it? (heeheehee!)

Oh, great. Alicia and betty have just come in. How delightful.

**Me**: Is this _your_ room? I don't think so!

**Alicia**: Oh, you poor thing! How ARE you? I hope you won't run away from us again, I'd be broken-hearted!

**Me**: Get out.

**Betty**: But Junebug! We just want to make sure you're in good health!

**Alicia**: Yes, we're doing charity act by visiting all the sick people in this house.

**Me**: Yeah. Charity. You. Right. Hang on a minute…what do you mean "all the sick people"?

**Alicia**: Why, we've just come from John's room! The poor thing is so miserable.

**Me:** GET OUT! GET OUT, YOU CARRIERS OF THE BLACK PLAGUE! OOOOUUUTTTT!

**Betty**: Junebug. We haven't actually been visiting John. Nobody is ALLOWED to, remember?

**Me:** I wouldn't put it past you, just to give ME chickenpox!

**Alicia**: Tempting, yes, but we didn't really want to risk it ourselves.

**Betty**: And your mother would have killed us.

**Alicia**: Well, yes, that too. Junebug, HOW many times have we told you it's _rude_ to write down conversations while they happen?

**Me**: And you're the perfect example of politeness, I suppose.

**Betty**: Of _course_!

**Alicia**: How's BIMBO doing, Junebug?

**Betty**: *mock confusion* Bimbo? Who's _Bimbo_?

**Alicia**: Why, June's imaginary snowman boyfriend, of course! She wants to stay with him and raise little snowmen!

**Me**: You are _DISGUSTING_! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!

**Betty**: No, no, NO, Alicia, you've got it all wrong! You have to _interpret_ this dream, _analyze_ it! Lets see…a snowman hugging her…what could it mean?

**Alicia**: I've GOT it!

**Me**: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!

**Alicia**: *ignoring me completely* Bimbo represents GEORGE! He's a snowman because poor Junebug is afraid that his feelings towards her have gone cold!

**Me**: SHUT IT! !

**Betty**: And the hug…what does the hug mean? Surely, if his feelings are cold, he wouldn't HUG her?

**Alicia**: Aaah. Maybe I've got it wrong! He's a snowman because she's repressing her PASSION for him!

At this point, I jumped on her and started hitting her with all the strength I could muster. Which was not much. Bloody cold making me weak! So she just threw me off and she and the buffoon started running away, laughing loudly. Pigs. They think they're _so_funny.

I hate my life. Sam hasn't been to see me yet. He really must hate me. AND GEORGE! I'm sobbing uncontrollably now, hence the stains on the paper.

Oh, great. _Now_ Sam's come in. I must not cry, I must not…

**Sam**: Hello!

**Me**: _WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_

**Sam**: Well, _that's_ normal behavior.

**Me**: _Whyyyyy meeeeeeeeeeeeee?_

**Sam**: Why you _WHAT_?

**Me:** Why does everybody hate meeee?

**Sam**: Oh, god, not THIS again. Nobody hates you, Junebug!

**Me**: STOP CALLING ME JUNEBUG!

**Sam**: OK, _OK_. God. I'll never understand women.

**Me**: *sobbing* That's _sexist_!

**Sam**: True. I don't understand the _men_ in this house either. I'm the only sane person in this place. Except for mum and dad, of course. And Mr. Addams. Maybe people become sane when they grow older?

**Me**: Not YOU, that's for certain.

**Same**: June, you _wound_ me!

And he looked at me with puppy dog eyes. Damn. I can't resist his puppy dog eyes. I must NOT go mushy. Think of something smart and witty.

**Me**: Er, um, er, oh. OK. Um…errrrm…smart, smart…pigs are green.

Dammit.

**Sam**: Really. That's interesting. I always thought they were pink.

**Me**: Um…well…they can be brown. Or white. *sudden inspiration* didn't you _ever_ paint a pig green?

**Sam**: *looking at me as though I'm crazy* No. *thoughtfully* Maybe I should.

**Me**: Yes, yes, yes, why don't you go and do it now? *hopeful look* I could help you!

**Sam**: No. You _couldn't_.

**Me**: SEE? _YOU HATE ME_! *wailing again*

**Sam**: June. You silly ass. _You have to stay indoors!_ I LOVE you! I'm taking care of your HEALTH!

He loves me, he loves me! Lalalalala!

**Me**: Lalalalala!

Drat. Didn't mean to say that out loud.

**Sam**: Right. That was very…um…reassuring. Bye, June!

And he walks hastily out of the door. Great. I just scared him to death. I'm no good at all. Why am I so stupid? I'm no use at all, really I'm not.

**20 minutes later**

Aunt is yelling. Must go and see what's going on.

**1 hour later**

Aunt's just had a complete breakdown. Dick just dropped one of the eggs she was cooking on the floor and she went berserk. I think all the stress has finally made her crack. She claims that she is NOT going to cook for us anymore, and that we'd have to take turns in cooking until we go back to school, which will be in two weeks, until we're out of danger of carrying John's stupid chickenpox.

STUPID Dick. Now WE have to cook thanks to his absolute idiocy. Everyone's mad at him now, serve him right.

Alicia is finishing the meal because she's the eldest and Sam mysteriously disappeared the moment aunt started screaming. Clever. Incredibly LAZY, but clever. Anyway; it seems all that aunt had cooked so far were a few eggs so…the rest is up to the Devil Incarnate. Great. We're all going to die of food poisoning.

**2 hours later**

Well, that was even WORSE than food poisoning. Absolutely DISGUSTING. She is the worst cook that ever existed on the face of this earth. Probably the worst in the UNIVERSE. The taste is still in my mouth. As soon as I tried it, I immediately ran to the bathroom and spat it out. I feel really guilty. Not for Alicia, for the toilet. She cooked this "spinach pie", if you can call it a pie. OR spinach. It was basically al the contents of the fridge in one big messy goop of dough. Eurgh. It tasted grotesque, as if a cat had killed a frog, and then peed on it and covered it in putrid dough, put it in a smelly shoe, and then I had eaten it. That's what that pie tasted like. Not that I know what a dead peed-on-covered-in-putrid-dough frog inside a smelly shoe tastes like. But you get what I mean. I told her this, and she wasn't very amused.

Everyone's reactions:

**Alicia:** OK, try this, I think it turned out pretty well.

Everyone tried it and winced.

**Tommy**: Uuuuuugh! GROSS! And I usually like gross things, but not in my mouth!

**Alicia**: Tommy, that's very rude. Go to your room.

**Tommy**: *looking extremely relieved* THANK YOU! *hugs her and runs up to his room*

**Betty**: Um…er…Als…are you QUITE sure everything you put in there was not…well, _off_?

**Alicia**: *staring daggers* QUITE sure, thank you very much, dear _friend_.

**Me**: (well, you already know what I did. And what I said. As I already told you, she was NOT amused, and threw the recipe book at me with extreme indelicacy and cut my forehead. BEAST. I was just being _honest_!)

**Matt**: The texture of this…this _thing_…is FASCINATING, Alicia! And the taste combination is…unique!

**Alicia**: *beaming* Thanks, Matt!

**Matt**: Well, I'm delighted that you took it in such good spirits!

**Alicia**: *smiles suddenly changes to scowl*

**Roger** **&** **Dick**: *pretend to throw up, in fits of laughter*

**Alicia**: *looks murderous*

**Sam**: *laughing his head off. He must be either extremely brave or extremely stupid to laugh at someone who looks like a murderous villain* Hahahahahaha! WHAT did you PUT in this? The entire contents of the _rubbish_ _bin_?

**Alicia**: Oh, hahaha. Well, YOU can cook the next meal, Sammy dear, instead of sneaking out of the bathroom window!

**Moira**: Now, now, I think Alicia deserves a great deal of credit for her…effort. It's not her fault it turned out the unfortunate way it did.

**Everyone**: Ooouch!

**Alicia**: *looking very much like she wanted to throttle Moira with all her strength, but realizing that it was the best criticism she was going to get* Why, thank you, Moira dear. It's always nice to get understanding from people who have been in the same situations, not only in cooking but in life.

**Everyone**: Oooooooooooouch!

**Bridget**: *slowly brings fork to her mouth and then puts it down again, WISELY* Um, you know, I'm not really all that hungry, I think I might just…skip tea, if you don't mind?

**Everyone**: Ooooouch! (By now, they were pretty much saying "ouch!" to everything.)

**Moira & Alicia**: *snapping* Stop ouching!

**Me**: *sudden inspiration* NOOOOOOO! THE DEVIL INCARNATE AND HITLER GIRL ARE _AGREEING_! GOODBYE, HUMANITY!

**Alicia & Moira:**SHUT UP!

**Me**: AND THEY AGREE AGAIN! WHERE WILL THIS LEAD US?

**Moira**: *to The Devil Incarnate* HOW can you stand her?

**Me**: HITLER GIRL IS SHOWING _ANGER_! SHE HAS _FEELINGS_! THIS IS IT, EVERYBODY! _THE APOCALYPSE_!

**Alicia**: *ignoring me* I _CAN'T_. That's why I shout, hit, and throttle her every five mintues.

**Roger**: *slyly, trying to put his friend on the spot. Evil boy. This is why I never liked him* George, how about _you_? Do you like Alicia's, um, pie?

**George**: *who, as the good, polite, charming guest he is, had been attempting to eat it without spitting it up. He is such a gentleman! But he hates me :(* Uuum…well…it's, erm…very good, um…it's…_original_.

**Sam**: *taking the spotlight away from my poor dear George. This is why he is my favorite cousin! Well, that and his beautiful blonde hair, and blue eyes…SHUT UP, JUNE!* Um…Alicia…have _you_ tried your pie?

**Alicia**: *snapping* Yes!

**Sam**: And you…_liked_ it?

**Alicia**: NO, but there is nothing ELSE to eat. Thanks to SOMEONE. *stares at Dick pointedly*

**Dick**: For the last time, I'M SORRY! I didn't MEAN to drop that egg!

**Moira**: Yes, poor Dick, lets not blame him.

**Dick**: *looks at Moira adoringly. I'm seriously going to throw up* Thank you, Moira!

**Me**: Leave her alone, Dick, Hitler Girl has no time for little boys like you. Or ANY boys, for that fact.

**Everyone**: _Ooooooooouch!_

I was complimenting myself inwardly for my extreme wit and intelligence when a piece of spinach pie landed splat on my head. I did the only thing I could do, of course: run away screaming.

And now, thanks to Hitler Girl, my hair smells like pie. Not any pie either. Devil Incarnate pie! Yeugh. She has NO sense of humor whatsoever. She must die, she must die.

Hmm. Maybe I can get revenge. But first, I must go down for something to eat, I'm starving. Not QUITE starving enough to eat Devil Incarnate's pie, but starving.

**10 minutes later**

OK, seems I won't be eating. As I was going down, I heard Alicia telling George about Bimbo. I did the only reasonable thing: flew to her and started stuffing her mouth with her own disgusting pie. And you know what she did? She BIT me. The savage gorilla BIT me! I'll probably get rabies and die now. Thank you very much. I yelped and started nursing my injured hand (well, not really, but it still HURT) and Alicia swallowed the pie I'd stuffed her face with. She actually SWALLOWED it! Her disgustingness knows no boundaries.

And then…she told George her STUPID, LYING, SCHEMING, HORRENDOUS, BEASTLY, _IDIOTIC_ theories! About Bimbo and HIM! NOOOOOOOOOOO! I want to KILL myself! I tried to stop her, but I was hampered by my injury. Plus, Betty was holding me back. BEAST. I hate them all. Sam couldn't stop laughing, the pig. He is no longer my favorite cousin.

Who _is_ my favorite cousin then? Hmm. NOT Alicia, _certainly_! Or Dick. That just leaves Roger. He's unbearable too. I don't have a favorite. I HATE THEM ALL.

Another one I have to get revenge on. Alicia _and_ Moira.

My updated list of people I really, really, REALLY hate:

**THE DEVIL INCARNATE** (also known as **ALICIA JOHNS**) and her poisonous cooking.

**HITLER GIRL **(also known as **MOIRA LINTON**) and her pie throwing mania.

**SAMUEL JOHNS** no matter _what_ he looks like! GET THAT IN YOUR BRAIN, JUNE! He is EVIL, even if he does look like an angel, and…NO! SHUT UP!

**THE BUFFOON** also known as **BETTY HILL**.

**DICK JOHNS**. No, **RICHARD JOHNS**. He does not deserve a nickname from ME.

**ROGER JOHNS**. For being mean to Georgie.

**BIMBO THE SNOWMAN**. He has ruined my life by being in that dream! Although he was very nice in the dream, even if he did get snow all over me. Poor Bimbo. Maybe I should take him off the list.

**JOHN JOHNS** (hahahhahaha! Just realized how unfortunate his name sounds! So THAT'S why he always insists on us saying his middle name when we say his surname! I thought it was just because he was a pretentious brat and liked being "John Bartholomew Johns") for getting chickenpox. He is so inconsiderate.

**AUNT MAY** for going berserk and insisting we cook. Now that I think about it, ALL this is her fault!

**UNCLE **for not making Aunt May cook for us.

And of course, the old list is still valid. I hate a LOT more than 10 people. That's a bit worrying, actually. Maybe I should make a list of the 10 people I love.

**GEORGE**! Even if he hates me, I will ALWAYS love him!

**BRIDGET LINTON**. Because she's a great friend, if a bit dim.

**TOMMY JOHNS**. Because really, _who_ could hate Tommy? His "GROSS!" line of today was a _classic_.

**JEREMY**, also known as JERS. Because not loving him is extremely dangerous. And because he knows the whole gossip and is always GREAT for a chat. And for revenge, so long as it's not getting it on me.

**ABIGAIL**, even though she DID use me for Jeremy's forgiveness. Why? Ditto Jeremy. Also, I'm apparently her dearest friend. And that makes me happy.

**JENN**. For also being a great friend, even if I see her once in a blue moon.

**JAZZ THE HORSE**. She's the ONLY one who has never betrayed me. Well, Jenn hasn't. Or Tommy. But you get the idea. And she's a great listener.

**MATTHEW JOHNS**. He IS my big brother, I suppose. And he's annoying, but we get along. Most of the time.

**MOTHER AND FATHER**. Even if they DID dump me in this madhouse.

**BIMBO THE SNOWMAN AND MY FURRY FOREST ANIMAL FRIENDS**: _They_ would have loved me! And not made me run away!

I had to think a lot to make that list. Kind of worrying, once I think about it. I don't love many people. It's not that I hate _humanity_; I just hate the _individuals_ in it.

Now, I have to think about getting revenge on EVERYONE on my hate list. Except Bimbo the snowman, of course, because I decided I love him in the end. And Aunt and Uncle, because there's no way on _earth_ I'll get away with pranking THEM.

I'll have to think about the pranks.

Write more later.

XOXO

ME.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Not one of the best, I know, next chapter should hopefully be more interesting :) If you review, I promise I won't get mad! :P**


	26. Love Sketches and Subtle Suggestionosity

**6th of September**

**Time**: 2 pm  
**Location**: Bedroom  
**Mood**: GENIUS!

Diary, I am a GENIUS. I really am. I've just thought of the PERFECT way to prank Hitler Girl. I am so smart I astound myself, really I do.

OK, here it goes, and listen carefully, it's rather a complicated plan, and I have NO idea if it'll actually work, but if it does, then I truly deserve a medal: first, I have to contact that idiot Belinda Stupid Morris. Why, you might ask, would I want to speak to that stupid Hippie? Because I need many drawings of Saint Catherine, and I mean MANY pictures of her; and Belinda is the only person who can draw remarkably well and also KNOWS the girl. You may be wondering WHY I am doing this. Simple: I want to wallpaper Hitler Girl's room with said pictures. Also some hearts (I will make those myself. I am not THAT incapable). So here I am, about to make a phone call to Belinda Morris, which I got out The Devil Incarnate's phonebook. Here goes. Wish me luck!

**Phone:** Rrrrrrrrrrrrring, rrrrrrrrrrring…

**Belinda Stupid Morris:** Hello?

**Me**: Hello, this is June Johns.

**Phone:** Beeeeeeeeeeeeep…

SHE HUNG UP ON ME! THE STUPID HIPPIE HUNG UP ON ME! I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!

Second attempt:

**Phone:** Rrrrrrrrrrrrring, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring…

**Me**: Before you hang up, I will pay you!

**Belinda stupid Morris:** Wow. You're PAYING me for talking to you? Geez. You must be lonely.

**Me:** Oh, ha-ha. I'm not calling you because I'm LONELY, you moron. I'm calling you because I want to offer you a deal.

**B.S.M:** What kind of deal, exactly?

Me: I need you to draw me enough sketches of Catherine Grey to use as wallpaper.

**B.S.M:** *silence*

**Me:** Hello?

**B.S.M:** Um, I have no idea WHY you would ask me for such a strange favor…surely an act of a demented nature…but I have to ask first, why on earth do you think I would do you that favor?

**Me:** OK. Here's the deal. In exchange, I will let you draw as many scowls of me as you like. And I'll pay you. With half of the money my parents give me for school.

**B.S.M:** Tempting. But why on EARTH would you want Saint Catherine on your WALL?

**Me:** What? Not for MY room, you idiot, for Hitler Girl's!

**B.S.M:** _Hitler Girl_?

God, she is so THICK.

**Me:** Moira!

**B.S.M:** _Who_?

Oh, for the sake of babbling goblins.

**Me:** How many Moira's do you know? Moira LINTON!

**B.S.M:** *confused* but how are you going to get them in her room? Do you know where she lives?

**Me:** She's at Alicia's house, you blithering idiot, as am I.

**B.S.M:** At…_Alicia's_ house? Alicia as in your cousin?

Oh, come on, SERIOUSLY? It's like talking to an ape.

**Me:** _Nooo_, Alicia as in my grandma. _YES, ALICIA AS IN MY COUSIN!_

There is a moment of silence, and then stupid Picasso here starts giggling uncontrollably. She has the most unnerving laugh, it sounds remarkably like a hamster being choked by a little brother called Tommy. (not that he's ever done that. Except that one time) I was quite scared for a second. I thought either she was being choked or a huge hamster had broken into her house and was about to eat her. Unfortunately, it was neither.

**B.S.M:** *after forty millenniums of giggling later* Moira's at _ALICIA'S_HOUSE?

**Me:** *dryly* I think we have already established that Moira is at Alicia's house.

**B.S.M:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I bet Alicia's happy about _that_! And _YOU_! After those messages! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The mind boggles.

**B.S.M:** But what has all this got to do with Catherine, anyway?

**Me:** It's a long story.

**B.S.M:** Well, then I guess the deal's off.

**Me:** Fine, fine, I'll tell you! Hitler Girl is in love with Catherine. I want to get revenge on her by putting pictures of Catherine all over her wall like wallpaper. It will also have little hearts…oh, and maybe a few could be of Hitler Girl and Catherine together INSIDE a heart? That would be so awesome! And…

**B.S.M:** Wait. Moira is in love with CATHERINE?

It amazes me how she holds on to the least important part of the conversation. She is really exceptionally dim.

**Me:** _YES_! ANYWAY. Will you do it?

**B.S.M**: MOIRA is in love with _CATHERINE_?

Oh, for the love of eels.

**Me:** Oh, for the love of eels! YES, MOIRA IS IN LOVE WITH CATHERINE!

Oh, great. She's burst into peals of hamster laughter again. This is torture.

**B.S.M:** Moira….heeheehee…in love with…HAHAHAHAHAHA!..

**Me:** WILL YOU DO IT?

**B.S.M:** *gasping for air* OK, OK, I'll do it. On one condition. Apart from everything else you've just offered.

**Me:** *between clenched teeth* _What_?

**B.S.M:** That you phone me again and tell me the full story of everything. Plus what happens with the prank.

**Me**: Deal. When do you think you'll have them finished by?

**B.S.M:** Tell you what; I'll try to finish them by tomorrow. I live quite near, so they should be there by the day after tomorrow.

**Me:** Great! Thanks!

Life is so great sometimes! Now I just have to think of a way to prank the Devil Incarnate. She's a hard one to get revenge on, mostly because NOTHING annoys her. It's quite infuriating, to be honest.

* * *

**8****th**** of September**

**Time:** 5 pm  
**Location:** Room  
**Mood:** HYPER!

LALALALALA! Life is so good, oh yeah, liiiiiife! Yesterday was so BORING it wasn't even worth writing about…but I don't care, because today is GREAAAAAT! Apart from the asylum people here telling me off because I wasn't supposed to go out to town…but WHO CARES?

I'll tell you what happened.

After pondering over what I could do to get revenge on the Devil Incarnate without coming up with anything, I decided to go into town to get some inspiration, AND to get my drawings from the post office. That was the first thing I did. Hippie girl, I must admit, is a genius. A complete and utter IDIOT, but a genius nevertheless. The pictures are PERFECT. Lots and lots of hearts, there's even a big one with Hitler Girl and Saint Girl in it together! Lalalalalala. I love life.

But that was not the ONLY fantastic thing about today! I know EXACTLY how to get on The devil Incarnate's nerves.

I saw Jers walking down the street. I knew he wouldn't like my prank on Hitler Girl, even if it IS a great work of absolute and utter genius, and I think I can expect GREAT things of myself in the future, so I hid behind a horse. It seemed rather surprised, but didn't make a sound. I must've looked like a complete loony, but I don't care, for I found out something that will make the Devil Incarnate's life a complete and utter misery! Isn't it the best thing ever diary? Lalalalalala, life is fabulous, lalalala. Well, what do you think, diary? Oh…haven't told you anything yet, sorry…wait, why am I apologizing to my diary? Never mind. Lalalalala…ok, I'll stop now. Here's what I saw and heard:

Peter walks up to Jeremy. Jeremy battes his eyelashes like a…I don't know, an eyelash-batter. I gag silently behind horse. Then they started to talk:

**Jeremy:** Peter! How ARE you today? Fine? Good, good. Great you should come past, I was just wondering if you would like to help with the delivery of the newspaper for a few days? I could use some help, since poor Abbys has broken her ankle, and you seem like the perfect delivery boy…girls would certainly buy it if you delivered it to them because, well, you're very…erm…*goes extremely flustered and red. I gag once more*…anyway, we'll pay you, of course.

**Peter:***grinning* Hey, that's great! I was actually just coming to ask you if you knew about any jobs going, 'cause I could use some money right now. I'm saving for my mum's birthday, there's this necklace I know she loves but can't buy, and…

**Jeremy:** *swoons* Oooooh, that's so sweet!

**Peter:** *shrugging* If you say so.

Honestly. He is so OBLIVIOUS. How can he not REALIZE Jeremy's flirting?

**Peter:** So when do I start?

**Jeremy:***batting his eyelashes again* whenever you like.

**Peter:** Huh?

**Jeremy:** *exasperated sigh. Gives up* Today, Peter. You can start today.

**Peter:** Great! I'll come by your house in half an hour.

And that was it. CAN'T YOU SEE? Well, probably not, considering you don't have my high intellect, but that simple exchange made my brain go crazy. Imagine this: I tell the Devil Incarnate…no, not tell, but…suggest…that Peter and Jers are going out…she freaks out completely, the love of her life is gone and her love is ruined! (You remember Peter, right? The cutest boy in the village, except for Sammy and Georgie? The one Alicia went out with? That one.)

Lalalalalala.

Now if you excuse me, I have a room to wallpaper.

**Half an hour later**

Room is wallpapered. I am so brilliant. Also, I have been refining my plan to drive the devil incarnate mad. After subtly suggesting, I will let her see it for herself, so she can't even doubt me, because it will be TRUE! Well, it won't be true, but by then I will have manipulated her mind so much with my suggestionosity that she will simply have to see them together in order to believe they are going out! I am SO wonderful.

And Hitler Girl's room is absolutely Catherine paradise. She hasn't seen it yet, due to the fact that she has been studying (I know. STUDYING? In HOLIDAYS?) in the living room, but she will. Tee-hee, oh yes she will.

I have to go to tea now. Time to start with the suggestionosity. Aunt and Uncle are out for the evening with Mr Addams, so it will be much easier.

This is how tea went: Betty cooked. It was amazingly EDIBLE. Maybe she does have her uses after all. Anyway. I was the first to speak, with all my subtleness.

**Me:** So, Alicia. Guess who I saw in town today?

**Alicia:** *dryly* Bimbo and your little forest friends?

Everyone except me snorted into their pies. Ho, ho, ho. Very funny.

**Me:** No. Guess again.

**Sam:** You do realize you weren't supposed to be in town at all, right? Because of this little thing called _quarantine_?

**Matt:***mock helpfully* Maybe she doesn't understand what quarantine means, Sam. We have to remember just who got all the intelligence in the family. * smiling sickeningly at me* would you like me to get a dictionary dear? Or maybe explain it with pictures?

Oh, ha ha ladi ha. _" We have to remember just who got all the intelligence in the family." _Big headed nincompoop. I'd like to see HIM plot revenge with so much brilliance as me.

**Me:***coldly* No thank you. Anyway, it was not "Bimbo and my little forest friends" as you so amusingly stated.

**Alicia:***exasperated sigh* OK, OK. I know that this will go on forever, and I'm not in the mood, so…

**Me: ***sympathetically* Not in the mood? Oh, why, Alicia dear? Is it love troubles?

**Alicia:** What the hell?

**Tommy:** *excitedly* Ooooh, you said a bad word! HELL! Ooooh! I LIKE you!

**Sam:***strict voice* Alicia, you should not swear. Tommy, you should not copy Alicia.

At this point, we all threw stuff at his silly golden head. I must get revenge on him as well…hmmm…

**Alicia:** Oh, for god's sake. WHO, June, WHO?

I wondered about telling her not to take god's name in vain, but I didn't want things thrown at me.

**Me:** _Oooh_, who's curious?

**Alicia:** June, you absolute nutter, YOU want to tell me! That's how this conversation started, though your tiny mind might not remember it. If you want to tell me, fine. If you don't, don't. I couldn't care either way.

**Me:** Oh, but you do!

Alicia ignored me, so I had no resource but to pretend I didn't NOTICE she ignored me, so I carried on.

**Me:** All right, all right, I'll tell you, since you insist so much. Peter, that's who.

**Alicia:** June. He lives in this town. It doesn't exactly surprise me you saw him.

**Me:** Yes, yes, but the fact that I saw him with…oh, never mind.

**Alicia:** With who?

**Me:** Never mind, never mind. Forget I said anything.

**Alicia:** OK. I will.

**Sam:** We _all_ will.

Dammit. Why is she not insisting? Well, I suppose the suggestionosity hasn't had time to sink into her brain yet. It must be SUBTLE.

**Me:** Oh, he was with Jeremy! He's going to be "delivering newspapers" with him. (As I said this last part, I did the quotation marks with my fingers. Well, I couldn't expect these idiots to pick it up just by my TONE, could I?)

**Alicia:** Oh. OK. How come Abby isn't delivering the newspapers?

**Me:** She broke her ankle, but…

**Sam:** Oh, poor thing!

**Betty:** Is she OK?

Who does everyone focus on the non-important parts of the conversation? Then the conversation started being all about Abby and her bloody ankle. It was very frustrating. What do I care about ankles?

Then I got bored, so I spilt some water on Hitler Girl just for my amusement. After ten centuries of namecalling later, she decided to get up and go to her room and change. I got extremely excited then, and started bouncing on my chair like a little girl waiting for her Christmas present. Surely enough, this is what we heard from Hitler Girl's room a few seconds later:

"_WHAT ON EARTH?"_

And then: _"!"_

Everyone stopped eating and looked at me in a "what have you done this time?" way. I couldn't restrain myself, so I got up and ran as fast as I could towards the room. Yes, I knew I would get killed. But I HAD to see Hitler Girl's face. And everyone followed me. And then they say I'm curious and that I poke my nose where it doesn't belong. Oh, the irony.

As I predicted, Hitler Girl's face was HILARIOUS. She was just standing there, looking around in horror. I started laughing. Loudly. I probably looked a little mad. Everyone crowded around me to look through the door. Alicia and Betty started giggling uncontrollably, and Sam was desperately trying not to laugh for about three seconds before rolling on the floor in convulsions. Everyone was, actually, except Dick, who ran out sobbing. Poor deluded child. He really is becoming a total crybaby.

Anyway, when Hitler Girl regained consciousness of what was going on around her, she ran towards me and gave me a bloody black eye. It HURT. She was going to throttle me too, but Sam stopped laughing long enough to stop her from committing cold blooded murder. He realy does care about me. Maybe I should take him off my hate list. After that, Hitler Girl ran into her room, slammed the door shut and started tearing all the pictures down (I couldn't see her doing it, of course, but I could hear the ripping noise of the paper). I managed to shout out: "Don't break them, Moira! Belinda drew them with so much love!" I heard her shout "BELINDA?"

Oops. Now Moira will probably kill Belinda when she goes back to school. Oh, well. Miss Potts won't let her actually KILL her. I hope. That reminds me, I have to phone that stupid Hippie. It was part of the deal.

Oh, great. Now Sam's looking all serious and telling me he wants to talk. How delightful.

**Half an hour later**

What a bloody hypocrite. How dare tell me off, when he laughed as much as anybody? Moron. He kept going on about how he'd hoped I'd learnt my lesson last time, and how it wasn't right to tease people about things like that, blah, blah, blah. He is so predictable. He always says the same thing over and over. And THEN, can you believe it, he said I needed a punishment. I thought make me run around the paddock AGAIN, but nooo. WORSE. He said: "Hitler-I mean, Moira-must say what you're to do." Oh, great. Fan-bloody-tastic. And you know what she said? She wants me to learn POETRY. By heart. Honestly. It's like being back at school. And she's sure to pick the most horrible, boring, "moral" poetry too.

Anyway. After that, I phoned Hippie Girl. She couldn't stop laughing. Seriously, that really does sound like a tortured hamster. It can't be normal. It just can't. It doesn't sound human. And I have to _pay_her when we go back to school. Yay.

Anyway, I must go to bed.

It's been a long day.

XOXO

Me.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to upload! School's driving me mental, it really is. Even more than I was before, which is saying something. So what did you think about June's ramblings this time? Hope you enjoyed them! Please review! Virtual chocolate cookies for everyone!**


	27. The spiky murder thingy

**9th of September**

**Time**: 10 am  
**Location**: where ELSE? Assylum.  
**Mood:** Scheming! Heehee

I phoned Abby to offer her my sympathy about her poor ankle. You know me, diary. I am SUCH a good friend.

OK. I also wanted to know when Peter would be there so I could take Alicia along to see how the love of her life is with another man! Mwahwahwa. When I asked her about it, I could almost HEAR her eyes popping out of her head. She was like "ohmygawwwwwwwd why are _you_ so _interesteddd_?"

SO annoying.

I haughtily replied it was none of her business. She kept on and on badgering me. But in the end she told me. He'll be along at 7 pm. Heeheehee. So I have, um, let me see…er…9 hours! To get Alicia to come along with me. In other words, I have to get Alicia to sneak out of the house with me, considering aunt and uncle won't let us because of stupid quarantine. Now how will I do that? Hmm.

**Two hours later**

Drat. Dratdratdrat. It's my turn to cook. GREAT. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK!

OK, OK, OK. Simple. Think SIMPLE, June. Um…erm…potatoes and, erm…fried eggs? No…oh, who cares, it can't be worse than that excrement pie the devil incarnate made.

OK, how do you cook potatoes? And how do you fry an egg?

**20 minutes later**

On the good side, the potatoes are boiling. I just threw them into the water. That wasn't hard. On the bad side…I think I just ruined the frying pan. I don't UNDERSTAND. I put the egg on the pan. And fried it. And now it's just stuck and brown. I have to wash this before aunt comes. I'll just have to boil the rest of the eggs.

**15 minutes later**

The eggs are boiling with the potatoes…that's good…I wonder how long it takes to boil an egg? I suppose about the same as a potato, they're the same shape, aren't they? Well, sort of. Never mind.

**10 minutes later**

This stupid pan won't wash! I HATE COOKING!

**Half an hour later**

Well, that was embarrassing. I was jumping up and down on the dirty pan, screaming "YOU STUPID STUPID PAN! I HATE COOKING! I HATE COOKING!" at the top of my lungs, when Sam and Betty walked in. After two centuries of the two loons rolling around in laughter, Sam suddenly said: "hold on. Something's burning!"

**Me:** That would be the potatoes. Or the eggs.

**Betty:** *turning the cooker off and peering into the pan* actually, June, it's the PAN that's burning! The water's all boiled away!

**Sam:** *looking over her shoulder* Oh, dear god. June. You put in the eggs with the potatoes.

**Me:** Well, yes!

**Betty:** *collapsing on the floor laughing* I thought you'd be a bad cook, but I didn't think you'd literally BURN WATER!

**Me:** *bursting into tears* I HATE COOKING!

**Sam:** *trying not to laugh. Very hard. Traitor* Yes, June. You said that.

**Me:** Well, _help_ me! What did I do wrong?

**Betty:** Um, _everything_?

**Me:** waaaaaaaaaaah!

**Sam**: Calm DOWN! God.

**Betty**: First of all, you PEEL the potatoes before putting them in the water. Secondly…you boil the eggs separately. I would have thought even you, with the intelligence of a boiled seagull, would know that.

**Me**: Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! You're MEAN! GET OUT!

**Betty**: Really? You want to fix this by yourself?

**Sam**: OK, OK, calm down, both of you. We'll fix it together. Yes?

**Betty**: Sam. YOU CAN'T FIX THIS. It's utterly RUINED. Anyway, POTATOES AND FRIED EGG?

**Sam**: I know. But I'm trying to stop her crying, it's doing my head in.

**Me**: *sniff* YOU cook then.

**Betty**: OK. Get out.

So I got out before they could change their minds.

Oh, god, I just had the most DISGUSTING thought. I bet they're KISSING while they cook. And HUGGING. And then we'll have to eat that. God, god, god! Eeeeeeeww!

* * *

**Time**: 3 pm  
**Location**: Torture chamber aka asylum  
**Mood**: aaarrrrrgh!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

So after dinner, Hitler Girl was all like "step in to my room one moment please, June."

**Me**: Won't Catherine mind? (which I thought was quite amusing really, something I wasn't really in the mood of being, considering the stupid sniggers at lunchtime. Sam and Betty told everyone about my cooking problem. But more about that later.)

**Hitler** **Girl**: Congratulations, June. You have just confirmed my decision to give you the longest poem I know of to learn.

**Me**: Huh?

**Hitler Girl:** Don't pretend to be clueless. Your punishment for your little PRANK, remember?

**Me**: Oh, that. Like hell.

**Hitler Girl:** You WILL learn it, June, and do not be cheeky. You'll be learning by heart "The Wasteland" by T.S. Elliot.

**Me**: *coldly. Well, I tried to be cold, but I had a coughing fit and it came out all croaky* I've never heard of that one.

**Hitler Girl:** You will now. Here you are. *handing me a book* Page 45. I expect you to repeat it to me before the end of the holidays.

**Me**: *flipping to page 45 and staring for a few minutes. In horror. Then bursting out laughing* hahahahaha. You're so funny. Good one. *handing book back to her*

**Hitler Girl:** *refusing the book* I'm not being funny.

**Me:** *spluttering* But…but…but…IT'S BLOODY LONG!

**Hitler Girl:** *dryly* Well spotted, Sherlock.

**Me**: But…but…but…ARE YOU INSANE?

**Hitler Girl:** *ignores me*

**Me:** HAVE THOSE STUPID SCHOOLBOOKS YOU READ FINALLY GONE TO YOUR HEAD AND MADE YOU ABSOLUTELY BONKERS? I'VE NEVER SEEN A POEM THIS LONG IN MY LIFE! IT'S AGAINST THE RULES OF POETRY TO BE THIS LONG! JUST BECAUSE _YOU'RE_ FRUSTRATED AND NOBODY LOVES YOU…

**Hitler Girl:** *pretending not to hear me or see all the others who have come up running after hearing me scream* You know, now I think of it, there IS "Paradise Lost"…that's poetry…a whole BOOK of it! *looking at me* would you prefer that?

I gave an exasperated scream of frustration and stormed away. IHATEHERIHATEHERIHATEHER! I wish she would just drop dead! Oh no, now it'll be like in those Agatha Christie novels were the person says I wish she was dead and then that person is found murdered and then the police suspects the person who said that they wished the other person was dead and then they'll hang me for saying that and…ok, I've confused myself.

First, I must talk to The Devil Incarnate and somehow make her sneak out with me. How, though, HOW?

I'm so desperate I think I'll ask Bridget.

**Fifteen minutes later**

Well, that was just about as helpful as asking a deceased bumblebee. I mean, just LOOK at this conversation:

**Me:** Bridget?

**Bridget**: Why are you cross with me?

**Me**: What? I'm not cross with you, you silly boiled fishhead.

**Bridget**: Then why are you calling me BRIDGET? And a boiled fishead?

**Me**: Um…it's your name, isn't it?

**Bridget**: What, boiled fishhead?

**Me**: No! _Bridget_!

**Bridget**: Well yes, but you always call me Bree.

**Me**: Fine. Bree?

**Bridget**: What?

**Me**: Say you had to take a person somewhere but that person doesn't really like you and on top of that they're not even allowed to go out and you need to get them out because you want to get revenge on them but you don't want them to know that?

**Bridget**: *confused look* But…why would you want to go out with someone who doesn't like you?

Oh, for the love of poo. Why do people ALWAYS focus on the non important part of the conversation?

**Me**: Bree. Focus.

**Bridget**: On what? I'm lost. Why would you want to go out with someone who doesn't like you?

It's like talking to a particularly dim goat.

**Me**: BECAUSE YOU WANT TO GET REVENGE ON THEM!

**Bridget**: What? I don't want to get revenge on anyone.

**Me**: Not you, ME!

**Bridget**: Then why did you say "you", as in, "me"?

**Me**: I – oh, never mind. Forget it.

**Bridget**: Forget what?

**Me**: NOTHING.

**Bridget**: How can you forget nothing?

God, god, GOD!

**Me**: *deep breath* OK, let's start again. I want to get revenge on Alicia. I need to convince her to go with me somewhere. And we're not allowed out. How do I do it?

**Bridget**: So, like…taking her to the cliff path near Malory Towers and pushing her over so she lands in that spiky thing and it stabs through her and then the tide rises so if THAT doesn't kill her, the water does?

**Me**: *disconcerted* Uh…yeah, something like that.

**Bridget**: June! That's HORRIBLE! You're not supposed to kill people! Of all the sick, twisted, morbid minds…

**Me**: YOU were the one who suggested it! I don't want to KILL her, just get revenge on her! Though that would be a good way to kill someone…

At that point, Mrs. intelligent over here runs out screaming "June wants to kill Alicia by taking her to the cliff path near Malory Towers and pushing her over so she lands in that spiky thing and it stabs through her and then the tide rises so if THAT doesn't kill her, the water does!"

Tommy was with Hitler Girl at this moment trying to get her to talk about the birds and the bees. They both stopped and stared. Hitler girl just stared in complete bafflement and Tommy clasped his hands together gleefully, grinned widely and said: "REALLY?" in worrying excitement.

Seriously. Then I'm the one going to a psychologist. I ask you.

* * *

**Time**: 9 pm  
**Location**: Bed  
**Mood**: …indescribable.

Oh, god. This has got to have been the weirdest afternoon EVER.

It started out well. I managed to get The Devil Incarnate to sneak out with me. I was VERY cunning. I told her Abby wanted to interview us about life in quarantine (and of course Abigail couldn't come, having a broken ankle). At first she just snorted and was like "No way." Then I made a big scandal, saying stuff like "YOU HEARTLESS BEING, POOR ABBY WITH HER BROKEN ANKLE LYING THERE IN HER BED OF PAIN, ALL ALONE, HAVE YOU NO MORALS…" and on and on and on, until she finally gave in.

So we walked to Jers and Abby's house and arrived at exactly five past seven. And then I cunningly said: "why don't we stop by the shed in case Jeremy's there, and say hello to him?" and then even more cunningly: "I know, lets sneak up and surprise him!" (I couldn't have Alicia just shouting out because if Jers saw us there and guessed what I was doing I would suffer a very tragical and horrible death.)

**Alicia**: Oh, let's just go inside…

**Me**: *threatening voice* I said, let's. sneak. up. and. surprise him!

**Alicia**: What the hell is WRONG with you?

**Me**: Nothing! Why should anything be _wrong_ with me? I thought you LIKED playing pranks on people!

**Alicia**: I – oh, all right. Whatever, Junebug.

**Me**: We have to be VERY QUIET

**Alicia**: *dryly* Yes, that is the definition of "sneaking up on someone".

I ignored her and we tiptoed up to the shed. I could hear Jers talking. YES. Peter was there. We peered round the door and saw them talking. I gasped exaggeratedly (but silently) at Alicia and clapped a hand over my mouth in faked horror. Now, what would any normal, intelligent person do in this situation? Run away in tears, shouting "OH NOOO MY BOYFRIEND IS CHEATING ON MEEEE WITH JEREMY!"

But not the Devil Incarnate.

Oh, no.

She just looked at me and whispered "what are you DOING, you nutter?"

**Me**: Can't you SEE?

By then, all worries about Jeremy being angry at me flew out of the window. (Well. There was no window. The door, then!) I ran in front of them, pointed at Peter and screamed "YOU FILTHY, REPUGNANT, DISGUSTING CHEATER!"

**Peter, Jeremy & Alicia:** Huh?

**Me**: Can't you SEE, cousin dearest? He's been CHEATING on you! They're having an AFFAIR!

Jeremy and Peter looked at me in confusion. Alicia stared at me in confusion. Everyone was confused, it was all very confusing. And then I was confused, because this boy I had never seen in my life before ran in, slapped Jeremy across the face, screamed "I HATE YOU!" and ran out sobbing. I had been expecting SOMEONE to do that, but I had expected it to be Alicia. To PETER. We all stood there in baffled silence for a few centuries and then everyone started shouting at the same time.

**Alicia**: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, JUNE...!

**Jeremy**: I WILL KILL YOU, JUNE JOHNS! ANDREW, WAIT! *runs out*

**Peter**: HUH?

**Alicia**: JUNE, EXPLAIN!

**Me**: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME BY TAKING ME TO THE CLIFF PATH NEAR MALORY TOWERS AND PUSHING ME OVER SO I LAND IN THAT SPIKY THING AND IT STABS THROUGH ME AND THEN THE TIDE RISES SO IF THAT DOESN'T KILL ME, THE WATER DOES!"

**Alicia**: What the heck?

**Peter**: No one is going to kill you…

**Alicia**: *muttering* speak for yourself!

**Peter**: …we just want to know what on earth just happened.

**Me**: I DON'T KNOW! WHAT I WANTED TO HAPPEN TO YOU JUST HAPPENED TO JEREMY AND THAT BOY I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND AND IT'S ALL _WRONG_! *stamping my foot*

**Peter**: *confused* you wanted me to run out after someone called Andrew?

He really is exceptionally stupid.

**Me**: NO! I WANTED ALICIA TO SLAP YOU AND BE ALL LIKE OHMYDEARGOD YOU CHEATED ON ME!

**Peter**: What? Why? I didn't know you hated me!

**Me**: I don't, I hate HER! *nodding towards The Devil Incarnate* I wanted HER to be hurt! I didn't realize you'd be hurt too. *thoughtfully* Sorry.

**Peter**: Sorry? SORRY?

**Alicia**: June. You _do_ know he's not my boyfriend.

**Me**: But…but…

**Peter**: We had a coffee…we're just _friends_.

**Alicia**: Going out for a coffee doesn't make you a _couple_. Not EVERYONE is like Bridget and Matthew, you know.

**Peter**: *distracted* Awww, are they a couple? That's sweet!

**Me**: Eeeeew! No it's not! It's my brother and my best friend! WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS, I DON'T LIKE THIS!

**Alicia**: There's nothing wrong with your brother going out with your best friend!

**Peter**: Oh, I've been meaning to ask! Is there something between Sam and Betty?

**Alicia**: Yes. But if you ever tell them I told you, I'll kill you. Unless they kill me first.

**Me**: WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT _THEM_ NOW? I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!

**Alicia**: June. SHUT UP. You should be HAPPY we're talking about this instead of about how we're going to MURDER you. Honestly. Did you even THINK about Jeremy?

**Me**: I didn't KNOW some person called Andrew was going to barge in and SPOIL it all!

**Peter**: Actually…don't you think we should go after Jeremy? He seemed pretty upset. Who is Andrew, anyway? Some relative of his? Why would he be cross?

**Me & Alicia:** *staring in disbelief at his naivety*

**Alicia**: *muttering to me* See why I told him to just be friends?

I should have known Alicia wouldn't go after somebody stupid. She might be the Devil, but she does have some sort of brains.

**Alicia**: *to Peter* Um…I'm pretty sure they're NOT related…um, I think we'd better leave them to sort it out.

**Peter**: Hmm. Is he a friend then?

**Alicia**: Erm…yeah, something like that. We should probably tell Abby though…June, why don't YOU tell her?

**Me**: Um…no, you shouldn't give people with broken ankles shocks, because, erm…they might, um…their trauma in their brains might, um…go down to their ankle?

I have no idea what the heck I was talking about, but I needn't have worried about telling Abby anyway, because at that moment guess who stormed in?

**Jeremy**: *looking very much as though he'd been wailing* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT! OOOOOUT OF MY PROPERTY!

**Me**: That's exactly what your dad told me that time I came and let all his horses out my mistake…

**Jeremy**: GET OUT OF HERE!

**Alicia**: Um…Jers, we can explain…

**Jeremy**: I don't WANT an explanation! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!

**Peter**: Well, we'll come back when you've, erm…

**Me**: Recovered your sanity?

**Jeremy**: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT! *picking up a stone and throwing it in our direction*

We did the only sensible thing, of course. Ran for our lives, all the way back home.

Then, to make things even WORSE, Aunt and Uncle had discovered we weren't home, because my STUPID little brother Tommy repeated what STUPID Bridget had yelled; he had gone to my aunt and uncle and said: "June has gone to kill Alicia by taking her to the cliff path near Malory Towers and pushing her over so she lands in that spiky thing and it stabs through her and then the tide rises so if THAT doesn't kill her, the water does! Can I go and watch?"

So then, of course, they had searched the whole house and discovered we weren't there. The worst of it all is that, judging by the panicked looks on their faces, I think part of them actually BELIEVED what Tommy had said.

Great. Just perfect. My own family thinks I'm capable of cold-blooded murder.

So anyway, the moment we got back, they gave us a speech of how "irresponsible we were, and how we could transmit the disease to innocent people" and then we were dragged to our rooms to "think about what we'd done".

What martyrs.

I think I'll go to sleep now. It's not like there's anything ELSE to do. Bridget's here, but that doesn't count because she is now dead to me (again) for being so stupid and shouting out her own murder suggestion.

It has been a long and tiresome day.

Good night.

XOXO

June.

* * *

**A/N: I am so latttee! So sorry! I hope I made up for my lateness with this chappie! Plzz review! *June puppy dog eyes* Btw, I love the idea of June's diary at school! I might do a sequel kind of thingy about that :D Thanks for the reviews and ideas! *hands over cookies***


	28. Aluminium is not a metal

**A/N: Hi again! I haven't updated since January :O School sucks! It takes up way too much writing time. Thanks for all the feedback! :)****  
**

* * *

**10****th**** Of September**

**Time:** 3 am  
**Location:** Bed  
**Mood:** I am the worst person ever and I should suffer in hell for all eternity.

Oh godddddddddddddddddd. Why, why WHY? I am the worst person ever. Even worse than the Devil Incarnate. Even worse than HITLER GIRL. I should be cast out of society and made to live in a cave with nothing but seeds to eat and insects for company. No, not even INSECTS. They deserve better. Why oh WHY did I make that stupid plan? Now Jeremy hates me and he's lost the love of his life and will have to die alone and wrinkled and it's ALL MY FAULT.

I've got to pee.

**30 minutes later  
**  
OH MY GOD. THAT STUPID, STUPID, STUPID ALICIA! SHE NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!

So I was coming back from the bathroom, walking down the dark, dark corridor feeling extremely guilty when suddenly, this red figure with horns appeared out of nowhere. Naturally, I thought it was Satan come to carry me away to hell.

**Me:** NOOOOOOOOOOOO! PLEASE FORGIVE ME, LORD! NOOOOOOOOOO, PLEASE, SATAN! SPARE ME! HAVE MERCY!

**Satan:** What the HELL, June?

**Me:** DON'T TAKE ME TO HELL, SATAN! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DON'T!

**Satan**: June. I am NOT Satan.

**Me:** Has anyone told you, Satan, you sound a lot like Alicia? Wait – what am I saying? PLEASE, SATAN! DOOOOOOOOOON'T!

**Satan**: *dryly* Fascinating.

**Me:** I'M BEGGING YOU!

**Satan:** June. I AM Alicia. And though you may CALL me the Devil Incarnate, I am not actually Satan. I can't really take you to hell. Unfortunately.

**Me:** I don't believe you! You're nothing but a coward, Satan! Come into the light! The horns on your head and the red of your skin betray your words!

Then, Satan stepped forward from the shadows. It was Alicia. Her hair was sticking up weirdly making it look as though she had horns and she was wearing red pajamas. It was very embarrassing. And to make it WORSE, people started rushing out of their bedrooms to see what the entire screaming ordeal was about.

**Moira:** What is going on here?

**Me:** *still confused* You're not Satan. You're Alicia. *realization dawning* that means…I'm SAVED!

Then I did a sort of happy jig that I would rather forget about entirely. Especially considering everyone was watching me by then. INCLUDING GEORGE.

**Sam:** *yawning* Oh. June is being idiotic again. I'm going back to bed.

**Moira:** *still puzzled* WHY was she screaming?

Of course, Alicia just HAD to make a grand and mighty speech about my easy and totally understandable mistake.

**Alicia:** Allow me to enlighten you, dear relatives and honored guests. Sam, you may prefer to put off going to bed for a little. This will be MOST amusing.

**Me:** *embarassed beyond belief* No. It won't. It's all very boring in fact, very very boring, in fact, I think I might fall asleep on the spot from how absolutely boring it – mmmmph!

Sam had put his hand over my mouth.

**Sam:** Please continue, sister dearest. We are all listening with rapt attention.

**Alicia:** Thank you, dear brother. You see, it seems that under the influence of her highly excitable and not too – er – stable – mind, our darling little cousin June here, somehow managed to come to the conclusion that I was Satan, come to take her to hell.

Everyone stood in silence for a moment, trying to take this all in.

**Matt:** (stupid, intelligent, fast thinking MORON) She believes you were SATAN? How peculiar…this seems to indicate a guilty conscience doesn't it? Perhaps she's feeling guilty over possibly having transmitted chickenpox to everyone in the town?

**Alicia:** Oh, my dear cousin! Breaking quarantine is FAR from the worst thing our June has done today! Psychologically speaking, yes, this – vision, shall we say? – is a fine indicator of a guilty conscience. I have to admit to being somewhat relieved to discover that June HAS a conscience at all. It's a shame she didn't listen to it before carrying out her despicable acts.

**Moira:** _What_ has she done Alicia? And could you please put it more simply? It is very early in the morning and I should like to go to bed.

**Alicia:** Just a moment, my dear Moira. You see…June was under the curious misapprehension that I am romantically involved with Peter. Since she was, for some inexplicable reason, bent on having some sort of revenge on me…

**Me:** Inexplicable reason? INEXPLICABLE REASON?

**Alicia:** Please don't interrupt, my dear putrid potato. Sam?

**Sam:** Oh, yeah, sorry. *covers my mouth again*

**Alicia:** Thank you. As I was saying…in a plan of utter – what's the word? Oh, yes, STUPIDITY – she decided to attempt to make me believe that Peter was cheating on me with Jeremy. As I'm sure you all deduced, this is the reason why we broke quarantine today.

**Bridget:** Oooooh! Ooooh! But, Alicia, WHY did you agree to go if you're not interested in Peter? You were jealous! Oooooh!

Oh, bless her. She's no longer dead to me. I love my little airhead Bree.

**Alicia:** *dryly* No. She deceived me by insisting we go to town to visit Abigail. Something about an article on Life in Quarantine. I seem to recall her actually making such a huge scandal about me being heartless because of not wanting to go, I agreed just to shut her up. Actually, that was probably the only intelligent thing about her plan. ANYWAY. So we went to town, and discovered Peter and Jeremy talking, and clearly NOT having an affair. Upset at my seeing through her deception, June ran in and began to scream about how "obvious" the affair was, and that he was "obviously" cheating on me with Jeremy…to which I would have responded with hysterical laughter, if it wasn't for the fact that a boy ran in, screamed at Jeremy and ran out again. Highly confusing, I know.

**Matt:** Not really. It's fairly obvious that this boy who ran in was Jeremy's boyfriend, and unfortunately believed June.

Just then, John the righteous plague-carrier burst out of his room, a look of absolute horror on his face.

**John:** JEREMY CAN'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND! HE'S A BOY! IT'S ALL WRONG!

**Everyone:** *staring blankly*

**Betty:** John. Shut the hell up, please.

**John:** But…but…but…HOW CAN IT BE?

**Alicia:** *sweetly* John, darling. Aren't you forgetting something? You're out of bed. And you're sick. You shouldn't be out of bed.

**John:** *uncertainly* So?

**Sam:** *grinning slyly* You're breaking a RULE, John. Naughty boy!

**John:** *horror dawning on him* AAAAAAAH!

To which he ran back into his room. ONE normal relative. ONE. That's all I'm asking for!

**Alicia:** *continuing as though John had never interrupted* You're quite right, Matt. And poor Jeremy was positively distraught, thanks to June here. Now, I can't actually read her mind, but in her place, I would be feeling TERRIBLY guilty. Wouldn't you?

**Sam:** Well done, June. Poor Jeremy! Have you no heart?

**Betty:** *slyly* Say, George. What's your opinion on all this?

SHE MUST DIE, SHE MUST DIE.

**Me:** Waaaaaaaaaaaah! You're all mean! And I'm a horrible person!

**George:** Well, it was a horrible thing to do. How could you, June?

**Me:** *quivering lip* but…but…I didn't mean for it to happen like that! Waaaaaaaah!

And with that final wail, I ran into my room and sobbed into my pillow. Bridget tried to talk to me but I ignored her. I don't DESERVE for people to be friendly to me.

* * *

**Time:** 9 am  
**Location:** Dining Room  
**Mood:** Annoyed

Tutoring today was UNBEARABLE. We had the first hour with The Devil Incarnate, and I was doing maths AGAIN. Alicia was at her worst. And by that, I mean very very VERY annoying. After a long and boring explanation that I understood nothing of, she gave me some exercises to do. I began to write on my paper on top of a book.

**Alicia:** June, don't write on top of that book, you'll mark the cover.

**Me:** Whatever.

Alicia: *grabs the book* Write on top of the table like a normal human being!

**Me:** NO! GIVE ME BACK THE BOOK! I WANT TO WRITE ON TOP OF THE BOOK!

**Alicia:** Well, you can't! You'll mark it! Just do the problems!

**Me:** I HATE YOU! *standing up and rushing to my room*

**Alicia:** JUNE! COME BACK HERE!

I rushed up the stairs, Alicia following me.

**Alicia:** June! You schizophrenic lunatic, come BACK here!

I lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, fuming. Alicia appeared at the door and walked over to the foot of the bed.

**Alicia:** June. Am I going to have to drag you down the stairs?

**Me**: No. Because even if you DO drag me down, I won't write anything.

**Alicia:** Oh, for heaven's sake, what is your problem?

**Me:** YOU WON'T LET ME WRITE ON TOP OF THE BOOK I WANT TO WRITE!

**Alicia:** Oh, for god's sake. *walks over to the bookshelf and pulls out a pink book* Here, you can write on this. Will THAT make you happy?

**Me:** *grudgingly* OK. Just because it's pink.

**Alicia:** *rolls her eyes and hands me the book* You are one weird child.

See what I mean? SHE WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME WRITE ON THE BOOK! Plus she treated me like an idiot the whole time, saying things like "here, try to do this exercise if you think your brain can take it" or "well, I couldn't expect you to get that right, it was far too complicated for your simple-mindedness."

Still, I suppose I deserve to be treated that way. No, I deserve to be treated WORSE, because I am the worst person in the entire universe. But not as bad as stupid Hitler Girl treated me when it was her stupid turn for teaching me stupid chemistry. How can anyone make any sense of that stupid periodical table? And she was so MEAN. She kept making stupid sarcastic remarks.

**Moira:** Bridget, Bridget, for _once_ in your useless existence, THINK. Who was the first wife of Henry the Eighth?

**Bridget:** Um…um…

For heaven's sake, how can she NOT know? She could at least guess, I mean, three of his wives were called Catherine!

**Bridget:** Erm…Mona Lisa?

For the love of flying monkeys.

**Moira:** Mona Lisa? MONA LISA? BRIDGET‼‼ It's an EASY question!

**Me:** Yes Bree, it's very easy. I'll give you a hint, shall I? SOMEONE in this room is in love with a girl who has the same name!

Moira was about to retort probably something unwitty and unoriginal, when Bree interrupted.

**Bridget:** Oh, I know‼! Marylin Monroe‼‼!

**Me & Moira:** HUH?

**Bridget:** *puzzled* but I'm a huge fan of hers!

**Moira:** Bridget. How can Marylin Monroe possibly be the wife of Henry the eighth?

**Bridget:** Well, not the same Marylin Monroe, duh!

**Moira:** But...but...

**June:** Let me make the hint easier. A girl in this room who is not you or me is in love with a girl with the same name.

**Bridget:** *finally getting it* Oooooh! CATHERINE!

**Moira:** June. SHUT. Bridget, Catherine of WHAT?

**Bridget**: Grey?

**Moira:** NO! *taking a deep breath* Catherine of Aragorn. A Spanish princess.

**Bridget:** Oh, is Catherine Spanish? She doesn't look it.

**Moira:** I-I-no-NEVER MIND! June. Your physics exercises. NOW.

**Me:** Here they are, Moira dear.

Moira looked at them quickly and promptly began banging her head on the table. This is not normal behaviour. Then she turned to me really really calmly. Then, taking a deep breath, she said: "You are the stupidest, stupidest girl I have ever had the misfortune to meet. In what world is Aluminium not a metal, you idiotic little fool?"

**Me:** *offended* There's no need to speak to me that way. I do not deserve this rude treatment.

**Moira:** *snorting* There are twenty mistakes on the first page alone. I think you do.

**Me:** I am human. Humans make mistakes. They should be corrected with kindness, and gentleness.

**Moira:** Just like you were kind and gentle with Jeremy yesterday? Hypocrite.

**Me:** HOW DARE YOU BRING BACK THOSE HORRIBLE MEMORIES! I WILL BE SCARRED FOR LIFE NOW!

**Moira:** Yeah, right. Did you even bother to apologize to him?

**Me:** I tried, but he won't answer the phone and I'm not allowed out and...

**Moira:** Yes, because that really stopped you yesterday. Like I said, hypocrite.

Mean pig. I HATE HER. She has no feelings whatsoever. I must avenge this injury...no, no, no, I mustn't, I mustn't...though why not, I don't like Hitler Girl at all, what should it matter if she gets hurt...but no, no, no, somebody else will get hurt like poor Jeremy!

I won't. I will be a new, better person.

**30 minutes later**

Hee, hee, hee! I am such a genius! Moira will be like, _oooh, a letter from Catherine!_ And I'll be like, _hahahahahaha you moron, who is the idiotic little fool now?_

OK, I'll explain.

I have written a fake letter from Catherine. To Moira. I am so clever. Today, when the postman comes, I'll answer the door and pretend he gave me the letter. Lalala. I'm so great. Here's the letter:

_'Dear Moira, _

_How are you? I hope you are very well. These introductions are so boring, aren't they, why do we always start letters like this? Anyway. I am writing to confess my undying love for you. Cruel society has kept us apart, but I will not allow it to do so any longer. Please phone me so that we can talk. I must hear your voice, my dearest. I knew we were meant to be together ever since you put those pictures of us up in your room._

_Yours truly,_

_Catherine.'_

Lalala. Isn't it brilliant? She'll _never_ know it's from me.

**1 hour later**

Drat. Drat, drat, drat. It did not work. I know, I know. How can such a masterpiece fail? Well, here's how: YOU FORGET TO CHANGE YOUR HANDWRITING. That's how it fails!

The postman came, and I sweetly skipped to the door and answered it with a beaming smile on my face that probably freaked him out a bit, but who cares. Then, I took the letter to the living room, where everyone was sitting, and waved it in front of Hitler Girl's nose.

**Me:** Guess what I have here!

Moira: *dryly*A letter, June. You have a letter.

**Alicia:** Shall we explain the concept of a post service to you, June?

**Me:** I know what it IS, but guess who it's _from_!

**Moira:** This would all be much quicker and easier if you just HANDED me the letter, June.

**Me:** Oh, but you have to guess first! Where's the fun in just handing it to you?

**Betty:** Oooh! I know! It's from father Christmas!

**Tommy:** *looking at Betty as though she was the stupidest being on earth. He is not wrong* Father Christmas doesn't WRITE letters, you send them to him! Everybody knows that!

**Alicia:** *lazily* Don't take any notice of our dear Junebug, Moira. It's probably from one of her imaginary forest friends, Mimbo the Snowman, or whatever his name is.

**Me:** *indignantly* It's BIMBO, not MIMBO! And he wouldn't be writing to Moira, he's MY friend.

**Alicia:** *shaking her head* Sad. Quite sad.

**Me:** ANYWAY. Guess, Moira!

**Bridget:** Oooooh! Is it from CATHERINE OF ARAGON? Ooooh!

**Everybody**: Catherine of Aragon?

**Bridget:** Yes! She's a Spanish princess! Didn't you know?

**Me:** Well, you're right about the first name, Bree.

**Moira:** *exasperatedly* Give me that!

**Me:** ooooh! Ooooh! Impatient, are we?

**Sam:** For god's sake June, just give her the da – a – ashed letter!

**Tommy:** *disappointed* You didn't say damn!

Hitler Girl managed to snatch the letter from me while Sam was trying to convince Tommy that damn was not a good thing to say. It was quite amusing watching her go from a deep shade of red to purple as she read it. Everybody looked at her with mild interest.

**Alicia:** What is it?

**Hitler Girl:** *two millenniums of taking deep breaths later* June. I know this atrocity is your work.

**Me:** *innocently* I don't know what you mean.

**Moira:** First of all, I am more than familiar with your handwriting, thanks to the idiocies I have to correct every day. Secondly, "the pictures of us up in your room"? How would Catherine KNOW about those?

**Alicia:** Let me see that!

**Moira:** No.

**Alicia:** Come on, we know Junebug wrote it...

**Moira:** NO!

**Alicia:** She should be punished. We must know what she wrote so we can judge the severity of her punishment!

Yeah, right. She's just curious.

**Alicia:** If not, I'll just steal Junebug's diary and read it there. I'm sure she's put it in.

Damn her intelligence. Maybe I should write my diary in code...no, I'll never be able to read it after.

**Moira:** Fine. Here. Might as well put it in the fire afterwards.

Alicia read it, going "mm-hm" every so often. Then she put it down calmly on the table, with a straight face. This lasted for about five seconds before she fell to the floor, laughing uncontrollably.

Of course, by then everyone had rushed to read the letter. About three seconds later, every single person except for Hitler Girl were rolling on the floor in laughter. It was quite amusing. Except for the fact that Hitler Girl hadn't believed my letter. But it was still very, very hilarious.

Hitler Girl didn't think it was hilarious, though. She just looked at us with a look of pure contempt and disgust on her face. She just stood there with that stupid "I think you're all as disgusting as cockroaches eaten and spit out by Bill's horse Thunder" (if Bill's horse Thunder ate and spat out cockroaches. Which I doubt he does. Anyway). Then, she stood up with great dignity – or what would have been great dignity if Tommy's toy snake hadn't made her trip, which promptly started us off laughing again – said "You are the most contemptible people I have ever had the misfortune to meet. I am going to retire to my room and I intend to stay there until it is time to leave for school."

And then she stalked off to her room.

"Contemptible". How pompous can you get?

**Sam:** Oh, dear. I feel guilty now. I was laughing more at June's stupid letter than at Moira herself…

**Betty:** *jealousy taking over for the fifteen hundredth time*Oh, of course you weren't laughing at poor darling Moira, she's perfect, isn't she? But it was all right to laugh at ME, your GIRLFRIEND, when I fell down the stairs yesterday!  
Me: Who DIDN'T laugh when you fell down the stairs yesterday?

**Sam:** *to me* Not helping! *to Betty* But you love people laughing at you!

**Betty:** WITH me, not AT me!

**Alicia:** Well, I don't feel guilty. And I was laughing at everything and everyone. The look on her face! And that ridiculous letter! *bursting into fresh peals of laughter*

She has the most irritating laugh known to man after Belinda Stupid Hippie Morris and her idiotic hamster laugh. GOD.

Oh, god, god, god, Sam's being all soppy over the Buffoon now. Eurgh, eurgh, eurgh! Won't they think of the children! Poor Tommy will be scarred for life! Actually, I'LL be scarred for life unless I get out of here.

**3 hours later**

Well, if this day couldn't get any WORSE. I HATE EVERYTHING.

HYPOCRITES. All of them.

Here's what happened.

Hitler Girl decided to do a big martyr scene. Red eyes, untidy hair and all. It was OBVIOUS she was putting it on. Oh, all right. Maybe she wasn't. But STILL. They're all hypocrites.

As I was saying, we were all eating lunch (we were having sandwiches made by Bree and Matt. DISGUSTING. I don't mean to be mean, but seriously. I only ate them out of politeness) when Hitler Girl came in and everyone fell silent at the sight of her looking, well…deranged. Her hair was all over the place and her face was white. It didn't help that as we were staring at her her eyes kept getting bigger and bigger (it was SCARY. I was convinced they were actually going to pop out of her head and roll on the floor. Tommy would LOVE that), her face paler and paler and looked absolutely paranoid. Finally, she suddenly screamed "STOP STARING AT ME!", grabbed a sandwich and ran out.

That cannot be normal.

Everyone was shocked, especially considering Hitler Girl is always very controlled and never does things like shout "STOP STARING AT ME!". If I did that, people wouldn't even react.

Finally, The Devil Incarnate broke the silence.

**Alicia:** Well, well. Well done, June. You managed to break Moira. First Jeremy, now her. Who else is next in your black list?

**Me:** YOU.

**Alicia:** Oh, darling. You couldn't break me if you tried. Oh, wait, you did try. It's how you broke Jeremy's heart. Remember?

**Sam:** June, you should go and apologize.

**Betty:** Don't you _ever_ learn, June?

I looked at them in absolute disbelief. Not just because Betty wasn't having another fit of jealous hysterics (I wonder how Sam stopped that…ew, ew! Stop that, brain!).

**Me:** You…you…YOU HYPOCRITES! YOU ALL LAUGHED!

**Sam:** At your stupid letter.

**Alicia:** Yes, June, you can't think we'd laugh at _Moira_.

**Me:** *stuttering* You…you…you said…YOU LAUGHED AT _HER_! YOU ADMITTED IT! YOU DIDN'T FEEL GUILTY!

**Betty:** Well, why should she feel guilty? She's not the one going around getting stupid revenge on the wrong people. I agree with Sam. You should apologize.

**Me:** Not likely. And how come you aren't having jealous hysterics anyway…? No, don't tell me, don't tell me!

STOP IT, BRAIN!

**Sam:** That doesn't matter. ARE you going to apologize to her, June?

**Me:** No.

I then stood up and stormed off. Hypocrites, all of them. How DARE they.

* * *

**Time:** 7 pm  
**Location:** In my bed of despair.  
**Mood:** Happy as an easter bunny. WHAT DO YOU THINK? DESPAIR, I SAID!

I HATE MY LIFE. I AM THE WORST PERSON WHO EVER EXISTED AND GEORGE HATES ME AND NOW WE WON'T GET MARRIED AND I WON'T WEAR A WHITE DRESS AT MY WEDDING AND WE WON'T HAVE THREE CHILDREN NAMED GEORGE, GEORGINA AND JUNE JUNIOR AND WE WON'T HAVE A DOG OR A SNOWMAN NAMED BIMBO OR LIVE IN A COTTAGE WITH ALL OUR FOREST FRIENDS! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Why, why, WHY?

George came up to me after tea with a disappointed and sad look on his face. I immediately thought his dog had died and said something like "we will all remember Rover" but I don't want to think about that right now.

Anyway, his dog hadn't died.

**George:** June, can I have a word with you?

**Me:** Er, um, erm…yes.

Great start, June.

**George:** Listen, I heard about that trick you played on Moira. It was really mean of you.

**Me:** It wasn't so mean, I was just getting revenge!

I sounded like a _toddler_. God, god, GOD!

**George:** Revenge for what, June?

**Me:** Um…um…she shouted at me for saying that Alumunimum isn't a metal.

**George:** I think you mean Aluminium. And who _wouldn't_ shout at you for saying Aluminium isn't a metal?

**Me:** But…but…

**George:** Anyway, haven't you learnt better than to try and get revenge on people after what happened to Jeremy?

**Me:** Well…I…I…it was different! It was just a letter! And no one ran in and slapped her and told her "I hate you"!

**George:** *shaking his head* I thought you were different.

And then he walked away, leaving me standing like a stuttering idiot.

I HATE MY LIFE. It's ruined and it's all MY fault, and I can never, ever, EVER fix it!

Well, if I can't fix my life maybe I can fix Jers' at least.

I'm going to apologize, and then I'll come up with a FANTASTIC plan to get him back together with this Andrew boy. Yes, yes, that's what I'll do.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you liked this chappie :) Pleaseeee review! Only a few chapters left now :) cookies!**


	29. Righting the Wrongs

**10****th**** Of September**

**Time:** 3 am  
**Location:** In my bed of genius.  
**Mood: **GEORGE DOESN'T LOVE ME! (But…I am a genius!)

I am such a genius. Really, I should win the nobel prize for geniuosity. I have a plan that will get Jers and Andrew back together! I am so clever, I don't know why Hitler Girl says I'm the stupidest girl she's ever met. Oh, well, Einstein was misunderstood too. She'll be sorry someday.

Here's the plan: I will go to Andrew right now and explain that it was all my plan, that OF COURSE Jers and Peter aren't really having an affair, and he will understand, and they will both forgive me, and then they'll help me get revenge on Hitler Girl and the Devil Incarnate and everything will be FANTASTIC and George will love me again and we'll have children named George, Georgina and June Junior and we will live together in a cozy little cottage in the woods with Bimbo and our furry forest friends and Jers and Andrew will live next to us and we will all be best friends forever!

Hem, hem. Sorry about that. I have to creep out really quietly now. My family is SO unreasonable about bedttimes.

I have to be very, VERY quiet…

**3 minutes later**

I was very, very quiet, but unfortunately Bree wasn't. I fell on top of her bed and she had to make a big scandal about it.

**Bree:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MURDERER! MUUUUUURRRRDEEEERRRRREEEERRR R! HEEEEEEELP!

**Me**: *hissing* It's ME you idiot! Shut up or we'll have everyone in here!

Then Tommy burst in, carrying a knife, and looking disturbingly happy.

**Tommy**: *in a very very creepy voice with a very very creepy smile* Were's the murderer?

Oh, god, he is so disturbed, that child.

**Me**: Oh, for the sake of murderous bunny rabbits. THERE ARE NO MURDERERS. It's just ME. Now go back to bed!

He went off, looking extremely disappointed.

**Bridget**: What are you doing, falling on top of me, anyway?! Do you know what time it is?

**Me**: Well, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to fix my wrongdoing! I will go to Andrew right now and explain that it was all my plan, that OF COURSE Jers and Peter aren't really having an affair, and he will understand, and they will both forgive me, and then they'll help me get revenge on Hitler Girl and the Devil Incarnate and everything will be FANTASTIC and George will love me again and we'll have children named George, Georgina and June Junior and we will live together in a cozy little cottage in the woods with Bimbo and our furry forest friends and Jers and Andrew will live next to us and we will all be best friends forever!

**Bridget**: *blank stare and long silence* What?

**Me**: Of course you and Matt will live on the other side of our little cottage! And we'll be BESTEST best friends!

**Bridget**: But…what…oh, I'm going to sleep.

**Me**: *cheerfully* Night night!

**Bridget**: *pulling the covers up and snuggling down* Good luck, you crazy girl.

Now I must go on with my mission.

**Half an hour later**

There was a TINY flaw in my brilliant plan. I didn't know where Andrew lived. I don't know why Jeremy had to be so unreasonable about it. I'm just trying to fix up his love life. Here's what happened: when I realized I didn't know where Andrew lives, I decided to go to Jers' house and ask him for the address. I was about to politely knock on the door but then I remembered how unreasonable Jers' dad could be about people disturbing him. Poor chap, he must be a very bitter, lonely man. Hmm. Maybe it's a task for June the matchmaker…nah, old people are boring.

ANYWAY.

Instead, I decided to politely throw pebbles at Jers' bedroom window. I kept doing that for a long time (it never takes that long in books, people always hear at once!) and it was cold, so you can understand me getting a bit irritated.

At LAST, Jeremy opened the window and looked down, looking annoyed, I don't know why.

**Me:** At last! I've been here AGES!

**Jeremy**: You break my heart, you wake me up in the middle of the night – after I finally cry myself to sleep – and you have the nerve to come here and COMPLAIN at me?! Do you even know what TIME it is?! Why am I even TALKING to you?!

**Me**: *sniffling because of what he said about crying himself to sleep* B-b-b-but I've come to h-h-help you to fix it!

**Jeremy**: YOU CAN'T, NOW GO AWAY! *starts crying*

**Me**: Oh please listen to me, I have a brilliant plan, please please please! ! I will go to Andrew right now and explain that it was all my plan, that OF COURSE you and Peter aren't really having an affair, and he will understand, and you will both forgive me, and then you'll both help me get revenge on Hitler Girl and the Devil Incarnate and everything will be FANTASTIC and George will love me again and we'll have children named George, Georgina and June Junior and we will live together in a cozy little cottage in the woods with Bimbo and our furry forest friends and you and Andrew will live next to us and we will all be best friends forever! And Bree and Matt will live on the other side and Bree will be my bestest best friend!

**Jeremy**: *staring blankly in silence for a few minutes*

**Me**: So pleeeeaseee?! Talk to me?!

**Jeremy**: *snapping out of his blankness* Wait wait wait…we'll help you get revenge? And George will love you again?! Why is this all about YOU?!

**Me**: It isn't, not really, that's just what I hope will happen, but even if it doesn't, I still want to fix your problem, pleeeasseee?

**Jeremy**: *wavering* I don't know, June…

**Me**: Come oooonnn! Pleeeasseee! What have you got to lose?

**Jeremy**: *sighing* All right, all right! But hold on, if you were going to explain things to Andrew, why did you wake ME up?!

**Me**: I don't know where he lives, you must take me there.

**Jeremy**: _'You must take me there'_. You're unbelievable, you know that?!

**Me**: *proudly* I know.

**Jeremy**: OK, I'll get dressed. You wait down there.

**Me**: Oh, just come in pajamas!

**Jeremy**: My heart may be broken, but Jeremy Addams does NOT. GO OUT. IN PUBLIC. IN PAJAMAS.

And he tossed his head and vanished from the window.

Yayyy, he's back to the Jers we know and love.

Oh, there he is. Got to go. Finally.

**1 hour later**

We arrived at Andrews house and Jers began having a kind of demonic seizure. He just kept saying "nononono Ican'tdothisican'tdothis let's go back pleasepleasepleasePLEASE!" I practically had to DRAG him to the window. I began throwing pebbles and with every pebble I threw Jeremy squealed from behind the bush he was hiding in. It was very trying, I can tell you.

FINALLY, he opened the window.

**Andrew**: *looking down sleepily* Hello? Who are you?! Do you know what TIME it is?!

**Me**: Why does everyone keep asking me what time it is?! Anyway, listen, listen. I'm June Johns, I was at the shed yesterday when you overheard about Jers and Peter having an affair…

**Andrew**: Do not mention that name in my presence!

**Me**: Why not? It's a perfectly nice name. *snorting* Sorry, sorry, I can't help it, I'm hilariously witty even in these hard times of distress and heartbreak.

**Andrew**: *looking baffled and angry at the same time* What the - ?

**Me**: Listen, listen! It isn't true, they aren't having an affair! Peter likes girls! I only made it up because I wanted ALICIA to be jealous of Peter because I thought they were a couple!

**Andrew**: And Alicia is…?

**Me**: The Devil Incarnate. I mean, my cousin. That's just my nickname for her. "Devil Incarnate", I mean. Not "my cousin". That would be a stupid nickname.

**Andrew**: …

**Me**: So you see, it's all a huge mistake! You and Jeremy have to get back together!

**Andrew**: This is the most ridiculous story I've ever heard! You're LYING! You and Jeremy made up that story to make fun of me, I bet Jeremy's hiding somewhere laughing his head off right now!

**Jeremy**: *jumping out from his hiding place with tears streaming down his face* Noooo, how can you think that! I love you! It's all true, she's horrible!

Well, that's nice.

**Andrew**: *to me* SEE? I TOLD YOU! THIS IS ALL A LIE! Why would you even PRETEND that this _Peter_ is having an affair with _him _if he likes girls?!

**Me**: Well, I thought it would shock Alicia more. And – and anyway Jeremy was always flirting with Peter, so it was more plausible…

**Andrew**: *to Jeremy* YOU WERE FLIRTING WITH HIM?!

**Jeremy**: *to me* JUNE! *to Andrew* It meant nothing, I swear! He didn't even NOTICE, he's so thick!

**Me**: *screaming at the heavens* No, no, this is all going wrong! What was supposed to happen was I would go to Andrew right now and explain that it was all my plan, that OF COURSE Jeremy and Peter aren't really having an affair, and he would understand, and they would both forgive me, and then they would both help me get revenge on Hitler Girl and the Devil Incarnate and everything would be FANTASTIC and George would love me again and we'd have children named George, Georgina and June Junior and we would live together in a cozy little cottage in the woods with Bimbo and our furry forest friends and Jeremy and Andrew would live next to us and we would all be best friends forever! And Bree and Matt would live on the other side and Bree would be my BESTEST best friend!

**Andrew & Jeremy**: *blank silence*

**Andrew**: What is WRONG with her?!

**Jeremy**: She's MAD. That's why she made that stupid affair story up! *kneeling down* Please forgive me, pleeeeaseeee! You see how demented she is, it was all a fabrication!

Why does he keep going on about how horrible and mad and demented I am?! That's not very nice. It's quite hurtful actually; after all I've done for him.

**Andrew**: *smiling* I can't stay mad at you!

Then he came out running and they KISSED. It was DISGUSTING. As disgusting as watching The Boffoon and Sam. Well, no, not that disgusting. Actually it was kind of sweet. Ish.

After I thought this had gone on for long enough, I politely cleared my throat. They ignored me, so I politely started throwing pebbles at them. They were quite angry about this.

**Me**: Aren't you going to THANK me?!

**Andrew**: *to Jeremy* She's not serious, is she?!

**Jeremy**: *to Andrew* Yes. *to me* Thank you for WHAT, exactly, June?

**Me**: Bringing you back together, of course!

**Jeremy**: You're the reason we broke up in the first place!

**Me**: Details, details. Anyway, I must go home now. *pause* You know you could offer to walk me back. Gentlemen?

**Andrew & Jeremy:** Nah.

So I had to walk alone. But I had my happiness for company. I righted my wrong. And now maybe they'll help me get revenge on Hitler Girl and the Devil Incarnate and everything will be FANTASTIC and George will love me again and we'll have children named George, Georgina and June Junior and we will live together in a cozy little cottage in the woods with Bimbo and our furry forest friends and Jers and Andrew will live next to us and we will all be best friends forever! And Bree and Matt will live on the other side and Bree will be my BESTEST best friend!

Now all we need is to fix Hitler Girl…it is quite disturbing watching her nowadays. She's in a complete and utter state of mental breakdown. I'll think of something once I get some sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry! I haven't abandoned June, I've just been really really busy! Hope you liked this chap! Only one more to go (or maybe two, it depends!) Please review, you will get your cookies...someday...*crosses fingers behind back* **


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